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This has nothing to do with the WWE

With BoD Wargames just six days away, what else will the GM book for the show?
For starters, title matches for the Writers Championship and the Solid B+ Player Belt will be announced tonight.
Also, forget some shitty coin flip. A star studded, six-man tag match will decide which team gets the man advantage in the WarGames match as Cultstatus & The Fuj & Jef Vinson take on Parallax1978 & Jobber123 & and the GM himself, Brian Bayless
Speaking of the GM, after delivering his message to midcard talent two weeks ago, will the Midcard Mafia have a chance to respond or stay home and wait by the telephone?
Plus, two tag team matches tonight as Curtzerker takes a trip down the express lane to face the Upper Midcard Express and Paul Meekin & White Thunder take on a team making their BoD RAW debut, the New Age British Bulldogs, comprised of Andrew Dean and Dan Selby
Back again this week is "Welcome to the BoD" with guest Mister E Mahn, discussing the proper techniques of time keeping.
Wade Michael Meltzer is back with part 2 of his sitdown interview with Beard Money.
The Debut of Buck Nasty's "Make it Rain Everywhere" music video will happen tonight.
All of this and important questions like "Will Mar Solo get his cup of coffee" are going to be answered tonight on..........................................................................
BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out comes BoD Corporate Custodian, Garth Holmberg, to mop the floors. You know what this means, folks. Next comes the “Riverdale Renegade,” Archie Stackhouse. And the Rock………………………………….Keeper, Gosh Hopkins. Next is the Assistant GM and Director of Operations and Paper Goods, Justice Gray. And last and the most important of all, its GM Bayless. He steps up to the podium:

With just six days until BoD WarGames, I am here to announce that I have just made two title matches for the card:

Stranger in the Alps vs. Tommy Hall for the BoD Writer's Championship
Hart Killer 09 vs. Joe Dust vs. YJ2310 vs. Cabspaintedyellow for the BoD Solid B+ Player Championship

These matches, featuring the top talents across the BoD are why you, the fans, make this the #57,325 most popular website in the United States, according to As GM, I put out the talents and the matches that you want to see. I am the GM, which stands for gimmick maker, and I give you all the gimmicks that can make anyone into a star! I am the...........(Lights go off, crowd gasps, lights comes back on)"

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! ITS THE MIDCARD MAFIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT THEY WERE TOLD TO STAY HOME!!!!!!!!!! The Midcard Mafia are standing in the balcony, holding sledgehammers. I thought the BoD HHH Impersonation Contest was next month? Magoonie grabs the mic and looks pretty confident. He smiles and points at the inexpensive BoD Jumbotron which shows the White Coat Security laid out in the parking lot. GM Bayless is furious at the destruction caused by the midcard talent. Magoonie then points again as the GM's limo has been destroyed. GM Bayless mutters curse words under is breath as Nick the Brick grabs the mic:

"When you tell us to stay home, when you take food off of our tables by not booking us the card, we take matters into our own hands. I was not sitting around at home like Dennis Stamp, waiting to be booked. I book myself into the show. When you tell me to park cars, I say fuck you!!!!!!

Bayless is irate and struggles to say something but Steve Ferrari grabs the mic:

"I am a top 15 poster, not some stiff off of the street. You book be by myself against multiple opponents, thinking that I will go away. But I won't. You keep throwing everyone you have and I will still come back. I will still fight back. Put up an roadblock you got and I will go right through it, Bayless, and kick your ass!!!!!!!!!!

Bayless is beside himself right now and yells but Magoonie Teddy Belmont cuts him off:

"My name is Magoonie you silly son of a bitch. Let me spell that out for you (the crowd chants along) M-A-G-O-O-N-I-E. Is it that hard to say? I know a moron from Boston like yourself might struggle with a multiple syllable word so I thought I would spell it out for you. And since I parked cars, I thought that I would be nice and park yours for you today, sir. (Bayless calls him a son of a bitch after that sarcastic comment). This is not why we did this though. We did this to stand up against you and your bullshit! We are not going to sit around like a couple of jabronis. The Midcard Mafia makes their own rules and we are going to destroy you and your Administration every show until we get what we want. Until we get matches. Now excuse me as we have some remodeling to do in your office (All three members throw there sledgehammers over their shoulders)"

Bayless cuts them off and is out of his mind:

"Okay, you motherfuckers want a match! Is that what you want! At BoD WarGames all three of you will face the entire Administration. That means Archie Stackhouse, Gosh Hopkins, Garth Holmberg, Bill Ray, Average Joe Everyman, Justice Gray, Rock Star Gary & his number one fan and if you lose..................YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And one more thing, this is a lumberjack match with BoD Security as the lumerjacks!!!!!! Have a good day and a pleasant tomorrow!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness. What a match for BoD Wargames. But how can the Midcard Mafia overcome the odds this time in a 3 vs. 8 match with White Coat Security as the lumberjacks.

Stranger in the Alps vs. Andy PG

This is a non-title match. Andy goes right after the legs of Stranger with the hopes that he will not be able to use the dreaded can opener. They struggle on the mat as Stranger reaches the ropes. Andy goes back to the leg but Stranger pushes him back. He runs over and hits Andy with a clothesline and beats on him in the corner. Stranger suplexes Andy as Tommy Hall makes his way to the ring, sporting an Evan Turner Ohio State jersey. How many e-dollars did that send him back? Strangers glances over at Tommy but that allows Andy to hit him from behind. Andy hits a backbreaker but that only gets two. Andy is going up top but Stranger catches him with a shot to the gut. Stranger then takes him down with a kneelift then picks him up for a DDT before getting the win with the can opener. Tommy Hall now grabs the microphone:

"Stranger, you will regret the day you decided not to take my offer for the Writer's Championship." And just so you know, I have started a petition to ban the can opener from any BoD match." And at BoD Wargames, I will take that title and you will NOT be getting $400 in e-book money or $2 off of a pick two at Panera Bread!"

It looks like Tommy is trying to make this personal against the Stranger as he is not getting what he wants. Is Tommy Hall becoming a petulant child?

Backstage, Mar Solo looks around to see if the coast is clear. It is and he sees a box of coffee. He goes towards it but Aric Johnson comes over and grabs it then dumps it out in the sink. Aric looks at Mar Solo and tells them that fucking Tim Horton's scalded the coffee, again. Mar Solo is pissed and attacks him. He takes Aric and throws him over a table. Now, the Unstable comes into the room as Jesse Baker says he is in his head, as Gideon Stargrave tries to actually enter inside of Mar Solo's head but gets slapped down. Steve Stennick yells " I WILL FUCKING KILL A SMARK WITH MY BARE HANDS" as the Unstable leave. Mar Solo has not been able to get the Unstable outside of his head.

And, at the BoD WarGames pre-match battle royal, the first ever BoD C List Champion will win this belt

Competitors in this match will be notified via text message or they can check their My Space accounts for the invite. 

Paul Meekin & White Thunder vs. The New Age British Bulldogs

The crowd is tearing into Meekin with “Pumpkin Kitten” chants. He responds by flipping them off as Thunder is doing the Flair strut on the apron, holding a can of beer. The Bulldogs are comprised of Dan Selby & Andrew Dean as the GM told Wade Michael Meltzer that he needed more ethnic stereotypes in the BoD. Meekin taunts Dean, who charges and bounces off of him. Meekin brushes his shoulders casually then tags Thunder. Dean armdrags Thunder as the crowd now starts up a “we’re not otters” chant. The Bulldogs are double-teaming Thunder as the crowd is more interested in pissing off Meekin with a variety of chants. Meekin knees Selby in the back then tags himself in as the crowd boos him without mercy. Meekin puts the boots to Selby as the crowd continues to verbally assault Meekin. Selby slides underneath Meekin and stuns him with a dropkick then makes the hot tag to Dean. The crowd cheers as Dean fires away at Meekin. Dean tries for a slam but that fails and Meekin hammers Dean on the back. Meekin hits him with the Otter Dropper then tags Thunder, who puts him in the figure four and now Meekin hits him with the earthquake splash, which I have just been informed is called the “Apocalypse Meow” and Thunder covers Dean for the win as the crowd boos loudly. Meekin taunts the crowd and has grabbed the microphone:

I used to think that if I ended my career somewhere other than the BoD, then my soul wouldn’t be able to make it to heaven. And now, FUCK IT!!. I don’t care where it ends up as long as it is not here (Crowd pelts Meekin with garbage). I was just trying to watch movies and write reviews for you to discuss but that wasn’t good enough. No, you fucktards want more discussions about the Montreal Screwjob or the Fingerpoke Incident. Well, if you want that, you can get it from everyone else because that is not who I am!!!!. I am a movie reviewing god!!!!!!!!!!"

And let me tell you this (pulls a jacket out of a box and puts it up to his face) I love the smell of Roger Ebert in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!! And after I leave this shithole, I am going to watch the #19 on the AFI Top 100 list, “On the Waterfront” while you can cry about Dean Ambrose not getting a push on RAW and crack jokes at the expense of TNA. You see, you are all the same, while I am (opens up Ebert’s  jacket and shows us the back, which has “Meekin” written in bedazzling) the original mind of the BoD! (Meekin drops mic and leaves with Thunder, who is asking a fan in the front row to buy him a drink.”

Folks, Meekin just shot on the BoD.

And Now It Is Time For....................."Welcome to the BoD" 

Abeyance: Hello, everyone. Welcome to the BoD!!!!!!
(Crowd): Hello
Abeyance: Isnt this great
(Crowd): It is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abeyance:I know 
(Crowd): We know too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abeyance: Tonight, we have a very special guest. He is the top timekeeper of the BoD, Mister E Mahn!
Abeyance & Crowd: WELCOME TO THE BoD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mister E Mahn: Thank You
Abeyance: So, I have a question for you?
Mister E Mahn: And what is that
Abeyance: Where do you keep the time?
Mister E Mahn: (looks confused) uh.....what
Abeyance: You are the timekeeper and you have to keep the time somewhere. So, where do you keep it? In your pocket?
Mister E Mahn: (in utter disbelief) I keep track of how long the match is and ring the bell when it starts and ends. 
Abeyance: That sounds fun but you should probably wear a watch, it would be easier that way. 
Mister E Mahn: (throws up his hands) sure. 

Hoss Lorenz interrupts the show, crowd too scared to welcome him to the BoD

Abeyance: No, I won it fair and square. It is mine.
Abeyance: (Sticks up for himself) No, you big meanie. I won't
Hoss: (laughing) HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will get my talk show one way or another. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The show ends after that. 

Hoss is pissed and seems to be targeting Abeyance.

Upper Midcard Express vs. Curtzerker

Before the match, Wade Michael Meltzer tried to interview Curtzerker. theberzerker replied "HUSS HUSS HUSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and that was pretty much what happened. kbjone and Williams start this off and end up trading punches. Both guys are going back and forth as the crowd goes nuts. thebezerker knees kbjone from behind and they now attack him. theberzerker hits a flying shoulder tackle then yells "HUSS" at Petuka from the apron. thebezerker charges at kbjone but that fails and kbjone hammers away and makes the tag to Petuka. They beat on theberzerker who is no longer yelling "HUSS." Petuka sets him up for the oh no, are we going to see it..........THE PETUKA BAZOOKA. He sets him up but in comes Adam Curry and Kyle Warne. They break it up by hitting him in the face with the belt. They whack kbjone in the face with the belts then clear the Upper Midcard Express from the ring. Curry grabs the mic:

"Listen to me. After BoD WarGames, when we destroy you and whatever else is left, we will put up our belts against you the next night on BoD RAW and we don't give a shit what kind of poses you use while you come down the express lane!!!!!"

And now, part 2 of Wade Michael Meltzer's stidown interview with Beard Money

Wade: Thank you Beard Money. 
Beard Money: You are welcome, sir. 
Wade: Since being attacked by your ex-partner, has he been on your mind ever since?
Beard Money: Why Wade, he has been. I very much would like to give him a piece of my mind 
Wade: Is their anything you would like to say to PrimeTime Ten?
Beard Money: I will save that for when I see him. 
Wade: Have you been able to train at all?
Beard Money: I've been helping granny on the farm
Wade: What is that smell?
Beard Money: Those are granny's famous pork chops
Wade: Well, I hope those chops are more like Ric Flair than his son, David (followed by a lot of laugher
Beard Money: Wade, I reckon I don't to what the heck you are talking about
Wade: Now, Beard Money. Will you be able to come back to the ring?
Beard Money: I have been training daily. 
Wade:Does that mean you will come back?
Beard Money: Its means that PrimeTime Ten, I am challenging you to a match at BoD WarGames this Sunday!!!!!!!!

Justice Gray is back with GM Bayless in his office. He gets a call that Jobber123 clogged up the toilets in the Luxurious Top 5 Lounge after a night of drinking at Joltin' Joes and yells for Garth Holmberg to clean up the mess. Bayless also says that at BoD WarGames, he has booked a six-man tag between Todd Lorenz & Curtzerker vs. Abeyance & thebraziliankid & Dancin' Devin Harris

Folks, we have just been informed that the Buck Nasty music video for "Make it Rain Everywhere" has been destroyed after Gideon Stargrave was found eating it in the locker room. We will book a re-shoot soon.

Cultstatus & The Fuj & Jef Vinson vs. Jobber123 & Parallax & GM Bayless

The winner of this will get the man advantage in the WarGames match. Jobber starts off with Vinson and shoves him into the corner. Jobber laughs and tags Parallax, who says that Layla is a dirty whore. Jef charges but Parallax ducks outside and laughs. Parallax comes back in and locks up with Jef then refuses to break clean. He chops Jef in the corner but misses a clothesline. Jef takes control and tags Cult, who boots down Parallax. He catches Parallax with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Fuj tags and goes after Parallax then Jobber comes in then everyone else is in and we have a pier six brawl. Fuj clotheslines Jobber over the ropes then follows him outside. Fuj and Jobber are brawling all over the place. Bayless and Parallax are putting the boots to the champ after they attacked Vinson from behind. Bayless takes Cult down with a jumping side headlock takedown and Parallax goes for the curb stomp but Vinson breaks it up. Bayless tries to stop him but he gets knocked down. Fuj comes back in and picks up Parallax but Jobber yanks his leg and Parallax falls on top but only gets two. Bayless climbs up top but Cult ducks a crossbody attempt and he goes splat. Cult tries for the jackhammer on Bayless but Jobber hits him from behind. Jobber goes for the Razor's Edge but that is stopped by Vinson. A member of White Coat Security hands something to Bayless and it is a needle. Oh god, its a shot of Haldol!!!!!! Bayless climbs on the apron as the ref is focused on Jobber and Fuj then jabs the needle into the neck of Vinson! Bayless comes in and knocks Fuj out of the ring with a running knee smash then the trio triple powerbombs the champ. Bayless goes over to Vinson, who is in dreamland, and covers for the win and the man advantage at WarGames. WHAT ELSE DOES THE GM HAVE IN STORE AT WARGAMES!!!! TUNE IN SUNDAY AT 6:05PM EST FOR ALL OF THE ACTION

BoD WarGames Card

Wargames Match: Cultstatus & The Fuj & Jef Vinson & Adam Curry & Kyle Warne vs. Jobber123 & Parallax1978 & GM Bayless & Upper Midcard Express

BoD Writers Championship Match: Stranger in the Alps vs. Tommy Hall

BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Match: Hart Killer 09 vs. Joe Dust vs. YJ2310 vs. Cabspaintedyellow

Midcard Mafia vs. The Administration

Cage Match: Mar Solo vs. Jesse Baker

PrimeTime Ten vs. Beard Money

Hoss Lorenz & Curtzerker vs. Dancin Devin Harris' & Abeyance & thebraziliankid

20 Man Battle Royal for the BoD C-List Championship


  1. kbwrestlingreviewsJune 23, 2014 at 8:41 PM

    Ohio State? This may be grounds for a boycott. Any chance that becomes a UK jersey in the future?

  2. I always drink beer from a glass, never a can.

  3. Mister_E_LogdriverJune 23, 2014 at 8:43 PM

    Apocalypse Meow was legit.

    So was I love the smell of Roger Ebert in the morning.

  4. Fuj had a nice lil showing.

    Which means im doing the job.

  5. Yes.

    In honor of a draft bust, we will give you Sam Bowie

  6. You are in the Undertaker role.

    No jobs in multi-man matches

  7. kbwrestlingreviewsJune 23, 2014 at 8:45 PM

    My cousin nearly ran him over once. I used to work at a bookstore and he came in as a customer. I asked him about that and he gave me a rather annoyed stare.

  8. My friend's dad was at the urinal next to Manute Bol once. Said it was a very strange.

  9. F'N Body Slams - Dan SelbyJune 23, 2014 at 8:47 PM

    So happy to be the face in peril.

  10. Tag-Team guys do the jobs in these types of bouts

  11. Wait until the next BoD RAW

  12. Panera bread! Woo!

  13. Too much others, not enough me.

  14. The crowd cheers as Dean fires away at Meekin. Dean tries for a slam but that fails

    Because he's JUST TOO FAT?

    I'm honoured to take the pitfall and to have managed an arm drag.

  15. There is a 20 man battle royal

  16. Since My Celts pick sixth and Randle is an option, what is your opinion of him?

  17. Spoiler, or not?

  18. As much as I respect my opponents, the days of holding me down are over, Im taking that B+ title...... Its the Summer of Garea!

  19. A Garea/YJ2310 training montage is a license to print money

  20. Don't you mean......THE UNDERTAKAH?!

  21. Garea probably in better shape today...

  22. You can learn how not to move the muscles in your face during a match and master the art of the boo-boo face once you do the job

  23. Yes, join us! Tommy "Shooter" Hall, "Selfish" Dan Selby, and me, Andrew "Don't call me Dean Douglas" Douglas!

    Hopefully Andrew "Brutus the" Barbarash will also join. Then wipe to after ALL THE GOLD.

  24. "Machine" Dean is a good name

  25. I love it! And the retirement match / "that guy in the mask looks familiar" angle just writes itself, with that name.

  26. I'm throwing out an open challenge to any of you other C players - meet me in the ring next week, for the most devious, demonic, rage inducing match in BoD history...

    That's right...I want to beat someone's sorry ass in a "Meekin's Dignity on a Pole" Match! You think you have what it takes to steal Meekin's dignity? No way, kitten fuckers. The only person here that can take what little dignity that Michelin man stunt double has left is ME!

  27. "Huss? Huss!"


  28. That's not the Express way (see what I did there?). We got this.


  30. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:00 PM


    You're all welcome!

  31. I don't know how to explain why it was, but "They beat on theberzerker who is no longer yelling 'HUSS,'" was probably the funniest line of this show.

  32. ....h...h-huss...?

  33. Those fellas are in deep trouble come Wargames...Just remember....Tony made me do it....

  34. YOu will make them cry for their momma's once you put them in the dreaded abdominal stretch.

  35. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:03 PM

    I could have fed my family with that Panera Bread deal. But I have too much dignity.

  36. I prefer you call it by name, The Walls of Garea will have them screaming for mercy....

  37. I don't think the move has been aptly described or captured on film yet. The legend will only continue to grow.

  38. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:06 PM

    Better than the Slaughter Cannon, I'm sure.

  39. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:07 PM

    If I'm gonna get my cup of coffee in the big time, you better believe it's gonna be made at the correct temperature for brewing!

  40. Thanks for the concern... but I was actually wondering if there would be enough left of Curry and Warne to actually defend those belts the night after WarGames.

  41. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:11 PM

    Is this slogan too long to be printed on a t-shirt?

  42. No, BoD Shopzone can make it work

  43. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:13 PM

    What an age we live in!

  44. Can I be a guest host some week? I'm a huge fan of *squints at forearm notes* The Blog of Dorm.

  45. BoD RAW Celebrity guest hosts?


  46. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 23, 2014 at 9:15 PM


    Don't know how Bayless does it, but this is how I see it:

    - C-Lister (up to 5K) n00b or occasional poster.
    - B+Player (5K up to 10K) regular contributor
    - World title status (10K and up)

    These numbers are on a sliding scale.

  47. Something like that but popularity and longetivty plays a factor too.

    That list is basically how it goes though

  48. Crikey Mate Down Under AussieJune 23, 2014 at 9:16 PM

    I came for Meekin's shoot and I was not disappointed, hope you get a lot of mileage out of his character

  49. He has 49 movies in the AFI Top 100 to watch. I have plenty

  50. Fantastic as usual Bayless.

  51. Thank you my man

  52. Yes! Justin Henry=ratings.
    Will be a little hard to make into a meme though.

  53. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 23, 2014 at 9:18 PM

    Here is the updated belt collage:

  54. Huge fan of the Midcard Mafia.

  55. That is fantastic

    I should put that as the title for every show

  56. Is it wrong that I want to treat the upcoming match like e-wrestling and send in a strategy?

  57. Live notes from tonight's BOD RAW sees the show building great momentum heading into Wargames, sure to be a ***** match. The heat for Meekin's shoot, which surprisingly went off without a botch really incited the crowd and stunned those in power backstage. One has to wonder how this affects Wite Thunders push going forward, but NJPW has sent feelers his way about working a fat gaijin gimmick against Ishii, which much like Sting (Sam Borden) he may or may not sign. Overall good show top to bottom and be sure to vote your thoughts for next weeks Observer.

  58. All feedback and suggestions to

  59. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 9:21 PM

    Meanwhile, seeing as I wasn't booked for this show, even though I'm a co-tag team champion, I just got drunk backstage and played the 360. HHH says I don't have enough love for THIS BUSINESS...

  60. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:21 PM

    So post-whoring is basically BoD RAW's equivalent of backstage politicking? Cool.

  61. Not really.

    You need quality stuff.

    Post whoring alone can get you to a certain level but not the champ

  62. It ain't the popular road.....

  63. You attacked the Upper Midcard Express and challenged them to a title match at next BoD RAW. Big segment of a show

  64. I think we have a good amounted titles now.

  65. kbwrestlingreviewsJune 23, 2014 at 9:25 PM

    I'm not a fan of one and done at all. Randle is good but he needs more polish. I totally get the idea of wanting millions as soon as possible and I can't imagine I wouldn't do the same thing. He'll be a good pro but not a superstar. Nothing wrong with being a nice role player who can store ten to fifteen points a night though.

  66. /considers jumping you backstage.
    //decides to wait until Sunday.

  67. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 9:26 PM

    As usual, I'm a moron and missed that. I always get it together for the big cards though.

  68. I find it hard to believe that the booker of a wrestling fed would have himself win a main event. This is unprecedented.

  69. The best kind of booking.

  70. I'd feel better if Bray's pants featured a big shit stain in the back. Much more realistic.

    The Demon Kane! The Demon Kane! The Demon Kane!

  71. I'm in a 6 man tag match, but how come I only see 5 guys including me.

  72. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:29 PM

    *shakes your hand very gently and walks away slowly*

  73. 10000 comments,that makes me a BoD world title contender.

  74. Thank You

    I like him better than Aaron Gordon (the next Stromile Swift) and Vonleh, who I think will bust too.

    From what little I saw of him, I couldnt really make an overall judgment.

  75. Our #2 commenter is is example #1

  76. Wait until the vignettes of you teaching Tim Horton employees how to brew coffee and smashing them with coffee pots when they screw up

  77. *A still $250 camcorder pans to see the Voorhees-masked man yet again, who appears to be dancing to a song from the band called Stealers Wheel. As the masked man dances, he alternates between backhand and forehand blows to a man wearing a shirt saying "Ex-Cameraman Number 4", while singing "Here I am, stuck in the middle with you". Eventually, the masked man turns towards the camera.*

    "So you booked a bunch of midcard scrubs into an impossible handicap match there Bayless? Quite impressive! Any liquored up hillbilly with a clipboard could've done that for WCW in 1994. So you rig a special event to convince the people you are a writer with a flavour other than vanilla, you rely on a LITERAL ass man to make your title belts because your broke ass couldn't even pay a Chikara blacksmith, and now Jesse Baker is still getting TV time."

    *Voorhees man turns to backhand a whimpering cameraman.*

    "Bayless, clearly I'm never going to force you to book me, clearly I have to keep sending these joyful little tapes to the production truck via fucking CARRIER PIGEON, and clearly you'll have Black CIA Suit Security guard the building because I'm the threat and not the bunch of Top 18 wannabes. You know what? Fine. But don't come looking at me when you end up relocated to a place in the 411 area code with no pants provided for you. Accept the inevitable Bayless. Accept the Burning Lariat across your lip. Accept the Bruno Sammartino shoot suggestions. Accept the fact that you and every vanilla writer in this industry are about to be put in their proper place, and I'm not talking about NoDQ OR The John Report. Accept reality, Bayless. You wanted a war. YOU HAVE ONE. And you are under siege."


    "Can you hear THAT, Bayless? ......Oh, and Meekin? I haven't forgotten about you. I'll do that once I cross you off my list."

    *The camera zooms in on what looks to be a ruptured cauliflower ear after 10 nights with Mike Tyson on the cameraman's head! Blue screen! No signal!*

  78. Um... wrong turn at Albuquerque?

  79. You are in the WarGames match

  80. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 9:31 PM

    My niece is probably going to come out of the crowd and kick you in the balls.

    Ever see a nerdy looking 8 year old girl get a good running start and kick someone right in the balls? It's both hilarious and horrible at the same time.

  81. Curtzerker = Curtis Williams & theberzerker

  82. Jesus, I don't even crack 5k. How the hell did I manage to break away from the JOB Squad?

  83. You can do it, you just got to Abbolieve!

  84. You refused to park cars and stood up for yourself, creating the Midcard Mafia

  85. I got your back.

  86. Remember Snitsky punting the baby? Your niece will fly another 15 feet if she comes within any sort of kicking distance.

  87. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 9:32 PM

    It's bullshit that I will never bet to see a Wargames match in person.

  88. I'm thirsty go get me a fucking Diet Creamsicle Shasta and be quick about it

  89. It's called an in character promo.

  90. I LOL'ed at this

  91. Its called you just fucking being yourself

  92. Id say it makes you in need of some female company, junior....

  93. I'm trying.

  94. Whatever floats your boat man.

  95. What would float my boat would you saying something worth while if you are going to post every 5 seconds

  96. Needs more DEMON KANE!

  97. These are way to tl;dr for me to get through but I enjoy what I do read.

  98. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 9:37 PM

    Damn, that's shit talking at it's finest! RESPECT!

    BTW, you'll only see my niece in court after she gets charged with some sort of felony for KTFOing you. Thankfully I have a really good lawyer.

  99. I try, it just doesn't seem to work 95% of the time.

  100. Well you are clearly lying... THERE ARE NO GOOD ONES!


  101. Yeah ripped part of it off from TeamFourStar, and it suffered from a bit of roomie trollage, but I'm slowly getting better at giving that character some depth. I'm also trying to glean some inspiration from the Brodus Clay running gag where they kept saying he'd debut and he never did, so I'm trying to think what the logical kayfabe reaction on his part would be, as opposed to becoming a dancing fat guy.

  102. If Caliber does get booked, he should come out to Clay's old theme.

  103. I know it wasn't, I was agreeing with you.

  104. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:44 PM

    How to get over as a Heel in Canada 101

  105. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 9:44 PM

    He represented DMX, who was facing 10 years on weapons and drug charges My man got him 60 days, DMX served about 20.

    There might not be good ones, but there is talented ones.

  106. kbwrestlingreviewsJune 23, 2014 at 9:45 PM

    That's a big part of the problem with the current college system: most players only stay a year so there isn't much to go on.

  107. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:47 PM

    No, it's actually a Canadian website.

  108. I was kidding anyway I love lawyers. They are the modern day equivalent of Samurai and not going to law school is one of my biggest regrets in life.

  109. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:47 PM

    Stranger vs. Tommy Hall is a MOTY candidate for sure. Of course, I'm a big huge mark for myself.

  110. True. You never get a chance to see how teams react to the player after a year then see how they adjust to the defense

  111. Nice attention to detail... and that is a damn good number for a blogger site about wrestling

  112. Nice.

    Always look forward to them.

  113. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:48 PM

    That depends on how many website there *are*.

    I wonder how many websites there are...

  114. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:49 PM

    3. And two of them are porn.

  115. Bro I own like 10 by myself I am sure it is in the billions

  116. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:50 PM

    I made a website once... back in the 90s...

  117. I can crank out a decent one in a couple of hours, especially if someone else has written the content.

  118. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:51 PM

    Me too. I'd have made a badass lawyer.

  119. What is there to lawyer in Canada? Doesn't everyone just... get along and listen to Alan Thicke records?

  120. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:52 PM

    I bought my own domain several years ago for $10/year, and turned it into a humor blog based on current events.

    Later on, I had an album review blog.

    I couldn't keep them going. Creativity comes in spurts for me.

  121. Don't waste your brain power trying to understand this nonsense.

  122. [We fade in to a looming brick wall that fills the screen. Directly on the centre of the wall, someone has spray-painted "C-Listers never quit."

    Someone's voice is heard off-screen.]

    Voice: Some call it a glass ceiling. Some call it an impassable barrier. Some call it hitting the wall.

    [Nick "The Brick" Brunswick, sliding his hand against the rough surface, appears from one side of the screen.]

    Brick: We were called the curtain jerkers. The jobbers. The enhancement talent. There to fill the card and make the other guys look good. Night after night, our matches would end staring up at the lights.

    [He starts punching the wall over and over. He speaks through gritted teeth, fighting through the pain.]

    Brick: Night....[thud!]...after night...[thud!]...after night!...[thud!]...AFTER NIGHT!

    [Finally, Brick stops. Hands quiver - not in pain or fear - but inner rage. Rage that has turned to focus. His knuckles are caked in blood.]

    Brick: For too long, we remained silent. And for too long, our talent was ignored while undeserving scrubs passed over and through us. When we finally - FINALLY - decide to speak, to stand up for ourselves and say we will not go gently into this good night? What does Bayless do?

    [Brick headbutts the wall with all his might. He turns to the camera. Blood flows down from his forehead.]

    Brick: He DARED to put us in the position of lowly blue collar workers rather than treat us like the gladiators we truly were!

    [He wipes the blood from his brow and smears it across his chest.]

    Brick: No more.

    [Another wipe of his brow and he smears it across the "C-Lister" part of the graffiti.]

    Brick: No...more! You want to talk about impassible barriers? You want to talk about walls?

    [He balls his hands into fists, shaking with rage, staring at the bloody knuckles.]

    Brick: Try breaking through this wall.

  123. Always good to know.

  124. Writing content is by far the biggest challenge for me. If I had Bayless' ability to sit down and make out 1 - 3 things a day I would be a wealthy man

  125. You forgot to have your guy say "LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING" loudly five times.

  126. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    I hate all the ambulance-chaser lawyer ads I always see on TV. At least be honest and say you're into it because you get 1/3 of the money. And there's this other one that does DUI cases. And that dude is just ripping people off, if you've been nipped for a DUI you're fucked, no lawyer is going yo help you.

  127. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    Work and life in general seem to weigh down the creative process, in my experience. Especially work.

  128. Good job on the talk show, sorry we couldn't get into more detail.

  129. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    No we all hate each other, really. And then there's the Indians...

  130. Mister_E_LogdriverJune 23, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    I don't think Alan Thicke has albums...

  131. Pretty sure he had a music career at one point... I know he wrote the Growing Pains theme

  132. I see a Youtube show in your future. Now, hit the bricks junior....

  133. Great job, makes me want to see you win.

  134. I went to a website a few times back in the 90s...

  135. I wish I could figure a way to take the massive amount of charm I display here in the comments, find a theme for it and create a blog of my own. If it found and audience I think it would be massively popular... I really am just THAT arrogant

  136. Mister_E_LogdriverJune 23, 2014 at 9:56 PM

    He did theme songs but I'm not sure about albums.

  137. The Cleveland Indians are hated up in Canada too?!

  138. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:57 PM

    No, actual Indians.

  139. That would be his son Robin....

  140. Still better than Caliber.

  141. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:57 PM

    I think I'm the funniest son of a bitch alive!

  142. kbwrestlingreviewsJune 23, 2014 at 9:57 PM

    Indeed. I'd love it if they switched over to two or even three years minimum. Either let them go straight in with no college or make them wait X amount of years. As Tony Kornheiser put it once, I've yet to see someone whose life was negatively impacted by going to college for another year.

  143. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 9:57 PM

    Sorry, "First Nations".

  144. (Archie stands, staring at the shattered remains of Bayless' limo. He turns and faces the camera, a big smile on his face.)

    "Back in the Winfield Dungeon, Uncle Caliber gave me my lessons, not just in physical pain, but in all the qualities I needed to become a man. While the schoolchildren of the neighborhood walked by in their saddle shoes, Uncle Caliber used the ruler to....educate.

    Yes, Riverdale was a place of beauty, with a darkness that only a few were privy too. And in that darkness, I learned my lessons. Lessons that weren't as simple as mathematics, or writing; I learned lessons of revenge. Of loyalty.

    Midcard Mafia, observe."

    (Archie disappears off-camera. We hear a brief struggle, and Archie returns, dragging a bloody, disheveled man in a "MEEKIN RULES" shirt over to the remains of the limo.)

    "What is your name, Riverdale citizen?"

    (The man feebly struggles, and we hear a hoarse voice say 'OOOO BWOOKE I JAWRR, OOOO UCKING-" Archie BOUNCES his head off the windshield. The man falls silent and crumples under the wheel. Archie giggles.)

    "Whoops! Sometimes, I get a little....eager in my unending quest to bring people to the sunny side of my Riverdale. Uncle Caliber told me once that I was his best student, but I may be a little overzealous.

    But GM Bayless knows how to handle my, shall we say, energy. And he knows all about Riverdale, he asks every time I park his chariot."

    (Archie turns towards the car and rips off the sideview mirror in a fit of rage. The man he knocked out earlier starts to stir; Archie starts to hit him over the head with the sideview mirror until he slumps again, bleeding from new wounds.Archie turns back to the camera, no longer smiling.)

    "Midcard Mafia, you don't know what you've done. Archie Stackhouse knows where his loyalties lie, and they lie with that great citizen of Riverdale, GM Bayless. Come Sunday, Midcard Mafia, you may not be a part of the Wargames, but you should prepare for war. You should prepare for the depths of depravity that I will sink to, the disgusting ways that I will disfigure you, the ways that I will break and fracture and snap your petty little bones. You should prepare for your last match here in the BOD, because this will be the end for you, Midcard Mafia; it's not going to be a question of your losing your's a question of you losing your lives.

    Loyalty is the greatest of all things, Midcard Mafia. You've turned your back on the man who made you, and now I am among those charged to show you the error of your ways, and I will - by writing out your sins in your own blood.

    For Bayless.

    Welcome to hell, Midcard Mafia. Riverdale."

  145. Mister_E_LogdriverJune 23, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    He does albums, but I'm not sure about theme songs.

  146. Stranger in the AlpsJune 23, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    I know!!

  147. When can we get that saying on a T-Shirt?

  148. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    "Indians" as in people from India, or what we call "Native Americans"?

  149. Or Prarie N...


  150. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 23, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    *Sitting under a streetlight holding a piece of chalk and playing tic-tac-toe on the pavement*

    Your treachery does not surprise me, Bayless. This system was too corrupt for it not to run all the way to the top.

    Kingdoms can appear to be ruled by a polarizing figure, but they are simply puppets. The ones that pull the string lie in the darkness, pulling the strings in silence because they don't have the balls to come out in the open unless they think it's safe. You stood behind your toy soldiers, Bayless. You put batteries in their backs and lead them to slaughter while you reaped the rewards. You blinded the masses with gold trophies (which by the way were designed by yours truly) and spread dissention amongst the mouth-breathers that try to curry favor from you.

    I am NOT one of those mouth-breathers. And that's why you tried to end me tonight.

    I told you that I am I am the engine that runs this pathetic organization. MY fame...MY presence put you in that corner office, in that Bentley. But like the owner of the golden goose you tried to kill me and reap the rewards for yourself..and just like him you get NOTHING!!!

    *Stands and crumbles the chalk to dust*

    "Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter". I will bump you out of that ivory tower and smile as you fall, crack your *BEEP* skull and your watch blood spill on the concrete . When your minions flee I will follow the tracks left from your blood all the way to their hiding places and SNAP THEIR *BEEP* NECKS I WILL RESTORE ORDER TO THIS GOD FORSAKEN ORGANIZATIONS AND ESTABLISH MYSELF AND THE AS THE GOD*BEEP* ICONOCLAST...THE LEADER AND RULER IN THIS MOTHERFU*BEEP*

    *sits back down*

    I made a mistake Bayless. I let you live because I thought we could coexist. I was wrong. And now Wargames is when I atone for my mistake. and your cohort of clueless *BEEP*suckers won't save you...

    In six days you're gonna be outlined in chalk, bitch. And next to you will be written "Here lies Bayless...he shouldn't have *BEEP* with that man."

    See you sunday.

    *Walks past Chalk outline of a body with "Bayless" written in it and disappears into the darkness.

  151. The correct term is Slurpee Indians or Casino Indians....

  152. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 23, 2014 at 9:59 PM make it hard to follow you.

  153. Even the NFL rule about needing to be three years removed from high school would be good.

  154. We're seriously gonna be feuding at some point aren't we.

  155. Man, everyone is writing better promos than WWE.

  156. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 10:00 PM

    The kind that would open a store called "Flint and Feather" and sell illegal tax-free smokes and gas.

  157. I hope so. We could cut some nice promos on each other, I think.

  158. Not really a difficult feat to overcome.

  159. Is it bad that I knew you were writing one of these just by the amount of time that passed since your last comment?

  160. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 10:01 PM

    I always just call them "dealers"...

  161. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 10:01 PM

    Everyone on Earth.

  162. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 23, 2014 at 10:02 PM

    Nope. Not at all.

  163. Because we are here

    :: Eye to eye gesture ::

  164. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 23, 2014 at 10:03 PM

    What's your problem with illegal tax-free smokes and gas?

  165. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 23, 2014 at 10:03 PM

    And bring me some chili Fritos while you're at it.

  166. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 10:04 PM

    DID YOU KNOW : that's a more impressive fact than any of WWE's "Did You Knows".

  167. Too bad WWE hasn't gotten it 100% yet.

  168. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 10:05 PM

    Huh? No, it's fucking awesome, especially the smokes!

    But I'm just saying they're the kind of Indians who do that.

  169. Hmmm.......Fritos......

  170. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 23, 2014 at 10:06 PM

    You should see a doctor about that asthma.

  171. Man, all these promos and stuff makes me miss e-wrestling. Shame there's no good ones around anymore (that I know of).

  172. Aric Johnson, Ambrose FanaticJune 23, 2014 at 10:07 PM

    But keep in mind, they are the worst cigarettes you will ever, EVER smoke.

  173. It's just the tag team dynamic.


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