The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 04.11.94
Live from Utica, NY. And apropos for Mother’s Day, MOM is in the main event! Or, I mean, they could be if they win the totally legit vote.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage.
Diesel v. Virgil
Diesel quickly throws knees in the corner, but Virgil goes to work on the arm. Diesel puts him down with the sideslam and throws elbows in the corner, setting up the bearhug. Virgil fights out, but walks into another one as they start trying to get “Big Daddy Cool” over as a nickname. Never gonna work. Yet another bearhug as Nash shows the skills that would get him multiple World titles. Virgil makes another futile comeback, but Diesel boots him down and finishes with the Poochiebomb at 5:20. ½*
Vince discusses the possibilities for the tag title match tonight while Savage appears to be tweaking out beside him. This leads to Jerry Lawler getting carried down to the ring, with a young D-Lo Brown front and center as one of the poor jobbers hauling his throne. Funny bit as the jobbers drop the platform and Lawler takes a pratfall off it.
The King’s Court, with guest Lex Luger. This is kind of a trainwreck with Luger trading insults with the King for a few minutes before settling in to threatening Mr. Perfect, who it should be noted was still not even medically cleared to wrestle at this point. Given he was still happily collecting insurance money, there was some balls on Vince to be basically promising a match he couldn’t deliver. I know, so unlike him.
Thurman Plugg (His Friends Call Him Sparky) v. Barry Horowitz
Barry bails to escape Sparky’s mat skills, but gets hauled back in and armbarred. He comes back with an inverted DDT and chokes away in the corner, but Plugg gets all fired up and finishes with a flying kneedrop at 3:06. I believe it was called the “cam shaft” or some stupid shit.
Meanwhile, some dude with a pen and paper is “tabulating” the results of the vote. Somehow I’m not surprised.
WWF tag team titles: The Quebecers v. Men on a Mission
Shockingly, the challengers at Wrestlemania win the “fan vote” here. I really find it hard to believe that they had to pay Oscar and couldn’t find some freestyle rapper out there who would work for half as much and actually be able to string two sentences together intelligibly. You could literally have Ahmed Johnson in the same role and he’d do a better job of it. In fact, I would PAY MONEY to see a rap battle between Oscar and Ahmed. Mo crotches Pierre to take over and Mabel drops a big fat leg on him, but misses a charge. Jacques decides to work on the knee, but Pierre walks into a Bossman slam. Mo gets worked over in the heel corner and we take a break, which Vince is very apologetic about. Never be sorry for cutting four minutes out of an MOM match! Mo fights back and makes the hot tag to Mabel, and the crowd inexplicably cares about this for some reason. Stockholm syndrome, I guess. Mabel misses a splash and Pierre comes off the top with a shoulderblock that puts both guys down and out. Mabel with a big fat splash on Pierre into a Mo small package, but Jacques rolls them over and Pierre gets two. Mabel goes after poor Johnny Polo, leaving Mo to get finished in the ring at 13:31. This alternated between “boring” and “hot mess”, as the tag scene in 94 was not so good. *
IRS joins us to remind us once again that tax time is upcoming, in particular Tatanka and his gift tax.
Next week: Bret Hart v. Kwang! No 1-900 lines involved.
When the 3 options are MOM, Bushwhackers, and Smoking Gunns, your tag division sucks. The Gunns were the best of the bunch, but were jobbing almost every match they worked. Most of their non-scrub wins was over the JTTS team Well Dunn.
ReplyDeleteNot only was the tag scene crap, but the Quebecers left soon after this. 1994 really had a bottom out feel in some regards (until 1995 rolled around).
ReplyDeletePerfect was cleared to wrestle at this point. He broke his toe in some non-wrestling capacity before he had a chance to go on tour again, and never came/was never brought back.
ReplyDeleteIT would get worse. I'm pretty sure the Tag Tournament of '96 featured a bunch of throw together teams, the Bushwhackers, the NEW Rockers (poor Al Snow), The Godwinns, and The Bodydonnas (including Tom Prichard shaving his head and trying to pass off as a twin of Chris Candido). I don't recall an even worse period when it came to tag team workrate, just because every match featured the fucking Godwinns.
ReplyDeleteYou rip on Vince for promising a Perfect-Luger match that never came, and he deserves it, but man look around that roster and ask yourself...who else? After the Perfect thing fell through, he stuck Luger in a lame feud with Crush until the Tatanka turn. I kind of don't blame him for hoping the Perfect thing would work out, even if it's a carny move to promise something you can't guarantee.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Perfect said he was willing to work, but then an injury (and that "how much you gonna pay me to end my insurance with Lloyds of London") took him out and he decided to stay away from an in-ring return. I wonder how much WCW threw at him to convince him otherwise at the end of '96.
ReplyDeleteThis was indeed the decline of tag wrestling in North America. You look at tag scene and it really didn't start to turn around until when 1998? 1999? It's funny that the Hardy Boyz were doing jobs at this point, because they would be part of the revitalization five or so years later.
ReplyDeleteScott would pay money to watch a rap battle between Oscar and Ahmed Johnson. I would pay money to watch an eating contest between the two. "You also have to chug this: a TWO LITER GRAPE SODA!"
ReplyDelete1999 started things, and 2000 kicked off a pretty hot period. E&C, Hardys, Dudleys on top, Too Cool, APA, RTC in the middle, and then you have undercard combos like Kaientai and Lo Down putting people over.
ReplyDeleteBest thing about these Raws are Vinces suits
ReplyDeleteOscar: "WHOOMP DERRA TISS!"
ReplyDeleteAhmed: "YO GUBBA DUN!"
Same lyricist?
Fantasy matches: Austin-Punk, Taker-Sting, Taker-Cena, and now I want to see Mo from Men on a Mission versus Ahmed Johnson.
ReplyDeleteGood going, Scott.
I thought Lloyd's stopped paying him because Vince told them he was going to come back in 96, and then he went to WCW to spite Vince (and also more $$$$).
ReplyDeleteThat was the story in magazines so I bet it's kayfabe.
ReplyDeletePutting the belts on the headshrinkers AND turning them face made no sense; the other teams were the Smoking Gunns, MOM and The Bushwackers (all babyfaces).
ReplyDeleteHow about now? You've got the Usos and.............?
ReplyDeleteY'know, i was thinking about watching all of the Raws starting from 1993...but Jesus Christ, I just can't make it through a lot of these shows. For all of the flak we give WWE now, they were fucking EMPTY at this point in time.
ReplyDeleteThat rings familiar. I think Hennig was collecting a hefty annual sum (300 K a year or something), and Vince kind of outed him as possibly returning to the ring, voiding the policy.
ReplyDeleteThings were looking good last year. Then it fell apart. Again.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I didn't know Virgil was still with the company at this point. How much longer did he hang on?
ReplyDeleteHis last appearance might've been jobbing to Nikolai Volkoff on an episode of Challenge in July or August.
ReplyDeleteHah! I was waiting for this - this was my first wrestling show. I seem to recall a pretty rad HBK/Owen vs. Razor/Bret tag match, but I don't remember if that was for the show or just the live crowd (were they even doing that back then?). I wonder if I can find my Bret Hart shades.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a Dark Match. Shawn didn't work on TV except for being Diesel's cornerman for most of the spring and summer. Sounds pretty awesome, though.
ReplyDeleteBest Oscar story is him talking about what a bad ass he was, so the Steiners tied him up, strung him upside down in a urinal, and made sure every wrestler that needed to take a piss that night, did so on Oscar.
ReplyDeleteAhmed could always cut a hell of a promo.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bGErn95VGQ
Bulldog & Owen teaming up and Furnas & LaFon showing up in late 96 followed by LOD returning in early 97 started giving a heartbeat back to the division but yeah things didn't really turn around onto solid ground fully until 1999.
ReplyDeleteWhoa...never heard of that one before.
ReplyDeleteThat seems like a pretty harsh rib.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it was the last match of the night, so that doesn't surprise me. Man, did we get luckier than the people who had to watch Raw on TV. For all the lousy wrestling, though, I remember having a lot of fun. It's a small area that doesn't even get WWE events anymore, so small I ran into multiple classmates that night. Seeing Bret and Razor in person was entirely worth it to 8-year old secondwhiteline.
ReplyDeleteThe division is still salvageable now, they just need to throw in a few more teams. Plus Harper and Rowan vs the Usos should be good.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure BB saw Bob's "cam shaft" plenty back in the day.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how anyone watched WWF in 93-94. I quit wrestling by then and would have stayed gone if not for the nWo and WCW. This is every bit as bad as I thought it would be.
ReplyDeleteI know it's a rib, but man, fuck those guys.
ReplyDeletejust goes to show you what awful people the Steiners were. I loved their work but sometimes watching the matches I remember just what utter scumbags they both in the ring (working stiff with or without permission and in the case or Rick being uncooperative) and out of the ring.
ReplyDeleteFor all the goofy stuff that was going on, you had Bret Hart at or near the top of the card throughout those two years - including Wrestlemania X, which was a really good show - the emergence of the 1-2-3 Kid, HBK having good matches, etc. Now, '95 was the first time I really stopped watching...THAT year was pretty dreadful.
ReplyDeleteHis insurance wasn't voided for Vince promising he would wrestle, it doesn't work that way. It did however raise red flags to Lloyd's and they started looking into changing the policy based on wrestlers bad track record. Perfect was offered a different deal by them (much lower) so to spite Vince he took a huge contract with wcw in 97. Lloyd's never again accepted another wrestler
ReplyDeleteTheir promo to start the show was so awful
ReplyDeleteHiding someone's gym bag is a rib. This is just two guys being assholes.
ReplyDeleteThere's always a silver lining to the cloud. Even in 1995, 1 great match from Bret or Shawn was enough to sit through Mantaur, HOG, King Mabel, Sycho Sid, and the parade of crap.
ReplyDeleteIt kinda sucks that they were such legit tough guys, too and that there really wasn't anyone around who could smack them down. Most bullies in the biz get their comeuppance at one point or another.
ReplyDeleteI'll take this over now any day of the week. Won't have to see Bret Hart changing a tire.
ReplyDeleteIf Steele didn't wear overalls and a straw hat, a major opportunity was missed.
ReplyDeleteVince pretty much sat them out the entire year of 1994 (their contract expired in December, give or take a month) because of bad attitudes about pay and how they were being used. Giving MOM a Mania payoff instead of the Steiners was a decent "we don't need you here" gesture.
ReplyDeleteI grew up a hip-hop fan and I also grew up a wrestling fan. Seems like if you put the two together it would create magic. Promoters tried in vain, but it's never worked.....until Cena???? Let's not talk about this again. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI figured Vince saying "He's healthy enough to not need a disability settlement" would void it out. It's basically calling him a fraud.
ReplyDelete"... but Plugg gets all fired up..."
ReplyDeletehehehehehe
I was 9, I didn't know any better... also Bret Hart was heavily featured, and he was my favorite.
ReplyDeleteThat building in Utica looked huge on TV. Makes you wonder why they rarely if ever had TV tapings there considering all the tapings they were giving White Plains, Poughkeepsie and Bushkill during this period.
ReplyDeleteSteiners were pretty notorious for tying guys up... never heard of anyone else who got the "Oscar treatment" though.
ReplyDeleteThe point's already been made, but seriously... who was going to stop them? Interestingly enough, by all accounts, Rick was the tougher of the Steiners backstage.
Amazingly 1994-5 was when I became a fan in the first place. I was 10 years old and I was getting exposed to everything for the first time through WWF TV and Coliseum Videos at our local Blockbuster. Looking back at it now, I can see how bad 1993-96 WWF was at a lot of points but I'll always enjoy the nostalgia factor of watching this stuff from my true "mark" days.
ReplyDeleteLol watching some the RAW, Superstars, Challenge shows when they would face a team of jobbers, you could see them taking liberties in the ring the whole match. Like Rick would point at Scott who was on the apron, and then Rick would murder the jobber with a stiff clothesline and Scott would laugh
ReplyDeleteYoko's Banzai Drops against jobbers where he went full weight down were also rough
Me neither. I heard Oscar got treated like shit, but damn
ReplyDeleteI feel like the Yoko ones are just where he didn't catch himself properly, not intentional.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, brutal.
Don't know why, but I remember reading a PWI from around this time frame. The story they presented was Perfect thought of himself as a free agent, so he was taking his time deciding what he wanted to do. Most of the article was built around Henning being in Philadelphia for Slamboree '94 to see his dad go into the hall of fame while Ric Flair tried to recruit him to WCW to recreate the Horsemen.
ReplyDelete"I believe it was called the “cam shaft” or some stupid shit."
ReplyDeleteI could be wrong, but I'm remembering "the overhead cam" for some reason.
Personally I would've done a Bret-Luger program for KOTR instead of the whole Luger-Perfect mess as I'm sure Bret-Luger would've done better business over Bret-Diesel and when Luger fails to beat Bret, that could have been the catalyst for his much needed heel turn.
ReplyDeleteBecause the promoters then didn't understand rap nor were they fans. Cena was just right place/right time.
ReplyDeleteNotice how the "Closed Captioning" is not available. He would have made serves explode trying to decyper his work.
ReplyDeleteLane/Eaton Mx vs. the Rockers FW.
ReplyDeleteTriple Threat:
ReplyDeleteEaton/Lane vs Edge/Christian vs Roode/Aries (OR Daniels/Kazarian).
DOUCHEGASM!
It was the story in the Observer as well.
ReplyDeleteThat was me pretty much me, too. I started watching in 1993 and, bad as it was, it was new to me and my favorite was on top for a lot of that time. I did become a casual fan when Diesel won the title and didn't start watching regularly again until 1998. I haven't stopped since.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't intentional by any means, but sparing 1 or 2, I never asked my dad to order a PPV that had Shawn or Diesel on top... unless it involved Bret, and even then it was spotty.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't help that three of the better teams they had going have broken up (Real Americans), are in the process of breaking up (Rhodes Bros), or have been elevated out of the tag title scene (the Shield).
ReplyDeleteSadly he wore his regular attire.
ReplyDeleteJimmy Miranda, the guy who was in charge of merchandise back then, once confided in Bret, with tears in his eyes, that Bret's shades were the greatest of all time.
ReplyDeleteThat would explain the 6 or 7 years Rick Steiner held on past the point anyone gave a shit about him.
ReplyDeleteWas he supposed to return to the ring in 1996? There was that episode of Raw where he teased it but he disappeared right after. It was just weird because "will he/won't he" was the debate about him wrestling for years but when he signed with WCW there was no doubt about it that he would.
ReplyDeleteEh, the Rhodes team had run it's coarse and Cesaro didn't deserve to be shackled to Swagger despite some admitted good chemistry. The Shield can still be involved in the tag title hunt, might as well if they aren't breaking up anytime soon. The Ascension being brought up might help as would the proposed team of Kidd and Bourne.
ReplyDeleteWell he was wrestling in 1992/1993, why did he leave before Survivor Series? Injury? I didn't pick up on it at the time but Hall's introduction of Savage as their partner took a shot at Perfect.
ReplyDeleteVince McMahon: "Sure we understand rap! You People do it all the time, right? Hyak-hyak-hyak"
ReplyDeleteVince tested the waters with lloyds and Henning in 96 about returning but the raw you saw was just a tease, as they no plan actual plans for him to wrestle. Henning was pissed Vince would contact lloyds and said fuck this.
ReplyDeletePerfect's back never really healed.
ReplyDeleteSame here. 1993 was the golden age for us 9-year-old Hitman marks.
ReplyDeleteI totally, totally agree. I was at the 1995 King of the Ring (considered by some to be the worst-ever WWF PPV) and thought it was awesome. Bret made Lawler kiss his foot and that's exactly what I bought a ticket to see
ReplyDelete