The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 05.20.96
Taped from Sioux City, IA
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler
Stone Cold Steve Austin v. Wildman Marc Mero
It’s the battle of bitter Bischoff firings! Austin works on the arm and they trade hammerlocks on the mat, and Mero gets a crossbody for two and they exchange more mat wrestling until Mero dropkicks him to the floor. Back in, Mero charges and walks into a stungun in the corner. Austin takes over with choking on the ropes and we take a break. Back with Mero getting a rollup for two, but Austin takes him down and drops the middle rope elbow for two. I should note that this is either really early in the taping or really late because there are dozens of empty seats on camera side and you can see people getting up and leaving during the match. Austin goes to a lengthy chinlock, but Mero fights out and hits a double axehandle for two. Clothesline gets two. Dibiase trips up Mero and Austin goes up to finish, but Savio Vega runs in for the DQ at 12:00. *1/2
Meanwhile, things are bad in Kuwait, but AHMED JOHNSON and America team up to rescue them from devastation. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be walking around the Middle East wearing American flag themed Zubaz at the best of times.
Savio Vega v. 1-2-3 Kid
Yay, more Savio. He tosses the Kid and goes to a chinlock back in the ring, and that goes on for a while. Finally Savio gets distracted by Ted Dibiase and Kid takes over with a spinkick for two. Vince and Ted discuss the merits of being a chauffeur while the Kid gets a flying splash for two. Hey, maybe if Savio had gone with the chauffeur gig he could have ended up in the Hall of Fame like James Dudley! Kid goes to the chinlock as we take a break, and we return with Kid getting a legdrop for two. They slug it out and Kid chokes him out on the ropes, but Savio hits a kick for two. Savio with a nice uranage for two, but Kid spinkicks him again and then misses another flying splash. Savio rolls him up for the pin at 9:43. And then Steve Austin attacks in revenge for the last match. Slightly less boring than the opener, I guess. **
Meanwhile, at Madison Square Garden, the Godwinns win the tag titles from the Bodydonnas and Sunny tricks PIG into signing a contract for her managerial services. And so the Godwinns will now defend against the Gunns during the PPV pre-show, thus giving them a tag title reign of a little over a week. Why they didn’t just have the Gunns return and beat the Bodydonnas directly, I have no idea.
Undertaker does an interview from a casket, and yet again Mankind attacks him and seals him into the casket. Well really he was kind of asking for that one.
The British Bulldog v. Jake Roberts
We get a bunch of silliness before the match with Diana filing a restraining order against Shawn Michaels, so Gorilla sends her back to the dressing room so that Shawn can come out and do commentary. In the Observers at the time, Meltzer was really white-knighting this storyline, pointing out how strong business was and how great of a heel reaction that Davey Boy was getting all over. Jake quickly gets the kneelift, but Bulldog bails for advice from Jim Cornette. That advice? “If the people in the Dairy Queen drive-thru screw up your order, stand up for yourself!” Bulldog works on the knee for a while as we get some thrilling action of both guys laying on the mat and selling. Bulldog stays on the knee while Jerry assassinates Shawn’s character on commentary. They really should have done more with the subplot where Marty Jannetty also threatened to come clean with Shawn’s dirty laundry from the Rocker days. They actually could have gone somewhere with that and had him blackmailing Shawn or something along those lines. Jake finally fights back and sets up for the DDT, but Bulldog takes out the knee again and goes to a half-crab now. Jake makes the ropes, so Bulldog drags him out again and goes back to working on the leg to slow down the torrid pace of this classic encounter. And then with a minute left in the show, the damn Network starts lagging and buffering again. As if to punish me by elongating this shitty, boring match on this shitty, boring show. Back to the half-crab, but now Diana wanders out as we take a break. Back with Shawn beating up Jim Cornette and no apparent finish after 13:00 of “action”. DUD Great way to build up Bulldog for that title match on Sunday.
The Pulse
God damn fourth week taping cycle shows.
Next week: Everything up until now was basically a prologue to what happens on Nitro. THE MONDAY NIGHT WARS BEGIN!
Oh, yeah, THAT show. Mike Enos squashing some jobber, until.....someone crashes.
ReplyDeleteOne month later and NO ONE was getting out of their seat for an Austin match.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it's pretty clear why they hotshotted the belts onto the Godwinns before putting them on the Gunns: it was to further the Sunny storyline and turn the Boddydonnas face.
ReplyDeleteOf course, why anyone would think the Bodydonnas would draw as babyfaces (particularly with "Kloudi" as their manager) is beyond me.
He added so much to those broadcasts too.
ReplyDeleteOne month later and a lot of the deadwood was gone, wasn't it? The New Gen got turfed left and right.
ReplyDeleteJust finished daredevil. Good tv show especially since I'm not a huge daredevil comic/movie fan. However, I was rooting for Fisk in the last few episodes because I like rooting for the bad guy.
ReplyDeleteAgree with your assessment. Ridiculously fun **** brawl with some top notch storytelling and use of several different pieces.
ReplyDeleteThey did a great job making Fisk more than just a "bad guy" but a real character. He and Matt are eerily similar and if you look at their goals they want to accomplish the same thing. Just via different methods.
ReplyDeleteWell he is 78
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of non-fat days the Big Show was in supreme condition at Summerslam 1999.
ReplyDeleteGoing *** for Money in the Bank for a great ladder match, a second good ladder match and a good tag match. That makes it:
ReplyDeleteTLC: *3/4
Battleground: **1/2
Royal Rumble: **3/4
Money in the Bank: ***
agreed
ReplyDeleteUndertaker/Big Show vs. Kane/X-Pac was a better-than-expected match. I'd go ***1/4. I love the end when Undertaker got pissed at the Big Show's sloppy cover and tagged himself in to get the win.
ReplyDeleteBiggest problem with in-n-out are the long lines no matter when you go. I wanted some right now and then just saw the line out the parking lot
ReplyDeleteWas it the gaysex predator?
ReplyDeleteWait, Conroy isn't Batman in Origins? The fuck?
ReplyDeleteSo there is an episode of China, Il. that says that when white people call each other "brother" they have to do each other favors.
ReplyDeleteThis cartoon also has Hulk Hogan on it.
I wonder how much input he had on the script.
So this happened
ReplyDeletehttp://cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/4920150201136.gif
Yeah they went with a different voice. He's doing the voice in Arkham Knight though.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't go that far. I'd say more like 6 months later.
ReplyDelete"Jack Swagger intends on being a champion that transcends generations."
ReplyDeleteWell, we didn't quite get there, did we?
A Marty Jannetty blackball story would have been interesting, but I don't think the WWF was ready for something like that.
ReplyDeleteNever thought I'd see the day a Savio Vega match rated higher than a Steve Austin match.
ReplyDeleteyeah. ESPN put a post on the website
ReplyDeleteSavio needs tobe in the Hall of Fame because he's a Caribbean legend, dammit! It's not like they can outright lie with these nicknames, people!
ReplyDeleteI still say there was money in heroin addict grunge rocker Marty feuding with 96 Shawn for a month.
ReplyDeleteOn the bright side, he could become the next Jim Duggen.
ReplyDeleteI, sir, will not stand for you calling Steven Dunn a jobber!
ReplyDeletewell damn
ReplyDeleteand they still sent him to fat camp about two months later.
ReplyDelete:laughs for 2 minutes:
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing.
It was a 42 minute match.
ReplyDeleteCloser to 48
ReplyDeleteAnd I still haven't watched it yet, planning to one day out of curiosity.
ReplyDeleteKofi always can pull out the craziest spots.
ReplyDeleteSame, how else will we solve mysteries?
ReplyDelete"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
ReplyDeleteMarty really would have been a legit Raven character brought up to character
ReplyDeleteThe first few 24 seasons was perfect for binge watching
ReplyDeleteWas business really strong at this time?
ReplyDeleteThe roster got more and more depleted as time went on. It wasn't until the next summer where you had more variety, but workrate was way down.
ReplyDeleteName 2 matches the guy won!
ReplyDeleteThe last of the taping cycles are always so hilarious to watch. The crowd noise is pumped to ridiculous levels while 3/4 of the arena is blacked out, damn near all of the seats are empty, and the few fans who are still there are bored out of their minds.
ReplyDeleteWell Dunn over the Bushwackers on the 11/28/94 Raw!
ReplyDeleteAnd... uh...
Listen to the crowd!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Are you going to do rants for RAW and Nitro now that you're in the MNW era?
ReplyDeletePS I've been a long-time reader for years but have never left a comment. I've always enjoyed your stuff and rank your ratings > > > > Meltzer's. I believe it was your rant of GAB 1989 back around 2000 or so that led me to tape trading for it and then pretty much every WCW PPV ever pre-1996.
So.. Germans really are the superior race??
ReplyDeleteThanks Hitler!
U ETH A! U ETH A! U ETH A!
ReplyDeleteI intend to bang Rhonda Rousey and be a future F1 world champion.
ReplyDeleteMost likely not happening, but it's good to have goals, right?
You call yourself CIMA. That alone makes you good people in my book.
ReplyDeleteSo to get that dumbass show cancelled I just have to call a Cartoon Network exec "brother". Nice.
ReplyDeleteWhat da hayle
ReplyDeleteMickie James hooking the leg....sometimes, ya know...the WWE cameramen just KNEW where to be, back before TVPG.
ReplyDeletehttp://gfycat.com/DescriptiveOrnateJapanesebeetle
Name 2 SINGLES matches the guy won!
ReplyDeleteYeah, it makes sense to me, because he's starting out in Origins, and hasn't gotten the Voice figured out yet. He's also much younger. Glad Conroy is back for Knight though.
ReplyDeleteBefore she discovered the name of a good plastic surgeon, you mean.
ReplyDeleteNow, the question is whether or not they're going to all be healthy and how many of them survive. The odds HAVE to be long considering the mother's age, and the fact that it's a multiple pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI preferred Savio as KWANG.
ReplyDeleteThis. He was presented as a real badass, and Savio Vega was just not.
ReplyDelete"Cum In My Ass"?
ReplyDeleteI can imagine the promos now.
ReplyDelete"But what about me? What... about... *stares at nothing for 2 minutes* Hey, a wrestling show! Neat!"
"Quoth Jannetty... What?...."
Does Hungry Hungry Hippos count? I hear the guy's a beast.
ReplyDeleteFeinstein was still only really involved in ECW at this time.
ReplyDeleteOnly if you buy him dinner first.
ReplyDelete➢➢➢➢I RECEIVED FIRST DRAFT OF $13000!@ak4:<-Let's start work offered by Google!!Yes,this is definitely the most financially rewarding Job I've had . Last Monday I bought a great Lotus Elan after I been earning $9534 this-last/5 weeks and-a little over, $10k last month . . I started this four months/ago and immediately started to bring home minimum $97 per/hr ... I worked here ->
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I did too. At least Kwang was a moderately interesting gimmick, with the mist and the MARTIAL ARTS. Savio Vega was such a bland character.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the sound of two-hundred-and-fifty pounds of shit hitting the fan?
ReplyDeleteSavio Vega!
Pretty sure I've got that joke right
Who's that guy who can't fly
ReplyDeleteS-A-V-I-O
There the audience goes.
It's definitely still real to him!
ReplyDelete"Yay, more Savio"
ReplyDeleteI was at KOTR '95. Don't tell me about too much Savio.
Mero and Austin are still SO boring at this time. Austin gets going around July/August and Mero always sucks.
ReplyDeleteSure was a lot of Savio Vega those days.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the 1st word that came to mind (besides STUPID STUPID STUPID) is unethical
ReplyDeleteBut he danced.
ReplyDeleteYup, and I couldn't fucking stand it.
ReplyDeleteUgh I thought Kloudi had been erased from my memory until now.
ReplyDeleteFor a guy whose role was supposed to be a mechanic, Steve wasn't having a lot of great matches around this time.
ReplyDeleteThe most annoying thing about Vince commentary is his insistence on using everyones full name everytime. WILDMAN MARC MERO WILDMAN MARC MERO HERE HE IS ITS WILDMAN MARC MERO LOOK AT THIS MOVE BY WILDMAN MARC MERO WHAT A MANEUVER BY WILDMAN MARC MERO
ReplyDeleteMero vs. Austin: can also be the battle of bitter WWE falling outs today...oh wait, the Austin thing was just NEWZ...
ReplyDeleteFrank Millers Daredevil > his Batman.
ReplyDelete