The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 12.05.94
Brought to you by TYCO. Shoulda got Geico with your money instead. But I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger.
Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Shawn Michaels. This is gonna be…something.
Jeff Jarrett v. The British Bulldog
And in a historic debut, a random “cable puller” accidentally ends up on camera during Jarrett’s entrance and that would lead to JJ finally getting over. This of course is The Roadie, Brian James. Jarrett throws knees in the corner, but gets tossed out of the ring for his troubles. Back in, Bulldog keeps overpowering him as the shitty camera angles reveal that Vince at ringside is not actually talking while Vince on TV is excitedly calling the match. They’re usually really careful not to do that sort of sloppy camera work. Bulldog dumps him again while Vince finally figures out that the “ring attendant” is in fact in cahoots with Jarrett. Bulldog goes up, but Jarrett brings him down with a superplex for two. Jarrett goes to the chinlock while the Roadie cheers him on, and he follows with a flying clothesline for two. We take a break and return with Jarrett missing a fistdrop, but coming back with a sleeper. Shawn notes that he slept through Survivor Series so he should be used to it. The man was unconscious for nine minutes! Hardly something to joke about. Hee hee. Jarrett with a bulldog for two, and Shawn notes the irony therein. Jarrett back to the chinlock, but Bulldog escapes with an atomic drop and BAAAAAACK body drop to make the comeback. Jarrett decides to run away from the comeback, so Bulldog chases him and tosses him back in…only to have Roadie hook his leg from under the ring for the countout at 16:11. *** I seem to remember Brian Lee as a roadie for Jarrett before James, but that obviously never made it to RAW.
1-2-3 Kid v. Barry Horowitz
Barry manages a backdrop suplex and butterfly suplex while they mention that Kid & Aldo Montoya teamed up on Action Zone last week. Basically they lost interest and gave up on the show already, only six weeks into its run. Horowitz with a cradle for two and Perfect necksnap, but Kid fires back with a leg lariat. Rolling cradle finishes at 2:52. Tons of offense for Horowitz here.
Next week’s RAW promo is read by new hire Stephanie Wiand, who lacks ANY sort of gravitas for that sort of voiceover. But then the match being hyped is Bob Backlund v. Doink, so maybe that’s not surprising.
KWANG v. Scott Taylor
Jesus, haven’t they given up on this gimmick yet? Savio Vega has to come along pretty early into 1995, you’d think. Taylor comes on quickly with a dropkick and hiptoss, but Kwang puts him down and goes to the dreaded Vulcan nerve hold. This squash drags on while we get more Wippleman v. Finkel drama at ringside and you know this isn’t leading anywhere good. Kwang finishes with a leg lariat at 3:00.
Speaking of the Action Zone, it’s Lex Luger v. Owen Hart in a meaningless match this week.
The King’s Court with Shawn Michaels, who made Diesel everything he is today and carried him to the tag titles.
Meanwhile, Bob Holly crashed his car, but he’ll be back!
Coming soon: HAKUSHI. Yup, another foreigner for them to fuck up.
Well Dunn v. The Bushwackers
This would have to be the one and only RAW appearance of Well Dunn before they went back to obscurity. So this is yet another chapter in the Fink v. Wippleman feud. Dunn chokes Luke down and they double-team him as Vince announces a TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT to crown new champions. Woo hoo! Exclusively on WWF Superstars. D’OH! Shawn’s take on the heels: “I don’t know about these guys, but they’ve got some nerve wearing those t-backs out there. The one guy looks like he got hit in the rear with a golf shoe!” I feel like Shawn missed his calling by wasting his career winning World titles and doing blow off strippers’ racks and shit. Luke fights off the state of the art offense from Well Dunn and makes the hot tag to Butch, but Harvey trips him up. Amazingly, Steven Dunn gets the pin off that at 5:00. However, Finkel is so offended at that incredibly lame finish that he protests to Earl Hebner, who proceeds to do nothing. Because no one in their right mind gives a shit. *
Mr. Bob Backlund hates clowns, man. He wants them all dead and shit. That’s pretty dark, actually. So next week, Doink meets a bad end at his hands. One can only hope.
Lee and James would have made a pretty decent team.
ReplyDeleteYou know, you have to believe The Network is going to work out. Monday Night Raw did.
ReplyDeleteI definitely remember Mr. Backlund saying "I want clowns to be all dead and shit!"
ReplyDeleteIt was one of his more bizarre promos, that's for sure.
Well Dunn is one of the weirder eyeblinks in WWF history- I mean, not only is the name a bush-league pun and both guys classic Indie-level nobodies, but they've got on these weird Chippendale uniforms, and the whole "they're basically jobbers, but they have a name and a gimmick" thing is just SO 1994-95. They just had a TON of guys doing that stuff in this time period (Freddie Joe Floyd, The Goon, etc.). They always just fascinated me for some reason, because it was hard to even imagine this whole thing being pushed. Was it just a favor to Cornette or somebody?
ReplyDeleteBack in the day (as all us old guys say, right Scott?), when I saw The Roadie with Jarrett, I declared "That's Brian Armstrong from WCW." and then proceeded not to give a shit because it was Brian Armstrong, the least talented one. 20 years later, and he goes down as the most well-known Armstrong because of THE SAME PROMO FOR 20 YEARS!
ReplyDeleteI'd say the "jobbers with names and gimmicks" thing is now more evocative of the current modus operandi of having full time losers on the active roster instead of state-to-state jobbers like the used to have.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard about Brian Lee being Jarrett's roadie at any point, but I've definitely heard the name "Lee Roadie" before, I'd always just assumed that was Road Dogg's original name though.
ReplyDeleteSavio I think debuts at In Your House 1 as Razor Ramon's buddy.
When you fell off the chair was it a shoot or a work?
ReplyDeleteYokozuna matches must blow your mind
ReplyDeleteYep Savio doesn't show up until May 1995.
ReplyDeleteIf he's been able to remain over for 20+ years, then surely he's the most talented Armstrong?
ReplyDeleteRespect on the weight loss but 2 things:
ReplyDeletea) I can't even begin to imagine what kind of gargoyle was giving you "cardio in a different way" when you were looking like that. Strong BS vibes on this one.
b) Including that Japanese proverb at the start without translation is pretentious and cringeworthy
But like I say, congrats on the weight loss - just cut the BS and you'll be fine
Smothers, Dirty White Boy and Unabom were likely brought in at Cornette's behest; all three came in when SMW folded. Well Dunn were more Memphis than Smoky Mountain, so Lawler likely got them their cuppa coffee.
ReplyDeleteAt the time I remember scratching my head as to why they never scooped up Bruiser Bedlam, but hindsight proved that would have been a terribly foolish decision on Vince's part. Then again, maybe a run in the bigs would have dissuaded Ion from his life of crime.
Brian got billed as Lee Roadie in some PWI results when he first started working house show matches. Pretty sure he was just "The Roadie" by the time he worked his first big event, KOTR 95.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of workrate, he was Stephen. In his ability to get over, stay over and stay employed, he's Alec. Yet another guy WCW had in hand, could have done any number of good things with (guy was a legit Gulf War vet, a fact that Schiavone was so quick to bring up whenever brother Brad was jobbing to Yoshi Kwan or Charlie Norris or who the crap ever), and yet they just let him wander off. Because WCW.
ReplyDeleteTo this day I regret being denied the epic Backlund/Man Mountain Rock feud. And I'm only half joking... big Darryl could really work for a super heavy. Would have made for some very interesting showdowns.
ReplyDeleteah, OK. I remember reading that Well Dunn were in one of the Southern feds, but forgot where. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI forgot all about T.L. Hopper. But then, he didn't really have any PPV appearances aside from maybe an In Your House.
I find that a lot of the current ones weren't MEANT to be that way- they just ended up doing that after their singles pushes died out. As a result, we have a lot of ex-Title holders doing job duty all the time. In '94-'95, a lot of them were just washed-up guys or young rookies hired SPECIFICALLY to be Named Jobbers (Jericho discusses in his book being asked to be one of them).
ReplyDeleteIn their defense... who saw BRIAN ARMSTRONG becoming a huge success? The dude was a below-average worker in all but the most extreme of circumstances, and had a physique so bad he dressed in more clothing to wrestle than some people did to climb mountains.
ReplyDeleteI mean, even the WWF didn't seem to think he was ever gonna draw well- they just put him with Billy Gunn because both were floundering and actively sucking. Who even expected them to get over?
It's weird that I never realized Kwang & Savio were the same guy (especially since they both had the same 1 move- the Roundhouse Kick). But then, I never paid much attention to Kwang. And I also didn't realize that The Sultan was Fatu (in my defense, I didn't realize Fatu had gotten so enormous).
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, are there any foreigners they DIDN'T fuck up? Tajiri comes to mind, even if he only made it to mid-card. Mysterio counts, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteLegit point, I just look back at some of the choads WCW tried to push around the same time... y'know, how is Brian any worse than someone like The Equalizer/Dave Sullivan? Of course the list of guys WCW had and gave up on is legendary to the point where attempting to add to it is the redundant height of redundancy.
ReplyDeleteHe ate a poo* at SummerSlam '96. The end.
ReplyDelete(*Was actually a Snickers.)
Bret, Owen and Davey Boy were technically foreigners, if you're American. Rey, meanwhile, was born in San Diego, so...
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, I can't think of any non-English speakers that WWF/E really booked well and helped to get over.
ReplyDeleteOne of his ass cheeks was the size of Shawn Michaels' entire body, in terms of mass! It was crazy!
ReplyDeleteI guess Yokozuna and Rikishi, as both were reasonably big stars, though Yokozuna was a weak champion.
ReplyDeleteYul, we could have lived in a world where Chris Jericho never went to ECW or WCW because he ended up in WWF as The Goon.
ReplyDeleteI'm following ya now.
ReplyDeleteWell, Dave Sullivan( the character) was basically an untalented Eugene, so yeah. Dogg at least had stuff that was over with the crowd.
ReplyDeleteIs he the guy who would steal flip flops from Walmart in Jericho's book?
ReplyDeleteThe last time I went to Canobie Lake I had difficulty being comfortable on almost any ride and I'm 6'2" ~220. That place feels built on a kid-oriented scale.
ReplyDeleteFloyd, Goon, Porteau, Hopper, and Sincere (who ended up getting a bigger push than the others) were brought in specifically to be glorified jobbers--that was explicitly spelled out in the sheets. They needed talented guys who could put over the stars but in the Monday Night Wars era they couldn't be "Currently in the ring to my left..." types either. Not saying these guys weren't wasted (Smothers in particular), but your underneath guys need to be able to work, too. The gimmicks were stupid but they were never designed to be stars. Other than one MSG show and I think a tour of Europe, they only worked TV.
ReplyDeletewas Bret on a mini hiatus at this point?
ReplyDeleteRaw was very hot out of the gate, though. It's badly tailed off by this time but the first year was full of memorable matches and angles, and was instantly a breath of fresh air for the stale, sterilized 1992 product. It was the first show to really evoke a classic episodic southern territory's television.
ReplyDeleteYep, selling being in the chicken wing for approx. 39 minutes, so he had a kayfabe torn muscle/ligament in his arm. Returned at the Rumble.
ReplyDeleteBedlam is doing life in a Canadian prison for conspiracy to commit murder. Definitely a step up (down?) from Emma type stuff.
ReplyDeleteHe was just "the Roadie" by the 95 Rumble.
ReplyDeleteReal talk: the best "tag match" the Outlaws ever did was against the Hollys at No Mercy 99.
ReplyDeleteThat's what they want you to believe.
ReplyDeleteHopper never actually wrestled on ppv. I don't even think he made it to Raw, did he?
ReplyDeleteI remember Furnas & Lafon vs TL Hopper and some other dude. Heel Ross said something like "Here's Doug Furnas, an elite athlete, has wrestled all over the world, and now he's wrestling a plumber..."
ReplyDeleteThen Lawler defended him saying "The plumber seems to be doing pretty well right now", and Vince agreed.
TJ: Watching Friends...goddamn, Scott wasn't lying when he said season 2 was when the three girls were at their hottest.
ReplyDeleteLol fat people. Japense.
ReplyDeleteBeen doing this for about 18 months now. I went from 185 to 165 and it's nice now using things like RHC to tone a little.
ReplyDeleteNIce to be back to my high school weight. Feel far more healthy here.
TJ: Bobby Heenan just eviscerating the Hart family at the 93 Survivor Series was incredible.
ReplyDeleteBehind the Rumble 1992 match, that might have been his most awesome performance in a match ever. Ray Combs couldn't stop laughing.
ReplyDeleteiron sheik
ReplyDeleteI was an avid WWF Magazine reader at the time, and I remember there was a blurb on Well Dunn that said they secretly liked their steaks medium rare, the hypocrites! The gossip-mongering was years ahead of its time.
ReplyDeleteHe did eventually I assure you.
ReplyDeleteultimate warrior; i never understood anything he said but I know it isn't english
ReplyDeletericardo (del rio's ring announcer) was pretty over
ReplyDeleteI'd kill myself too, if my last name was... COMBS!!!
ReplyDeleteToo soon.
ReplyDeleteDo you have to stop drinking to do DDP Yoga because that may give me incentive on both ends. I'm 160 but would like to get "ripped"
ReplyDeleteBedlam wrestled a bunch in the WWF as Johnny K-9 from 1986-88. As a jobber, usually in shows in and around Ontario.
ReplyDeleteThe sing-a-long promo was hardly a piece of spoken word art as it was. Attitude Era fans wanted to latch on to catchphrases so they could spout them out too.
ReplyDeleteTalent was a reference to in-ring skill.
"You've got nine months, and the best you can do is BRUCE?!?!"
ReplyDeleteYou obviously put a lot of thought into this post and I commend that. That being said, you committed an egregious oversight in leaving out the part where you ran to your buddy Joey's house and made him smell your finger after getting to third base. Please tell me you did that and just left it out due to editorial discretion. Cause that's like a rites of passage sort of thing. In all seriousness, nice work on the weight loss. The way you're doing it is admirable
ReplyDeleteHow tall are you and how much do you drink?
ReplyDeleteI drove a 73 Japense in high school. What a piece of shit. I never got to third base in that fucking thing...
ReplyDelete"Have you ever noticed the Hart sisters all look like their mother? I mean same age--they all look like they're 75, 90."
ReplyDelete"Stu just yelled over, 'Helen, I'm damp!'"
"Stu Hart last wrestled in the Boston Garden in 1945!" "No, you're wrong about that: 1845. It was at the tail end of his career."
"Oh, look, he's got a picture of Helen on the back of his jacket!"
Nope, no idea what you're talking about.