Monday Nitro #218
Date: December 13, 1999
Location:
New Orleans, Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 6,835
Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
How is this already the
go home show for Starrcade? Goldberg vs. Hart feels like a midcard
match instead of the main event. Based on the amount of time given
to each match, it would seem that the Mamalukes vs. Disco/Lash is
headlining the card. I'm not even sure what all is on the card at
this point. Let's get to it.
We open with Benoit
winning a fight against Jarrett in the back.
Opening sequence.
The Artist Formerly
Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Maestro
Between
the piano being lowered to the stage (with Symphony back) and
Iaukea's slow artsy entrance, we're ready to go at nearly ten minutes
into the show. Maestro throws him to the floor to start before
planting him with a spinebuster back inside. The girls get into it
and Prince grabs a rollup with a handful of tights for the pin.
Post match, here's
Jarrett with the guitars to knock out both guys. Jeff wants a
Bunkhouse Brawl (another name for hardcore of course) with Benoit
tonight.
Nash is looking for
Hall.
Evan Karagias hits on
Spice but Madusa comes up to get in a catfight.
Here's
Bret Hart with something to say. He talks about how much he respects
Goldberg, but guarantees a win this Sunday. Cue Goldberg, complete
with the full security entrance. How did they know to knock on the
door at that point? Goldberg wasn't scheduled for a match, so did
Dillinger just think “he might want to respond here?” He thinks
Bret is going to be next on Sunday. I'm so glad it took two minutes
to get to that point. This brings out the Outsiders who want their
Tag Team Titles back. Hall wants to fight now but Nash has to go
finish his coffee.
Gene looks down at
Madusa's chest as she promises to hurt Spice tonight. This is
another of those jokes that are only funny to Russo and Ferrara so
we're getting it on national TV.
Terry Taylor tells
Luger that he has a tag match against Diamond Dallas Page/Sting with
David Flair as his partner. This was announced earlier in the night,
which explains why Luger is so surprised. I wouldn't watch the show
either.
David
Flair chases off a delivery man for reasons of general insanity.
Madusa vs. Spice
Madusa
quickly takes her down to start and hammers away but Evan comes in to
say calm down. Spice is helpless as Madusa wants Evan to slug her,
but Evan won't do it. Madusa gets in a cheap shot and covers Madusa
(with two limbs in the ropes) for the pin. Your #1 contender
everyone.
Post match Madusa
kisses Evan and suplexes him.
Hennig is ready for
Bagwell tonight. Those two are fighting again? Rhonda Singh comes
in and Russo makes fat jokes. He won't talk to her unless she has an
agent.
Revolution recap.
Jim
Duggan comes out to say he has three mystery partners on Sunday. He
survived surgery to fight for this country and spend time with his
wife and children. The lights go out and come back on to reveal
Duggan out cold.
Roddy Piper is going to
referee Bagwell vs. Hennig. Russo tells him to do the right thing.
Curt Hennig vs. Buff
Bagwell
Roddy
Piper is guest referee and makes it a No DQ match just because. Buff
throws Hennig down a few times and poses before planting Curt with a
slam. This leads to Hennig arguing with Piper for some reason,
allowing Buff to grab a rollup for two. Buzzkill is in the crowd and
wants to save baby seals. Again I ask, why is this supposed to be
funny?
Curt comes back with
right hands and chops, followed by the namesake neck snap. Piper
counts slowly to start another argument. He begs Curt to slap him
but the distraction lets Buff fight back with a swinging neckbreaker.
Buff's splash hits knees, but Piper and Hennig get in a fight,
allowing Buff to grab a rollup for the pin with a very fast count.
Rating:
D.
What is this storyline? Russo and Piper hate each other because
Piper has to be on TV (because he was big in the 80s you see) and now
Piper is on TV as a referee but he's being told to do the right
thing, which sounds like Russo speak for let his guys win, but I
think Piper is rebelling against him? Oh and Piper seems to be
schizophrenic because he keeps talking to the voices in his head.
An
unhappy Creative Control is on stage.
Luger
goes in to see David Flair and is scared by what he sees in the
locker room.
Chris Benoit vs.
Jeff Jarrett
Bunkhouse
match, meaning a come as you are street fight. Jeff brings a
cowbell, a guitar and a bar stool so Benoit comes out with a ladder.
The brawl starts in the aisle with Jeff getting the better of it and
getting the cowbell because cowboys are awesome. They're like boys,
but with cows. Benoit comes back by choking with the bullrope and
taking Jeff inside for two off a backbreaker. It's ladder time but
Jeff baseball slides it into Benoit's face.
A
whip into the ladder has Benoit in even more trouble but he throws
Jeff into it as well to make things even. Benoit pulls him off the
ladder but Jeff pulls him down with the rope. Cue Dustin Rhodes but
Charles Robinson breaks up Shattered Dreams. There's a guitar to
Dustin, at the exact same time he kicks Jeff low. Benoit goes up top
but Dustin is shoved into the ladder to send Benoit down in a crash
to give Jarrett the pin.
Rating:
D+.
There were some decent spots here but the ending was, of course, a
mess. I don't know why Dustin Rhodes is here as the man in black,
especially when he's fighting because they've moved on from the idea
of Dustin fighting because the Powers That Be fired Dusty. Instead
it's just Dustin Rhodes being Dustin Rhodes which isn't interesting.
Luger doesn't have much
to say about the tag match but David Flair has a headless teddy bear.
A
sports car arrives.
Piper goes into Russo's
office with a ball bat but Hennig nails him with a chair. So Curt is
La Parka?
Meng vs. Tank Abbott
Oh
sweet merciful goodness. This is a hardcore match because would you
want to see them try to wrestle? They slug it out to start as this
is designed to look like a shoot. Abbott takes him to the mat and
they fight to the floor for a quick double countout. This is the guy
Russo wanted to put the World Title on a month later?
Kanyon
was in the car and seems to now be a pimp.
Police stop Piper from
going after the Powers That Be.
Meng and Abbott are
still fighting in the back.
Revolution vs.
Harlem Heat/Midnight
Before
the match we get the usual “we hate America” jazz. Dean: “We've
got heat tonight.” Saturn: “Yeah listen to these people.”
Dean: “No. Harlem Heat.” I'm not sure how to feel about that
exchange. The lights go out for Midnight and come back with Saturn
going after Malenko, presumably out of confusion. Booker takes Dean
down to start and it's already Spinarooni time. Off to Stevie for a
slam but Booker tags himself back in.
That's
not cool with Stevie as he wanted Midnight to get the tag for reasons
not entirely clear. The Revolution quickly takes over with Saturn
stomping away in the corner and tagging in Dean, who walks right into
the Bookend. Stevie gets the tag but Booker tags himself back in
after just a few seconds. Saturn hits Asya by mistake as Stevie tags
himself back in to fight Dean and Saturn at the same time.
Everything breaks down and Midnight injures her knee on a leapfrog.
Booker checks on the knee, leaving Stevie to get rolled up for the
pin.
Rating:
D+.
This was an angle instead of a match but I'm glad we're starting the
latest Harlem Heat split. There's nothing left for the two of them
to do together and it means we might get to the long overdue Booker
push. The match was nothing special but at least we got more man vs.
woman.
Stevie
yells at his brother.
Luger says Liz won't be
there with David tonight because Liz works for him alone. So we have
female property.
Rhonda
Singh asks Kanyon's agent (J. Biggs, Clarence Mason from the WWF) to
represent her. It turns out she can sing and dance. The agent isn't
interested, but Chavo comes up to sell Singh dancing gear. I don't
see this ending well.
Paul Orndorff is here
and summoned to see the Powers That Be.
The Nitro Girls dance
when Rhonda joins them in glittery attire. She's horrible of course
and shrugs off an attack by the Girls. So in the span of ten
minutes, we have man vs. woman, Liz as Luger's property and now this.
How long until Russo gets fired?
Finlay is still
training Knobbs on how to be hardcore.
Norman Smiley and Jerry
Flynn fight in the boiler room. That goes nowhere until Meng and
Abbott wander in. Norman and Meng get out while Abbott and Flynn
fight.
Orndorff is in the
office, where Russo fires him for training Midnight. Paul yells, so
he's put in a match with Creative Control.
Sid
has a kid named Seth who he calls his coach. Seth says Sid is his
favorite wrestler in the world. I think the kid has Downs Syndrome.
If he does, I have no issue with this segment whatsoever.
Steve
Williams vs. Sid Vicious
Oh
man. Imagine this one in 1989 with JR on commentary. Instead it's
1999 with Oklahoma. Before the match, Oklahoma says the Powers That
Be have made this a suplex vs. powerbomb match, which I assume means
the first person to hit that finisher wins. Dr. Death jumps Sid as
he's sitting the kid down at ringside because he's really evil. Back
in and Williams hammers away as Oklahoma lists off the resume. Sid
blocks some suplexes and hammers away but Oklahoma slips his boot to
Williams. He knocks Sid out but Vampiro appears to chase Oklahoma,
allowing Sid to powerbomb Williams for the win.
Post
match the Outsiders run in and lay out Sid to make sure the kid
doesn't get to smile any longer than he should. Sure the kid has a
horrible disease, but is that any reason for the Outsiders to not
look good?
Post
break, Sid is looked at by a doctor and the Outsiders think it's
funny.
David Flair/Total
Package vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Sting
Did
Page turn face again and I missed it? I know he's been going after
David but heel vs. heel is hardly unheard of under Russo. David has
the headless bear with him but takes a Stinger Splash in the first 45
seconds. Sting tags Page in with a right hand to start a fight
between the two of them. Now it's Page taking a splash but Luger
sneaks in with a running clothesline to Sting, followed by some
crowbar shots. Liz sneaks in to take the crowbar away before laying
over Sting to stop some chair shots. David hits Luger with the
crowbar so Liz puts Sting over Luger for the pin (from the referee
who saw ALL OF THIS). What a mess.
Singh
comes up to Champagne Kanyon and the agent in the back and asks if
they liked her dance. This goes nowhere so Bam Bam Bigelow comes up
and gets in Kanyon's face. The agent offers a distraction so Kanyon
can beat him down. Kanyon: “Triad that!”
After a break, Bigelow
comes to the ring and demands Kanyon come out here for a match.
Kanyon vs. Bam Bam
Bigelow
Before
the match, Biggs wants to talk about legal ramifications and gets
shoved to the side so Bigelow can punch Kanyon in the face. Some
biting and stomps to the head have Kanyon in even more trouble but he
comes back with a swinging neckbreaker. A suplex sets up a World's
Strongest Slam to Kanyon and there's the top rope headbutt a bit low.
Kanyon is up and fine ten seconds later with the Flatliner (now
called That's A Wrap) connecting for a clean pin.
Rating:
D.
Did.....did that match just end clean? Did I just see a match
without any interference or cheating? You always hear about these
things but you never expect to actually see them happen. It was
boring stuff though and the ending came out of nowhere with Kanyon
just popping up and hitting his finisher for the pin.
Norman
hides from Meng.
The Mamalukes have a
body bag for Lash.
Piper babbles about his
chair match later.
Lash Leroux vs. Big
Vito
This
is a body bag match, which I'm assuming is like a casket match. Lash
sucks up to his hometown to start. Vito pounds away to start and
nails a superkick for two. Back up and Lash nails a backdrop
followed by an elbow to the jaw to send Vito into the corner. A side
slam and legdrop get two more, followed by a Disco Inferno style
middle rope elbow drop. Disco and Johnny fight on the floor as Lash
nails the Whiplash. He puts Vito mostly in the bag which is enough
for the win, even though you can see Vito's head and shoulders.
Rating:
D+.
Was there any point to this being a body bag match? I certainly
don't think so, but I'm just a wrestling fan and therefore don't
understand such nuances. Nothing match here as the tag match is
still set up, even though it's not likely going to be anything
special to see. At least this story has gotten some consistent TV
time though and I can see what they're going for.
Post
match the Mamalukes destroy Lash and put him in the bag, eventually
taking him out to their car.
Paul
Orndorff vs. Creative Control
So
yeah, Orndorff is back and in a match. I'll set the over/under on
run-ins here at 5.5. Paul kicks Patrick in the knee to start and
puts him down with a knee lift. Gerald gets suplexed for trying to
come in and an elbow drop gets two. Orndorff chokes him with a rope
but Patrick makes the save to start the obvious beatdown. Cue
Anderson (you remember him Paul. He's the guy that broke your neck
and ended your career) and Zbyszko to help beat up the twins,
allowing Orndorff to piledrive Patrick for the pin.
Rating:
D-.
I've never been the biggest Paul Orndorff fan (I don't dislike him
but I never got the massive appeal) but you just had him hold his own
and beat last week's Tag Team Champions. Yeah he had help, but the
Harris Brothers should have a lot less trouble beating up two guys
who retired due to neck issues and a commentator who has wrestled
like four times in three years.
Slick Johnson reverses
the decision and names Creative Control the winners by DQ. Good for
them I suppose.
The Mamalukes open the
body bag and find....Norman Smiley. Their reactions are actually
funny.
Curt Hennig vs.
Roddy Piper
Chairs
match and another pairing that would have rocked in 1989. Piper
apparently has a torn bicep so Hennig goes right after the arm.
Roddy comes back with some chair shots and Hennig leaves after about
70 seconds. I see zero point to this match existing.
Bret
Hart has been attacked and Goldberg checks on him.
Tag Team Titles:
Bret Hart/Goldberg vs. Outsiders
Hall
and Nash are challenging. Goldberg comes out to fight alone and does
just fine to start with the superkick dropping Nash and a right hand
sending Hall to the floor with him. Back in and Hall officially
starts for the team with a wristlock but gets put down with the AA's
second cousin. A pumphandle slam sends Hall running to the corner
and it's off to Nash. Kevin tries his luck by running the ropes but
walks into a powerslam for two.
The
numbers game starts catching up with Goldberg though and Hall's cheap
shot lets Nash take over. The running crotch attack to the back gets
two on Goldberg and Hall plants him with a chokeslam. Hart limps
down and slugs away for the save. Nash gets caught in the
Sharpshooter but Hall makes the save. Everything breaks down with
Hall getting kicked down, right before Nash brings in the title belt.
Bret punches him down but his knee goes out, despite Nash not
touching him, allowing Nash to get the pin and the titles, just
before Goldberg Jackhammers Hall.
Rating:
D.
Angle instead of a match here, but thank goodness they managed to get
the World Champion pinned six days before Starrcade and give Hall a
second (or third if you consider the TV Title still around) title.
This is the problem with having the World Title match participants as
champions, but giving it to them for four days made it even dumber.
Trash fills the ring to
end the show.
Overall
Rating: F+.
Well let's see: #1 contender for the Cruiserweight Title loses to a
non-wrestler, Sid gets beaten down again, the World Champion gets
pinned, Jeff Jarrett still isn't interesting and Hennig and Piper set
up and blew off an angle in one night with a match barely breaking a
minute. Somehow, this is their go home show (Thunder hasn't meant
anything in ages) for the biggest show of the year. Russo booking
Starrcade scares the heck out of me and this didn't do anything to
make it better.
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6
Oh, God, your Starrcade rant is going to be a thing of beauty....
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing beautiful about that.
ReplyDeleteF+, so things are improving from the past Thunder!
ReplyDeleteIt's crazy how much things went off the rails by this point. Bret vs Goldberg with the right booking and a good angle could have done HUGE business... instead it does one of WCW's lowest ever buyrates.
ReplyDeleteThere are times I forget it's even the main event. Everything moves so fast on here you can't keep track of what's going on for more than a few minutes.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably going to read like a testimony from the victim of some sort of abuse.
ReplyDeleteThere is literally a gimmick match on every single segment . I can't believe I watched this crap in 1999
ReplyDeleteIt's like Russo has ADHD and is on cocaine at the same time
ReplyDeleteShow us on the doll where the PPV touched you,,,,
ReplyDeleteI was a loyal WCW fan, even in the Russo period so I recently watched this again for the first time since I ordered the PPV. I tried to like it, I really did but there seemed to be about 32 matches in about 2hr 40 min. Hardly any good finishes, Benoit couldn't even fight his original opponent which ended up being the best match on the card, the main event finish was ridiculously bad, but on a positive note... Sting actually outsmarted someone else!!!... for about 30 seconds.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking the same joke.
ReplyDeleteReading these reviews I'm shocked how bad this crud really is. I'm waiting to see if they were better off with Sullivan during the first post-Russo era.
ReplyDelete