The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 03.07.94
So after a bunch of older reposts, the Network has finally caught up to my archives, so we rejoin the WWF in March of 1994. To prove it’s current again I’ll be sure to make lots of jokes about the Sharks choking and NBA owners hating black people. Also, in a totally random note, I have been using a stopwatch app on my iPhone for months, only to discover that IOS 7 has one BUILT IN. Mind blown.
Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Ted Dibiase. That was always a decent combination. Right behind them in the front row is what can only be the FIRST EVER “RSPW” sign to make TV.
The Smoking Gunns v. Owen Hart & Crush
Ted Dibiase questions what Crush and Owen could possibly have in common, and Vince notes that both turned on their friends. Of course they share a sadder commonality now. Crush no-sells the Gunns’ offense in the babyface corner and beats on Billy, but the crowd chants “USA” to show their support. Crush is from HAWAII. That’s his whole deal! Wrestling fans really are stupid. Owen comes in with a leg lariat on Billy and drops a leg, and the heels work Billy over in a dull heat segment. The crowd wants Bret. Maybe they should appreciate Owen more while he’s around. We take a break and return with Bart getting the hot tag and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, as Crush clips Bart and Owen finishes with the Sharpshooter at 11:00. Pretty good heat for a meaningless tag match in the fourth week of a taping cycle. **1/2
WRESTLEMANIA UPDATE! WITH TODD PETTINGILL! You know, you might think of great wrestling when you think of Wrestlemania, but you are WRONG to do so, because you should also think of the celebrities, like Donnie Wahlberg and Burt Reynolds. Sorry, Todd, I blame myself.
Virgil v. Jeff Jarrett
Ted Dibiase’s bias is kind of obvious on commentary here. Virgil controls with a hammerlock and Vince has been HANDED A NOTE. Really, he’s got a headset and someone is coming out and giving him notes about the special guest timekeeper at Wrestlemania? Why not wait until the commercial break? Vince and Dibiase argue over the pronunciation of George Stephanopoulos while Virgil is still working on the arm and Vince is all “HE’S A HOUSE OF FIRE!” That’s one deadly armbar. Virgil slugs away and Vince is all about the FISTICUFFS and MIXIN’ IT UP, but JJ hits a DDT to finish out of nowhere at 4:43. I’ve also been handed a note: This match sucked. ½*
Doink the Clown v. Iron Mike Sharpe
I do believe this is the last appearance of the original Doink costume before Ray Apollo switched to the later design. Sharpe manages to evade the clown, but makes the classic heel error of pointing to his own head to indicate his intelligence. I think the San Jose Sharks did that after game 3, and look what happened to them! Doink tosses him and quickly finishes with the Whoopie Cushion at 2:15. DUD
Tatanka joins us to receive a special headdress from Chief Jay Strongbow and Wahoo McDaniel, plus an actual Chief. I have to say, having Strongbow take part in something like this is pretty hinky. At least Tatanka is actually Native American. Anyway, he gives a boring speech about his ancestors and then Vince cut him from the PPV two weeks later. Not such a lucky headdress.
IRS v. Mark Thomas
Vince and Ted are all “Let’s see what’s in the news this week” to show how totally not taped this show is. Thomas looks like one of the members of High Voltage in terms of build. Irwin slowly pounds away and gets his usual abdominal stretch, and Vince points out the scathing irony of IRS accusing people of tax cheating while HE HIMSELF cheats. That’s deep, man. That’s like hating black people while making millions off a team of black basketball players. IRS finishes with something while I’m making that observation at 3:39. I could rewind but that would imply that I care. ½*
Jim Cornette has words for Lex Luger in advance of the March to Wrestlemania Special next Sunday.
Next Week: Nothing announced, unless the Network is showing the March to Wrestlemania special, which I somehow doubt.
I don't wanna get in the way of a good rant but Hawaii IS a one of the 50 states of America.
ReplyDeleteFYI, the Best of Smackdown episode from the live stream last night is in the Smackdown archives, but the MSG RAW is still not showing. IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
ReplyDeleteTHAT'S the point. The crowd's chanting "USA" at an AMERICAN HEEL. Chant it at Owen, nitwits.
ReplyDeleteThey aren't target shooters.
ReplyDeleteEveryone knows that Hawaii and Alaska do not count. When they were allowed to join the union, there was an audible groan from the rest of the country. You either have to get to one by boat or plane, and the other you have to drive through British Columbia. Who wants to do that??
ReplyDeleteI just want to let Scott know I really enjoyed the starting a paragraph off with the "lets see what's in the news" and finishing it with the Clippers owner reference...well done sir
ReplyDeleteCrush wasn't from the right part of America.
ReplyDeleteVirgil is still working on the arm and Vince is all “HE’S A HOUSE OF FIRE!” That’s one deadly armbar.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I always thought it was "a house afire." Which is to say, it's a house on fire. Which I suppose is intended to imply that Virgil's armbar is really burning this mother down.
Yeah, I got nothin'. Maybe use the mention of "mother" to make a joke about how much Mr. T loves his mother? But we're so close to Mother's Day...
I can't imagine sitting through four hours of tapings.
ReplyDeleteThe NXT crowd goes through that every taping but it's probably more faster paced and fun.
ReplyDeleteBack then, no, but its not all that terrible now. I've sat through four and a half hours when they've taped Superstars, RAW, Smackdown.
ReplyDeleteIn 88 I sat through 3 weeks of superstars tapings and that didn't even include the 7 or 8 matches listed on the card. As a kid I loved it...though I was tired of Brother Love segments by the 3rd one. OH and 3 Big Boss Man squash matches is pushing it as well.
ReplyDeleteScott's point is that the crowd is chanting "U-S-A" to support the Smoking Gunns and infuriate Owen Hart and Crush.
ReplyDeleteHowever, Crush was from Hawaii (and was billed so), so he was from the U.S.A. So chanting U-S-A at him is kind of stupid. And while Owen was from Canada, it's not like he was an anti-American character at that point.
It's not like the Iron Sheik came out and said "Please do not say, U-S-A, U-S-A". Man, funny how that always BACKFIRED!
Yeah, three Big Boss Man matches in one evening is a bit much. Were you there to see Hulk?
ReplyDeleteActually I sat through 2 Thunder tapings in 98....whats with indianapolis and multiple shows? That was not as much fun
ReplyDeleteSitting through one Thunder would have been bad enough.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the "U-S-A" chant, I went to the last house show the WWF ever had at the old Boston Garden. Had ringside seats. One of the matches had (heel) Jerry Lawler and Owen Hart vs. (face) Hakushi and Bret Hart. Five minutes into the match, the crowd gets a "U-S-A" chant going despite the fact the only American in the ring is the dastardly heel Lawler. Well, and maybe the ref. I don't remember who the ref was.
ReplyDeleteI sat through a few of the old Manhattan Center Raws and it was torture after awhile.. Thank God that we had a lively NYC audience to chant things and make it bearable.
ReplyDeleteWhere's HIS birth certificate?
ReplyDeleteIsn't that a current Raw these days? Dark matches + live show?
ReplyDeleteI think so. I haven't to been Raw in a long freaking time.
ReplyDeleteI remember WM 9 where Heenan called out the crowd: Yokozuna is "Japanese" and Bret is "Canadian", so who are they chanting for?
ReplyDeleteMacho was champ so it was Macho vs. Andre. These tapings also included Heenan selling Hercules to Million Dollar Man.
ReplyDeleteCrush is from Kenya
ReplyDeleteDeath, taxes, and same old Sharts in April/May.
ReplyDeleteIt was, you guessed it, Frank Stallone.
ReplyDeleteThey must've been chanting for themselves. Like all the smarky crowds who get accused of doing wacky chants to "get themselves over," whatever that means.
ReplyDeleteI think Heyman explained it nicely enough during his epic post-Mania 30 promo.
ReplyDeleteThe proper term both geographically and diplomatically is "the freak states."
ReplyDeleteI bet it was Jim Korderas.
ReplyDelete"Really, he’s got a headset and someone is coming out and giving him notes about the special guest timekeeper at Wrestlemania?"
ReplyDeletewell, it would be hard for him to get a message through the headset, what with him also being backstage and yelling at himself through the headset and all
Obviously the Boston fans were out to screw Bret Hart.
ReplyDeleteIf I remember correct the main event for one of the shows was Malenko vs. Stevie Ray
ReplyDeleteMy Dad took me to one when I was a kid, having no idea it was a 5 hour television taping. Guys kept coming out to wrestle over and over and I had no idea what was going on.
ReplyDeleteThe white part?
ReplyDeleteI'm kidding, please don't take my team.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgOJPB4OSzQ
ReplyDeleteSame thing happened with a Piper vs Bret match in WCW. They must have been chanting for Will Sasso.
ReplyDeleteYeah, same. At least it's not all squash matches now.
ReplyDeleteKind of funny, because in talking with a lot of native Hawaiians, they seem to have had the same reaction about being part of "the mainland"...
ReplyDeleteDark match, Superstars taping, three hour Raw, plus post-match show. It's like a work day.
ReplyDeleteSame folder as his death certificate, I would think.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've chatted with someone, a couple years back, who REALLY would like to see Hawaii regain its independence...
ReplyDelete