Thank god the NFL regular season has arrived. Like last year, I will offer picks for today. So, here are my five picks for the week, against the spread of course:
At Pittsburgh -6 vs. Cleveland
At Chicago -7 vs. Buffalo
Washington +3 at Houston
New Orleans -3 at Atlanta
Oakland +6.5 at New York Jets
Welp, time for the Falcons to disappoint yet again.
ReplyDeleteFinally San Francisco's offseason from Hell is over.
ReplyDeleteSeeing how I picked New Orleans to win, Falcons will probably win by two touchdowns today
ReplyDeleteLooks liked Bradshaw gained the weight that Strahan lost.
ReplyDeleteCam can't go today. Should I bet my life savings on Tampa and then retire?
ReplyDeleteMichael Strahan played football?
ReplyDeleteWho is the backup
ReplyDeleteAnyone see Merril Hoge completely bury Johnny Football this morning?
ReplyDeleteDerek Anderson
ReplyDeleteWhat he'd say?
ReplyDeleteYES! It was glorious. Hoge is the best analyst they've got.
ReplyDeleteIf they kept Cupcake from Hard Knocks, they'd be 12-4 easily.
ReplyDeletethat he couldn't make the simplest of reads and if he played today it would be only because of politics
ReplyDeleteLet's cover Bears and Raiders. Yay!
ReplyDeleteESPN needs to fire the new studio girl. She looks nice, but she can't ID players or teams. That's awful.
ReplyDeleteNext in ESPN: CFL - Hamilton vs. Montreal.
ReplyDeleteAm I dreaming this?
Carr is starting over Matt Shaub. If I were Carr I'd say thanks but I'm good.
ReplyDeleteHopefully he won't be killed on the field as quickly as David.
ReplyDeletethat's what I would be afraid of. Not sure why they are throwing him to the wolves already
ReplyDeleteWorked for Macho Man
ReplyDelete"Which one of those two is Rick Steiner?"
"Um.....the one in the middle!"
I was so mad Tyler Starr made the team fuck that guy
ReplyDeleteI dislike Hoge and Schlereth (which is why I don't like NFL Live, ESPN kisses the NFL's ass more than the NFL's own network), but I'm OK with Manziel-bashing.
ReplyDeleteWoke up 15 minutes ago. Just enough to time to get high and take a shower and now it's football time. PST > est
ReplyDeleteFuck Jacques Smith, that dude should've been cut.
ReplyDeleteHell yeah.
ReplyDeleteChecking fantasy....done!
ReplyDeleteBerman keeps trying to get the new studio over. No one gives a shit.
ReplyDeleteYes, put everything you own on Tampa
ReplyDeleteThe game has probably passed old Boomer by
ReplyDelete$100+ million for ESPN's new studio, and I couldn't give a shit about it. I do like the cleaner ticker and graphics that make it easier to read from a distance, but I don't care about a 50-screen, uh, screen.
ReplyDeleteHe's still using his catchphrases from 1991, so I'd say yes.
ReplyDeleteBack when I marathoned football nearly religiously, that always made me so jealous of the west coast. Football from 10am to 8 pm then a normal night's sleep to be ready for Monday must be nice.
ReplyDeleteNow, I can barely get through my Giants. Fucking Goodell
He must have one of those Big Show iron-clad contracts. It's long past time for him to go
ReplyDeleteIt also lines perfectly with meals; breakfast during the morning 10am slate, lunch for the late games, dinner during SNF.
ReplyDeleteI'm a 8pm or after dinner guy every day except when football is. Eating food while football is on is hard to top
ReplyDeleteDid Atlanta fix the o-line? If not, then take New Orleans, easy
ReplyDeleteTime for Keyshawn Michaels to go chase 3rd straight BoD FF league title. JUST WIN BABY
ReplyDeleteBaker's out for the year, IIRC.
ReplyDeleteLets go Pats! Zo is sounding particularly gravely, so I don't know if that's good news or bad news!
ReplyDeleteTheir center is a bad ass
ReplyDeleteCould that FOX bug be any smaller?
ReplyDeletewhich means the position has been upgraded, right? Who could be any worse?
ReplyDeletePats game on CBS, nice!
ReplyDeleteCentral Time is my favorite - When i was in Chicago waking up at 11:30 just in time for a noon kick off was great.
ReplyDeleteI like in NOrCal, so it's OAK/NYJ here. Thank God for RedZone.
ReplyDeleteRed zone is the best TV invention ever
ReplyDeleteanyone else watching the Jeter ceremonies?
ReplyDeleteGreat day to see the a browns lose!
ReplyDeleteWe got Pit/Cle on CBS and Atl/NO on Fox
ReplyDeleteFuck no? Yeah, I'll go with that.
ReplyDeleteGot Was/Hou and Mia/NE.
ReplyDeleteCleveland is not bothering to play defense on this first drive
ReplyDeleteIt's touching they're celebrating his death with a memorial patch.
ReplyDeleteThe Dolphins are doing good things!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'd rather have those games
ReplyDeleteI'm watching Redzone anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's supposed to be where they're "good"
ReplyDeleteyou a fan? If so, it's going to be a long year
ReplyDeleteMiami scores.
ReplyDeleteBrowns off to the familiar start. I have their D today. Fuck.
ReplyDeleteFalcons/Saints not on national tv? Wassupwitdat?
ReplyDeletethe Jeter #2 flags will fly at half-mast to mark the elimination of the Yankees in a week or so.
ReplyDeleteThey hold firm at the end.
ReplyDeleteWait did they call back the Steelers TD?
ReplyDeleteyeah, holding
ReplyDeleteNot really. Huge Indians and Cavs fan. Browns moved when I first became a sports fan so my passion for them has never been there.
ReplyDeleteIt's kinda crazy that he's only played 1 game in his career where the Yanks wre mathematically eliminated
ReplyDeletegotcha
ReplyDeleteCrowd noise in Houston bothering RG3.
ReplyDeleteFG for steelers. I'll take it.
ReplyDeleteI got KC/Ten. Yay me.
ReplyDeleteSo the Saints cut Shayne Graham... to resign him. Guess there really wasn't anyone else out there.
ReplyDeletewouldn't say kinda - that's an amazing stat. Though I think the number goes up this year.
ReplyDeleteweird seeing players on ipads instead of those chalkboard things. I would totally be surfing the web
ReplyDeleteAwful lot of field goals recently. Like 6 in a row.
ReplyDeleteJACKSONVILLE SCORES A TD! Could this be the year?
ReplyDeleteProbably not, but hey, at least they have a lead.
Philly sucks. Fuck the Eagles.
ReplyDeleteBrian Hoyer went to the same high school as me zomg
ReplyDeleteBrian Hoyer looks a bit like Aldo Montoya
ReplyDeleteya'll about the same age, righ?
ReplyDeletenice pass by Hoyer
ReplyDeleteDanieal Manning and Johnny Knox are from my hometown too.
ReplyDeleteCalling my shot: Philly will suck this year as NFL defenses adjust and Chip Kelly is exposed as a hack.
ReplyDeleteFew years older than me. His brother was in mine and he was okay.
ReplyDeletethe east is so shitty that they will still win it anyway
ReplyDeletePittsburgh's defense is still old and crappy. This one might be a shootout
ReplyDeleteTheir defense being old is false. I believe they only have two starters over 30.
ReplyDeleteI stand corrected. It's still shitty though.
ReplyDeleteBrandon Cooks off to a nice start, 48 yds already
ReplyDeleteTOUCHDOWN JAGS!
ReplyDeleteJacksonville up 14-0 on the Eagles. Hahahahahahaa. I love it.
ReplyDeleteWell Miami immediately reverted to type. I'm going to keep watching though because I'm a masochist.
ReplyDeleteDude on the Jags has 2 catches for 2 touchdowns for his first 2 receptions ever.
ReplyDeleteI was this close to starting Foles. Whew.
ReplyDeleteGraham hits from 50... didn't think he had that range in his leg.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who had Allen Hurns on their fantasy squad should be buying every lottery ticket they can get their hands on.
ReplyDeleteWow, wtf Foles. That pick is going to kill me.
ReplyDeleteOh fuck you Mike fucking Wallace.
ReplyDeleteAllen Hurns you're the goat of fantasy!
ReplyDeleteCleveland still not playing defense
ReplyDeleteAnd now Ellerbe AND Koa Misi are hurt. Fuck everything.
ReplyDeleteI think 30 minutes into the seaon is a new record for losing all hope.
That was an embarrassing drive.
ReplyDeleteMy first TD on the bench with Blount scoring six points I can't use
ReplyDeletePittsburgh's offense is straight hot FIYAH
ReplyDeleteToo bad, Julio.
ReplyDeleteWe never had any in Carolina once we saw the receiving corp
ReplyDeleteIf you have as many as 11 warm bodies on defense you're still better placed than we are right now.
ReplyDeleteYeah right. I'm a Cowboys fan and I can tell you that's not true.
ReplyDeleteGeno Smith fumble in the red zone.
ReplyDeleteNice catch blanco niño
ReplyDeleteBut too bad your ass got saaaaaaaaaaaaaacked
Vintage Geno!
ReplyDeleteCooks looking as good as advertised so far in NO. Paying off as my WR2 so far
ReplyDeleteAllan Hurns. omg
ReplyDeleteThe Atlanta D pretty much pulled Robinson into the endzone there.
ReplyDeleteNot a dagger, but damn that's gotta hurt Atlanta pretty bad. Get the ball to the Saints 5, fumble, and give up a TD on the next drive. And their D had only bent to that point...
ReplyDeleteCleveland's offense is the cure they need
ReplyDeleteMVP MVP MVP
ReplyDeleteThey need to start drug-testing kickers. 50 yards is starting to become automatic.
ReplyDeleteLike Kevin Ogletree last year. Big first week, shit rest of the year
ReplyDeleteRedskins vs. Texans is certainly an exercise in offensive futility so far.
ReplyDeleteRyan Tannehill blows
ReplyDeleteNah. Just 1/2 the goal posts.
ReplyDeleteDevin Hester eclipses his number of catches from 2013 with "one."
ReplyDeleteWe are fucking awful. 3-13 is looking more and more likely. #doom #gloom
ReplyDeleteHope the Eagles and Chip Kelly get exposed this year.
ReplyDeleteIt's no butt fumble that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteI love how the guy's body language appears to be saying "What the Hell, man?!"
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm betting on. (The wager was one beer.)
ReplyDeleteMiami have signed Cortland Finnegan to shore up their secondary!
ReplyDelete/gives up 50 yard gain
/adds to it with a stupid penalty
/I'm thoroughly depressed and the season is an hour old
He's on pace for the greatest season in any sport ever!
ReplyDeleteFantasy Fumbles!
ReplyDeleteI have Shane Vereen and Lamar Miller on 1 of 3 fantasy teams. They both have scored a TD. I have both on the bench.
Woot.
Fuck you Big Ben
ReplyDeleteTexas A&M alumnus. The hometown team.
ReplyDeleteI agree just on principle.
Since you're giving him consent he's no longer interested.
ReplyDeleteYeah I feel bad for those stuck with the matchup
ReplyDeleteHe looks awful
ReplyDeletePossibly the least accurate QB in the NFL
ReplyDeleteWILL YOU STOP!
ReplyDeleteBrady to Gronk, DOUBLE TD FANTASY POINTS
ReplyDeleteThe Browns are embarrassing. I hate living in this city in the Fall with all the morons trying to constantly defend their awfulness.
ReplyDeleteI love the extra little hit Texans' #28 gives out, a textbook case of "accidentally on purpose".
ReplyDeleteBut hey, LeBron!
ReplyDelete(That joke was funnier when LeBron wasn't back).
Pats vs 49ers in the Superbowl dog
ReplyDeleteRed Zone. + breakfast burritos = win at life
ReplyDeleteThe CFL banned the "flag-tossing" motion this year and I wish the NFL would do the same.
ReplyDeleteMiami is getting spanked
ReplyDeleteI hate it. Every goddamn incompletion
ReplyDeleteThe Ben TD pass is easily going to the best play of the week.
ReplyDeleteThey're already in mid season form
ReplyDeleteI hate when no one brings down that fat fuck
ReplyDeleteNE always gives a team some hope...and then ruthlessly crushes those dreams.
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteTheir D and QB are terrible
Picked up that kid Wheaton in fantasy. Of course I bench him week 1 though
ReplyDeleteUgh...I hate the Skins.
ReplyDeleteBall on the 2, let's give the ball to our fullback instead of Morris. Fuck you!
I have Morris on 1 of my 3 teams.
I've counted 3 separate occasions so far where we gave up a first down because someone fell over.
ReplyDeleteYou're forgetting Colin Kaepernick's 80 yard touchdown run where he pauses to fuck Tony Romo's girlfriend so hard she wakes up in a hospital with no memory of what happened. And, yes, it was consensual.
ReplyDeleteThey're a team worth cheering for. The Clowns aren't.
ReplyDeleteSomeone missed a 50 yd. FG.
ReplyDeleteGuess we're not ready to break up the Jags just yet.
Pretty clear push-off by Roddy White there.
ReplyDeleteKind of weird seeing Buffalo ahead. Experience tells me they'll find a way to blow it.
ReplyDeleteall dees touchdowns
ReplyDeletedat RedZone
Lamar Miller just fumbled so hard his shoe flew 15 yards. He fumbled his SHOE.
ReplyDeleteLOL at Miami fumbling again
ReplyDeleteFoles gets picked in the end zone... What the fuck is going on in Philly?
ReplyDeleteI am rude, good afternoon ladies and gents!
ReplyDeleteWhat's up
ReplyDeleteIf even JACKSONVILLE has figured out the snap offense, they are fucked.
ReplyDeleteStill counts!
ReplyDeleteI have Ryan and White on 1 of my 3 teams. Doubling up!
These HTC One commercials with Cortana is making me consider getting it...
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, my favourite CFL team has score 17 unanswered points and leads 17-7 in a game I've barely watched.
ReplyDeleteI fucking HATE how the CFL schedules games against the NFL. Completely retarded.
Me too
ReplyDeleteDESCRIBE WHAT MARTELLUS BENNETT LOOKS LIKE
ReplyDeleteFuck. Spoke too soon!
ReplyDeleteDoes Canada love the NFL so much? If not, it's not a bad decision.
ReplyDeleteNo one here saw Antonio Brown karate kick a punter in the face?
ReplyDeleteWatching the Bills! You?
ReplyDeleteUnopposed, they draw close to equal numbers. But there's no reason this game couldn't have been played on Saturday.
ReplyDeleteBrowns getting their cheeks CLAPPED today. Too bad I had to bench Cam Newton and elected to start Hoyer over Fitzpatrick. WHAT WAS I THINKING?
ReplyDeletePats and Dolphins
ReplyDeleteSwitched to the Indians game.
ReplyDeleteI started the Browns D. It's not working out.
ReplyDeleteAlmost a Miami TDo
ReplyDeleteLol Geno missed a wide open Decker in the end zone
ReplyDeleteTannehill did the same to Wallace
ReplyDeleteBlocked Punt returned for TD. Good job Skins for giving that up...
ReplyDeleteThat was Vick.
ReplyDeleteToby Gerhart: 10 carries, 17 yards.
ReplyDeleteHe makes 2013 Ray Rice look like Barry in his prime.
Also, Cincinnati appears to be allergic to the end zone.
ReplyDeleteSo did I. I also have NE and WAS as my other DEFs.
ReplyDeleteHell yeah Houston. Blocked punt for a TD.
ReplyDeleteMy god is Tannehill awful
ReplyDeleteDoesn't help that he has to throw to that idiot Wallace.
ReplyDeleteI am having major concerns with Jamaal Charles in fantasy. He's not doing well.
ReplyDeletehttp://deadspin.com/antonio-brown-introduces-the-front-heel-kick-to-the-nfl-1631667427
ReplyDeleteHoly shit. How is that not an ejection?
He had Wallace open in the end zone but threw it way too close to the sidelines
ReplyDeleteChiefs and Rams games should be considered a form of child abuse
ReplyDeleteBRANDON COOKS, MY NINJA
ReplyDeleteWeek 1. I have to stay optimistic since I took him with my first pic
ReplyDeleteTouchdown Saints! Brees to Cooks, Darren who?
ReplyDeleteActually, I feel bad for Sproles right now.
Yeah I had one eye on it so I didn't see the change
ReplyDelete