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BoD WarGames

This has nothing to do with the WWE



The pregame match has been moved to RAW tomorrow night.


Hoss Lorenz & Curtzerker vs. Dancin’ Devin Harris & Abeyance & thebraziliankid

And folks, this is how you kick off a show. Wade Michael Meltzer has been reporting that Curtzerker has been filming training videos non-stop for the past week. Anyway, theberzerker starts by yelling “HUSS, HUSS” at thebraziliankid. He uses this to intimidate his opponent and everyone else he encounters. Hoss is seen yelling at the crowd from the apron as thebraziliankid gets whipped into the opposing corner. Hoss tags and laughs as he chops thebraziliankid down. Hoss charges but thebraziliankid is able to escape. He makes the tag to his partner, Abeyance, who is still upset over Hoss hijacking his talk show Monday night. Sources say that Abeyance kicked his stuffed Sheamus pillow upside the head as a result. Hoss yells “GIVE ME MY TALK SHOW AND SOME PORK CHOPS” at the youngster .Abeyance charges but bounces off of the behemoth, who responds by pounding his chest. Hoss tags Williams and he goes to work on Abeyance. Williams picks up Abeyance and places him on the top rope. He sets up for a superplex but Abeyance fights back. He knocks of Williams and looks to be leaping off but Hoss pushes him off of the top and Abeyance gets crotched on the top rope as Hoss points and laughs. Abeyance’s partners are rallying him on as you know Devin Harris can’t wait to get FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Abeyance is getting destroyed in the corner as theberzerker is in his face screaming “HUSS, HUSS!!!!!!!” Hoss tags and slaps Abeyance in the chest repeatedly. He then ducks outside and grabs a chair but is ordered by the referee to put it back. Hoss comes back in and slams Abeyance then tags theberzerker, who climbs up top but misses an elbow drop as both men are down. Theberzerker is up first and grabs Abeyance, who fights back and makes the tag to Harris as the arena is getting FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIT DOWN WITH DA D-D-H!!!!!! Harris runs wild on theberzerker. Williams runs in and Harris clotheslines him down. Big Hoss comes in as the two men stare each other down. They have a history dating back to BoD Mania when Hoss was not happy over Harris getting funky in the aisle. These two men are slugging it out in the middle of the ring as the crowd goes wild. Williams and theberzerker run in as do Abeyance and thebraziliankid as the match breaks down. Curtzerker sends thebraziliankid to the floor and target Harris. They hit him with a double suplex as Hoss is beating on Abeyance. Curtzerker is now setting up Harris for the Doomsday Device but thebraziliankid breaks that up then jumps on the back of Hoss. The crowd goes nuts as Hoss tries to shake the South American boy off of his back. Abeyance then inadvertently kicks Hoss in the groin and that drops the big man. Harris is fighting off Curtzerker as the youngsters come over and send Williams to the floor. Now, theberzerker is all alone in the ring and everyone takes turns dropping elbows on him then Harris hits the Funk-o-Matic for the win. HA HA HA HA HA, DA D-D-H IS TEACHING THE KIDS TO GIT FUN-KAY!!!!!! TEACH ABEYANCE HOW TO DO A JIG!!!! HA HA, ABEYANCE IS GITTING FUN-KAY AND DOING A JIG!!!!!!!!


Cage Match
Mar Solo vs. Jesse Baker

Solo has gone a few weeks without coffee and just might snap. You could say he could just brew it at home but where is the fun in that. The cage stipulation was specifically designed to keep the rest of the Unstable out of the match. The match begins and the Unstable start to climb the cage, that was designed to keep them out. The cage wobbles as the BoD Union cage builders are on strike, protesting for better benefits. Gideon Stargrave climbs up but as dropped his flyswatter in the process and is now freaking out on the top of the cage. Jesse charges at Solo with windmill punches but is stopped by a boot to the gut. Stennick and Gideon are in the cage as Mar Solo pie faces Baker to the mat. Gideon charges but stops and hits himself instead. Stennick yells that he only came in the cage to kill a smark then picks up Baker and throws him at Solo, who ducks, and Baker hits the cage that falls apart and Baker falls to the floor and wins the match! What the fuck! Mar Solo is in disbelief and without coffee, making him an angry man. Baker tries to pick himself up off of the floor but keeps falling down. THIS FEUD WILL CONTINUE

Lumberjack Match
Midcard Mafia vs. Administration

The Administration are as follows: Justice Gray, Archie Stackhouse, Gosh Hopkins, Garth Holmberg, Rockstar Gary & his #1 fan, Bill Ray, and Average Joe Everyman. If the Mafia loses, they are out of the BoD. Nameless members of White Coat Security surround the ring as the match begins All 8 members of the Administration surround the Midcard Mafia, closing in on them like a pack of coyote's. The Mafia stare them down then run after the Administration! The Mafia are fighting off everyone as they knock out Ray, Holmberg, Hopkins, and Rockstar Gary's #1 Fan, who all fall to the floor. Average Joe Everyman eats a super kick from Magoonie then runs INTO THE BRICK WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! White Coat Security are helping out the Administration as only Justice Gray and Archie Stackhouse remain in the ring. The Mafia clean the ring of them then look outside at their opponents then at each other and decide to run outside and take them out with planchas. The crowd is going nuts as The Mafia continue to brawl but White Coat Security start to rough them up. Piers gets shoved into the post and attacked by Stackhouse and Hopkins. They roll him back inside as the action continues outside too with Ferrari and Magoonie fighting off the everyone else. Piers is getting assaulted but manages to kick out of a few pinfalls. Everything settles down as the Administration beat on Piers in their corner. Holmberg is wiping his mop in the face of Piers from the outside then the Riverdale Renegade, Archie Stackhouse, tags in and hits a wide array of suplexes on Piers. The rest of the Mafia cheer on Piers as he gets tossed outside and roughed up some more by White Coat Security. Piers' battered body gets rolled inside as Stackhouse covers but Magoonie breaks up the pin. He goes after some of the Administration but a White Coat Security member pulls out Piers and beat him into a pulp. Piers is rolled back in as Magoonie is ordered back to the apron by the ref. A member of White Coat Security holds down the leg of Piers as Stackhouse covers but the ref sees it and stops the count. Gray comes in and bullies the ref as Piers starts to fight back. He knocks around Stackhouse and mounts his comeback but Hopkins comes in and yanks Piers down as it is clear that the numbers game has been too much for the Mafia to overcome. Stackhouse tags Average Joe Everyman and he whips Piers into the corner but misses a corner splash and both men are down. The Mafia rally Piers as Ray comes in to prevent a tag but Piers does a somersault and tags Magoonie. He cleans house on Ray as Ferrari runs in to fight off the rest of the administration. These two midcard talents are cleaning house as Piers starts to get up. Ferrari and Magoonie start to toss out Hopkins, Stackhouse, and Holmberg. Ray and Average Joe have just been dumped outside. Rockstar Gary & his #1 fan start to beat on Ferrari as a table is slid into the ring. Piers boots down Gray and takes the table and he carries it and climbs up to the top rope! He takes the table and carries it up to his chest and leaps off of the top rope and on to White Coat Security and a few members of the Administration, taking them all out as the crowd starts screaming "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" In the ring, one of White Coat Security members takes out a needle filled with Haldol and gives it to Justice Gray but a masked man runs out and decks Gray in the face and pulls him outside!!!! The needle is in the ring as Gary's #1 fan grabs it but Ferrari takes it from him. Magoonie hits Rockstar Gary with the dreaded Magooniplex and Ferrari knocks down the #1 fan as Magoonie hits another Magoonplex and covers as the ref counts one, two, three!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The masked man enters the ring and reveals himself as...........................................................................................................................Nebb 28!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Midcard Mafia are here to stay. What will the GM have to say about this. 


BoD Writer’s Championship
Tommy Hall vs. Stranger in the Alps (Champion)

Tommy's throwback du jour is a sweet Sid Bream Braves jersey. Stranger is rocking out with a Mookie Betts jersey as the match begins. Hall ducks outside to break a hold as the crowd boos. Hall comes back in then duck outside as Alps closes in on him. Hall goes back in and uses the ref as a shield then cheapshots Alps with a forearm to the face. Hall stays on the attack and starts to lay into Alps in the corner. Alps blocks a suplex and hits one of his own then drops an elbow. Alps now sets up for the can opener but Hall slides outside of the ring. He then goes over and grabs the microphone:

"I refuse to wrestle a man that is allowed to use a move such as the can opener. I have a family and write a tremendous amounts of wrestling reviews and e-books. I cannot properly do my job with an ice pack on my nuts. I write far too much and a move like that will take the food out of my mouth and the throwback jerseys off of my back. Until the BoD does what is right and bans this move, I will boycott any match featuring Stranger in the Alps and start a petition to not only ban the can opener but to strip him of the BoD Writer's Championship as this man does not properly resemble what it takes to be a champion."

The bell rings as Alps wins via countout. This feud does not seem to be over, folks. 


BoD Solid B+ Player Championship
Joe Dust vs. YJ2310 vs. cabspaintedyellow vs. Hart Killer 09 (Champion)

Hart Killer 09 told Wade Michael Meltzer that he does not believe any of his opponents tonight has what it takes to become a solid B+ player. Match starts with everyone going at each other, except for Hart Killer, who ducks out to tell our #1 timekeeper, Mister E Mahn, that he does a fine job but that he could do better. Joe Dust is not impressed by what is going on in the ring and decided to duck outside himself and go after the champ. YJ2310, in the midst of the worst year in recorded American history, backdrops cabspaintedyellow outside to the floor. Could he be turning it around. Is this when YJ2310 starts to feel the excitement! YJ2310 flies outside with the greatest of ease and takes out everyone. The action goes back inside as cabspaintedyellow sets up Joe Dust for a tornado DDT but gets shoved outside by Hart Killer, who then kicks Joe Dust to the floor. YJ2310 sees his opening and puts Hart Killer in a reverse rollup but Hart Killer reverses that and grabs a handful of tights for the win!!!!!!! And the horrible, pitiful, tragic year for YJ2310 continues. He looks down to the ground, hanging is head in shame as Hart Killer gives the referee tips on how to count to three even better next time. 


PrimeTime Ten vs. Beard Money

PrimeTime Ten done messed with a country boy one too many times. Beard Money comes out with GRANNY, who is sporting a lucky bandana. Beard Money has missed his fans and comes out to slap their hands. PrimeTime is in the ring awaiting Beard Money to stop and get into the ring. He finally does and Beard Money points at PrimeTime. He does a cartwheel and that sends PrimeTime running. PrimeTime re-enters the ring but ducks out again and heads over to granny and tries to steal her purse! Beard Money runs out and helps Granny but PrimeTime has the bag and whacks Beard Money in the face and runs back into the ring, just beating the ten count for the win. And Beard Money comes back in and goes after PrimeTime, who escapes by the skin of his teeth. 


WarGames
Parallax1978 & Jobber123 & GM Bayless & Upper Midcard Express vs. Cultstatus & Jef Vinson & The Fuj & Adam Curry & Kyle Warne

The first two in are John Petuka and Kyle Warne. These two slug it out all over the cage. Petuka slams Warne against the cage a few times then goes running across with a high knee but Warne dodges the attack. Warne starts to beat on Petuka but kbjone comes in and goes straight at Warne. The UME are using all of their double teams moves on Warne. Petuka sets up Warne for the dreaded Petuka Bazooka but Curry comes in and breaks up the attempt. He knocks down the UME and slams both men. Curry rams Petuka head first into the cage and he is bleeding. Now Jobber123 enters the cage and boots Curry down. Warne is beating on kbjone but Jobber picks him up and powerbombs him against the cage!!!!! Jobber puts the boots to Curry who gets triple powerbombed. Jef Vinson comes out and jumps right on top of everyone. Vinson is slugging away like a man possessed. He takes Jobber down with a super kick and splashes Petuka against the cage. Now out is GM Bayless, who goes right after Vinson, the man who helped get him eliminated at the BoD Rumble. Bayless hits Vinson low then drops him with an uppercut. Bayless hits Vinson with a DDT but the tag champs run over and stop him. Jobber and the UME are now up as the heels use the numbers game to their advantage. The Fuj is out next and he takes down kbjone with a big boot. Fuj goes after the GM and hits him with a backbreaker. He slugs it out with Jobber as the tag champs are now fighting with the UME. Parallax is out now and he comes in and curb stomps Curry. Parallax goes for another curb stomp but the Fuj boots him down. Jobber hits the Fuj from behind and Parallax gets up as they use a double press slam on him. Culstatus comes in as all of the competitors are into the cage. He clotheslines the UME. Bayless charges as Cult powerslams him. Jobber hits Cult but his Irish whip is reversed and Jobber is sent flying into Parallax. Fuj picks up kbjone and piledrives him and Cult follows that with an elbow drop. Bayless chop blocks the champ and targets the knee until Fuj picks him up and flings him into the cage. The tag champs pick up the GM for a double suplex but Petuka and Jobber break that up. Assistant GM and Director of Operations and Paper Goods, Justice Gray, runs out and heads ringside. kbjone is grinding the head of Warne into the cage like a cheese grater as Vinson is hammering on Parallax in the corner. Jobber and Cult are brawling as the Fuj gets suplexed by Bayless, who switches his focus to Vinson. Everyone else is struggling as Bayless knees Vinson in the face. Gray then pulls out another needle filled with haldol and slides it to Bayless. He takes off the cover and goes to inject Vinson, who fights back. Vinson knocks the needle out of the hands of Bayless, who is scrambling to find the needle. He gets it and charges toward Vinson who sidesteps him and slams him against the cage. Vinson takes the needle and jabs it into the neck of the GM and knocks him down with an uppercut. The GM is down and he is about to be out. He is looking sleepy and the GM is down. The ref counts as Bayless is out and the match has ended. What a brutal match as the GM has once again failed tonight. What will he have in store tomorrow night on BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!









Comments

  1. Man you have the pencil and you still lose it for us. What good are you?

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  2. I do the JOB

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  3. Your a fair booker man.

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  4. You better look out for Hoss.

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  5. Great job as usual Bayless. I'm guessing the Abeyance Hoss feud will continue?

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  6. I would read this, but there's no point since I'm not booked.

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  7. The C List Title battle royal is tomorrow night. You are booked

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  8. Am I the only one that just skips ahead to their part before reading the whole thing... i mean I guess most of you can't since, unlike me, you aren't always in the main event.

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  9. Fun read as always... but I was hoping that the GM would embarrass Midget Dave Scherer. Maybe on BoD RAW?

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  10. Aw man, you didn't use any of the strategy I wrote. :(

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  11. Dive with a table to take out half of your opponents and the holy shit chant

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  12. That's not what I wrote, though. Oh well.

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  13. Shit, you are right.


    I wanted to have you overcome the odds as I fail. It was the story I was telling.

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  14. I don't even get bookings so no. Maybe if we start having a BoD kickoff show panel.

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  15. I was just reading through it, because I didn't expect to be on the card.

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  16. That's fair. Still worked out. Just from the build up, I had a feeling we'd win, anyway.

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  17. The GM has it out for everyone tomorrow night.

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  18. Well, I guess that makes me 3 and 3, you won't believe who's going to be on Welcome to the BoD!

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  19. Oh, I bet he's fuming. And guess what?


    Brick throws down an open challenge to any one of the Administration in a one-on-one bout! Let's see how one of these squibs fare in a fair fight.

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  20. Poor Mar Solo. The feud continuing continues to be one of my favorite running gags. Hart Killer turning into Bret is also very funny.


    I'm also wondering if Tommy Hall buys his own championship ala Dibiase with all of that ebook money.

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  21. Can I get in on this?

    I can even cut really mean emo promos and threaten a meltdown every now and then.

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  22. Then Tommy can claim he's the real writers champion.

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  23. TM CooltrainerBretJune 29, 2014 at 9:48 PM

    *A non-shaky, $350 camcorder shows a clear picture in a whopping 360p (!) of the Voorhees-masked man slow clapping sarcastically. His victims and a piece of a Honda Civic are piled in a corner. His blood-red leather jacket with white flames shows the harsh abuse of a harsh past. Groaning and sounds made only by those with the most broken of ribs are continually interrupted by the sarcastic clapping. Finally, the masked man leans into the camcorder to make his point.*


    "And one by one....they all fell down. Jesus, you got your underlings put out by a goddamn pet rock owner, you get put to sleep with a syringe by a literal ass man, and you got sued by internet lawyers. Is it Monday night already?"


    *VoorheesMask shakes his head*


    "And here I was, all hyped up to beat you and Hall and the vanilla-flavored peanut gallery, and yet you still won't pick up the phone. I won't even get to be the buzzard picking at your carcass, because that not even ice cream level piece of SHIT Dave Selfish will be handling that."


    "Delay the inevitable all you want Bayless. Soon, you won't have pants, you'll star in a crappy comic book alongside a redhead and his retarded girlfriends, you'll be behind a paywall, and you'll be doing shoot interview recaps for Riot Control. You wanted a war? You've lost it......and I haven't even moved a pawn yet."


    *VoorheesMask picks up the camcorder, then in a fit of rage tosses it into the ai-BURNING LARIAT! THE CAMCORDER HAS BEEN COMPLETELY DESTROYED! GREEN SCREEN! NO SIGNAL!*

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  24. It's sad when you realizes that Bayless treats the titles with more prestige and legitimacy than WWE does.

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  25. TM CooltrainerBretJune 29, 2014 at 9:50 PM

    Its sad when you realize the guy booking the matches took the fall in one of them, a move not seen since the territorial days.

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  26. That is it PrimeTime Ten. You want to some looking for trouble? Well now your in for a world of stubble.

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  27. It's good stuff, man. I've been reading them right after I read Andy's Raw review every Monday. Right before the podcast, anyway.

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  28. I am a throwback to the old days

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  29. Vince will take his losses when it is time for him to.

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  30. Bayless is truly a rare Booker breed.

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  31. Great as always.

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  32. Wait until Granny gets a hold of him

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  33. TM CooltrainerBretJune 29, 2014 at 9:52 PM

    Well hes technically not a full-time wrestler at any point in his career but sure, I'll concede that one, and maybe Kevin Sullivan, although I'm still nto sure after 50 shoots whether he was a comittee guy or the head guy.

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  34. Ok, that legit made me chuckle.

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  35. Watching the replay I have to ask... did Sandow inadvertently run over Fido McMahon with his car?

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  36. I normally skim through most of the moves and read for the creative writing or the personality traits/flaws of the BoD posters to come out in the match.

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  37. You have to lose in order to come back angrier and meaner. Simple logic that the WWE sometimes forgets

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  38. Did he sneeze on Vince?

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  39. With a tear in my eye, I looked at Hart Killer and said, "Nobody does a rollup as good as you. It was my pleasure to do my 130th job for you...."

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  40. Bases are loaded and she's gonna hit the Granny Slam!

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  41. Your character will be going on a soul-searching mission soon enough. Better get a plane ticket to Auckland booked soon

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  42. Don't go messin' with a country gal

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  43. Probably didn't shake someone's hand. Or openly chose to breathe around someone he wasn't supposed to.

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  44. Fuck, Im going to come back as Luke and Butch's other cousin?!

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  45. Honestly that is my approach to Scott's reviews also.

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  46. No, you are training with the most famous grappler to ever come out of Auckland in a dungeon. His name rhymes with Rony Harea

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  47. You have a part in Scott's reviews?!

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  48. Still one of the most confounding aspects of the show. Sandow makes ZERO excuses when questioned about his lack of push. He's also a Kowalski alum (I believe) like HHH. He's gold on the mic and more than serviceable in the ring, based on some of the matches he's had with Sheamus, Cena, and Cesaro. He's a model employee in almost every way.

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  49. Great, Im coming back as the Gimp...

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  50. When you say he makes zero excuses what do you mean?

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  51. Someone tweeted during WrestleMania weekend that they saw him give $10 to a homeless guy

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  52. Still a better cage match ending than kid with Darth Vader voice signing to John Cena.

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  53. That is true

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  54. Yeah, it was Sandow that tweeted that...

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  55. Stranger in the AlpsJune 29, 2014 at 9:59 PM

    Dammit, Petuka. When are you gonna hit the Petuka Bazooka......and what the hell is it?

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  56. I think it was Rob Feinstein

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  57. TM CooltrainerBretJune 29, 2014 at 10:00 PM

    And then the next week hes in Beijing getting acting tips from Tiger Chung Lee?

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  58. Stranger in the AlpsJune 29, 2014 at 10:00 PM

    Also, GM, nice touch with the Mookie Betts jersey. I'll be rockin' that thing until he hits free agency in 2020.


    1 for 3 in his debut.

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  59. He doesn't complain about losing the MitB cash-in or his lack of push and seems to accept the notion that the blame is all on himself (even if I really, really disagree with that). From most reports higher-ups seem to respect it when the performers put more of the onus or pressure on themselves.

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  60. I'm looking online, but nothing other than other people are noticing too is popping up.

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  61. If anything, it keeps me strong because I lost a cage match without taking an ounce of offense.

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  62. He better make an appearance.

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  63. The Brick vs. Gosh Hopkins, a main event in any arena

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  64. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 29, 2014 at 10:23 PM

    TTFGGI

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  65. Porn Peddlin' Jef VinsonJune 29, 2014 at 10:25 PM

    His name is Bayless, Not Gagne.

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  66. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 29, 2014 at 10:29 PM

    When I thought of doing something like this it was a toss up to use Ice Ice Baby or Royals. I think I made the right choice.

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  67. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJune 29, 2014 at 10:30 PM

    Great stuff as always Bayless! You just do this incredibly well.

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  68. Our finisher just needs to be whatever move Cutis chooses to do while I yell HUSS in the guy's face the entire time.


    Wonder if someone in marketing noticed the crowd hussing along and made a note somewhere...

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  69. HOSS! HUSS! HOSS! HUSS!

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  70. Thank you.


    I appreciate that

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  71. (Archie sits on the jungle gym of a local playground, still wearing his wrestling trunks and letterman jacket. He is bleeding from the forehead but doesn't seem to notice as he looks at the pavement, shaking his head.)


    "The cruelty of the world is nowhere more apparent than my current surroundings. Children frolic and play on this concrete place, chasing each other and laughing, dancing until the call of their mothers to return to their homes for the warm, inviting meals prepared with love and devotion."


    (Archie wipes his forehead, caked in blood, and smears the blood on the jungle gym bars. He looks at the camera.)


    "But that scene is in Riverdale, my friends and future neighbors. This world, this PLACE, it is a place of pain, a place where young hooligans break each other physically and emotionally. Twisted ankles, scraped knees, broken fingers, broken spirits - this place is all I have left to call home in the wake of my failures.


    (Archie walks over to the swings, and kicks off. He starts to go higher, and higher, giggling as he reaches the top of his arc, where he JUMPS to the ground. Faces the camera again, tears in his eyes.)


    "I have failed you, GM Bayless. I have failed you, Uncle Caliber. I have failed you, Riverdale. But make no mistake - I will earn your trust yet again, my friends. I devote myself to your service. Please accept my apologies for my inadequacies tonight with this sacrifice."


    (Archie kneels to the ground and drives his fist into the gravel, over and over again, until his knuckles are rubbed raw and bloody. He rakes his raw knuckles over his forehead and shrieks in agony, dripping blood on the concrete of the playground. Looks up from his knees with gravel ground into his open wound.)


    "Midcard Mafia, you may think you won something tonight. But what do you do with a man who is more devoted than ever to make you see the light? To make up the wrongs done to one of the greatest men he's ever known, GM Bayless, by any means necessary? What do you do with a man who has nothing to lose except the sweet light of his Riverdale? What do you do with Archie Stackhouse, Midcard Mafia? What will you do when I leave your blood where the children play, Midcard Mafia?


    Make no mistake, Bayless will be avenged. And at the end, when you beg him for mercy like the slave at the yoke of the emperor and he turns down his thumb, it will be me who delivers the final blow that ends your pathetic story. I live in service and loyalty to the king, Midcard Mafia, and only one shall stand at the end.


    Welcome to hell, Midcard Mafia. Welcome....to Riverdale."

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  72. (After finishing his promo, Archie turns to leave the playground. Off in the distance, a broken camcorder lands at his feet.)


    "Hmmmm.....you'll keep for awhile, future citizen."


    (Picks up the shattered remains of the camcorder and turns it over in his hands.)


    "Soon. I know all of GM Bayless' enemies, and noone is ever truly safe until they're welcomed to my beloved Riverdale by my own hands.


    For Bayless."


    (Archie turns and walks away with the camcorder, whistling "When the Saints go marching in". In the bushes, a hockey mask turns and watches him go down the street. Cut to black.)

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  73. TM CooltrainerBretJune 29, 2014 at 11:57 PM

    I WILL SUE YOUR ASS. LITERALLY, YOUR ACTUAL ASS.

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  74. Great emotional promo.

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  75. A very entertaining DVD extra.

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  76. What ever you do, just don't harm his dog.

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  77. I went right through to the Midcard Mafia match before reading the other stuff.

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  78. That's so weird. I had THIS EXACT EXPERIENCE with my buddies over the weekend. Were you there? How did you know?

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  79. (Camera pans through a newspaper office, revealed to be the Queens Tribune. Stopping at the office of the Editor-in-Chief, we see Ferrari at his desk, talking on the phone. He hangs up and turns to the camera.)


    I told you last week, Bayless. I told you that you didn't want to mess with me, with Magoonie or with Nick the Brick. And now your administration is in shambles, made to look like fools at the hands of the Midcard Mafia. So what are you gonna do now? We're here to stay, Mr. GM. You can't stop us. You can't control us. You can only watch your back and hope that we don't find you somewhere in the locker room.


    Now that we've dispatched your administration, I want more. I'll come after you, eventually. I'll get my hands on you, and I'll wring your neck. But I want something else first. I want a title around my waist. Whether it's the tag straps with one of my Mafia brothers or the B+ Player Championship, I'm coming for some gold.


    (Phone starts ringing on Ferrari's desk)


    You can't avoid it, Mr. GM. You can't stop it. We're coming. Believe.


    (Ferrari answers the phone as the camera fades to black)

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  80. Harris hits the Funk-o-Matic for the win. HA HA HA HA HA, DA D-D-H IS
    TEACHING THE KIDS TO GIT FUN-KAY!!!!!! TEACH ABEYANCE HOW TO DO A
    JIG!!!! HA HA, ABEYANCE IS GITTING FUN-KAY AND DOING A JIG!!!!!!!!


    If you ever want a job with WWE then just show them this sentence. I think it's exactly what they look for in their writers. Otherwise, good job again. Funny stuff!

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  81. (Backstage, with JohnPetuka after WarGames. The locker room is almost hauntingly empty, as we're apparently the last two left to leave. Showered and dressed, our nice clothes contrasting with how we look, Petuka bandaged up and myself looking quite rough, with what another violent sport would call a fully formed "playoff beard".)



    "We didn't win WarGames. We didn't put either Warne or Curry on a stretcher. Hell, some might have considered us no more than afterthoughts for most of the match. That's... okay. Doubters have been, and will always be part of this business. Those vultures, those carrions, always looking for the easy score, the last pickings off our bones.


    Now, with that little sidetrack taken care of, back to business as usual. We might not look so hot right now, but come tomorrow night, we WILL be ready. Those tag belts have been around the wrong set of waists for far too long, and it's time we fixed that little problem, once and for all. It might be the Petuka Bazooka, it might be the Express Lane, it might be the Car Crash, hell, I might come up with something needlessly complicated on the ride to the show.


    That's part of the fun, coming up with new ways to hurt the same fragile humans. Yeah, they look different. They have different weaknesses. But they all break, sooner or later. You just gotta find the right... target.


    In the end, you two will fall. In the end, those belts will come to the Express. And in the end, those belts will stay with the Express. Why? Because we are the best fucking tag team on the planet.

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  82. (The Car Crash is the ConChairto. The Express Lane is the PowerPlex. The Petuka Bazooka is... something? Can't spoil everything, after all...)

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  83. < takes his PPV bonus and invests it JBL-style! Thanks, Bayless!

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  84. BoD Power Hour recaps are much breezier. My part is pretty easy to find.

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  85. Meanwhile, at a local Applebee's:
    (Bill Ray, Rockstar Gary and his #1 fan, and Average Joe Everyman are sitting at a table)
    "Well, well. Midcard Mafia has done it again with their needle full of roofies. Apparently, we're drunk in a club on Friday, because we just..couldn't..get it done. It's not over, Mafia-in fact, it's only beginning. That's why we, White Coat Security, challenge you to a six man tag on BOD Raw, with a twist. The loser...will be injected with Haldol in the middle of the ring! Do you accept our challenge, Mafia, or are you afraid of the power? Waiter, another round of mozarella sticks!"
    (Camera cuts out)

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  86. I always imagine the Petuka Bazooka being John about to do something crazy off the top, and then dropping down and just dropping an elbow from a standing position, as the announcers act like he hit a shooting star press.

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  87. Very nice, lol. I like that. I was kind of envisioning it as a super corkscrew reverse ddt of sorts that can and will never be executed. That or a very precise (and lame) punch to the shoulder or something like that.

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