The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 03.28.94
I don’t know why their dating scheme is constantly a day off, but it’s really annoying. The title has this one listed as March 27, but that would be a Sunday.
Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & JIM CORNETTE. This could be awesome.
Earlier tonight, Ted Dibiase buys up ringside seats from fans. Given the state of the business at that point, he could have done that from his pocket change.
Rick Martel v. Lex Luger
Martel tries for the face punch to start but gets chased off and hiptossed out of the corner. Luger throws clotheslines like a developmental babyface making a comeback in NXT, and he goes to a headlock to retain control. Vince specifically notes that Luger is a “house of fire”, so there you go, grammar Nazis. It’s not “house afire”. Martel bails to the apron and Luger yanks him back in for that headlock again, and an atomic drop to put Martel on the floor as we take a break. Back with FISTICUFFS on the outside, and Luger walks right into a choke back in the ring. Clothesline out of the corner gets two. The crowd chants “USA” but at least Martel is from Quebec so it’s valid. Martel cuts off a comeback with a knee to the gut and goes back to the choking and chinlocking. Luger with a backslide for two. Suplex and Luger makes the comeback, as Martel makes the mistake of pointing to his head to indicate his intelligence. It’s like the wrestling heel version of monologing! Powerslam and Torture Rack finish at 15:47. This was Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. **3/4
Owen Hart v. Random Jobber
We get a weird POV shot from Dibiase’s seat, as he cuts a promo that is clearly redubbed in post afterwards. This would be the start of the Corporation, of course. This dude with the pasty skin, mullet and ugly tights might be the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed. Owen tosses the dude around while Jim and Vince do their “what’s in the news this week” segment. Owen with a back elbow and he cuts off the jobber’s pathetic comeback attempt and puts him down with a bulldog and Sharpshooter to finish at 5:10. Most of this was stalling while Dibiase and Vince did their bit at ringside.
Doink the Clown v. Eric Cody
Doink controls the guy with an armbar, giving us some midget-related comedy off that, and he pounds him down and finishes with the Whoopie Cushion at 3:30.
The Quebecers are out to answer Captain Lou’s challenge, and his team is revealed as the Headshrinkers in a bizarre babyface turn for them.
The 1-2-3 Kid v. The Black Phantom
Oh wow, X-Pac v. Gangrel four years early. Given his look and connections I’m really not sure why Dave Heath didn’t get a contract much sooner. Kid controls with a hammerlock, but Mr. Phantom overpowers him until Kid comes back with a spinkick. Dropkick misses, but a second spinkick gets two. Moonsault press finishes at 2:24.
I failed to note the WWF Greetings on Call commercial on last week’s show, and I feel like I let everyone down, because who wouldn’t want to get a personal greeting from a drunk Razor Ramon at 3AM?
Crush v. Ray Hudson
Crush pummels the jobber with elbows and a superkick and pounds away on the mat. Press slam and a kneedrop finish at 3:25.
Nothing to see here this week.
Next week: Earthquake v. Adam Bomb and the Wrestlemania X 10-man that got bumped from the PPV!
Booooooooo! No Jarrett/Savage!
ReplyDeleteGreetings on Call. Forgot about that one.
ReplyDeleteYou could do that today and have Cole record a message telling the person their loved one has sustained anal bleeding.
Hey Mom, RIC FLAIR just called and asked if he could borrow $20! Awesome!
ReplyDeleteHouse ON fire!
ReplyDeleteIt didn't happen very often, but closing the show, in the years before they ran over by 5-15 minutes every week, with a match with 10-12 minutes left kind of kills the suspense of when the match will end. Opening Raw with the big feature meant it could go as long as need be, like Bret and the Kid going nearly half an hour with commercials.
ReplyDeleteThis was worthy of the master
ReplyDeleteRick Martel should have had at least one serious run at the WWF title. Let him go all Quebec on Bret Hart and do a tour of Canada or something.
ReplyDeleteNow that was a good find
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind, Turner buying the company was 100% contingent on Flair being on-board. Ric actually had lots of leverage in that situation. If he walked, Vince would snap him up and the deal would be off.
ReplyDeleteHa! That's an excellent point.
ReplyDeleteMichael Cole would call and talk about how having a birthday is just building momentum towards death.
ReplyDeleteWhat does Adam Rose do on Smackdown?
ReplyDeleteTwo of my favorite title wins are Eddie's over Lesnar and Angle's over Austin after 9/11. Angle being hoisted up on the shoulders of his family while all the WWF guys pile into the ring is such a sight to see.
ReplyDeleteI had Randy Savage call my mom for Mother's Day early in the morning as we were getting ready for school. I don't think she appreciated having to stop hustling us around the house to hear Macho Man serenade her at 7:30AM.
ReplyDeleteHow has Bad News Barrett not brought back Anal Bleeding?
ReplyDeleteIt would have been pretty cool as Sid, 1-2-3 Kid, and Bam Bam
ReplyDeleteJust realized that Luger's WCW title win in 1997 came at the Palace of Auburn Hills, which was also the site of his Summerslam countout win over Yokozuna. Odd little bit of wrestling history trivia.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I've spent $70 on those Simpsons LEGOs so far. I want the house too, I just wish it didn't cost $200
ReplyDeleteThat's the thing. When a Raw main event is taking place, we pretty much know to the minute when it's going to end. We may not know who's winning (unless it features Cena, of course), but we can pinpoint almost the exact second it's going to end. I like the way they did it on this Raw way better.
ReplyDeleteThe Greetings On Call commercials were nowhere near as weird as the commercial that showed Mr. Fuji watching Yokozuna sleep.
ReplyDeleteBret's win over Yoko at WM 10. I'm a mark for those old face wins where the locker room runs out and lifts the new champion on their shoulders.
ReplyDeleteYou had to go to School on Sundays?
ReplyDeleteWhat they really should be doing is start the show with the main event and then end the show with a big schmozz that sets up next week's main event.
ReplyDeleteThat would make a hell of a lot more sense than starting with a boring promo that only tells us your company is so disorganized you didn't even bother to have a main event booked.
Good catch! Must have been her birthday. I know it was during the week because she got upset that it set us back.
ReplyDeleteI probably sounded more dickish than I intended to on that.
ReplyDeleteHa, nah I didn't take it that way, it was a gross oversight on my part!
ReplyDeleteWatched this show this morning. Big fan of Cornette on commentary.
ReplyDeleteUndertaker is the very definition of a loyal company man.
ReplyDeleteWhy did all Jobbers in this era look and dress like jobbers? Mullets and ugly ugly tights.
ReplyDeleteI just imagine him sitting in a booth, recording every conceivable name to insert in these calls, like that SNL skit with Dana Carvey as Tom Brokaw about to take a year's vacation, recording every possible scenario that Gerald Ford had died.
ReplyDeleteOrton's first title win and celebration at SummerSlam a decade ago was really emotional. He was crying just like the guy he won it off of had done at WrestleMania. The only problem with the celebration was that he had a very visible boner in his orange trunks the whole time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't see how the Sheamus/Ambrose match on SD is a particularly bad thing. The Shield is very much more a collective than three singles stars put together (for now anyway), and losing to a guy with as much credibility as Sheamus (even though he's been drifting around for a while now) doesn't hurt him.
It had potential, and it could have worked had any member of said corporation won ONE meaningful match.
ReplyDeleteMauled by a pack of lions in a convenience store.
ReplyDeleteCM Punk was also always great to make things seem important: just take a look at him winning the intercontinental championship against Regal or the tag team championship against DiBiase and Rhodes (together with Kingston). both titles are hardly worth anything in WWE but both times it seems a much bigger deal because of his/their celebration.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I would go that far, but I think him being a serious title contender for the intercontinental championship when it was a prestigious accomplishment was fine.
ReplyDeleteI think they would have turned him face if more people had cared. but they didn't.
ReplyDeleteunfortunately that also tells a lot about how high (or low) Vince perceived Owen's talents.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how meaningful these are (the roster was so paper thin of main event caliber workers): Bam Bam, Bundy, and Tatanka decisively won the 5-on-5 Survivor Series Match against team Luger, Tatanka and Bam Bam went over two meaningful teams before losing in the finals of the Tag Tournament (Kid/Holly beat Well Dunn and Heavenly Jobbers). Other than that... it's slim pickings.
ReplyDeleteOh right, forgot that 5 on 5 match. I was shocked that Lex lost clean. So I'll give you that one, but I see the tag tournament thing as choking in the finals, since they seemed like the heavy favorites.
ReplyDeleteNikolai Volkoff beat Virgil on an episode of Challenge. :P
ReplyDeleteYeah, the Corporation was really lame. Even Sid rarely won a meaningful match.
Yep, Sid lost his world title feud to Diesel... then he gets downgraded to the IC title against Shawn, and... loses that one too. It was pretty much over for that run. Surprised he won the world title just a year later.
ReplyDeleteI dunno, 1989 was a pretty good year for WCW. I don't know that they really would have done much more business with Luger carrying the strap. Where they really dropped the ball was Sting's title win and reign in 1990.
ReplyDeleteSomeone had to set the standard.
ReplyDeleteHuh? They hadn't won a championship in 22 years. That's a long enough gap to get thrilled about. That's not a great example.
ReplyDeleteTHAT'S what they should do with Adam Rose's character! Have all the faces hang out on his bus during the show. It would finally solve the age old wrestling logic problem of how guys who were feuding a few months ago could be getting along fine now.
ReplyDeleteBut they've won the most in NBA history. They are synonymous with championships.
ReplyDeleteLuger winning the belt on Nitro was the peak of his career and really one of the peaks of Nitro. The guy failed miserably in WWF but was a huge part of JCP / WCW.
ReplyDeleteLuger was one of the most over guys during a time period when wrestling was the most popular.
ReplyDeleteRandom Jobber: This dude with the pasty skin, mullet and ugly tights might be the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed.
ReplyDeleteGangrel: Given his look and connections I’m really not sure why Dave Heath didn’t get a contract much sooner.
So, it's all about who you know, I guess.
"Hope you have a VINTAGE birthday!"
ReplyDeleteStop CREATING SEPARATION and answer the goddamn phone, Ma!!
ReplyDeleteNash, hall, and waltman were gone. Clique lost a ton of pull backstage in mid 96
ReplyDeleteIt was actually pat Patterson who say the prickish heel side of Bruce and wanted him for the role... he didn't think Owen had the goods for a main event heel
ReplyDelete