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BoD RAW

This has nothing at all to do with the WWE
GM Bayless comes out to the ring by himself. He is upset and grabs the mic:

"Starting tonight, I am going to show everyone who is in charge here. I am the one who calls the shots. I am the one who posts the Daily Updates, or used to anyway before they became shit. And elite or not, I am going to continue them because I can. And even though I promised a championship match for tonight, I sent the champ home for a night off. And you all know why.............FUCK YOU, THAT IS WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Speaking of the night off, the Administration failed me tonight so they are all parking cars and cleaning up messes because I am the boss. And next week, I am going to have the champion put his title on the line against.................................ME!!!!!!!! Because FUCK YOU, THAT IS WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


The Midcard Mafia Interrupts from the stands:

Nick Piers: You know, your eight men could not stop the three of us. What makes you think that one of them could stop me. Hell, what makes you think that YOU could stop me?

Steve Ferrari: I laugh at the fact that your Administration is not out here. I also laugh at the thought of you being upset over losing in the WarGames match last night. And last, I laugh at the fact that your car has been towed. 

(Bayless looks at the jumbotron as a tow truck hauls away his car. A head pops out of the window and reveals Nebb28!!!!!! He smiles then flips off the camera, intending it to reach the GM.)

Magoonie Teddy Belmont: I have three words to say to you: " You're going down." Bayless, you do not scare me and I challenge you to a match in two weeks and it will be non-title because there is no way in hell that you could become the champion you silly son of  a bitch!!!!!

Bayless: You motherfuckers!!!!!!!!! I tell you what, if I lose the championship match, I will face you at BoD Battleground. But if I win, I will make sure that your lifes are miserable. I will order Hoss to toss your Yaris down the fucking ditch. I will take apart each and everyone one of you!!!!!! (The Mafia mimic yawning motions at the GM, agitating him even more). Believe you me, I will have all three of you parking cars and wiping off my tires in no time. 


BoD C List Championship Battle Royal Match
“King of Cleveland” MikeyMike, White Goodman, James, Juvydriver, Aric Johnson, SpicoliDriver, WCW1987, Bobby, Worst in the World, Scotty Flamingo, Pistol Pete Labozetta, Flyin’ Brian Gutan, Andrew Dean, Dan Selby, Harry Broadhurst, Danimal Crossing, Daniel Swinney, Michael Xavier, mattindeed, ziggaman730

The first question on everyone’s mind in this match is………………who the fuck are these people? Match starts with a lot of brawling. First man eliminated is Michael Xavier, courtesy of Juvydriver. Next man out is Danimal Crossing, who was tossed by the true shooter of the BoD, Bobby. The King of Cleveland, sporting his royal bowling shirt and Dog Pound mask, runs wild and tosses out White Goodman and mattindeed. Brian Gutan goes flyin’……………right over the fucking ropes as he is eliminated by WCW1987. The New Age British Bulldogs get rid of SpicoliDriver with a double dropkick. Scotty Flamingo gets tossed by Worst in the World. The New Age British Bulldogs then take out Worst in the World with a double clothesline as they are working together so far. Aric Johnson runs over and tosses Pistol Pete Labozetta over the top rope. BANG BANG! James ducks an attack then clotheslines Daniel Swinney over the top ropes. He then eliminates ziggaman730 and Harry Broadhurst, who I forgot was even in this thing. James is not going to be held down by the man tonight, folks. WCW1987 is beating on Dean but Selby comes over for the save. He holds up WCW1987 for his partner, who dodges a super kick. Selby is stunned then Juvydriver comes across the ring with spinning wheel kick that eliminates Dan Selby. WCW1987 then tosses Andrew Dean over the top rope. This is nearing the end with six almost ready for BoD RAW posters are battling for this honorable title. Aric Johnson is smacking around WCW1987 like he was a Tim Horton’s employee who scolded his coffee. The King of Cleveland attacks Juvydriver and whips him at Bobby, who backdrops him over the top ropes and on to the floor, eliminating Juvydriver, then the King of Cleveland runs over and disposes of the true shooter of the BoD, Bobby. I haven’t seen Bobby this mad since no one wanted to watch a PPV with him in the Saturday Night Thread. And with that, the final four have been set: Aric Johnson, King of Cleveland, WCW1987, and James. Everyone is ganging up on a brother as they are stomping on James. Aric Johnson stops and switches his attention to WCW1987 and tosses him over the top rope. WCW1987 manages to skin the cat and comes back in after Aric. James pulls himself up but the force known as WCW1987 boots him down. Aric Johnson runs over and eliminates WCW1987. White Coat Security has to restrain WCW1987 from running back into the ring. Aric laughs but turns around and gets chopped by James. They fight against the ropes but the King of Cleveland runs over with the strength of Courtney Brown and Gerard Warren combined and tosses them both to the floor, winning the match and the C-List Title, which will be coming in the mail within the next 4-6 weeks. Good for him.


Backstage, Abeyance's assistant, as part of the Top 5 rules and regulations, comes into the Top 5 lounge and tells him that it is time to prepare for his show. Abeyance has his arms picked up off of his computer and carried off to the set. 


David Bonzai Saldana-Montgomery vs. Parallax1978

Last month, Parallax hospitalized DBSM while making a smart comment to him. Parallax looks determined and focused. DBSM strikes first as he wants revenge after being attacked. DBSM catches Parallax in a sleeper, who makes it to the ropes. DBSM starts hammering away on Parallax but runs into a boot to the face. Parallax drops a knee then smashes DBSM’s face off of the mat. Parallax now knees DBSM repeatedly as the crowd is booing him. DBSM has been busted open and Parallax follows with a brainbuster. He does not go for the pin but rather waits and sets up for the curb stomp and hits that for the win. Parallax is not over though as he grabs a chair and places it on the mat. He picks up DBSM by the arms and looks to smash his face off of the chair with his foot but The Fuj runs out and breaks up the vicious assault. Parallax bails as the Fuj helps up a battered and beaten DBSM. I am sure that this is not the last time we will see The Fuj and Parallax have an altercation.


And now, it is "Welcome to the BoD" with Abeyance.

Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!!!!!!
(Crowd): Thank you!!!!!!!!
Abeyance: How are you doing!!
(Crowd): Good!!!!!!
Abeyance: So am I
(Crowd):We know!!!!!
Abeyance: I know too!!!!! My guests tonight are a tag team that were not booked on the PPV. Here is Paul Meekin & White Thunder
(Crowd Boos)
Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!!!!!!!!!
Meekin: I came out here to say one thing..................FUCK THE BoD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd boos and starts a "We aren't Otters" chant
Abeyance: Hey, you should be nice!!!
Meekin: Boy, what a fruitcake you are! And, do you want to hear my philosophy of life?
(Crowd): Fuck you, Meekin *clap clap clap*

Hoss runs out on the set

Hoss: GIVE ME MY TALKSHOW, NERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abeyance: No, you big meanie!!!!!
Hoss: I WARNED YOU. I AM GOING TO DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR AND TAKE THE ICE CREAM STAND HOME WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that is the show.


Backstage, a production assistant hands Bayless a copy of Buck Nasty's music video. Bayless takes it and flings it across the room and smashing into the coffee pot that was brewing Mar Solo's freshly ground coffee. Mar Solo is pissed as Steve Stennick walks by and laughs hysterically. THE UNSTABLE REMAIN INSIDE THE HEAD OF MAR SOLO


Quickly, the camera cuts backstage to the locker room as Hoss is beating the shit out of thebraziliankid. There is no one around and thebraziliankid's partner is a Top 5'er now and in his separate dressing room. Hoss laughs as he chokeslams the South American boy through a bench. Hoss leaves as the camera follows him to the concession stand. He slaps down the one worker who did not run away and proceeds to wheel the ice cream cart out of the arena. Hoss yells at an assistant "GET ME A FUCKING SPOON AND SOME CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES, NOT THAT RAINBOW BULLSHIT, EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hoss is going to eat the ice cream by himself and who will protect thebraziliankid.


Bayless has Archie Stackhouse in his office. He shows him a clip of someone in a Voorhees mask calling him a "Vanilla Writer" and tells Stackhouse that next week, he wants him to take of this guy. Stackhouse cracks his knuckles and leaves.


Tag Team Title Match
Upper Midcard Express vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne (Champions)

These two teams have are in the midst of a bitter feud. They all start brawling in the middle of the ring and the action spills outside. Warne slams Petuka on the guardrail and dumps him into the crowd. Curry is pounding on kbjone like he owes him money. The action continues outside until Petuka is rolled into the ring. Warne continues his assault on Petuka, hitting a dragon suplex for a near fall too. His Irish whip is reversed and kbjone knees Warne in the back from the apron then tags himself into the match. He chokes out Warne with his foot then stomps a mudhole in him. The UME use quick tags to neutralize Warne, who is taking a beating. The UME hit a double slingshot suplex then follow that with a double gutbuster as Warne barely kicks out of the pin attempt. Petuka places Warne up top but gets shoved off then kbjone shoves Warne off as the referee runs over to prevent Curry from entering the ring, allowing the UME to use illegal double team tactics. kbjone tags and hits a standing dropkick then the UME do the Edge & Christian pose. Warne get whipped into the corner but dodges a splash as both men are down. kbjone is up first and tags Petuka, who cuts off Warne from tagging his partner. Warne manages to float over on a suplex attempt and duck a clothesline then nearly takes off Petuka's head with a super kick and finally makes the tag to Curry, who is a house of fire. He sends kbjone flying off of the apron with a rolling koppu kick then takes out Petuka with a springboard missile dropkick. Curry hits a backbreaker on Petuka and covers but kbjone breaks that up. The UME try to set up Curry for the Express Lane but Warne spears kbjone through the ropes and the brawl outside. Petuka climbs up and attempts a frankensteiner but Curry counters that with a super powerbomb!!!!!!!!! kbjone manages to break free and pull Curry off of his partner just in time. Curry is hurt too as kbjone is hammering away as the match settles down. kbjone tries a DDT but Curry shoves him away then clotheslines him down. Curry makes the tag to Warne, who takes out kbjone with a rana. Warne then goes for a miracle ecstasy bomb but Petuka breaks that up. The referee tries to maintain order as Curry runs in and tackles Petuka. Everyone is brawling as the ref accidentally gets knocked down by Warne. kbjone is set up on the announcers table but Petuka takes down Curry. Warne flies in and tries to fight off the UME but Petuka grabs a chair and whacks Curry in the back. kbjone boots Warne and then the UME hit Warne with the Car Crash!!!!!!!!!!!! They roll Warne back inside as Petuka picks him up and oh my god...........PETUKA BAZOOKA! PETUKA BAZOOKA! PETUKA BAZOOKA! He hits Warne with the Petuka bazooka as kbjone whacks Curry in the face with the chair. Petuka wakes up the ref and covers and gets the win as we have new tag team champions!!!!!!!!!! The Upper Midcard Express celebrate their win, which was performed in illegal fashion. There was a miscarriage of justice her tonight, damnit!!!!








Comments

  1. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:11 PM

    Fucking Kyle, I knew these fucking Canadians didn't have the stones to hang with the big boys. FUCK!


    So what's next for me? A "He's just lost his fucking mind" thing would work, given how I'm going IRL.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It feels good to be on the card.

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  3. We get HOSS, but no HUSS? The internet is NOT happy about this...

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  4. Still in the tag picture. Gotta chase the Upper Midcard Express now

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  5. Lol at the whole Hoss segment, great work as always Bayless.

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  6. (Archie skates in circle around center ice at the BOD hockey rink. He wields a hockey stick in his hands as he speaks.)


    "Peekaboo! Where are you, masked man? Come out and play, masked man. This IS where you play your little games behind your plastic face, isn't it masked man?


    GM Bayless trusts Archie Stackhouse, oh, he does. And he has tasked me with an important mission, masked man. I don't know who you are, masked man, and I don't care - GM Bayless only demands obedience, not understanding. In Riverdale, masked man, you would be forced to show your face to your betters; so it will be when I drag your lifeless body to kneel before GM Bayless.


    What are you hiding, masked man? What shames you so?


    I don't make jokes, masked man. i don't play games."


    (Archie SNAPS the hockey stick in two over his knees. He tosses the bottom blade away, and licks the jagged edge, drawing blood from the splintered remains. He spits blood on the ice.)


    "I obey, masked man. GM Bayless has told me of your childish taunts towards his eminence and position, and my pleasure will be in breaking you in front of him for the express purpose of hearing the melodious tones of GM Bayless' gentle laughter over your anguished cries of pain.


    The time has come for you to leave your petty insults at home, masked man. Play time has ended.


    For Bayless.


    Welcome to Hell, masked man. Welcome.....to Riverdale."


    (Archie tosses away the stick and prepares to leave the ice. Off in the distance, we hear a door SLAM loudly - in the distance, is that.....a camcorder?)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Midcard Express? You mean Mafia?

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  8. Can we please get a 3 stages of Riverdale match?

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  9. That promo of yours sounded like a real shoot Bayless.

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  10. This is probably the best feud in wrestling and I'll be lurking until the other dude does his response.

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  11. Bayless is now denying me coffee? What if I start searching for coffee during an inopportune time, like say, a title match? Could get ugly.

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  12. I'm enjoying being Bayless' syncophant far more than I should.

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  13. Maybe you'll end up as a member of the Unstable.

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  14. That Bret guy isn't going to like this.

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  15. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:29 PM

    Bayless wins LOL...


    Hey, he's a clear and deceive 1-0 so far.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love the image of abeyance being carried away from the keyboard

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  17. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:30 PM

    (This was written before the Stackhouse promo. Curse you Disqust.)

    *A still $500 camcorder, now capable of shooting in Dailymotion 380p, reveals a completely black room. Suddenly, a lighter is flicked multiple times until the cheap Bic piece of crap decides to work. Audible curses are heard as the Voorhees-Masked man makes his appearance.*

    "Well I'll give you credit Bayless, you aren't ducking me and you're gonna get right back on the do-HORSE, I MEANT HORSE, that threw you. I'll remove the same amount of credit, however, for how you finally decided to recognize me. You see......Archie was it? Or Jughead? Or that new age gay guy with AIDS they added? Who cares....the point is, you brought Stackhouse against me. For my debut. This is a pretty clear sign that you don't understand the threat I represent. Now don't get me wrong, hearing Stackhouse talk about the shittiest city in comic history next to Bloom County is very entertaining, and I truly mean that in a non-sarcastic way, but the man was trained by CALIBER WINFIELD."

    *VoorheesMask begins laughing.*

    "As far as I'm concerned, Shithouse here is about as threatening as a cocker spaniel. I'm going to beat him worse than Reggie in any of the athletics strips. I'm going to Lariat him so hard, he'll decide to buy three houses and change his surname to Selfish. I will break him.....like a Kit-Kat bar. You may be something, Ricky or Token Black Guy or Dillon or whatever, but you've worn out your welcome to Riverdale, so instead.......its Bantown."

    "Meekin. You're next. Hall, you're after. Judgement will fall on the vanilla writers, and we will pave the rocky road for those who deserve it."

    *The lighter is blown out. Gray screen. No signal.*

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'd like it if Abeyance was legit away from the keyboard!

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  19. Ha, didn't notice that, nice touch Bayless.

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  20. One of these days Caliber needs to be booked.

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  21. I always have been, I'm on an IPad.

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  22. Aw man, I had an open challenge for a one-on-one against one of the administration. Ah well. =/

    ReplyDelete
  23. Had to save it for next week.

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  24. Better luck next time.

    ReplyDelete
  25. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:33 PM

    *golf clap*

    ReplyDelete
  26. Saw yours.....so did Archie.

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  27. Hoss will flush it all down the toilet

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  28. The camera he uses might be too good. I liked the rawer early footage so much better.

    Other than Cena vs Brock this is probably the wrestling feud I'm most interested in. I literally thought about these two guys this afternoon and was like "I wonder what the two mysterious promo guys are gonna do tonight" lol that's a shoot too

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  29. I am letting them build up there own feud.

    ReplyDelete
  30. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:35 PM

    I stole that gag from Scott Keith's review gag on Punk/Bryan at Over The Limit.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:35 PM

    Yeah, but I got some ass earlier without somehow getting into a huge fight and caught a big fish (these would be separate things, it's been a long day), so I'm good right now. Somehow I get the feeling that sometime in the next 24 hours I'll be the usual angry Adam you all know and love though.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Also, I am going to let you start to book your own character a bit going forward. email me a promo to use next week to call out anyone. I will use it.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Its really the best way to get midcarders over. I marked out the first time this guy showed up on BoD raw too. Lol I'm invested.

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  34. Are you saying your already offering more creative control?

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  35. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:36 PM

    In the basement of the arena stands The Midcard Mafia.

    Magoonie: Bayless....Brian Bayless...this man, who thinks he is a God. A man who thinks he can rule over us all. Well, we, The Midcard Mafia refused to be ruled. Refuse to bow to the God that is Brian Bayless! I can't wait to get my hands on you and prove to the entire BOD how mortal you are. And I know this won't be an easy task. Bayless you are a tough sonofabitch. But us, we have a true purpose! A true calling! To rip you from your thrown and bring you crashing down back to Earth. Now, I will prove to you how deep my belief in this cause goes....

    Magoonie pulls out a knife from his pocket.

    Extant: Woh man, what the hell are you doing?

    Magoonie: What needs to be done to show Bayless my resolve.

    Magoonie rips his shirt off. Takes the blade to his chest and cuts a line diagonally from his chest down to his stomach. Blood drips down from the fresh wound.

    Nick: Jesus man, what the fuck?

    Magoonie: Too much?

    Extant: YES! Way too much!

    Nick: Are you OK dude, you look a little pale.

    Magoonie: Uh...yeah...I'm just feeling a bit woozy. Wow, that's a lot of blood. I think I cut too....

    Magoonie passes out and falls to the floor.

    Extant: Shit, somebody get a doctor!

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  36. :fade to black:
    :RIP Farva appears:

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  37. ARRRRGH THE BARBARIANJune 30, 2014 at 9:40 PM

    I've noticed a distinct lack of ARRRRGH THE BARBARIAN since my last appearance.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:40 PM

    That's a dangerous and slippery slope. Soon everybody will be throwing around Hogan like demands.

    ReplyDelete
  39. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:41 PM

    In kayfabe, my character would like Stackhouse as a person but would hate him for who he was trained by, seeing as Caliber is the most vanilla. I'm still not sure on this vanilla writers gag because I tried to make it a meme during that Caliber thread where he compared himself to Hulk Hogan, naturally meaning that Bayless and everyone else that wasn't him and Scott were the vanilla writers. But I've got a couple ideas.

    ReplyDelete
  40. A tailor made feud with theberzerker is coming soon


    HUSS vs. ARRRRGH

    ReplyDelete
  41. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:41 PM

    I still have an email exchange with him, and while I should delete it I figure I have plenty of HD space...

    ReplyDelete
  42. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:42 PM

    GIVE ME A FUCKING LOADED HAM AND TURKEY CLUB WITH TWO SAMBUCAS OR I WALK.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:43 PM

    Great stuff as always Brian. I find myself looking foward to this as much if not more than WWE RAW. It's defenitly one of the highlights of the blog every week.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Like not jobbing ever.

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  45. I've carried live threads from a phone with 3g service only. you better step your game up boy

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  46. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:44 PM

    That's it? I'll go old school Hogan/Savage and demand an 8 ball before I go out to wrestle.

    ReplyDelete
  47. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:44 PM

    PS: Bayless, if this combined with stealing shoot interview transcripts from Sean Oliver is too much on the ol' workload, I would gladly write out some of the matches, so long as I have a general idea of who goes over how.

    ReplyDelete
  48. same here, and that segment you posted has got to be one of my favorite Micard Mafia segments ever.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:45 PM

    I know, right, as soon as anybody gets a little fame and money they sell out and that raw and real feeling from past work is no longer there.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I did it once on an iPod, and it was horrible.

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  51. I've actually gotten to the point where I enjoy two guys off show ECW/pulp fiction style promos more than anything else in wrestling. Now that they're feuding...god god, take all my bitcoins now Bayless!!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:46 PM

    EMail is WhiteDolphin2StunNeedle (at) gmail.com . Yep, still needlessly paranoid over spambot Google engines harvesting EMail addresses.

    ReplyDelete
  53. They haven't been around for awhile.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:47 PM

    Good stuff Caliber....I mean Meekin...I mean Scherer....I mean Chris Hyatte.....I mean Scott Keith!

    #whatatwist

    ReplyDelete
  55. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:48 PM

    The fuck is Hyatte?

    ReplyDelete
  56. I didn't get booked tonight because I bladed at the ppv.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Just give me a Chipotle gift card.

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  58. Top 5 gets 7 floating holidays a year.

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  59. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:49 PM

    Right, because stabbing a guy with a syringe is PG.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:49 PM

    Rule #1: I always go over. Bayless ignored rule #1, and you can bet it will bite him in the ass somewhere down the line.

    ReplyDelete
  61. But abortion isn't covered by our insurance

    ReplyDelete
  62. I'm not sure if I want that, honestly. Wouldn't that kill the fun you're having with this? I mean, this whole thing is meant just for shits and giggles.


    Sorry, I've probably been complaining too much about your booking. Hard to break the old e-wrestling habits, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Something something Scherer again.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Scott is pro-life?

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  65. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 30, 2014 at 9:50 PM

    "KICK WHAM STUNNER!" is though.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Note to any of you that are stupid. I am just making a joke to try and be topical.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:51 PM

    You should have just said it was hardway. I was right there, I would have backed you up.

    ReplyDelete
  68. That sounds good.

    ReplyDelete
  69. If the bible had surfin' Jesus from John from Cincinnati we'd all be getting free abortions.

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  70. Sometimes it would help me out a bit but yeah, it is for shits and giggles.


    Storylines about coffee, e-book money, and ragging on two shitty Cena WrestleMania storylines. Hell, I made someone into a character called "Buck Nasty"

    ReplyDelete
  71. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:51 PM

    Chris Hyatte was a wrestling writer on the interweb from years back. He was pretty good for the time as he was edgy before anybody else did it. His work hasn't aged too well but his And Another Things are pretty good if you want to look them up. He also wrote a story where Scooter (Scott Keith basically) and his friends kidnapped HHH and one of the friends raped HHH with his giant cock. I wish I was kidding.

    ReplyDelete
  72. All forms of praise, letters of congratulations, certificates for Whitman's Samplers, and scanned tribute portraits can be sent to: johnpetuka@gmail.com

    You will not receive or deserve a reply, but you can rest easy knowing that I may or may not have read your flattery.

    And, yes, I am the tag team champions.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 30, 2014 at 9:51 PM

    I actually had to project manage a Hobby Lobby job today.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I really struck a nerve it seems

    ReplyDelete
  75. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:52 PM

    TEW2013 Backstage Influences for BoD Promotions

    (-) Adam Curry is an extremely negative influence

    (-) Adam Curry heat with Brian Bayless
    (-) Adam Curry's failed drug test

    ReplyDelete
  76. My insurance won't cover any damage from headbutts to black guys or island savages. Guess I'm supposed to know better.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:52 PM

    (Clears throat)


    Fuck off.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Heh, yeah. Problem is, I'd wind up trying to write serious promos that I'd want to see on actual live wrestling. I think it'd clash with what you're trying to do here.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:52 PM

    NOW you tell me!!!

    ReplyDelete
  80. You sure it wasn't Baker under a different screen name?

    ReplyDelete
  81. Will it cover THE AIDS YOU WOULD GET FROM SEX WITH LAYLA????

    ReplyDelete
  82. Lol its my all time favorite show that only lasted a season

    ReplyDelete
  83. Maybe you have to be high to appreciate it?

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  84. No but they can "pray the gay away" from a sexually confused family member

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  85. I'm fucking 89-93 vintage Missy so for the love of god let's hope so.

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  86. Oh geez, I remember that. Pretty sure that was the big downfall for Hyatte.

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  87. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    Wire hangers are covered though.....

    ReplyDelete
  88. It's up the highway, not across the street.


    Jesus, can you people properly cut yourselves.

    ReplyDelete
  89. You can take those from the BoD Lost and Found box.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 30, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    In the time you typed that 40 people got AIDS from Lita.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Dear God... Hyatte is Baker? That would be... disturbingly logical.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Definite possibility. Great show though. I miss it so much lol

    ReplyDelete
  93. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:55 PM

    Fuck Hobby Lobby! Assholes!

    ReplyDelete
  94. Please future endeavor my character from this.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Ooooooooh Seth......

    ReplyDelete
  96. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:55 PM

    That would be an awesome IRL troll.



    "Hi, I'm looking for a wire hanger with red stains on it.....careful though, it got taken apart and one end is pointy."

    ReplyDelete
  97. I will admit I still refer to taking a shit as having to dump out

    ReplyDelete
  98. Bayless had a secret camera over the ring just to catch guys blading :(

    ReplyDelete
  99. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:56 PM

    Rules #2: You do not talk about BOD RAW!

    ReplyDelete
  100. But it's fun.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:56 PM

    To be fair, I will always put people over. I will drink too much after said match and bitch about it, but I have NEVER refused to job.


    Also, previous threads have shown that I am the king of fooling the piss cops. No fucking way am I testing black.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Isnt that a give since you were the first person tossed from a C-List battle royal?

    ReplyDelete
  103. (Archie sits on the roof of the BOD Hockey rink idly throwing hockey pucks over the roof from a pile sitting next to him.)

    "Oh, masked man, what a clever video! Truly, your verbiage is.....frightening."

    (Down on the ground, we hear a window shatter and someone yell "MOTHERFUCKER!" Archie chuckles.)

    "Now that's the type of language I would expect from you, masked man! Vulgarity serves well the master who has no wit with which to speak of.

    Insult me all you want, masked man. I care not for your words, as though you could somehow deign to insult me in any fashion that would make me acknowledge your presence on this earth as a threat to myself or GM Bayless.

    But.....Uncle Caliber is off-limits, masked man. Uncle Caliber is my friend. Uncle Caliber is my father. Uncle Caliber is the holder of my soul and my key to my someday return to the glory that is Riverdale.

    I would normally point out that Uncle Caliber is twice the man you are, masked man, but that would require you having been a man in the first place. YOU ARE NO MAN, SIR! Men hide not behind masks when confronted by their betters; they simply obey those that exist above them on the chain.

    You would last less than a moment in the Winfield dungeon. You would be broken like a twig at the very sight of what Uncle Caliber has done to the rest of the graduates of the Winfield Dungeon. Your tears would flow like milk to the wholesome children of Riverdale.

    Before, you had the chance to live through this, masked one. GM Bayless wanted vengeance that I was more than prepared to deliver for his pleasure.

    But now, masked one, now....now Archie Stackhouse needs no prompting to separate your limbs from your torso. Now, your next video should be a goodbye to whatever friends and family might still exist for you. Now, it's not about Bayless anymore.

    It's about Uncle Caliber.

    It's over, masked one. I'll be there soon to collect the body and bring it to Riverdale for Uncle Caliber to display as the hunted game you are.

    Welcome to hell, masked one. Welcome.....to Riverdale.

    (Archie sweeps the rest of the pucks off the roof and gets to his feet. On the other side of the roof......a man in a Voorhees mask and a camcorder stare him down. Archie doesn't more. The man in the Voorhees mask begins to speak. He says....?)

    ReplyDelete
  104. Speaking of Caliber... he made a Facebook post bragging about how he finally had someone plagiarise him... took everything I had not to fuck with him

    ReplyDelete
  105. You're getting soft

    ReplyDelete
  106. In all honestly, I would welcome a Caliber return to the BoD

    ReplyDelete
  107. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    Thanks man, I MIGHT make it a running gag of doing something too far and hurting myself at the end of every promo.

    ReplyDelete
  108. I want Archie vs Caliber in a 3 Stages of Riverdale match.

    ReplyDelete
  109. At least put someone over on your way out. It's best for business.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    Except in this thread. Mention this in any update or (whatever) night thread and you're on Ryder duty.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Auckland AssassinJune 30, 2014 at 9:58 PM

    Soon....

    ReplyDelete
  112. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 9:59 PM

    WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?

    LINDINDINDINDINDINDINDIN! LINDINDINDINDINDINDINDINDIN!

    ReplyDelete
  113. I try not to do that kind of thing on Facebook

    ReplyDelete
  114. Same here, if only to see him and a troll go at it.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Not me. His stupidity dominates and hijacks conversations.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:00 PM

    I have an email exchange with him too from a year ago when he was talking negatively and dissapered from the blog for a bit. I emailed making sure he was ok and if everything was going good and if he needed somebody to talk to. He seemed to genuinely appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Stage one: Malt Shop
    Stage two: Drug Store
    Stage three: Backalley Brawl

    ReplyDelete
  118. This promotion is run by a bunch of fucking hypocrites!

    ReplyDelete
  119. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:01 PM

    That poor dog....

    ReplyDelete
  120. I think the high school has to be in there somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Remember Snuggles.

    ReplyDelete
  122. That was when he was having GF trouble. He wanted to talk to me one night but I happened not to be here when i asked him about it later he said not to worry about it

    ReplyDelete
  123. We still have dog fucking jokes and someone making it a point to report me to anyone they can.

    ReplyDelete
  124. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 10:02 PM

    Also, if my character is in Detroit right now in my canon, does that mean you're in Detroit? Or that I sent an agent as a mind game since I respect your ability at mind games? Or that another person is committing N64 No Mercy gimmick infringement?



    TUNE INTO BOD RAW TO FIND OUT!

    ReplyDelete
  125. I dunno, I do write probably the most boring column on the blog right now, so you could rip on that.

    ReplyDelete
  126. (Looks oddly at Petuka after the last line.)


    "Wait, 'I'?"


    (shakes my head sadly, walking off with my title belt.) "Whatever."

    ReplyDelete
  127. Yeah that was def. that guy you banned... and the dog jokes... and no offense... but the whole Scherer thing was atrocious.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:03 PM

    Well aren't you just Mr. Buzzkillington.

    ReplyDelete
  129. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 10:03 PM

    Archie v Bret in a Drug Store Deathmatch. Truly an opening match in any town.

    ReplyDelete
  130. No kidding.


    I wrote him an apology just to end the fucking thing

    ReplyDelete
  131. Mister_E_SeesTheLineInTheSandJune 30, 2014 at 10:03 PM

    I've read the ass+big fish story in, I think, 3 threads now and I keep chuckling.


    I'm glad that you had an up day.

    ReplyDelete
  132. TM CooltrainerBretJune 30, 2014 at 10:03 PM

    You didn't RP for your match. You're lucky you haven't been fired from this blog yet.

    ReplyDelete
  133. GITTINGFUN-KAYANDDOINGAJIGJune 30, 2014 at 10:04 PM

    The grammar is atrocious. Lots of questions, not a lot of question marks.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Look, it's either tease some dissension or job in non-title matches.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:04 PM

    Whenever you say "Uncle Caliber" I get a shiver and think of the creepy Uncle who isn't allowed alone with the kids every family seems to have.

    ReplyDelete
  136. That avatar is... disturbing? Fucking disturbing? Mr. Satan-esque? (Oh wait, no. He'd have a XXX version of that picture as his avatar.)

    ReplyDelete
  137. Welcome to the BoD troll!

    ReplyDelete
  138. Damn. When Abeyance is calling you out in his Welcome post, you're truly useless. Congratulations.

    ReplyDelete
  139. GITTINGFUN-KAYANDDOINGAJIGJune 30, 2014 at 10:06 PM

    I swear, I'm not trying to make it obvious. My girlfriend said Paige wasn't hot. So I ignored her and posting on here the whole night

    ReplyDelete
  140. Hire Snitsky. Much cheaper.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 10:08 PM

    Did it catch me hitting off that guy in the isle with a 20 sack? I didn't even make any money off it, he's a guy I grew up with and I just figured that bringing random people backstage (he's not random to me, obviously, but none of you know him) was frowned upon.


    And exactly why the FUCK am I talking about any of this out loud?

    ReplyDelete
  142. Man, I hope the Dungeon of Doom get hired by the BoD. Then I can do a run-in and never appear again.

    ReplyDelete
  143. Better than another disturbing animal lover we know...

    ReplyDelete
  144. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:09 PM

    It's deleted, what did the asshole troll say?

    ReplyDelete
  145. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:10 PM

    Our little Abeyance is growing up so fast.

    ReplyDelete
  146. Its the guy who ratted me out to PWInsider and just trying to cause trouble.

    ReplyDelete
  147. This grammar is atrocious.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:11 PM

    Now I have the song stuck in my head so fuck you very much for that!

    ReplyDelete
  149. Yeah, never been a fan of that one.

    ReplyDelete
  150. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:13 PM

    Can we just stop this rumor already? Lita doesn't have AIDS! She has Super AIDS! One teaspoon in your asshole and your dead in three years.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:16 PM

    Huh, so somebody DID tell on you to Scherer. What a little douchebag.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 10:20 PM

    Mine is just about some random bullshit. I want to delete it, because keeping is kind of creepy and morbid, but fuck it. Farva was cool, I wish I would have had a chance to get properly shitfaced with him. Prove to all them Florida boys that us yankees drink enough to drown and fucking smile and then start getting shit done. I'll even bring the trees, you can keep your soaking wet horseshit, up north we dry and cure out weed before we smoke it, because... well, it's New York, and here shit gets done right.


    Hashtag 716forlyfe, or some shit...

    ReplyDelete
  153. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 10:23 PM

    By the U.S. TV rating standards, it probably would be TV-PG.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 10:25 PM

    It's funny, now I want to know the answer to that, but the shitstorm that will eventually follow means it's not worth it. FUUUUUUCK that shit...

    ReplyDelete
  155. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:26 PM

    *looks in the BoD Lost and Found box*

    There are NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!

    ReplyDelete
  156. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 30, 2014 at 10:27 PM

    *Sitting in in a darkened skybox and watching the drama unfold below me.while sipping a strawberry smoothie through a straw A slurping sound in faintly audible*

    "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."


    *Sitting my drink down...slurping sound still audible*



    As I lay back and process my thoughts I realize that there is nothing I can say that can convey my greatness. But then it hit me: I looked down on you I realize I am literally above you all. I am above you as is my right, as is my place...as is my destiny.


    *A blond chick pokes her head up, wipes her mouth*


    "Voulez-vous que je m'arrĂȘte, mon amour?"


    Nah, baby...you're good.


    *pushes her head back in my lap*


    You see, this lovely French lady reminds me of *BEEP*boys in the cage. Once they were in the presence of a real man they all ended up down before me like the *BEEP*suckers they are. And Bayless? He was just the bravest French person, which is akin to being the tallest midget. He lasted maybe 3 - 4 seconds longer than the others but just like the French he ended up submitting to a superior foe, ..


    The difference is this chick knew her place from jump street. You hoes had to be disciplined. Bayless had his plans blow away like dust in the wind when exposed to the light that is my greatness and now he knows what she knows: That I am great. I will remain great. Here, tomorrow, forever. I'm a winner gentlemen. Accept it It's gonna be like this for a LONG time.


    *TIlts head back and closes blinds*


    ....

    ReplyDelete
  157. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 10:28 PM

    I'm kind of disappointed I never got a welcome post from Abeyance.

    ReplyDelete
  158. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 30, 2014 at 10:32 PM

    You haven't had that belt in quite some time, junior.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 30, 2014 at 10:33 PM

    "One teaspoon in your asshole and your dead in three seconds."


    FTFY

    ReplyDelete
  160. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 30, 2014 at 10:34 PM

    Actually they seem to be opening a lot of stores.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 30, 2014 at 10:36 PM

    I'm going to guess he's pro choice. We seem to be a pretty liberal lot around here so I doubt there would be too much of a shitstorm.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 30, 2014 at 10:37 PM

    Very nice as always.

    ReplyDelete
  163. Stranger in the AlpsJune 30, 2014 at 10:52 PM

    I am so proud of you JohnPetuka. Petuka Bazooka 4 Life. It got you the titles and everything.


    Tommy Hall wants the can opener banned. I've been doing that move since I was 12. It's a part of me, like an appendage. And I don't see many one-armed BoDers around here. Maybe YJ2310 with the year he's had. The Can Opener has fed my family. It's opened new doors of opportunity. Banning the Can Opener would be like.....like....taking ice cream from Hoss and giving it to the homeless. Ban the Can Opener? No. Uh uh. More like.....Ban Letter Grades!


    *BOOM* And I disappear in a mist.

    ReplyDelete
  164. Mister_E_SeesTheLineInTheSandJune 30, 2014 at 10:53 PM

    What column do you write?

    ReplyDelete
  165. Stranger in the AlpsJune 30, 2014 at 10:55 PM

    You're getting head, aren't you?

    ReplyDelete
  166. Feels good to be booked.

    ReplyDelete
  167. I've been doing those "Let's talk about....." columns on Wed or Thurs, depending on schedule. Still getting my feet wet again.

    ReplyDelete
  168. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 11:15 PM

    I believe Scott has said that he leans to the right, but that might mean something different in Canada for all I know. You know their cream soda is pink? It's pretty good too.

    ReplyDelete
  169. Adam "Colorado" CurryJune 30, 2014 at 11:17 PM

    So am I, believe me. The last month or so has been pretty rough.

    ReplyDelete
  170. Congrats MikeyMike, you now have the C+ belt for the C-town.

    ReplyDelete
  171. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryJuly 1, 2014 at 12:05 AM

    I GOT A SINGLES MATCH ON BOD RAW!


    .....I got the shit kicked out of me BUT I GOT A SINGLES MATCH ON RAW AND GOT SAVED BY THE FUJ! THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT

    ReplyDelete
  172. Good job!
    :high 5:

    ReplyDelete
  173. Hey, I made it final 6 in the battle royale. I can dig that.

    ReplyDelete
  174. Always a good start.

    ReplyDelete
  175. here's hoping it leads to more for this jobber...

    ReplyDelete
  176. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJuly 1, 2014 at 4:44 AM

    Stop downvoting me, Lita.

    ReplyDelete
  177. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJuly 1, 2014 at 4:48 AM

    This needs dueling chants from the crowd.

    ReplyDelete
  178. As 'llax's common sense advisor, I try to keep him away from getting into a long string of comments against Caliber. It never ends well.

    ReplyDelete
  179. This is why we can't have nice things, Magoonie.

    ReplyDelete
  180. I think we found the Midcard Mafia's next victim...

    ReplyDelete
  181. MikeyMike, King of ClevelandJuly 1, 2014 at 5:36 AM

    Bayless I am absolutely honored. I will be a fighting champ and when the belt arrives in will wear it like Bret Hart tells me to.

    ReplyDelete
  182. The Upper Midcard Express are the new tag team champions? The UPPER MIDCARD EXPRESS?!? More like the Jabroni Brothers. You know what I want, Bayless. You know what I'm going to do if I don't get it.


    Nick the Brick is gonna take care of business with you, he's gonna take care of business with your administration, and Magoonie and I are gonna have his back, making sure none of your minions interfere. But I want something for myself. I'm annoyed. And I want to take that out on a couple of yahoos who think they're better than us.


    I want the tag team titles, Bayless! Me and Magoonie, we're gonna show the Upper Midcard Express how it's done.


    Book it, Bayless. Or else.

    ReplyDelete
  183. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJuly 1, 2014 at 5:49 AM

    It will be there in 4 to 6 weeks.

    ReplyDelete
  184. MikeyMike, King of ClevelandJuly 1, 2014 at 6:05 AM

    Thank you. It's a great day.

    ReplyDelete
  185. Still basking in the honor of being booked. IT IS AN HONOR AND A PRVILIGE TO LACE THESE BOOTS UP FOR THE BoD UNIVERSE!

    ReplyDelete
  186. Take that one up with the GM. Apparently our little "trade" a few weeks back was retconned out.

    ReplyDelete
  187. To be fair to him, he's probably screwed five married women today already. I'd be a bit soft too.

    ReplyDelete
  188. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJuly 1, 2014 at 6:48 AM

    Damned Superboy Prime punch.

    ReplyDelete
  189. Not quite. That was a big body blow, but I think what finished him off was how in his columns he had started including conversation between him and Sunny, whom he had recently started talking with online. Because you know, he's all cool and shit, not like ol' Scotter with his poutine farts (something I vividly remember from 'The Taking of HHH' to his day).


    Except of course it wasn't really Tammy Sytch and was just some random pretender who had easily fooled Hyatte. That killed all his remaining credibility and I don't remember seeing him anywhere online since.

    ReplyDelete
  190. And it was all to hold the WWF to ransom so they would make Benoit champion like Scooter wanted.

    ReplyDelete
  191. "I don't do any tricks, I just jump. I stay in shape, I watch what I eat...never know when the next booking will be."

    ReplyDelete
  192. Plus, every time I saw your initials I was reminded of BOTH Davy Boy Smith AND DataBase Management Systems! That's MONEY!

    ReplyDelete

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