We're two weeks from WrestleMania iPod Touch Play Button...and nobody's listening.
Most of us wanted Daniel Bryan to win the Royal Rumble. Roman Reigns won it instead.
A
lot of people said, "All right, fuck us," and expected Bryan to find
his way into the main event at WrestleMania -- just like last year.
Nope. Roman Reigns vs. Lesnar.
The
remaining people who cared held out some sort of hope that Bryan would
kinda, sorta limp into the main event with what fan support he had left.
Nope. Next week, it's Snoop Lion/Dogg/Lemur/whatever and Bill Simmons
from ESPN for some reason.
Meanwhile, Sting and The Undertaker barely show up and speak to their respective opponents via Jumbotron text message.
Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar don't even cut promos together.
The fans throw their hands up and yell, "WE GIVE UP!"
"But, wait!" WWE said. "Come back...we've got one more surprise..."
The
fans turned around and, with the last faint hope welling up and showing
itself in the form of misty eyes -- and with the Anti-Smarks folding
their arms and saying, "See, we told you they'd fix it," WWE said, "LL
Cool J is gonna open WrestleMania. You can go. It's cool."
Let's get moving.
We start with Michael Cole interviewing Randy Orton in the Barbara Walters Interview Room of Doom. He talks, seriously, about seriously attacking Seth Rollins in a serious manner.
We are LIVE(!!!) from Des Moines, Iowa! As "LIVE" as Des Moines allows one to be, that is.
Big
Show, Rollins, Kane and the two security mooks are neatly and
geometrically positioned in the center of the ring like they're about to
take a bow after the final performance of Les Miserables. Rollins says
he was betrayed last week. Orton turned his back on him. The crowd
chants "RKO" as Rollins seethes. He says that Orton stalked him like an
animal and he got beaten up bad. He suffered. He says that what Orton
did was UNLIKE what Rollins did with The Shield. That was called for.
Orton's behavior was borderline sociopathic.
Show
takes the mic and says he owes Rollins an apology. He says Rollins is
the biggest talent in the business right now. It's more "Orton is evil/a
snake/an animal/horrible/etc." Kane gets in on the sob-fest. Orton will
pay. He betrayed Rollins. Noble says that Orton's a rat. Noble declares
himself "the secret weapon of The Authority". (DANIELLE: "Does Rollins realize his bodyguards couldn't stop El Torito yet? Why does he keep these guys around when they don't do anything right?") And, finally Joey Mercury has his turn. He cries into Big Show's big, sagging boobs, the way you'd think of god's as big.
Rollins
has the mic again. Orton did what he did with no consequences -- but
it's a new week and Orton's never faced a guy like Rollins. He accepts
Orton's challenge at WrestleMania which is cool because I had no idea
Orton ever challenged him. Rollins says there's one condition for Orton:
he faces Rollins tonight on RAW. More Orton is
scheming/evil/snake-like/pretty awful -- and, mercifully, Orton's music
hits.
Orton
says he isn't the face of WWE. He's the guy who made Rollins look like a
bitch. He says he "accepts Rollins' challenge". Wait...what? Who
challenged who here?!
Even still, that's a more appealing match than the main event.
TONIGHT:
- John Cena and Rusev go nose to nose when they sign a contract -- for the United States Championship match at WrestleMania.
- Brock Lesnar gave a really stern interview about Roman Reigns.
13 days until Danielle and I head to Levi's for WrestleMania...
MATCH #1: AJ Lee (w/ Paige) vs. WWE Divas Champion Nikki Bella (w/ Brie Bella) (non-title)
The ladies lock up and AJ runs into a Bella shoulderblock. Nikki picks AJ up and tosses her into the corner, then hits some shoulders. Nikki backs off and does push-ups. AJ doesn't like that and hits a nice flipping pin combo. Nikki kicks out and runs into an AJ armbar. Nikki breaks it and puts AJ into an armbar. AJ breaks and it's Nikki in an armbar. Nikki hits the weakest "clothesline" ever and gets a two count when AJ hits the mat. AJ comes back with a clothesline of her own and it's a side headlock by AJ. Nikki breaks but AJ hits a Frankensteiner. Nikki flies outside the ropes. AJ attacks but Nikki drops AJ's arm on the top rope. We go to break. When we come back, AJ breaks a headlock only to end up on the mat for two. More hot armbar action as Nikki has AJ on the mat. Crowd kinda cheers to move things along as they realize that Jay Leno knew more moves than Nikki. AJ suddenly locks in an Octopus Hold but Nikki backs her into the buckle. Nikki rushes at her but AJ kicks her and hits a crossbody, nearly getting a fall. Nikki goes for a belly to belly suplex but AJ counters into a Sunset Flip. One count. AJ rushes Nikki and Nikki slings her out of the ring. Brie swarms like a vulture and Paige is right there to defend AJ. Nikki backs both women off but AJ tosses Nikki into the mat. Paige and Brie call each other names. Brie tosses Paige into the ringpost. AJ is distracted, so she eats a Nikki forearm and a Rack Attack for the win at 11:02.
WINNER: Nikki Bella via Rack Attack
RATING: A cautious **1/4. Decent action -- and a brave move by WWE to start the night with a Divas match.
TONIGHT:
- Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler take on Stardust, Bad News Barrett and Luke Harper in 6-Man Tag Team action.
- Something regarding Roman Reigns. Remember him? He's in the main event with Brock Lesnar.
LL Cool J is going to WrestleMania.
LAST THURSDAY ON SMACKDOWN: Mark Henry got his ass kicked by Roman Reigns.
TONIGHT: Brock Lesnar spoke to somebody about Roman Reigns.
Renee Young has Kane and Big Show backstage. Kane announces that Big Show will be in Seth's corner for tonight's match. Show yells at Kane. Kane yells at show. Does this count as a turn, or...? Seth shows up and says that the two of them need to see the "big picture". Kane suddenly admits that they kinda enjoyed seeing him get beat up last week. So, Kane, for one will not be at ringside. He tells Big Show to ditch Rollins as well.
Ryback is out for a match as we are reminded how Ryback crushed Miz on Smackdown while Miz-dow (who is not really on tour with Wiz Khalifa, sucker) watched backstage, smiling.
MATCH #2: Ryback vs. The Miz (w/ Damien Miz-dow)
Miz stomps at Ryback but Ryback tosses Miz outside. Ryback grabs Miz by the hair and instructs Miz-dow to hit Miz. Miz-dow balls his fist but can't do it. Miz elbows Ryback and tells Miz-dow to un-ball his fist. Ryback attacks Miz, rolls him into the ring, hits the Meathook and Shell Shock for the win at 1:55. And, so this Miz/Miz-dow thing continues endlessly on into the good night...
WINNER: Ryback via Shell Shock
RATING: DUD.
Post-match, Miz-dow gets into the ring and fans him with his cost. He helps Miz up and Miz repays him with the Skull Crushing Finale. It just. Keeps. Going.
Cole builds the United States Championship with more fervor than the actual main event at WrestleMania.
We get clips of the Cena/Rusev feud where Cena says that "Rusev doesn't have the right to disparage America". Well, that's not exactly true, Cena...
NEXT: The contract signing for THE MOST IMPORTANT CHAMPIONSHIP EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THIS BUSINESS.
Cole is in the ring when we come back from break. He welcomes John Cena to the ring. Cena goes to sign the contract, then puts it down and hits the 'MURICA button for about three minutes. Cena signs it after his rant. Rusev is called out.
Rusev comes out, dressed in Pronto Uomo like he's guest-starring on Miami Vice. Lana's conspicuously absent and, instead, Rusev is lead to the ring by a guy who looks like Ron Howard cos-playing Tyler Durden who sounds like a Yakof Smirnoff imitating a Frenchman, imitating Yakof Smirnoff. I cannot even begin to make this up. It doesn't help that JBL is audibly annoyed by the dude and calls out his horrible accent or that the dude loses his composure and nearly laughs at his own horrible acting on live television.
He says Rusev isn't signing the contract because Rusev never agreed to the match, himself. Anyhow, Rusev reaches into his coat to retrieve some creative writing which is peppered with phrases like "stupid Americans" and "stupid little country". Rusev says American will die. Rusev signs the thing. Shit happens. The table gets tossed and Rusev rolls out of the ring. Cena waves the contract at him. Russian flag falls again because nobody ever bothers to piss Rusev off by loading up the American flag.
TONIGHT: 6-Man Tag with 6 of the IC title peeps.
ALSO: Randy Orton faces Seth Rollins.
New Day is in the ring as Big E shudders and shakes like he's having a crack fit.
MATCH #3: The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) (w/ Xavier Woods) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Tyson Kidd & Cesaro (w/ Natalya) (non-title)
Suddenly, Los Matadores show up as they're getting the Roman Reigns Violent Push treatement. Cesaro enters after Big E tosses Kofi into Tyson. He hits some uppercutes. Kofi tries to come back with a dropkick but Cesaro shrugs him off. He hits the Spin but something happens and Cesaro needs to drop him. All hell breaks loose and Kofi catches a goofy-looking uppercut to the back of his head. Cesaro covers for the win at 1:52.
WINNERS: Cesaro & Kidd
RATING: DUD. The build-up for the RAW pre-show, everyone!
Post-match, Matadores and The New Day jaw at one another. Cesaro hits a neutralizer on Kofi. Torito hits a physically-impossible Hurricarana on Cesaro and so it goes.
LAST MONDAY: Bray taunted The Undertaker who didn't show up, yet managed to light a chair on fire with worse VFX than what was seen in Sharknado.
TONIGHT: Bray does more freaky shit in order to draw out The Undertaker.
NEXT: Lesnar speaks.
We get a nice shot of the outside of Wells Fargo Arena. I guess it's as good a time as any to point out that we've had 3 matches in 90 minutes, totaling 15 minutes -- and 11 minutes of that was a Divas match.
Rollins is backstage as the Lollipop Guild argues with him about his fame. Noble gets so pissed that he quits the Security team. Mercury quits, too. So, naturally, Rollins will be booked to job to them next week in a handicap match.
Cole sets up the Brock Lesnar thing where Lesnar's curse words get bleeped...except for "ass" which will get bleeped next week when the censors suddenly decide it's a curse word.
Erick Rowan is wrestling Big Show when we come back from that. Months after his face turn and, still, no fucks have been given. Show kicks the shit out of him, then hits the KO Punch. He goes to the second rope and hits a elbow/body splash. There's no match here. But, nobody wanted one anyhow, so...
THE NEWEST INDUCTEE INTO THE WWE HALL OF FAME IS...Larry Zbyszko!
STILL TO COME: That 6-Man Tag Match
When we come back from break, Kane is in the ring with the WWE's also-rans: Zack Ryder, Fandago, Heath Slater, Curtis Axel, Titus O'Neil, Goldust, Jack Swagger, Adam Rose and Darren Young. He declares that he will win the Andre Battle Royal. He will demonstrate that right now. So Mark Henry shows up and he gets mic time because we haven't had enough promo spots. He says HE will win. Axel vacates. Dust, Swagger and a slew of others eat the outside mat. Kane and Henry are the only ones left after Kane dumps Titus. Kane hits an uppercut. Henry shrugs off his blows and tries to dump him. He succeeds. In runs Axel, who tries to dump Henry. Henry reverses that attempts. And that's about as well as one could do to pump that match up.
STILL TO COME: Orton and Seth.
After, yet, ANOTHER BREAK.
THIS THURSDAY: 6-Being Interspecies Tag Match on Smackdown...which is the reason I quit watching it.
Out comes Paul Heyman to remind us that we've now had over 2 hours of RAW with 15 minutes of actual wrestling. At this point, this has become so tiresome, I can't even enjoy whatever the hell this is supposed to be. Everyone hates Reigns. Everyone loves Lesnar. Heyman gives a good promo. None of this is working.
Roman Reigns appears. He wants to beat up Paul Heyman but he has "respect" for him. He's here, instead, to speak to Brock Lesnar. Who isn't here. So, he'll speak to the camera. He says he'll kick Lesnar's ass. Seriously. There's nothing here. I was in the kitchen, washing dishes during that entire segment and I rewound the thing to write this, thinking I'd need to recap something a lot more in-depth and sophisticated. Right now, it's two guys speaking to each other through lawyers. That's it.
Anyhow, when we come back, Renee Young catches Paul Heyman in the hallway. Heyman states that Lesnar will be here to confront Reigns.
HOLY SHIT A MATCH.
MATCH #4: WWE Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett, Luke Harper & Stardust vs. Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler & Dean Ambrose in a Six-Man Tag Team Match
Just FYI: all three of the faces got a bigger pop tonight than Reigns has had in weeks. Oh, by the way, here comes R-Truth because he's still in this shit but not white enough to compete. Stardust does cartwheel but Dean grabs him and slams him. Stardust comes back with punches in the corner. Ambrose whips him into the opposite corner, then hits a suplex. Tag to Bryan and Bryan puts him into a Surfboard, despite the fact that Stardust is completely mobile and not at all tired. Bryan kicks at Dust in the corner. Bryan hits an armbar and Ziggler tags himself in. Bryan argues with Ziggler. Stardust gets in the middle of that, so he gets dumped from the ring. It turns into a near-Pier 6 and we go to break.
We're back and Harper is roughing up Dean Ambrose in the corner. Ambrose hits a nice Tornado DDT on a counter as "R-Trizzle" (because it's 1995, see) sits in on commentary. Tags on both sides. Ziggler hits a DDT on Stardust but Dust comes back with a dropkick. Ziggler flies from the ring and Barrett attacks after a tag. He runs Ziggler into the crowd wall, then rolls him in-ring for a two-count. He puts Ziggler into the corner and kicks him in the ribs. Two count. Tags to Star and Harper. They rough up Ziggler. Barrett gets back in and kicks Ziggler, then hits a nice swinging neckbreaker for two. He tosses Ziggler into the corner and tags Harper. Harper tosses Barrett into Ziggler who evades. Harper charge and he flies out of the ring. Dust attacks and he gets sent to the mat.
Ziggler goes for a hot tag and completely misses as the heels take out Ambrose and Bryan. Ziggler counters a powerbomb and hits the Fame-Asser. Barrett saves the pin. All hell breaks loose as everyone gets into a huge brawl in the ring. It ends when the ring clears. Harper hits a Big Boot and a Sitting Powerbomb -- but Ziggler kicks out! Wow. After another break, Barrett has Ziggler in a headlock. Ziggler starts to break it and hits a nice DDT. Ziggler gets the hot tag to Brayn. He's all over Barrett after taking out Dust and Harper. Flying Goat to Harper as he tags Ambrose. Ambrose hits a splash on Barrett. Two count. Stardust sends Ambrose into the ropes. Comeback Clothesline. Everyone goes for a spot. Ziggler hits a Superkick on Bryan by accident, then nails Harper. Barrett goes for Wasteland but Ziggler counters and dives at both Harper and Stardust. In the ring, Barrett sets up for the Bullhammer but Ambrose ducks and counters with Dirty Deeds to get the pin at 17:00.
WINNERS: Ambrose, Bryan and Ziggler
RATING: ***1/4. A VERY welcome quality match.
Post-match, Stardust tries to steal the IC title and run into the crowd but leaves the belt behind. Truth grabs it but Harper gets in his way. Truth throws it back into the ring. Bryan gets up and grabs it. So does Ziggler. The two fight over it. Barrett comes into the ring and it's like an episode of Oprah: everyone gets a Bullhammer. He grabs his title, takes out Ambrose with a Bullhammer, then takes out Truth, who also gets in his way.
Steph and Triple H are having a moment backstage. Seth interrupts. He wants to know what Steph and Triple H are gonna do about things tonight. Steph says that it's time for Rollins to lay down in the bed he made. Seth blames Steph for what's going on. Triple H asks who Seth thinks he's talking to. Seth goes nose to nose and dares him to mess up the company's future. Steph gets between them. Triple H says that Seth should go before things go from bad to worse.
NEXT: Bray Wyatt talks.
LAST WEEK: Bray Wyatt talked. His chair was set on fire.
Bray Wyatt time. It's another promo. It's not in a ring. Doesn't involve The Undertaker. So, who honestly cares?
NEXT: Orton and Rollins.
NEXT WEEK: Lesnar and Reigns go face to face.
ALSO NEXT WEEK: Snoop Dogg & Bill Simmons are here.
Orton's out for the final match. Rollins is out for a promo. Rollins says that Orton has made the Authority look like fools. Then he laughs because, surprise, it's a set-up that nobody, but the entire fucking WWE Universe saw coming. He's made a fool out of Orton. He brings out the entire Authority in Triple H, Steph, Big Show, Kane, and J&J Security. Orton goes outside to grab a chair. He stands his ground. Triple H mocks him. They surround the ring.
Crowd chants for Sting. Everyone gets in the ring. Lights go out. The sound of a crow and Cole ruins the fucking moment by saying, "What in the world...?" Lights come back up. Sting's in the ring with the baseball bat. The faces clear the ring out. Sting hits the Stinger Splash on J&J. Sting hits a Scorpion Deathdrop on Noble. Orton hits an RKO on Mercury. Crowd is INSANE right now, chanting Sting's name.
We go off the air because OMGFANSWEREOUTTATIMEENJOYTHEFIFTHELEMENTONTHETBSNETWOR--..
OVERALL: A LOT of build-up. I'd go ** for the decent Divas match, the IC tag battle, and the Sting/Orton team-up at the end. There was a LOT of filler here, however. 4 matches on a RAW card totaling in 35 minutes of actual, recorded action? Not good.
Before we go...the best of Monday Night Open Mic:
Er...that's it.
If there is a 'funniest comment' award, Patrick wins.
ReplyDeleteI think there's a real possibility that Orton v Rollins could be match of the night at WM if they're allowed to just go at it, and shenanigans (ie: J&J) are kept at a bare minimum. Orton's character may be dull as ditchwater, but he can go fine in the ring, and Rollins is an obvious talent.
ReplyDeleteI just hope they put Rollins over cleanly and strong. No 50/50 booking where it's "ok" that he loses to Orton because he cashes in the MitB successfully. Let's book the main eventers strong for a change, and Orton should really just be (effective and talented) enhancement talent at this stage.
If a talk-heavy RAW makes for the wrestlers being just a little bit more fresh for WrestleMania, I'm cool with that. These guys put their bodies through the grinder with so many house shows and TV tapings, I don't expect every RAW to be 2:30 of straight wrestling.
ReplyDeleteWWE Logic would dictate that if Rollins is going to cash-in the briefcase at WM31, he should lose his scheduled match because that gives the cash-in more of a "surprise" element.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I know. And it's one thing that drives me sodding mental.
ReplyDeleteThe MitB is almost like the Diet IC belt in terms of "holding it means you can lose all the time and it's ok" in the eyes of creative.
Matt - is that **1/4 the highest rating you've given a Divas match on Raw? (This is a genuine question, not being snarky.)
ReplyDeleteI think the highest-rated Divas match was Nattie vs. AJ a couple years back on Main Event, of all shows.
ReplyDeleteIt's crazy the gulf in quality between Raw and NXT for the ladies.
ReplyDeleteI think I vaguely remember the Main Event match you're talking about - was that an oasis in the nightmare desert of the "Nattie Farting" gimmick?
It might have been. Tamina Snuka was shadowing AJ at the time.
ReplyDeleteFuck, I actually forgot all about the Tamina bodyguard era of AJ.
ReplyDeleteSo has Cena always been this offended and disgusted by Rusev's anti-USA rhetoric and he's just now saying/doing something about it ... or did Cena just now realize what Rusev has been doing for the last year?
ReplyDeleteIt's weird that everyone is salty about Reigns-Lesnar not fighting before the match, when I remember Rock-Lesnar being praised because they were kept apart until the final Raw before Summerslam 2002. Is it the lack of work out videos?
ReplyDeleteBecause I love the idea that we have no idea how Reigns and Lesnar will match up. It's got a slight event feel - not throwing shit away weekly. You could say it could use some character beats, but really... 'kick your ass' 'gonna kick your ass' is sufficient.
I like to think Cena spends most of his time in a hyperbaric chamber backstage, in complete isolation, which is why he never comes down to help his 'friends' when they're being outnumbered 5 to 1 by folk he's been feuding with as well. It would also explain his freakish ability to recover from injuries that would cripple normal people.
ReplyDeleteI like that they're not trying to manufacture an "angle" and are keeping it simple.
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome how Sting was wearing the official WWE Sting t-shirt that his hated rival HHH would've had to approve being made and sold on WWE.com
ReplyDeleteI could see that. So when Rusev first bumped into Cena after Royal Rumble, Cena was like, "Who's that guy?" Cena then did some research and was like, "Wait, he's been saying WHAT? Awww hell naw!"
ReplyDeleteThe Orton/Rollins feud is getting the best Receptions of anything at the moment.
ReplyDeleteI honestly see them switching to this as the focus after Mania as it's hot and you know they love both guys and see them as Main Eventers and the way to get there would be: Orton winning, Brock winning, Rollins cash-in.
Unfortunately by doing that you sacrifice Reigns and by proxy you sacrificied Bryan for nothing.
Brock v Roman comes across like one of those crappy sitcom-style family fallings out;
ReplyDeleteRR: "Paul, can you please ask SOMEONE to pass the brass ring?"
PH: "Brock, please pass the brass ring to Roman."
BL: "Maybe if someone wasn't a pussy, they could reach the brass ring themselves. It's not my fault that certain people are too lame to grab it..."
VKM: *suddenly wakes up* "I've got an idea - let's get a black midget, put him in camo gear, and call him Pee Wee Sherman! RATINGS GOLD!!!"
RR: "..."
PH: "..."
BL: "I want extra money for that."
Its-ahhhhh best-ahhh for-ahhh business-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ReplyDeleteContract signing for the US title
ReplyDeleteLOL
I get the distinct feeling they've booked themselves into a corner here. Either Rusev retains, which means they need to book someone *really* strongly to take it from him, or Cena wins and then they have to find someone from the midcard who can go over Cena for a title, which - given how they've turned the lot of them into pussies - is a big ask.
ReplyDeleteWhy does everyone keep running off with the IC title? Seriously, are they 6 years old?
ReplyDeleteDecent job building a few of the other matches though. I'm actually interested in a good chunk of the card now.
I've said it numerous times and I'll say it again (especially after Raw last night) - Sting vs Triple H needs to be wildly overbooked. A 20 minute match with rest holds etc. just wouldn't fit the storyline they've put out (plus would likely be very boring)
I'm sensing a Rusev DQ followed by a Cena beatdown. Rusev keeps the belt, Cena "goes over," both sides move on.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping the eventual end to this story is someone accidentally breaking it and it being relaunched as the new 24/7 Hardcore Title.
ReplyDeleteNever going to happen, admittedly, but I can dream. :D
That's what everyone thought about Hunter vs Orton but it was just a straight, overly-long match with a dull finish. I think HHH believes he's a fantastic wrestler whose skills alone make things special.
ReplyDeleteIt'll be one of those matches where they mistake "kicking out of each other's finisher (x) times" as "drama"
ReplyDeletePhrederic called this, but Orton is now the most interesting face on the card. Not because he stepped up or evolved, but because everyone else got booked so very very poorly.
ReplyDeleteHHH will try to have his Austin/bloody sharpshooter struggle in the Death Lock too.
ReplyDelete"both sides remain in the exact same place."
ReplyDeleteFixed.
"Coming to the Network this fall."
ReplyDeleteOf course his match would be allowed to use blood. Of course.
ReplyDeleteThey'd care more about sacrificing Reigns than they would about sacrificing Bryan for nothing.
ReplyDeleteHGH is just the noise he makes when he lifts, bro. It's au natural.
ReplyDeleteHave ANY of them even cone close to an hour (out of three) of wrestling lately?
ReplyDelete"Most of the crowd won't know who Sting is and won't care" - Incorrect people in 2014
ReplyDeleteEveryone else got nerfed so that Roman Reigns would be the only thing over on the roster. Fans STILL don't give a shit about Reigns, and instead choose Orton over him.
ReplyDeleteYou could probably put Luther Reigns into Roman's spot against Brock, and he would be just as over.
ReplyDeleteFair to say that even if they didn't know who he is, he's been booked as a cool guy with facepaint and a baseball bat who doesn't really speak and is messing with the authority's shit. That would get over with anyone in any era. In that respect they've done a great job. He's probably appealing to new fans and nostalgia freaks alike.
ReplyDeleteMatt 3/16 says I just recapped your ass.
ReplyDeleteNot very catchy.
Orlando Jordan is free.
ReplyDeleteAnyone else the notice the plethora of dudes dressed as 80's superstars in the front row? Macho Man, Warrior, Hogan, Flair, Jake, IRS...then after the first segment their outfits where gone and they where suspiciously wearing brand new gear from current guys? F whoever made them do that
ReplyDeleteBoth Rusev and Cena signed the contract. There's enough faults with Raw that you don't have to make up extra stuff to make fun of.
ReplyDeleteI gotta say Sting looked miles better then I thought he would. Legit he's had plenty of time to hit up DDP Yoga... Which he shudda been.
ReplyDeleteI know. How in the world did vince allow those swank austin t shirts back in the day
ReplyDeleteI know it's not going to happen, but I would mark out like crazy if Lesnar beats Reigns in the main event before getting beat down by all three members of the Shield reunited, with Rollins cashing in the briefcase.
ReplyDeleteThe last thing we see on the show is Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns standing in the ring, fists out in the Shield pose with Rollins holding up the WWE Title.
Also, what's the deal with the microphone cutting out on Paul Heyman? Seems like a weird thing to do to talent ON TV week-in and week-out, makes the company look a little bush league.
I noticed that too. He scribbled his name and then flipped over the table. How do you miss that happening?
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why they are leaving with the title, it's not like they won it, so it's not ACTUALLY theirs. It's just so dumb.
ReplyDeleteFirst two episodes of Community on Yahoo Screen right now!
ReplyDeleteWill probably hold off until I finish rewatching Seasons 4 and 5 before I watch the new two.
I personally think this was the perfect opportunity for them to have Rusev turn the US title back into the European title (more belts to sell to kids, yayy!) and then whoever wins it from him can turn it back into the US title (America yayy!!).
ReplyDeleteThe true long-term solution would be to build up the current guys enough so people would want to buy their merch. You never had problems convincing people to wear Rock or Austin 3:16 shirts.
ReplyDeleteSo, with respect to Max Landis, it seems as though Raw on Hulu Plus also isn't wrestling. Only two matches shown over the course of 90 minutes, the Divas match and the IC Title 6-man. Speaking of the IC Title match, why does Truth get out of wrestling in these matches, if he's in the ladder match? And Dean Ambrose got a win! YAY!
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't understand why it's not been rebranded the "Russian Title" yet. Seems like the most glaringly obvious feud-fuel ever.
ReplyDeleteIs there a Yahoo Screen app for PS4, or am I watching Community on my laptop?
ReplyDeleteIs Community worth sticking with, then? I tried watching it a couple of years back, but couldn't get past the first 6 or 7 episodes. Just didn't seem to be any substance to it...
ReplyDeleteYet, on paper, when everyone talks about it, it sounds like it should be my perfect show. And I do like the Inspector Spacetime skits I've seen online.
I'm not sure. I checked and there isn't an app for Xbox 360, havent checked on Xbox One yet. I just downloaded the App on my phone and saw they were on there. Struggling to fight the temptation to watch them immediately.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely worth it, although Season 4 might be worth skipping, unless you're a completist like I am.
ReplyDeleteThe first 6 or 7 episodes hooked me right away. I suggest giving it another try. The first 3 Seasons are fantastic. The 4th and 5th Seasons are both shorter and not up to the level of 1-3. But you'll find a few great episodes stuck in the roughage.
ReplyDeleteI thought Season 5 was much better than season 4 was, some really fun episodes that started to make up for the previous season.
ReplyDeleteI preferred much of Season 4 to Post-Troy Season 5.
ReplyDeleteYUCK as I typed that the Changnesia thing started in Episode 1 of Season 4. Forgot that was Season 4. Might have to rescind my preference.
Season 5 was really great for the first 4 episodes until Troy spilt.
It sounds silly, but I could totally see McMahon telling the sound guys to randomly cut his mic off and thinking it's absolutely hilarious.
ReplyDeleteSeason 5 started awesome. Ass Crack Bandit is on my shortlist of favorite episodes.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably become some sort of backstage in-joke or ribbing thing after it happened genuinely the first time. Hilarity. ;)
ReplyDeleteHe's been training with HHH apparentely. Certainly looks better than he has in the past.
ReplyDeleteIt was posted on Reddit. Security threatened to kick them out unless they took all their gear off and gave them all John Cena and Uso shirts to wear instead.
ReplyDeleteOPEN THIS LINK,,,
ReplyDelete<img src=http://dpsq2uzakdgqz.cloudfront.net/banners/rwj200x200.gif border=0>
It's pathetic - folk have been dressing up to go to the wrasslin' for years. There's barely a show without a Hulkster in the audience somewhere nowadays. :(
ReplyDeleteRumor is that Triple H was going to go over Sting at the last minute because he had been showing up un-tanned and flabby.
ReplyDelete"The guy who wears white face paint is way too pale for me to lose to, brother!"
ReplyDeleteOne thing I don't get is fans of TV shows clamoring for movies of the show. Like Arrested Development and Community. People clamored for an Arrested Development movie for years. People say "Six Seasons and a movie!" For Community.
ReplyDeleteI'd much rather have a whole season of the show rather than an hour and a half movie.
Well..yea that makes sense too. I just meant since there's a history of the European title, and European Russia, but the Russian Title would make sense too.
ReplyDeleteSix Seasons and a Movie got taken up because it was mentioned in the show for The Cape, when Jeff said it would canceled, Abed shouted it as he ran away. When the show started to get on the bubble, "Six Seasons and a Movie" became a rallying cry to bring it back.
ReplyDeleteIt has less to do with people wanting a Community movie and more of a show of support for the show.
Are you joking?
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one excited at the idea that Sting and Triple H are going to have a cardboard tube dual in the middle of the ring with a bat and sledgehammer?
ReplyDeleteTried watching Raw. Gave up after an hour or so. Reading the review I'll have to catch the ending but that's about it.
ReplyDeleteI've pretty much thrown in the towel on Raw. I've been watching less and less each week and I don't miss it. Last night was the first one where I didn't watch a second of it and didn't really read the live thread.
ReplyDeleteInstead, I watched the last 2 episodes of The Jinx, the end of the Celtics game and read part of a book. It was a much more entertaining 3 hours.
I read one review where they said, and I quote, "Reigns totally outclassed Heyman (on the mic) tonight". Wait, what?
ReplyDeleteWhatever shiny object HHH uses to distract Vince and keep him away from NXT, we should be investing in THAT, we'd be millionaires.
ReplyDeleteThe IC title is about as prestigious as the 24/7 Hardcore title at this point.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bunch of guys who deserve better fighting over a turd.
I get the reference and rallying cry I guess I was pointing that out because I've heard a few interviews with Dan Harmon where he says he's been considering doing a movie after Season Six. I'd much rather just have a whole season even if a feature length movie directed by the Russo brothers could rule all.
ReplyDelete"You need to be spontenuous. You need to have spontenuity. You know the word I mean. It's a big word."
ReplyDeleteOur latest WWE Hall of Famer, people.
Everybody Loves Heyman.
ReplyDeleteI'd watch it over Raw.
If the blog had this best of the live thread gimmick back when I still watched, there'd be nothing put cultstatus posts.
ReplyDeleteAnd a movie after season 6 wouldn't be a thing he ever considered if not for the rallying cry, and saying it almost certainly fan service. I agree with you, just focusing on a seventh season (unless no one else on the show wants to do a seventh season) would be much better than a feature film.
ReplyDeleteWho does the Pat Heaton role?
ReplyDeleteI now dub the opener the "Mr. Hanky Memorial Ladder Match".
ReplyDeleteWell judging by how the cast has been gradually dropping like flies it wouldn't shock me if no one is down for a 7th season lol.
ReplyDeleteSo there's no way Reigns-Lesnar is going on last right?
ReplyDeleteI bet HHH just fakes a sneeze any time Vince starts to talk about NXT.
ReplyDeleteI think people are making too much of the Play Button thing... I mean come on... there's PLENTY more wrong with WrestleMania this year than that!
ReplyDeleteThere's NOTHING else on the card that should be last.
ReplyDeleteAs long as Alison Brie is on the show and showing off her personality, I'm along for the ride.
ReplyDeleteYes....personality. I too would like to see more of her dual personality.
ReplyDeleteTrying to imagine how WrestleMania is going to play out, and so far it doesn't promise to really be good or bad. There's too much of the card that feels like standard RAW fare.
ReplyDeleteThe Tag Title Match? Who cares--we've seen every combination of and endless encounters between the teams involved. No one has any momentum going in. Is this even on the PPV itself or the preshow?
Same with the Divas match.
I figure Sheamus will win the Andre Battle Royal. Either that or he will lose it by being dumped by one of the giants (Big Show, Kane, Mark Henry) to start a feud. This match is all about the WrestleMania Moment™ of Sheamus returning.
The IC Title match will likely be the best match on the show. I'm assuming Daniel Bryan wins, most likely to then feud with Dolph Ziggler over the belt afterwards, though I wouldn't rule out Barrett retaining so they can continue this scrum of IC Title contenders who are all mired at the same midcard level. Expect everyone to declare afterwards "WWE is making the belt mean something again," with the champion doing jobs on RAW very soon afterwards.
Orton/Rollins will be solid, though like most Orton matches it probably won't get good til the final 5 minutes. An Orton win telegraphs that Seth will be cashing in the briefcase soon, because anyone who is going to win something in WWE has to earn it by losing a bunch first.
HHH/Sting will be fine. Lots of smoke & mirrors to cover Sting's limitations. Hunter will get most of the offense, probably at least one visual pinfall. Sting will win and get his WrestleMania Moment™.
Undertaker will beat Bray Wyatt. Oh well. Match will be... eh.
I've been trying to figure out how John Cena beats Rusev without being burdened with winning the US Title, but I think the simplest answer is #LOLCENAWINS. John beats the monster Rusev, wins the belt, then loses it back to Rusev in a rematch, making everyone ask "what was the point of having Cena beat Rusev at Mania?" Answer: it's John Cena, it's WrestleMania, can't disappoint the kids. Match will be alright.
Main event. Reigns beats Lesnar. Match will be alright. Announcers declare this the greatest WrestleMania ever. The only drama is will Rollins then come in to cash the briefcase or not? I'm sure Vince doesn't even know yet, because if it's even being considered, McMahon will probably change his mind twenty times between now and then.
Overall the live crowd will be alright, mostly tired & bored by the end of the show. Online response will be polarized: people will either trash the show or say it was pretty good, with the truth somewhere in between.
Me neither. It's basically Reigns/Lesnar or if Sting is going over maybe possibly 1/100 chance maybe that closes.
ReplyDeleteMaybe HHH/Sting, but I doubt it.
ReplyDeleteI think they're putting it on last. I hope the crowd dumps on Reigns and cheers Brock.
How can you be so snarky and critical of RAW and miss something obvious like Rusev signing the contract?
ReplyDeleteStarting that post with me neither was a strange stylistic choice.
ReplyDeleteThere's no other match that can go on last. It's more like, "Which match is least likely to be put on last?"
ReplyDeleteDidn't know who he is? The crowds have popped huge for him every time he has shown up!
ReplyDeleteExactly. It's genuinely the stuff of 6 year old children.
ReplyDelete"I want it!"
"It's mine!"
"He's not sharing!"
Millennials man, they don't wanna work and earn it, just take it.
ReplyDeleteNever gonna happen but I'd be happy as hell.
ReplyDeleteMarufuji is so awesome. I cannot wait to see him fight Suzuki. Both guys are great.
ReplyDeleteSo Sting is the guy who will supposedly take down The Authority.
ReplyDeleteGuess what? Even if Sting wins it won't matter. Triple H/Stephanie aren't going anyway. They're practically addicted to being on TV. The last time they were "removed from power", it lasted four weeks.
Nup.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.reddit.com/r/SquaredCircle/comments/2zazee/wwe_makes_fans_take_off_costumes_dressed_as/
Kids knew who he was? Wow, they really must be studious in their research of wrestling history. Or they watched TNA. I think the latter is less likely.
ReplyDeleteOf course adults popped for him. What I'm saying is that even if a section of the crowd had no idea who he was, the WWE have booked him to be a pretty cool character with good mystique. If this was my first experience of Sting I'd think he was pretty cool, for sure.
Yes.
ReplyDeleteBastards. They must have spent a fortune on those seats.
ReplyDeleteUnderrated Big man match. The Iron Man match wasn't as boring as people say, but it should've had falls. Who would've thought HHH and Rock would do an Iron Man match that was way better?
ReplyDeleteBut that avatar has BEWBZ! It MUST be trustworthy...
ReplyDeleteNah.
If it doesn't, it sends the signal that Reigns isn't important enough. They've screwed up this push something awful, and if they want it to amount to anything then WM needs to end with him holdin up the belt.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm smarky enough to ever be featured on the comments.
ReplyDeleteJust having Sting there to interact last night made me want to see Sting vs. Triple H a lot more than the previous 5 months of build.
ReplyDeleteIt has to go on last.
ReplyDeleteI'm too UK-based - I'm not awake when Raw is on! :D
ReplyDeleteCongrats to WWE to actually use Sting and use Sting in an enjoyable way. Imagine that having Sting...the real Sting..actually do something other than look like a senile old man in mime paint ...was actually kind of entertaining.
ReplyDeleteFalls, or just junk the ironman stuff entirely and do a straight hour draw + OT.
ReplyDeleteWay to no sell Lesnar's promo
ReplyDeleteBryan is Def winning the belt so he can job to Fandango on Raw every week. It's Vince's final burial
ReplyDeleteNot a big Sting fan at all but last night's moment was awesome and he looked great, got me far more excited for his match with Triple H than I had been.
ReplyDeleteAnd then will come the reign of Aurora Rose. I have hope she'll bring us back to an age where titles matter, storylines make sense and blood feuds will be promoted that engage the audience.
ReplyDeleteEast side west side north side south. Vaughns breath is so bad his butts mad as his mouth.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little new to Puro, but I've watched it here and there over the last 15 years or so. (Mostly Wild Pegasus matches and of course Cactus Jack's death matches).
ReplyDeleteWhen I was there last summer, there was a great bar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn that actually broadcast some NJPW. Didn't really recognize the wrestlers, but, I still had a blast!
Looks like Sting/HHH is definitely closing the show. Good thing they had a bail out option.
ReplyDeleteYou could just tell the Orton was having fun during that segment with Sting last night. I think he was actually marking out at one point
ReplyDeleteI agree that Reigns-Lesnar is the only match that fits as the main event, but it's received half the build up of nearly everything else. The opening and ending segments focused on The Authority/Rollins/Orton. Nothing has happened to advance Reigns-Lesnar other than interviews.
ReplyDeleteThe match really should be a tag match with Orton/Sting vs. HHH/Rollins at Mania.
ReplyDeleteNot as much as Ambrose with Jake's snake all over his face, though!
ReplyDeleteYeah I had never seen anyone smile following a DDT before
ReplyDeleteDidn't see it. The sting stuff sounds cool, the rest sounds like shit.
ReplyDeleteThe build is pretty simple. Brock is a psychopathic monster that wants to destroy without remorse. Reigns in the underdog that wants to prove he can beat him.
ReplyDeleteLesner's interview was good.
ReplyDeleteWhich is not what I said.
ReplyDeleteThe argument about whether WWE would sign Joe or not should've ended when Rhyno and Brian Kendrick showed up
ReplyDeleteEasy to miss when the announcers are completely off the rails and don't mention it. I don't think there was something explicit in Rusev's diatribe, either, regarding signing. I missed it until Cena showed it to the camera at the end of the segment and then just assumed I missed it.
ReplyDeleteJust read the ptb piece. Good stuff as always but the Stephen Graham rebook is horrific. I don't get if he's joking or something. Cena vs Undertaker in 2004? Benoit vs fucking Jamie noble?? Running a rematch from no way out as the main event? Hhh vs flair? This dude should book for wwe in 2015. That card is awful.
ReplyDeleteFrom the fine folks at Kayfabe Commentaries.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to include explanations for some but I had Jericho lose to Flair due to Trish turning on him and aligning with teh Nature Boy. And I always try to book it according to the product at that time.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Roku - my Roku stick WILL NOT MOVE OFF OF THE BOUNCING ROKU PAGE!! Any help?
ReplyDeleteI did all the fixes it recommends online but nothing fucking does anything!!
I get that but Cena vs Taker would have been dumb then and putting Benoit vs Noble is crazy.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Cena needed a win at that time and Noble had no business on the card.
ReplyDeleteDo you think he's going to be able to keep up this business with the amount of podcasts that are around today? he seemed really pissed off in a recent interview when asked about podcasts.
ReplyDeleteWow, that's absolutely horrendous.
ReplyDeleteEh I'm sure I've seen better.
ReplyDeleteHoly Irish Drunks Sniper Elite III is fun as hell.
ReplyDeleteI don't get Joe going to developmental at all. What's his best case? Teaming with the Usos? WWE has no idea how to use a talent that doesn't 'look the part'
ReplyDeleteOf course not. On podcasts these wrestlers are being interviewed by people who are much more inside (other wrestlers), and they're getting guests who would never do shoot interviews (Jericho had Hogan, Austin had Vince and Triple H).
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and the podcasts are FREE.
I really liked that arcade game where you actually used a sniper rifle as the controller.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like he cashed in on the right time but he should look for some other medium now.
ReplyDeleteI like the one where you hit the alligators with a mallet, personally.
ReplyDeleteNXT has done a good job of making fat Kevin Steen look like a star.
ReplyDelete.... Wut
ReplyDeleteOk so what's HIS best case on the main roster?
ReplyDeleteCena had been a babyface for quite some time by XX. Why the hell would he wrestle Taker, lol.
ReplyDeleteWho cares at this point. THere's always the possibility he never makes it to the main roster and stays at NXT.
ReplyDeleteWack A Gator Arcade Game: http://youtu.be/rovDFpb7HUk
ReplyDeleteSo naturally they don't think to book anyone else nearly that cool. Maybe if guys like Reigns had less talky more baseball bat hitty, they'd get over.
ReplyDeleteCena vs Taker at XX? That's madness! Cena was the hottest young babyface in the company at that point, and at the time I remember people thinking he had a chance of winning the Rumble and challenging for a World title. He was that over at that point. And this goof puts him against the returning deadman Undertaker? That idiot needs to leave the internet.
ReplyDeleteYou know another reason why people don't really care about the Sting match? Nobody believes that The Authority is going anywhere if Sting wins.
ReplyDeleteAside from the month after Survivor Series 2014, The Authority has been running the show since SummerSlam 2013. What makes anyone believe that Hunter losing to Sting would change it in any way?
Yeah nxt will use Joe really well. The wwe would definitely fuck him up but it is what it is at this point. I'm excited to see him in nxt.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for that, but I was under the impression that NXT pays less than indies for a 'name' guy.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who loves Steen and nxt, I'm fine with him staying in nxt forever and avoiding the awful main shows.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that they actually paid it off with Sting in the ring hurting people.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised a crow didn't pop up on the jumbotron, followed by an actual crow flying out and scaring away the authority.
I'm excited to see Sting wrestle. I know it won't be good but there's a lot of nostalgia there for me.
ReplyDeleteYou saw 2/3 of his move set last night.
ReplyDeleteCena vs Taker at XX? That's madness! Cena was the hottest young babyface in the company at that point, and at the time I remember people thinking he had a chance of winning the Rumble and challenging for a World title. He was that over at that point. And this goof puts him against the returning deadman Undertaker? That idiot needs to leave the internet immediately
ReplyDeleteRight, and aside from a tossaway line in the video package last week, they haven't even hinted at that as a possibility. They're not even teasing that this match will have any effect on anything else going forward. It's basically Sting has his one match, and the next night HHH and Steph are back out there doing their thing.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking the same thing. Can't hurt to have him if they want to start touring with NXT.
ReplyDeleteNifty.
ReplyDeleteCommunity Season 6 is Geo-blocked in Canada?
ReplyDeleteGet fucked Yahoo.
Something along the lines of WM 27 with Taker/HHH is probably their best bet.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, yes. Sting will beat Hunter, and then Hunter will come out the next night and be all "Yeah I lost, but I'm still here!" and then book new champion Roman Reigns in a 4 on 1 gauntlet match for the title against Kane, Show, Rollins, and Sheamus or whoever
ReplyDeleteSame old shit, same old shit.
Just give me 50 Stinger splashes and I'll be drunk enough by that point in the show to call it five stars.
ReplyDeleteI do love his match against DDP from that random Nitro. I was marking out.
ReplyDeleteIf I was the one in charge, assuming Joe's indy commitments will keep him from showing up on the Raw after Wrestlemania, I'd send him to the performance center for a couple of weeks, a month at the most. Just long enough to get used to the ring size, camera positions, all that "this is how we do things in the WWE" crap. Don't put him on the NXT TV show. Let his first appearance in front of a WWE audience be in a WWE ring. But that's just me.
ReplyDeleteIf you had to break up that mania triple threat I agree hhh vs Benoit is the only way to go even though we'd all rather see him work with Shawn. I'd run Shawn vs Eddie, Goldberg vs taker (assuming Goldberg would job on his way out), lesnar v angle part 2. I don't know how to change rock and sock vs evolution though. It is hard to rebook but some things are obvious IMO.
ReplyDeleteAnd they wonder why people torrent.
ReplyDeleteYou can rent my spare bedroom in California for a few days if you want.
ReplyDeleteOliver isn't wrong though when he says wrestlers do themselves a disservice by going on free podcasts and destroying the paid shoot interview business.
ReplyDeleteHey, it'll be a new test case for Kevin Nash. Screw doing 6 moves, I'm cutting it down to 2!
ReplyDeleteBeing booked to beat someone half to death will do that. I approve, of course.
ReplyDeleteI like that card. Maybe you just go straight up Foley vs Orton but I love that Rock and Sock match so it really shouldn't change.
ReplyDeleteHave to admit, I missed it. I'll correct it.
ReplyDeleteOh man, you're higlighting best comments. Please don't feed into my competitive nature, I don't want to watch RAW for the sake of showing off how funny I am...
ReplyDeleteHa, I came here to ask about that very thing. I have Unblock-Us (for the Network) and I thought the whole point of it was I wouldn't have to worry about shit like that,
ReplyDeleteYeah but will he do the 'framing' bit?
ReplyDeleteI think most the rebooks are overstating the Streak in 2004.
ReplyDeleteBlocked in Australia too. That's the norm for most things though.
ReplyDeletePort Arthur just ruined it for everyone.
ReplyDeleteIt pretty much didn't become a thing until the Orton match the next year at the earliest. Until then, it was more like, "Huh, he hasn't lost at Mania yet."
ReplyDeleteElbows are out! It's down to a big boot and a Powerbomb. If he's feeling really frisky he might throw in a hairflip.
ReplyDeleteI'd say do a normal tag and have flair manage but when he and rock face off its the coolest shit ever. Maybe Orton and flair vs Foley and rock and then have Dave win a singles match vs a face Kane or something?
ReplyDeleteI hate it when people use the word "tapped" instead of "selected," as in "Mike has been tapped to produce the next album." It sounds awkward and stupid.
ReplyDeleteThere's a reason a lot of maps of Australia leave off Tasmania.
ReplyDeleteOwens AND Joe in the same update?!
ReplyDeleteSo much FAT.
Farva would have a field day.
Depends how lucrative the shoot interview business actually was for the wrestlers. What could these guys have possibly made to do bootleg interviews that probably had pretty low sales figures?
ReplyDeleteIf a wrestler could get his name out there to a much bigger audience on the free podcast circuit and from that book/promote a bunch of indie shows or autograph sessions or sell their merch, then the free pub probably earns them more money than a shoot interview that 500 people might ever buy/see.
Adam Schefter is a primo dipshit.
ReplyDeleteVan Diemen's land was a fine song at least.
ReplyDeleteOrlando based all you can eat buffets are shaking in terror right now!
ReplyDeleteSteiner's beside himself looking at this thread
ReplyDelete