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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–07.26.93

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 07.26.93

Hello Scott,

awesome hearing that you will do the Classic RAW rants again when they go up on the Network. I have been going through RAW from the beginning on the Network myself and always read your corresponding rant on it.

That is how I noticed that there is no rant for the July 26 1993 RAW (Episode 27). Neither a search on the web nor in your Amazon Kindle book "RAW Season 1" led to any results.

Could you consider doing that one before tackling the newest 1994 one, please? It has Bret Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow, Jerry Lawler taunting Bret Hart and Doink the Clown threatening Randy Savage, what more could you ask for?

Oh, OK.

Taped from the Manhattan Center.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan & Randy Savage

Doink the Clown is upset about Randy Savage costing him a match last week, and he’s got a surprise for Macho this week.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Bret Hart

This is of course one of their numerous rematches from King of the Ring, most of which ended up on Bret’s DVDs. Stu and Helen Hart are notable for being in the balcony, which gives us a depressing death count of five for the match (Stu, Helen, Bigelow, Luna and Savage on commentary). Bigelow and quickly pounds Bret down as Vince relates his favorite match description for their KOTR final: SEE SAW BATTLE, BACK AND FORTH! Although really that metaphor doesn’t work. Shouldn’t it be see saw, up and down? They brawl outside and Bret tries to come back in via the top rope, but hurts his leg on the way down as we take a break. Back with Bret nursing the knee on the outside, and Bobby is so shaken up that he does a promo for a USA Network show. Bigelow with a backdrop suplex and Bret takes his turnbuckle bump. Bigelow adds a powerslam for two, but misses a headbutt and Bret makes the comeback. Bret gets his own backdrop suplex and a dropkick, and drops an elbow for two. Bammer pounds him down again and adds his own dropkick, and he randomly goes to a chinlock as we take another break. Back with Bigelow missing a dropkick and Bret makes the comeback with a backdrop as Vince once again gives this match his highest praise, declaring it a SEE SAW MATCHUP, BACK AND FORTH. But will anyone exchange fisticuffs and mix it up? Bret with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM, which were not yet a huge cliché at that point, and Bret tries a sleeper to finish it off, but Bigelow runs him into the corner to break. Bret with a bulldog to set up the Sharpshooter, but now Jerry Lawler has a meet and greet with Stu Hart in the balcony while Bigelow pounds on a distracted Bret on the floor. Lawler gets some funny lines (apparently, rumor is that Bret was such an ugly baby that Helen diapered the wrong end for six months) and Bigelow misses a senton off the top, allowing Bret to drop an elbow for two. And finally Bret’s had enough and runs to the balcony at 24:00 to give Bam Bam the countout win. They were going for “lost classic” status here before it fell apart with the Lawler nonsense that dragged on way too much. It didn’t really work because it ran too long, but it certainly made people want to see Bret kick Lawler’s ass. ***1/2

SUMMERSLAM REPORT with Mean Gene. He’s APPALLED at the behavior of Jerry Lawler.

Mr. Hughes v. Ross Greenberg

Mr. Hughes has the urn, but the Summerslam match for Undertaker is against Giant Gonzalez. But then it’s not like either option would be preferable. Hughes beats on the poor jobber while the announcers dance all around what the hell a “RIP” match actually entails. Bossman slam finishes.

Wrestlemania the Album launches tomorrow, as Vince declares that there’s going to be a stampede to all the K-Mart locations in America! At least it gave Linda her entrance theme for the next two decades. Let’s just move on.

The Smoking Gunns v. Duane Gill & Glen Ruth

Billy Gunn throws dropkicks on Gill and Bart powerslams Ruth into a Billy legdrop. More nice double-team stuff on the future Headbanger and they finish with a backdrop into a piledriver at 4:21.

Ludwig Borga smashes people…in video package form!

Meanwhile, Lex Luger does a quick interview with Vince before the show, and we get a video of the Lex Express in action. More footage to come this weekend on the WWF Network. The syndicated one, not this one.

Doink the Clown v. Phil Apollo

Doink quickly wrestles Apollo to the mat and adds a belly to belly while Savage makes the shocking declaration that Doink is BORING. Them’s fighting words. Doink with a powerslam and Whoopie Cushion to finish at 2:30. We take a break and return with Doink’s promo against Savage, as he challenges Macho NEXT WEEK and two more Doinks appear in the arena to BLOW OUR MINDS.

Next week: Randy Savage v. Doink! I hear midgets might be involved.

Hell of a show this week, actually.