The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 03.20.94
They are adding new episodes like CRAZY now. AWESOME. Apparently the dude who was in charge of programming the Network got canned last week, which is why we’re suddenly getting flooded with new content.
Live from Poughkeepsie, NY, one day after Wrestlemania X.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage.
The Quebecers v. The Bushwackers
I didn’t even realize they were still around at this point. The Quebecers were of course the tag champions but this was specifically non-title. Big brawl to start and the Quebecers bail, and back in for some “comedy” spots. Johnny Polo gets involved and gets nailed by Jacques by mistake and Luke gets two. This is just HORRIBLE. Finally they get it together and Jacques gets double-teamed in the Kiwi corner with some super-basic stuff. Pierre also gets dominated and we take a break. Back with Luke playing ugmo-in-peril, as Jacques slams Pierre onto him for two. Man, Pierre Ouelette looks like a high school senior here compared to how grizzled he got even in 95. More dull double-teaming as Luke is just totally unable to work any kind of normal pace, but he makes the hot tag to Butch. Battering Ram for Jacques puts him on the floor, but Polo nails Butch behind the ref’s back and Pierre finishes with a running knee to the back at 13:22. What a trainwreck. It was like they were trying to work a normal tag match, but the Bushwackers are so awful that it ended up 10 times worse than their usual goofy comedy match would have been. DUD Afterwards, Captain Lou returns and challenges them to a tag title match against a team of his choosing. This would end up badly for the champions.
Next Monday, watch the special encore of Wrestlemania! You mean we can’t just watch it on the Network the day after?
Meanwhile, IRS presents his list of reasons why people are tax cheats.
Tatanka v. Chris Hammrick
Hey, that jobber ended up in ECW a few years after this, didn’t he? “Hard Cash” Hammrick or something like that? He was pretty decent there, too. Tatanka with a backdrop and chops, and Hammrick charges and takes a bad bump to the floor. No wonder he ended up in ECW. Back in the ring, Tatanka with a delayed suplex and he works the arm, going really stiff on the poor guy for some reason. Tatanka with a pair of chops and the PAPOOSE TO GO to finish at 4:41. This was pretty lengthy for a squash.
Diesel v. Some Guy
Diesel is starting to get some steam behind him with the fans, who chant his name while he beats on the jobber. Usual Nash squash, Snake Eyes, big boot, powerbomb at 2:25. Now that was a squash.
Bret Hart is out with his new belt to issue a challenge to all comers, including his brother.
Jeff Jarrett v. Koko B. Ware
Hall of Famer Koko B. Ware, don’t forget. And Randy Savage still isn’t. Vince is AGHAST at people disparaging the reputation of Burt Reynolds in the tabloids, which is kind of hilarious given they just showed a clip of Burt at Wrestlemania so drunk off his ass that he’d probably explode near an open flame. Speaking of explosions, the combined ugliness of JJ’s outfit and Koko’s outfit threaten to shatter the phosphors in my TV. Thank god Savage isn’t on screen right now or I’d void my warranty. Koko briefly controls but misses a charge and Jarrett chokes him out. Closeups show Koko looking ROUGH at this point. Drugs are bad, Koko. Jarrett controls with a clothesline out of the corner, but misses a flying fistdrop and Koko makes the comeback. Vince declares that this is “Bowling for Dollars on Monday Night RAW”. I’m gonna let that one slide this time but I’m not tolerating any references stupider than that. Jarrett finishes anyway with a DDT at 5:05. ** Jarrett gets in Savage’s face and Randy is pumping his fists at him like a cartoon superhero, and that would actually be an interesting match if it happens in the next couple of weeks. And then they brawl in the ring, giving us all three neon outfits at the same time…and that’s it for my TV. My poor cat nearly gets mauled by flying shrapnel from the screen shattering due to stress. RIP.
Next week: 1-2-3 Kid, Owen Hart, and Lex Luger v. Rick Martel in the battle of narcissists!
I hope there aren't any horror-movie type shenanigans here.
ReplyDeleteEven as a 10-year-old in 1994, I loved me some Quebecers. The wacky double-team moves and rampant cheating were good stuff.
ReplyDeletehe was not. Kid Kash was more or less always a fan favorite in ECW whereas Hot Commodity (with Elektra) were heels.
ReplyDeleteI pretty much always cheered for the faces as a kid, but I remembered always feeling the heels were justified in cheating, when it came to beating the Bushwackers. They were just *THAT* bad.
ReplyDeleteWow, is this similar to the bump he takes against Tatanka? This is pretty great. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNXWWT8JyEA
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not: the Bushwhackers hung around all the way until the second half of 1996. One of their last angles involved Brian Pillman breaking a crutch over one of their heads. How fucking mindblowing is it that the Bushwhackers shared roster space, much less directly interacted with Loose Cannon-era Pillman? Talk about a colliding of worlds.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure they're both nice guys, but it sucks that the freaking Bushwhackers remain the only New Zealand born wrestlers to achieve any sort of fame in the last 30 years.
ReplyDelete"Hey, that jobber ended up in ECW a few years after this, didn’t he? “Hard Cash” Hammrick or something like that?"
ReplyDeleteHA! Heyman wished he had hard cash.
I hope Seth Rollings doesn't see this.
ReplyDeleteI can't even think of ANY New Zealand wrestlers aside from Luke and Butch.
ReplyDeleteI'm not 100% sure here, but I can't recall a time where Randy Savage main evented a Raw. Koko has.
ReplyDeleteSo im guessing Frankie makes the HOF in 2015 (and hopefully, God willing, John Wayne Bobbitt for the celebrity wing, although they'll probably cut his speech short. ZING!"
I still want to believe that New Zealand is just full of people who walk and act like the Bushwhackers.
ReplyDeleteDoes Rip Morgan count?
ReplyDeleteI swear Morgan was Australian. Huh.
ReplyDeleteWikipedia sez Tony Garea and Pat O'Connor as well.
Love the bit where Todd urged people to tape the Wrestlemania replay. Even a non-fan like Todd Pettengill was well aware of how much Coliseum Video sucked.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine Jesse Ventura inducting Frankie, considering he insulted the bird more than anyone besides Bobby Heenan?
ReplyDeleteActually it would almost be like the Mr. T speech in the sense that Jesse would spend 20 minutes rambling about conspiracies and by the time he would finally get around to mentioning wrestling, he would be given the signal to wrap it up.
I think his nickname was "Confederate Currency". The only thing I remember about him is he had a killer finisher (top rope piledriver) that he rarely got to use because he lost nearly every match and because the move was way too dangerous even for ECW.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think he worked under a mask in TNA for a few weeks in late 2002, could be wrong about that but The Crimson Dragon's outfit looked very similar to Chris' ring attire but with a cheap looking mask added to it.
I have to admit, I've encountered a few who came close.
ReplyDeleteYeah, at least we have one former NWA World champion. But NO ONE in NZ, except the miniscule number of smarks scattered throughout these isles, knows who Pat O'Connor is. By contrast, thanks to Superstars becoming a craze here in the late eighties, everyone knows about the Bushwhackers. And they only know them as the Bushwhackers, their former life as the Sheepherders remains unknown to the average New Zealander.
ReplyDeleteIt could be worse I suppose, Australians have to suffer the shame of Outback Jack.
Frankie burned to death in a house fire, all the while yelling for help while Koko B Ware could do nothing but listen...and weep ;_;
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx0nfQhK6FE
I always thought the head-licking they did to people in the crowd was pretty disturbing.
ReplyDeleteA money related stable at a time when ECW didn't have any money...that's a bigger irony than that Billionaire Ted skit that showed Vince Russo struggling to think of a good idea.
ReplyDeleteI get it!
ReplyDeleteHammrick's nickname was Confederate Currency. No I'm not making that up.
ReplyDeleteThese old Raw's are a blast. It's really fun to go back and watch this stuff, knowing out it turned out. The Diesel stuff is a great example.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't good. But it's not going to make me lose my shit yet and claim Bryan's reign is completely ruined.
ReplyDeleteMaybe, but once you get past Barry Horowitz and the Brooklyn Brawler, whose left?
ReplyDeleteWow, talk about a mismatch of eras.
ReplyDeleteHammrick is actually a hell of a worker.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, they're already at May '94. Just a couple of weeks ago they were still getting through 1993. They must be trying to hurry and get to late '95 for the Monday Night Wars.
ReplyDeleteThey also had a kangerooo as a mascot. Again Steve lombardi in an outfit
ReplyDeleteThat's so cute! Now go pick up my dry cleaning.
ReplyDeleteDon't you have chores to do?
ReplyDeleteYou and I have chores to do, and by chores I mean his Aunt
ReplyDeleteSorry, my priorities are out of whack.
ReplyDeleteWeird, I never had to be aggressive when I wanted to get her into the house.
ReplyDeleteWow, a 13 minute Bushwhacker match.
ReplyDeleteBut they weren't around that much, IIRC. On the roster, sure, but not taking up any TV time.
ReplyDeleteRandom thought: They should start putting Nitros up when they get to that point with Raw....and run them back to back every single fucking morning. Then again, that'd probably pretty much ruin my life outside of my living room...
ReplyDeleteEqually notable: Stan Lane on the mic there.
ReplyDeleteAh ha...
ReplyDeleteThat was also a pretty lengthy squash. I'm guessing WWF must have been considering whether to give the guy a contract or not.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Vince was preparing himself for possible prison time and was told that prison rape was like watching a 10+ minute Bushwhacker match.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Saw him in the indy The Italian Stallion used a run a few times in '95 and '96 and he was miles ahead of most of them.
ReplyDeleteYeah Bushwhackers were a weird case. They only showed up sporadically here and there before disappearing again and coming back again. I'm guessing they had some sort of pay per appearance contract and only used when WWF was short on guys.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget their awesome entrance theme.
ReplyDeleteHe had Kid Kash once.
ReplyDeleteYou're shocked the Bushwhackers were around in March 1994? I can't believe freakin Koko was still around then. And wearing his High Energy outfit, no less!
ReplyDeleteThey stuck around til '95 I believe.
ReplyDelete*WARZ
ReplyDeleteI remember Koko getting squashed by Owen around this time, with Owen all the while screaming at him, "I CARRIED OUR TEAM!" I loved little nods to history like that.
ReplyDeleteI can see why someone like Heyman would give him a try just based on that spot alone.
ReplyDeletethat story is really heartbreaking.
ReplyDeletewe used to imitate the tower of Quebec in our "matches", although for obvious reasons the "victim" always moved out of the way instead of getting hit.
ReplyDeleteThe Bushwackers are the fucking worst. They had no redeeming qualities. Much like TNA.
ReplyDeleteAs Scott once noted, I can't believe The Bushwhackers used to be the most violent team in wrestling. They were awesome as The Kiwis in Stampede and as The Sheepherders working for Mid-South, but once they got to the WWF, they just sucked.
ReplyDeleteWhat was the point in bringing Koko back? Other than a handful of features (losses to Double J, I.R.S., and Owen), he never appeared in squashes and just disappeared as fast as he came back. I guess he didn't it the WWE's "New Generation" like other returning superstars like Nikolai Volkoff and King Kong Bundy.
ReplyDeleteTheir appearances were definitely minimal. The most exposure they got was in the Spring of 96 thanks to a horribly depleted roster and trying to "rebuild" the tag division. I seem to recall "Loose Cannon" Pillman whacking Butch with a crutch for no reason in one of their last appearances.
ReplyDeleteI hated Brother Love and I was still pissed when the Bushwhackers degraded him on his show. So yeah fuck the Bushwhackers.
ReplyDeleteI'll echo everyone else, nothing tops Lithgow.
ReplyDelete1 was great.
2 was really good (though it would have made more sense as the finale).
3 started a little slow, but I really liked it.
4 is just spectacular.
5 is where it started to slip, but was decent.
6 was terrible, just boring, predictable, and poorly written.
7 was great, very edge-of-your-seat and setting up for a great finale.
8 was fucking AWFUL. Nothing redeeming, and the WORST finale ever.
TBF, Koko never showed his bird to a young Steph, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteIf they do, they need this guy to induct him: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL1foQKD3OI
ReplyDeleteThey were under contract the whole time.
ReplyDeleteThe reason they weren't used much is because the WWF had greatly reduced the number of house shows. By 1994, they had gotten rid of the C-tours and by 1996, they dumped the B-tours and just threw nearly everyone on one tour (which ended up greatly increasing attendance, with the horrible numbers the B-tour is currently doing, you would think they would try this again today).
The downside of reducing to one tour is a handful of guys ended up either getting fired (Men On A Mission, Tatanka, Doink) or staying on the payroll but basically sitting at home (Kama, Fatu, Bob Holly, Bushwhackers).
Back then, the WWF would actually let the guys they were not using much work indie dates as long as it didn't conflict with any plans the WWF had for them. Bob Holly describes in his book how he could had done that but he decided to go back to his old welding job instead, while still under contract to the WWF.
It's pretty easy to take those bumps and have a long career when you have a regular job and only wrestle on weekends.
ReplyDeleteHamrick was able to take those bumps because he wasn't doing it every single night. From what I understand, ECW was the only full time gig he ever had in wrestling and that lasted less than a year.
This balance also explains how George South has managed to have such a long career despite taking many crazy bumps.
Wrong. Their march to the wrong was hilarious, especially when Luke I think it was got eliminated from the Royal Rumble and just kept doing it.
ReplyDeleteHe discriminates against people of color and people of....NO COLOR?!?!?!
ReplyDelete