The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 10.03.94
I notice that they’re now adding Total Divas to the Network’s archives. You know that the next step is the Marine movies and all the direct-to-DVD features where HHH plays a convict trying to go straight. Don’t fight it, there’s no point. Although really, they have all this stuff in their vaults and the rights to air it, so why not?
Taped from Utica, NY
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage
The British Bulldog v. Jim Neidhart
It makes me feel incredibly old that I vividly remember this era, and now I’m watching their kids compete. Anvil clobbers Bulldog from behind and Owen clarifies that he’s got muscles, but no brains. Bulldog overpowers Anvil to put him on the floor, thus confirming that analysis. Back in, Bulldog with a hiptoss and armbar. Kind of weird that they never went with a straight Bulldog v. Owen feud at this point, because it would have made more sense. Anvil cheats to escape a test of strength and Bulldog goes to work on the leg, but Anvil sends him into the corner and goes to the chinlock. Owen gets a chinlock and we take a break. Back with more excitement as Bret Hart joins us at ringside, teasing a future ****+ tag match on the Action Zone, while Neidhart continues putting me to sleep with restholds. Christ man, I’m taking allergy medication tonight, I’m fighting it off with caffeine as it is! Neidhart goes to a camel clutch and Vince McMahon feels this might be the killing blow for Davey Boy, but instead Neidhart stupidly goes up and misses something ridiculous. Bulldog makes the comeback with a delayed suplex for two while Backlund comes out to mess with Bret Hart, and Owen runs in for the DQ at 15:13. Everyone brawls and Vince declares it a DONNYBROOK. They should totally have a jobber named “Donny Brook” as a rib. *1/2
Meanwhile, a kid is really upset about the World Series being cancelled by those greedy baseball players going on strike, but luckily Randy Savage is there to console him. A month before he too sells out and jumps to WCW, like everyone else in the promotion with any star power. Also, I bet more kids were upset when Vince used to false advertise guys on house shows for weeks when he knew they were injured.
Doink the Clown v. Barry Horowitz
Doink is now firmly into the ugly tights phase. Barry gets his shit in, but Doink quickly finishes with the Whoopie Cushion, complete with overdubbed fart noise at 2:20.
Meanwhile, Undertaker (the real one) is looking for Yokozuna.
The King’s Court, featuring the aforementioned Yokozuna. He’s afraid of caskets, you see, so people shouldn’t mention it.
The Action Zone debuts at the end of the month, and in typical insecure WWF fashion they make fun of football analysis shows for being boring and promise “No talking” on this one. Which held true for about a month before it turned into yet another recap and interview show, of course.
Alundra Blayze & Heidi Lee Morgan v. Bull Nakano & Luna Vachon
Morgan quickly gets caught in the heel corner, and Luna splashes her for two. Morgan fights back with a victory roll on Nakano and slugs Luna down, and it’s the presumed hot tag to Blayze. She gets a bodypress on both heels, but Nakano suplexes both babyfaces at the same time and punches Blayze in the throat. Effective. Luna comes in with a missile dropkick that hits Bull by mistake and Blazye finishes her with the german suplex at 5:00. I think that pretty much blew off the Luna character for good. *1/2
King Kong Bundy returns next week.
Mr. Bob Backlund v. Gary Scott
Backlund allows the jobber to get his back, and then calmly outwrestles him and finishes with the Crossface Chickenwing at 2:30.
Next week: Bam Bam Bigelow v. Lex Luger! King Kong Bundy returns!