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The SmarK RAW Rant–10.22.12

The SmarK RAW Rant – 10.22.12

Live from East Rutherford, NJ

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jim Ross

Tag team tournament finals: Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara v. The Rhodes Scholars

The JR of old briefly emerges as he reels off the long list of people that Rey has held tag titles with, including RVD. The luchadors double-team Rhodes with some nice stuff, but Sandow runs Rey into the corner. Rey sets up for the 619 and the heels bail, allowing the masked men to hit their dives. You’d think we’d take a commercial break here, but NO. Instead, Rey brings Sandow back into the ring and allows Cara to hit a moonsault for two. Bodypress misses and Sandow gets two, however, as Sin Cara is YOUR faceless-in-peril. The Scholars beat him down in the corner, but Cara fights out with an enzuigiri, and NOW we take a break. Back with the heat segment continuing, as Rhodes drops a knee and Sandow drops his ELBOW OF DISDAIN for two. That one’s gonna get over, I bet. Rhodes puts him on top, but Cara gets a tornado DDT and it’s hot tag Rey. He runs wild on Rhodes and gets a sloppy moonsault for two. Both heels take the 619 and Rey drops the dime for two, but Sandow breaks up the count. Sin Cara gets rid of Sandow, and CROSSROADS finishes Rey at 12:30. Yeah, they’ve gotta put the tag belts on these two. ***1/4

Kofi Kingston v. Michael McGillicutty

Kind of amazing that Perfect Jr. has managed to work his way back to the main roster again. MM pounds on Kofi in the corner and follows with a backbreaker for two. Chinlock follows, but Kofi hits the big kick out of nowhere to finish at 2:15. Well that was abrupt. *

John Cena, without goofy elbow tape this time, joins us to his usual chorus of boos. And now he’s fully on the Ryback train for some reason and leads the crowd in a pandering “Feed me more” chant. CM Punk interrupts all this excitement and stresses again that Cena can’t beat him. Cena is now claiming that he’s medically cleared and only out of the PPV because he wasn’t given a chance (wow, what a babyface), but Punk backs away from the fight. So on one hand, Cena thinks Ryback is the best choice for the title shot and he hopes that he wins, but on the other Cena was screwed out of the shot and Punk is somehow still ducking him. And they wonder why people still boo him.

Antonio Cesaro v. Justin Gabriel

Gabriel interrupts a promo with a dive, but Cesaro lays him out and hits a gut wrench and double stomp. Cesaro controls with a neck vice, but Gabriel fights out and goes up, only to get crotched. They slug it out on top and Gabriel puts him down with a head kick, and the 450 finishes at 4:40. I’m assuming that sets up a US title match for the PPV, although certainly I wouldn’t be beating Cesaro at this point, especially when he’s just starting to get some momentum as a heel. Crowd wasn’t loving this one. *1/2

Meanwhile, Vince and AJ arrive, and head out to the ring after a break. And finally AJ quits as GM after months of doing a shit job. And then we get the story of her life, literally, as she establishes that she’s from Jersey before Paul Heyman interrupts. He wants the job, which Vince quickly shoots down, and instead names Vickie Guerrero as “Managing Supervisor” of the show. Oh JOY, another heel GM. This trainwreck continues as Vickie upholds the Cell match at the PPV, and makes tonight’s main event a lumberjack match between Sheamus and CM Punk. Nice of them to finally give us a main event an HOUR into the show. Vickie alleges that AJ had an affair with someone backstage, and they get into a brawl. Why would you suddenly do this kind of storyline on the show before the PPV? Just terrible. Oh, and are we forgetting that AJ was going to MARRY DANIEL BRYAN on the very show where she got the fucking job in the first place? Isn’t that “fraternizing”? And isn’t Vickie dating Dolph Ziggler? This show is far too long for me to be angry about it for three hours.

Ryback v. The Miz

The crowd brutally turns on Ryback with the “Goldberg” chants right away, as Ryback tosses Miz out of the ring. Miz slugs back, but walks into a big boot. Miz dodges the lariat, but Ryback powers him down and casually no-sells a bodypress attempt. Another lariat hits and the Shellshock finishes at 2:42. That crowd was not buying into Ryback, even with the complete squash of Miz. ½*

Meanwhile, Kaitlyn and Eve bitch at each other backstage, which leads to a brawl. It involves someone taking pictures of an Ipad and a blonde wig or some other stuff that no one gives a shit about.

Meanwhile, wacky and happy Sheamus talks with Josh Matthews about the lumberjack match tonight. Big Show interrupts. I fast forward.

Daniel Bryan v. Dolph Ziggler

Bryan’s crowd reaction for his entrance continues to be a thing of amazement. They fight over a headlock and Ziggler takes over with a cheapshot in the corner, and he follows with a dropkick and neckbreaker. I find it so obnoxious that even the heels have to wear those pink armbands. THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BAD PEOPLE. Bryan takes him down and hurts the knee, but Dolph kicks out of a spinning toehold. Bryan takes him down with a figure-four, but Ziggler quickly makes the ropes. They fight to the apron and Ziggler suplexes him to the floor before Kane comes out and we take a break. Back with Ziggler working on a chinlock, but Bryan comes back with a clothesline and brutal corner dropkick for two. Bryan with the kicks and tries the No-Lock, but Ziggler reverses for two. Sleeper, but Bryan counters out, so Ziggler DDTs him for two. Dolph charges and takes an awful-looking bump into the ringpost, going over the top and splatting on the floor. Why waste those bumps on this show? Bryan follows him out with a suicide dive. Back in, Bryan goes up and Ziggler pops up with a facejam from the top for two. Bryan dropkicks the knee and follows with the head kick, as Kane leads a “Yes” chant. This of course upsets Bryan, and Dolph hits the Zig Zag to finish at 13:00. DOLPH WINS! DOLPH WINS! DOLPH WINS! He’s not booked on the PPV, but he actually won a match! And it was a heck of a match, too! *** Or maybe I’m just reaching for positives this week, I dunno. Kane protests that he was just trying to help, as the fans tell them to hug it out. However, Matt Striker interrupts, and points out that Vickie has booked them in a game show called The Newly-Tag Game next. Oh god.

The Newly-Tag Game: The trainwreck continues as Kane and Bryan introduce themselves and fight some more, and the Rhodes Scholars refuse to participate, so the tag champs win by forfeit. This was quite the waste. Matt Striker tells them off, but Big Show beats him up on the way by for some reason. Oh yeah, there’s still THIS match…

Kane v. The Big Show

We’re joined in progress after a break with Show throwing Kane around and dropping an elbow for two. And it’s BEARHUG CITY! Kane fights back with a crappy DDT for two and the flying clothesline for two. Michael Cole on Vickie: “She’s not the interim GM or the General Manager, she’s the Managing Supervisor, let’s make that clear!” Yeah, that cleared it right up. Given she’s doing all the same shit as every other GM, I don’t really see the distinction. Kane gets distracted by the Scholars and Show finishes with the knockout punch at 5:20 aired. DUD

Meanwhile, John Cena consoles AJ, but she reveals that he’s the one alleged to be canoodling with her. What is this soap opera bullshit?

Meanwhile, John Cena basically asks the same question to Vince, and Vince doesn’t even know what a “managing supervisor” is either. But apparently Vince can’t overrule the board, except for when he can. THIS STORYLINE MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.

Alberto Del Rio v. Zack Ryder

Del Rio gets a quick suplex for two, but Ryder gets a sunset flip for two. Del Rio puts him down with a superkick that showed a foot of air thanks to a bad camera angle, and he goes to an armbar. Ryder comes back with the Broski Boot, but it misses and the armbreaker finishes at 2:45. Well that was 1:45 longer than I thought he’d last, especially since it’s close to Long Island. * Del Rio gives him an extended armbreaker afterwards, just so we know that Ryder is a super-duper-jobber.

Meanwhile, John Cena confronts Vickie about the shenanigans.

Meanwhile, Paul Heyman soothes Punk’s ego.

Lumberjack match: CM Punk v. Sheamus

Both guys have trouble with the lumberjacks early and Sheamus works on a headlock, and drops an elbow for two. The boredom drags on to a commercial break, and we return with Punk holding a headlock now. The excitement continues as Sheamus gets tossed and beaten up by the heels. Back in, Punk with a pair of double axehandles, but Sheamus fights back, so Punk slams him and goes up, then drops down to screw fans out of the elbow. And then back to a chinlock. OH MY GOD end this show. But no, this match drags on until Sheamus makes the comeback for the sleeping crowd, but he gets tossed and fights off the lumberjacks again. Back in, White Noise sets up the Brogue kick, but various geeks run in and distract him, leading to Show chokeslamming him to give Punk the win at 18:28. LONGEST MATCH EVER. *1/2 Ryback heads out before Punk can even celebrate and destroys him with a nasty powerbomb, sending Punk running away.

The Pulse

There’s trainwrecks and then there’s THIS freakshow, which took idiotic storyline twists to a new level entirely and yet STILL managed to bore the fuck out of me at the same time. Now that’s an incredible combination. The AJ-Cena-Vickie soap opera does nothing to sell the PPV, or sell anything for that matter, and apparently John Cena is Ryback’s manager now. For some reason.

Ratings prediction: 2.3. LET THE BLOODBATH IN STAMFORD BEGIN!

Comments

  1. Let it play out and see where it goes.

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  2. They had to show Vince already in the ring to save time for the stupid game show. I like his entrances. Also, have they cleared up on how Vince is back in charge? Didn't he get fired which gave us COOHHH? I'm still a sucker so I'll be getting the PPV just to see if Punk is good enough to get *** out of Ryback. I kept waiting for "this Sunday, the special guest referee is.....John Cena!!!"

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  3. managing supervisor sounds like a knock on someone in a corporate office. like a number two suddenly in charge but not given the real job. kinda seems like a "rib" on someone

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  4. He's not in charge. Vince is just relaying the Board's decisions. Even he didn't know what a "Managing Supervisor" was...

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  5. I loved the hell out of Bryan/Ziggler.


    Also, why NOT make Cena a manager? Let the guy just take time off for a while and manage people. He's still on TV to sell merchandise and either get booed or not, but someone else who can't talk does the wrestling.

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  6. Okay, I didn't watch most of this show, but I'll still gripe because I'm a hypocrite...

    Gabriel beat Cesaro--did I read that right? Does somebody on staff read the posts here? Did they see our enthusiasm for the new guy and decide to screw with us?

    Cena being "involved" with AJ has Homer Simpson's "Poochie" written all over it. We have to include him and his "acting" ability in all of the major storylines, apparently. I did see that Cena-Vince segment and found it pretty hilarious that Vince couldn't even make sense out of it.

    So, let's get this hierarchy straight-- The Board of Directors > the Chairman > the COO > the Managing Supervisor > the GM > the Interim GM > the Commisioner > the Sheriff (circa 2004). Am I getting this right?

    People are wanting to blame the 3 hour shows, but the last few weeks seem to be more of the writing/booking staff's fault in terms of my lack of overall enjoyment. I can't make sense of why certain guys are winning and losing, I see zero progression in the wrestlers the last three weeks, and I definitely can't make sense out of the AJ nonsense. She's on probation and had dinner with Cena and is then forced to resign?

    If you've ever seen AJ's mainstream interviews, she's adorably awkward and a sweet girl. Cena's character is stale and obnoxious. Please do not pair them up. Let her wrestle, and/or let her be crazy with Bryan or Chris Hero or somebody.

    But at least we had the biggest lumberjack match in Raw history, right?

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  7. I think RAW is becoming an allegory for the horrible state of your electoral system.

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  8. Full disclosure: I watched about 30-35 minutes total of this show due to football. However, I still believe that from Raw 1000 to early October we had some decently written/booked shows that had something for everyone. This month has been junk, give or take a couple good segments per week.

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  9. The whole AJ/Vickie/Cena/Managing Supervisor deal was obviously cooked up in a panic after Vince's big "results" or resignations" ultimatum a few weeks ago. I can just imagine them all crowding around a table, "what do we do? Um, how about Cena starts dating AJ! They loved the love triangle angle with Punk and Bryan, right? And then Vickie can take over her job, she was sooooo funny on Smackdown, but as a twist, we'll call her a, um, managing supervisor instead of a GM!" Mr. McMahon, can you stop giving Cena a shoulder rub and let us know if that's okay?

    And a three hour Raw can be fun to watch if they just sent various guys out there to work 10 minute matches of different styles (a la Cruiserweights and Benoit/Malenko/Eddie on Nitro), rather than recapping only the main event feuds, whatever fucking cause Stephanie is giving promo interviews for this week, and what Cena is up to in the back.

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  10. ...except for when Vince ignores the board and does what he wants.

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  11. On a small note, as goofy as that tape (KT-Tape) Cena had on his elbow LOOKS, as someone who has had to use that often for sports injuries, that shit is unbelievably effective.... But yeah, looks hella weird.

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  12. I didn't see Raw tonight, but I think the most shocking (in a damn good way) thing about reading this rant is that a WWE show began with A MATCH

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  13. Which, in recent memory, has been what?

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  14. D-Bry has won one singles match since SummerSlam and that was on Saturday Morning Slam against Tyson Kidd. The guy is still more over than anyone else. I know "short guy with a funny beard" doesn't make Vince's pants get tighter, but they've gone out of their way to sandbag him and he just gets more popular.

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  15. Because him as a manager hurts his "client". He's the true draw...ahem...and will eclipse anyone he's paired with. Hell, he basically gave up a World title shot so Ryder could get a US title shot last year(after beating him in a match he coulda just laid down in for the same reward), and Ryder became the man he is today because of that friendship.

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  16. Well on the plus side, the opening tag match, Bryan/Ziggler, Big Show's chokeslam on Sheamus and Eve's glasses were all good.

    On the downside, this is one of the most disorganized clusterfucks I have ever seen not just in wrestling but in all of TV in general. Even David Lynch would have been confused by tonight's show. And can we all agree that the evil GM/Commissioner/Managing Supervisor/Sheriff/Deputy is the most overdone character in WWE history? It's become the new version of the angry black cop in every 80's action movie, only not as entertaining.

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  17. The main event was a snoozefest. My god did that suck.

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  18. On the plus side(kinda) at least it's a back-handed explanation for why AJ couldn't just marry Bryan anyway when Vince offered her the job, since that would be fraternizing. Sadly, I doubt anyone will ever make that corrolation in Stamford, but it's almost a nice touch.

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  19. What I hate the most about WWE now is that Vince and everyone up at the corporate office arent trying to produce a wrestling show or even a sport entertainment show.


    They're trying to produce some sort of pop culture SNL crap for "everyone". They're basically trying to make a show about wrestlers for people who dont watch wrestling. NOBODY WINS!


    Dumb catchphrases, constant mention of social media, go-nowhere storylines, inconsistent booking.... list goes on!


    My dad made a beautiful statement when watching today. "None of them seem tough."

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  20. Vickie as the GM again? Am I reading that right?

    I think WWE should be pushing Gabriel, but having him beat Cesaro out of nowhere in a 5 minute match was the wrong move. Gabriel needed to be built up first. At least it should lead to a good match at the PPV. They are booking that match, right?

    WWE actually has their wrestlers wearing pink to support awareness for breast cancer? Including the heels? Does breast cancer really need more awareness? I think pretty much everybody already knows about it.

    AJ is dating John Cena? Why didn't they just put her back together with Daniel Bryan 3 months ago and skip the crappy GMAJ period?

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  21. Is it too soon to name myself the "Observing Consultant" of the BoD?

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  22. If Stephanie had any other last name, she had been out on her ass years ago. Never put anyone you can't fire in a position of power.

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  23. I saw this show and I don't even remember what match it started with. That's what you get with three hours every week.

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  24. Didn't watch.. don't do the live 3 hour shows anymore... it's just too painful. Until they go back to 2 hours I doubt I'll watch a live Raw again. I'm so glad I missed this trainwreck.

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  25. As the Assistant Managing General Post Supervisor, I think this is an appropriate position for you.

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  26. Making a match between himself and CM Punk.

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  27. So glad I didn't watch Raw tonight. Still have my fingers crossed for under a 2/very low 2.

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  28. Is it really time to switch the BoD's header back to "For some reason"?

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  29. And it was all downhill from there.

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  30. Hold that thought! I think that's going to be the topic of a Cesaro vignette in a couple of weeks.

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  31. "But apparently Vince can’t overrule the board, except for when he can. THIS STORYLINE MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE"

    To play devils advocate here, have they EVER shown Vince overriding the "deux ex machina" board of directors? I'm drawing a blank to him ever doing that.

    Also you'd think this show would end with Rybeck squashing all the jobers err... I mean lumberjacks that are at ringside that would leave Punk quivering in fear on the rampway, and have Rybeck looking dominant going into the Pay Per View. But NO, WWE can't book THAT right, even when the opportunity for them to do it is RIGHT THERE?

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  32. Anytime Vince has made a decision in the last year, the magical Board of Directors are never mentioned and suddenly don't exist.

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  33. That's not a fair example since everyone in the company can do that, including obviously the bath salt-addicted custodian who books Ryder's matches.

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  34. Wrestlers challenge each other to matches all of the time. You can add Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler to the list of people who've "ignored the board" as well.

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  35. When has Vince made a decision in the past year? It's been well over a year since the COOHHH took over his duties.

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  36. No, Vickie as the Managing Supervisor. Please pay attention.

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  37. It's just overdone, period, whether the authority figure is good or bad. They need to just dump this trope entirely. It's been nearly 15 years of nonstop authority figures!

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  38. Big Johnny says hi from his Twitter account.

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  39. He's the tag team champions! How many singles matches is he supposed to be winning?

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  40. Vince didn't make him the General Manager. He merely announced the Board's (the Borg's?) decision.

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  41. Because there is such a huge difference between GM and managing supervisor.

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  42. So? That doesn't mean he overrides them. It means that the writers don't use that convenient storytelling device every time. Or they can't remember it, I forget which one it is.

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  43. But Vince did fire him and it was never made clear whether the Board allowed him to do that.

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  44. Yeah whatever, if it quacks like a duck, IT'S A DUCK.

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  45. They could book a battle royal where Ryback single-handily threw out every competitor past present and future, but as long as Cena continues to basically say "it should be me, but hey, it's that other guy, even though I'm the one who can beat you" it wont matter. It's becoming obvious the main difference between Cena 2k12 and HHH 2001-2004 is at least in every HHH interview he would just openly say "this is my show, I'm the only one who matters".

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  46. What if it's a goose?

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  47. Than you chase it around the circle before it takes your spot. :p

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  48. So...Booker T....is...a duck?

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  49. And Stevie Ray is a yak. FROOT BOOTY!!!

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  50. Does it have to be? Whether the board allowed him to do that or not, isn't suddenly a contradiction of anything.

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  51. Vince knows what a General Manager is, but he doesn't know what a Managing Supervisor. Therefore, they must be different. QED.

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  52. I doubt he knows what a general manager is either.

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  53. Finding logic in a WWE storyline is like buying a where's waldo book where they forgot to draw Waldo in the crowd.

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  54. Wikipedia states:

    "The chairman, also commonly chair, is the highest officer of an organized group such as a board committee, or deliberative assembly. The person holding the office is typically elected or appointed by the members of the group. The chairman presides over meetings of the assembled group and conducts its business in an orderly fashion. When the group is not in session, the officer's duties often include acting as its head, its representative to the outside world and its spokesperson."

    So, as chairman, Vince is well within his rights to act on his own, though the Board reserves the right to overrule him.

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  55. He has to know what a general manager is, because he created the position.

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  56. And anyway, the Chairman of the Board is free to act as the proxy of the Board when the Board is not in session.

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  57. Just wait 16-20 years when she can dig the Women's tag titles out the graves of the Glamour Girls and put them on Aurora Rose and Murphy Claire.(Her and HHH's oldest two daughters if you are confused.)

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  58. most of those they put him in? (btw: if he is part of a tag team... maybe, just maybe... try to let him compete in tag team matches?)

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  59. Speaking of which, why is it Raw, in the 47 years it has been on if you included the extra hours it feels like during these shows now, has had nothing but heel GM's when Smackdown has had babyfaces Teddy Long, Booker T, and Stephanie(every other week)? They had some heels, but the longest running ones where the babyfaces.

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  60. Should have had AJ fucking Dolph, at least that would make more sense AND explain why Vicky was such a cunt towards AJ (IE she was fucking Vicky's boytoy behind her back)

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  61. But they're making him out to be the weak link in the team.

    They're telling stories. You just have to wait for it to play out.

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  62. I'm sad that I can only give this 1 up-vote...

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  63. But they *are* producing a wrestling show. It's called WWE Main Event.

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  64. I really hate what they're doing with Bryan right now. Yeah, he's the Tag Team Champions of the World, but still, they're blowing it with him. WWE needs a new star, pronto, and Bryan was they're best shot. But nooooo, he's getting too over, gotta job him out before he threatens Cena's spot!

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  65. They should be producing a wrestling show called Raw on Monday nights. It's not like they don't know how, they did it for quite a long time. Actually, they might not know how anymore, with most of the wrestling people having been canned in favor of TV writers who if they were any good at writing TV shows wouldn't be working for a wrestling company, WWE may have forgotten about it.

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  66. I thought they were the Bored of Directors

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  67. The fuck you talking about? *eats a peanut*

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  68. Well isn't it obvious that board allowed him to do it, since you know, he did it? Deductive reasoning.

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  69. the problem: it's just a "wrestling show" for everybody NOT working for the WWE.

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  70. Wasn't Mike Adamle a babyface GM?

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  71. First, Matt Stryker really should be managing The Rhodes Scholars. Second, AJ resigned because she was fraternizing since she became GM. The other 'relationships' were before she became GM. Makes perfect sense.

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  72. I don't ever watch Raw live (as I'm from Wales/it's three hours long), but as long as you fast-forward through the shit, there's usually an hour of decent stuff in there. In this case, the tag match, Bryan/Ziggler, and I thought the main event was decent - did what it needed to at least. I can happily ignore the GM nonsense and Cena promos, although God knows how anyone watches the whole thing.

    They have a lot of potential in their roster, but unless they're going to use these people in the storylines, why bother? It's been an issue for years, of course, but Vickie/AJ has no pay-off and no potential to make money, so why do they insist on recycling these power struggle angles?

    I will say that Ryback/Punk match/outcome has me interested, I'm looking forward to the tag title match (and have enjoyed having a tournament), and Sheamus has at least shown ass during the Big Show feud (although there's no doubt he's winning clean on Sunday).

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  73. CUZ SUCKAZ GOTZ TA KNOW!!!

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  74. i SAID 2.4 ON FACEBOOK. So its a race to the bottom Scott

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  75. This whole angle is just an excuse to keep John Cena on television in a non-wrestling role while he recovers from shoulder surgery.

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  76. If they wanted to do a nonsensical angle about AJ's ouster as GM then they should have just revealed that she attacked Kaitlyn. At least then it would have led her back into the ring rather than just more silly soap opera storylines.

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  77. Why don't they just make him a commentator like they did when Punk was injured?

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  78. I thought Cena conceded his title shot last week? Now he's complaining about not getting the title shot that he willingly conceded? The man is mentally unstable!

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  79. Yeah, but that would have interfered with their long-term plans on Smackdown with their 14 GMs and assistant GMs.

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  80. The fact that we as fans now have to resort to looking up corporate power structures on Wikipedia in order to even understand the show says a lot about the product and who they're really booking for, I think.

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  81. Laminated corporate organizational charts available at WWEShopZone for just $4.99!!!

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  82. Is it safe to say that last week's "wheels spinning in place" Impact still beat last night's Raw?

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  83. haha that might expose Cena's lack of character if he tries doing colour.

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  84. The only one with a legitimate gripe regarding the WWE Title is Rey Mysterio, and you don't see him cutting whiny, sour grapes promos every Monday night. They handed Cena a title shot an hour after Rey won the tournament, and Rey never got a single rematch. Cena then gets several more opportunities handed to him, but is still a victim somehow? Again, why are we supposed to cheer for this guy??? So sick of the "tell, don't show" booking that insults the intelligence of anyone over the age of 12.

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  85. So I turn to Raw for the last hour and a half or so. The baseball/football games were bloodbaths at the time, and I have no interest in watching a debate between a snob and someone that means well but can't get anything done, and I at least thought it was going to be somewhat entertaining.

    Boy, was I wrong.

    Tell me something. WWE is supposed to be marketing itself towards kids, right? Then why are all the faces anyone cares the slightest bit about (save Cena and Ryback) getting whipped WCW-style? Furthermore, how is anyone supposed to be convinced to stick around when the company insists on devoting what seems like half of a three-hour show to a general manager nobody wants? I hope this show bombed in the ratings, and I'm a little disappointed I didn't contribute to it.

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  86. Okay, updated hierarchy or chain of command for WWE...

    The Board of Directors (they have mystical powers at this point) > the Chairman > the COO > Anyone named McMahon who wants to show up, but not Vince the Chairman > GM > Managing Supervisor > interim GM > Commissioner > Sheriff > Assistant GM or "Assistant to the GM" > the Champion (who once a year actually has control of non-mandatory title matches).

    Am I leaving anything out?

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  87. The sad thing is that the snob and well-meaning idiot monikers could apply to both candidates. The bottom line is that they're both elitist, smug, and basically puppets for their party in a government being destroyed by partisanship.

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  88. Ryback better hope there's not a snarky crowd on Sunday. It's going to be embarrassing when a PPV Main Event in 2012 is serenaded by Gold-Berg chants for 20 minutes.

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  89. I think they forgot how to write for wrestling without one. I'm being serious.

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  90. So she gets a front row seat to next week's show, then is magically reinstated the following Monday?

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  91. Since some people on here are openingly cheering for jeff hardy to havesome kind of drug related slip up so he gets fired I've decided to do the same for aj who is about two billion times less entertaining. I'm personally opening it involves her driving drunk and high on coke through Connecticut where she runs over linda McMahon's senate opponents kid. Then she screams anti semetic remarks while being arrested. The police investigation should reveal she was on her way to an orgy with hhh, jeff jarrett, and abullah the butcher who were all dressed like the macho man and were going to gangbang her while she pretended to be 14 year old Stephanie McMahon.

    That should be enough to keep her off tv right?

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  92. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 23, 2012 at 8:25 AM

    They're in Atlanta, right? The crowd might not be snarky, BUT they just might be full of Goldberg fans. Could be interesting.

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  93. It's been said before and I'll say it again, no one gives a shit about power struggles anymore. Do they really think people care about job titles and who has what power to run what show when it all changes every two months anyway? If I want to watch people get ahead based on the Peter Principle or undeserving people receive nonsensical job titles for the sake of just finding a place for them in the company then all I have to do is go to my current job. I'd rather not deal with that when I'm trying to watch wrestling.

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  94. Maybe. Either way, he pronounced it "babbyfatz."

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  95. Striker managing Rhodes Scholars would work well, I'd think--a nice callback to his original gimmick/real life job. I just think he makes a lame heel/heel manager, though.


    For me, "this is my mark-out moment. I'm marking out!" is the pinnacle and essence of Striker, and that's fine with me.

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  96. Wish I couldn't agree with this, but...

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  97. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 23, 2012 at 8:39 AM

    I probably defend WWE programming as much as anyone here, but good God I just can't do it today. It's not even that the show was top to bottom awful—there's always some really good matches (Ziggler-Bryan, Rhodes Scholars-Rey/Cara) and stuff mixed in. It's just that the overall direction up top is just out of control. Why are we wasting any amount of time on Vicky Guerrero as GM? What audience is that for? At it's core wrestling is geared towards young (and well, slightly less than young) males— what makes them think that audience wants to see nonstop corporate power struggles? WWE has a myriad of problems, but the obsession with authority figures is their biggest one IMHO. Bigger than 50/50 booking or Cena or bad comedy sketches. The authority figure trope kills everything in it's path— it makes wrestlers look inferior, makes it impossible to get heat on heel wrestlers, and most of all it leads to at least a third of every show being taken up by onscreen figures who are not wrestlers and who the AUDIENCE DOES NOT WANT TO SEE.

    I don't know why, but the Vicky segment last night was a breaking point for me. It just felt like a giant fuck you to the audience, like they were daring people to stop watching.

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  98. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 23, 2012 at 8:46 AM

    I really feel like the authority figure obsession could end up being the death of WWE. It makes their entire roster look weak— I mean, could you imagine Jack Tunney taking up twenty minutes per week and making Hulk Hogan look less than him? And as a storyline, it appeals to absolutely nobody. I'd say that the authority figure obsession is a HUGE factor in the audience erosion of the past few years.

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  99. The show started off so good to. Awesome tag match. Then it just went down the toilet.

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  100. What should they do with her? Manager? Plucky babyface wrestler like Rey Misterio?

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  101. Not that they need it or anything but wouldn't it make sense to make Matt Striker the manager of the Rhodes Scholars? He is a former teacher after all and the turn would make sense, given that Kane/Bryan have beat him up for practically no reason. He could screw them over in their biggest match to date AND ally himself with people that can't understand his Striker-isms!

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  102. Roh ring announcer? Or maybe help virgil set up his autograph tables?

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  103. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 23, 2012 at 8:58 AM

    Normally I'd be the first to blame the 3-hour format, and say how last night would have been a really good 2 hour show.

    But the GM stuff just kills me. I absolutely can't believe that in 2012 and pro wrestling shows continue to be booked completely around non-wrestling authority figures. Is there NOBODY in these organizations who realizes what a bad idea it is? I'd wager that if WWE for one year just removed the authority figure trope from all of it's programming (booked matches ahead of time, and had Vince do the major announcements every few months) that ratings would go up. Why? Less segments that turn fans off PLUS more importance on the wrestlers = a more satisfying program.

    But instead it'll be Booker and Eve and Teddy and Vicky TALKING and belittling wrestlers. Fucking ridiculous.

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  104. I think that it is one element in the larger stew of WWE's inability to write compelling programming, more so than THE straw that breaks the camel's back. The larger problem has been endemic of the company since WCW folded in 2001—with no threat to his company in the marketplace, Vince McMahon no longer had to acquiesce to the will of his fans. It's not enough for Vince to dominate his employees, but his fan base as well: those who need his money and those who want to give him money. With no existing threat to his international wrestling hegemony, Vince stopped listening to the fans and started dictating what they were going to get. Is it any coincidence that immediately after buying WCW in '01, they abandoned the "fans drive the boat" mentality with reckless regard by flushing untold millions in revenue down the toilet?

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  105. If they're seriously trying the slow burn to transition Cena into a heel this storyline wouldn't seem so bad, but I highly doubt that.

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  106. She was miscast as the GM, but the D-Bry storyline was great and she was a huge part of that (the biggest part, in fact). The girl has talent. You have no taste.

    LIGHT IT UP!

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  107. Or she was paired with most over guy on the roster which made her over. Since they split db got kane way over and now aj comes out to crickets. They could plug anyone in with bryan and they would seem over while leeching off his heat.

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  108. I'd much prefer Cena just has a Gabbo moment on live television

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  109. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 23, 2012 at 9:30 AM

    Listen, D-Bry is the absolute man, no doubt. But I think you're underestimating how pairing Bryan with AJ was a huge factor in him getting over. Speaking of coming out to crickets, Bryan couldn't buy a reaction (aside from smarks who already knew how awesome he was) until the Bryan-AJ pairing kicked into gear. Is Bryan the more talented one? Yeah, no shit. But they were a really good pair.

    Same with the Hell No situation. Again, Bryan is doing amazing work here, but you can't discount Kane's work in getting this over. This isn't Kane simply leeching off Bryan's heat— Kane brings an insane backstory and presence that the fans respond to (especially in these comedic roles) and Kane's dry delivery has been dead on. Again, I think Kane has helped Bryan's career here almost as much as vice versa.

    Anyway, back to AJ— they've really blown it with her since Raw 1000, but as you know I completely disagree with you regarding her as a performer. Pair her up with a talented male wrestler (DEAN AMBROSE— I really thought that's where they were gonna go until the Cena shit) and she'd be a great asset in getting an entire act over. She's a beautiful girl who actually loves wrestling, and has a unique character and is way above Divas-average in the ring. I just don't get the intense hatred you have for her. Light it up!

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  110. I've been beating the drum for the end of the onscreen authority character for YEARS, so I agree with everything said here. The saddest thing is that I just realized that Vickie Guerrero has now been an onscreen character in WWE longer than Eddie was. I wish they would have jettisoned her like they did with Big Johnny after he was done as authority figure.

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  111. Worst_in_the_WorldOctober 23, 2012 at 9:35 AM

    It's just so fucking insane that they try to portray anyone other than Vince McMahon as having any authority in WWE. There are two month old infants in John Cena onesies who call bullshit on that. EVERYONE KNOWS VINCE IS THE BOSS. That's what made the Attitude Era power struggle stuff work— because Vince was the boss. Everyone who has assumed that onscreen role since him has been nothing other than a giant waste of everyone's time.

    Why can't they just book the matches ahead of time and have Vince make major decisions via video, Jack Tunney-style? Do they really think that people are watching to see the adventures of Vicky and Booker and Teddy and Johnny Ace and The Coach and Mike Adamle etc etc. WHAT THE FUCK.

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  112. I can never tell if you're being serious, or very sarcastic

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  113. I'm wondering if the tag match and Ziggler-Bryan match was put on this show knowing it would likely tank in the ratings so that Vince and/or the writers has a built-in excuse to keep shoving Cena, product placement and Tout own out throats even more.

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  114. I like that the simpsons have us covered for references in case of almost any event.

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  115. Also, I'm kinda surprised that they'd put on such a dump of a show not only as the go-home show to a PPV, but in the city where they'll be hosting Wrestlemania. Do they think people left the arena last night psyched about buying $200 upper deck seats next month?

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  116. I agree with you about Kane. He's doing good work here, but I think Bryan is one making this work and it's gotten Kane way more over as a face than he's ever been. But you are right, Kane is playing the role perfect and contributing big time to the angle. As far as AJ goes, if she's a wrestler then fine. Stick her in the diva's division, give her an angle like they did with eve and the other one who got jumped. I can live with that. But to build angles around her horrific acting skills (tilt head, make weird voices, repeat) drives me fucking crazy. All she does is shake her head around. I do realize it's not her fault. The creative team that wants to be tv writers probably can't stop jerking off over having a diva feautred so heavily in the show, since those are people they can take all the credit for. The double whammy is when they took my least favorite actress and inserted her into my least favorite angle, the heel gm. If I can't get my above scenario of a drunk driving randy savage orgy I would at least take her being placed back in the diva's division.

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  117. Just reading the show results bores me and doesn't even make me want to go out of my way to watch this.

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  118. It was a good idea in 1996 when Bischoff was out of control and using his power to help the NWO. It's a bad idea in 2012 when they're fighting just because.

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  119. good god, I fear what he'd say during Gabriel vs Cesaro

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  120. Um, because Vince knows Cena would be AWFUL and exposed even further?

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  121. First off, I'd definitely watch your drunk driving Randy Savage orgy storyline.

    Secondly, agreed about how "creative" has pretty much taken the stuff that was once interesting about her IN SMALL DOSES and beat it into the ground. When she was playing the vulnerable Miss Elizabeth to Bryan's Mach Man, I thought it was gangbusters. When she was the crazy girl skipping around in Kane gear— I still loved it, but I could understand she was getting overexposed. And since Raw 1000, I agree— pretty much every segment of hers has been nonsensical and boring. So yeah, they should either A) Stick her in the divas division and have her be the plucky sympathetic face (I contend that AJ in that role could actually create some young female fans, if they do it well) or B) Pair her with Dean Ambrose, dress her in a black leather mini and let her smilingly tilt her head after Ambrose finishes destroying an opponent.

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  122. And seriously where the fuck is ambrose/moxley? Did he retire after that regal angle? Is he hurt? Why isn't he at least on nxt? Could it be possible they would try and repackage him as a babyface? I'm dying to see this guy in the big time.

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  123. Opening tag match was good. The rest was ffw worthy.

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  124. Can it really be more awful than what they're using Cena for now?

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  125. Eventually the "fuck you's" to the fans are going to catch up to them. Fans like this Zack Ryder guy? Fuck you, he's doing 2 minute job matches with no entrance. Fans like Daniel Bryan more than Sheamus? Oh no you don't, fuck you. Fans don't like John Cena? Well fuck you, you're getting more John Cena. Fans like CM Punk? Well fuck you, he's going to turn heel and drop the title to The Rock. You like the Rock? Well fuck you, because John Cena has to get his win back.

    So yeah, I'll watch football, fuck you to.

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  126. I actually haven't seen any NXT since they moved it to the college venue— he hasn't even been on that??? Wow. And actually, I never even thought about the babyface possibility until you brought it up, but fuck— that sounds like something they'd do. Bring him up as Dancin' Dean Ambrose, the square-dancing farmer.
    Oh well, if they made AJ his valet and dressed her up in some farmer's daughter outfits (think Sunny in her Godwinns days) I guess I'd be okay with it.

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  127. JR: "Daniel Bryan looks to be in a lot of pain, John."
    Cena: "He looks to be in some discomfort, like he has poop in his pants."

    JR: "CM Punk with a vicious beating on Kofi Kingston, this is getting out of control."
    Cena: "CM Punk is acting like a big stinky head with poop in his pants."

    JR: "The Miz lost the Intercontenetal Championship just a couple of weeks ago..."
    Cena: "The Miz was poopy in that match, JR."

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  128. Even though I'd rather watch a 99 Nitro or Thunder than a current Raw, WCW learned that you can only disappoint the fans so many times before they give up on you. And at that point, you could do everything right again (which admittedly they didn't), and all but the hardcores still won't care. I'm just hoping WWE one of these days goes out of business, just so I can finally quit them once and for all.

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  129. Jesse should have his own column on here to just talk about whatever comes to mind.

    It can be called "The BAKE Sale"

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  130. I was there last night. A "This is Bullshit!" chant broke out during that segment when Vickie was named Manger or whatever-the-fuck-it-is. Honestly, I enjoyed the show live and in person but I could tell flat out that it wasn't gonna play out so well on TV. Most of the matches were just rehashes of matches we've see very recently. Punk vs Sheamus would have been a bigger deal if it hadn't just been on WWE Main Event - which I might add was a better match all around by the two. That made no sense to me nor did Miz getting buried by Ryback. Way to kill any momentum or potential threat for the IC title (but this is WWE we are talking about so he will probably win it back at HIAC) Once again, I totally enjoyed it live - The crowd wasn't quite as dead as it seemed on TV but I've certainly seen and heard better crowds for sure. And for the record, putting Cena with AJ is a bad bad idea. AJ is very over with the crowd, certainly with me, and most grown men HATE Cena's guts. Nutshell: Just when i thought i couldnt hate Cena anymore than I do - He starts putting his hands on AJ. I'm willing to bet most guys will feel the same way.

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  131. AMEN.
    I can't think of another industry that makes so much money while at the same time working so hard to antagonize their customer base. It just goes to show what a loyal fanbase that wrestling has, and how desperately they cling to teh hope of it being good.

    It's also sad to think how good these shows could be with someone else in charge, rather than Vince & Stephanie. You listen or read interviews with a lot of the former WWE Creative guys and yes, they're not David Chase or Larry David in terms of show-running talent— but they always seem like competent writers and wrestling fans who see the same flaws that we do. It's a shame that creatively bankrupt has-beens like Hogan, Bischoff, Vince and Stephanie continue to have final say over everything, when the business as a whole could be so much better with different leadership. The talent is there, the production is there— but the people on top are not, and I don't imagine when that would ever change.

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  132. This reminds me of how everyone believes the Attitude Era was getting great ratings because of stuff like catchphrases and crash TV, when actually, people tuned in because the WRESTLING story-lines were awesome and memorable. Like Austin vs. McMahon was a LONG story that had viewers anxious to see what happened next as was Rock and Austin's rivalry. Stuff like Foley and HHH's feud and characters we could care about like DX, the Nation, Jericho, Radicalz, etc. were invested in from a storyline point. But everyone points to the tits and ass and profanity of the era as why ratings went high. Sure, people tuned in to see The Rock cut a rude promo but mostly to see how he would battle against HHH or whoever he was feuding with.

    And this is related to KingMan's awesome observation as they're now trying to gimmick their way to success as opposed to relying on the bread and butter that built the empire they now rule.

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  133. My god, I haven't watched RAW in a few weeks but man, seeing John Cena out there makes me want to root for cancer!

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  134. I'd be on board with her as the ROH ring announcer. Better yet, have her replace that chick that ROH has doing interviews (Vena? Vera?), she's terrible.

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  135. I think that's pretty funny.

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  136. There's only one way out of this creative morass.


    Book it Gagne Style.


    Hey, sexy AJ!


    Book, book book book, book it Gagne Style.

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  137. That totally explains why she was by far the most over girl on NXT Season 3! Or was she paired with the most over pro on the roster in Primo?

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  138. This guy is an idiot.

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  139. Christopher HirschOctober 23, 2012 at 2:15 PM

    "Oh, and are we forgetting that AJ was going to MARRY DANIEL BRYAN on the very show where she got the fucking job in the first place?" That's why she didn't marry him, so she could be GM.




    "Isn’t that “fraternizing”? And isn’t Vickie dating Dolph Ziggler?" No, they are business associates, they used to date.

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  140. The Fuj thinks you should fire her, Vince.

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  141. I just root for Stem Cells and Planned Parenthood: everything the Komen people hate.

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  142. damaged goods imo.


    whats the point of rebooting a diva when there are way better divas on deck?

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  143. Yes. The announcing has gotten ALOT better since Lawler went down and Coleslaw started playing it straight with JR as color. Cena would absolutely kill that.

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  144. Yeah but no one is over on nxt. That's why it's there.

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  145. Well it looks like I didn't miss anything interesting. And ONCE AGAIN! we need an evil GM running RAW. Vince is trying to recapture Austin vs McMahon and it's not going to happen. Yes Vince you are riding the horse that caused your company to turn around and reach new heights. The problem is that the horse Vince is riding has died and has been decaying for the last 10 years. Time to get on a new horse Vince.

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  146. Wait, they named their daughter Murphy?

    Someone's a Candace Bergen mark...or maybe a Robocop mark...

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  147. WWE is as well-run as the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. I'm looking forward for the next chain of command to go from managing supervisor to safety inspector like Homer.

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  148. Their other child's name is Vaughn(a girl) so maybe HHH loved Major league too lol

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  149. You pretty much hit the nail on the head. Their biggest success in the last 10-15 years was rebel/badass vs. authority figure, and they've been trying to recreate the chemistry since rather than come up with something new.

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  150. Thread jack: raw averaged 3.55 million viewers for the three hours. I don't know what that converts to for a rating but as a frame of reference the show that did a 2.4 averaged 3.50 million viewers so last was probably under a 2.5 but not lower than the show where vkm freaked.

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  151. See, that'd be all fine and good if the rebel badass they keep turning to isn't John Cena. Punk fits the rebel mode. Cena fits the corporate shill that Vince always wants mold.

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  152. With that many "fuck you"s, it would explain the Cranky Vince twitter account perfectly.

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  153. They especially aren't going to recapture Austin/McMahon with a female GM when female violence is a no-no.. Unless they think they can do it with AJ. But Vickie ain't Vince and AJ sure as hell ain't Austin.


    Kill the Authority Figure meme. I'm throwing down the gauntlet...whatever company kills off the authority figure gimmick first will get me to BUY their next PPV, regardless of card.

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  154. That sounds about right. Vince seems to be under a delusion that since he drove all his competitors out of business back in 2001 that he and only he knows what the wrestling-watching audience wants. Combine that with Kevin Dunn successfully projecting his loathing of wrestling onto Vince and Vince's desire to punish anybody getting remotely over for the transgressions of Brock Lesnar and Bobby Lashley, and you got the current state of WWE in a nutshell.

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  155. The Gagnam Style parody will come out in 2 to 3 years once Vince hears about it.

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  156. Maybe the recap itself is boring?

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  157. Yes, the purposefully put on good matches to get fans to not watch them.

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  158. " I find it so obnoxious that even the heels have to wear those pink armbands. THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BAD PEOPLE. "


    I agree... I couldn't figure out if Daniel Bryan was supposed to be a heel or a face. Then I saw an armband and I thought, oh, he's a face. But now if the heels are wearing them I'm confused again.

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  159. I didn't think the rating was going to be too bad, one of the advantages of marketing to kids is that they don't have much interest in presidential debates.

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  160. They flip the face/heel dynamic here that would fix everything.

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  161. "Since you've been working here there's been 17 meltdowns! One is too many!"

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  162. The money is there if someone could put it all together. The wrestling industry is ripe for the picking. I've ALWAYS said Vince is not a genius and won by default because everyone else was dumber. Bischoff didn't have the leadership, Heyman didn't have the fiscal responsibility, Crockett was too ambitious, etc...


    If someone could get a well managed business with a good head booker, it would go.

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  163. Is it wrong for everyone to dislike cancer?

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  164. No. It would just be easier to tell the faces and heels apart.


    Although to the depths they're willing to sink to get CM Punk heat, they'll probably have him come out and wish cancer on Cena (and he'll get a babyface pop then, anyway).

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  165. The idea of John Cena sitting on Vince's lap and calling the fans SOBs while Vince begs him to stop is enough to help me sleep well tonight. :-D

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  166. That also kinda makes Hulk Hogan Krusty the Klown, which I think is fitting.

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  167. I'll have you both know as the Executive Vice President of Thread Moderation and CEO of Indy Geeks Who Might Get Called Up Soon, you have to OK this with the Blog of Doom Board of Directors (or, if you will, the BoDBoD) before making any such claims.

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  168. The downside of appealing to kids is that they have to go to bed by 10pm.

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  169. I wish they would have Booker T act more like an angry black lieutenant. Or the crazy black lieutenant in war movies, that'd be even cooler. Just have him booking everyone in no-win situations and laughing maniacally while they complain! Shit, that'd be worth bringing back GI Bro for.

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  170. I don't mean this as a cheap shot because some of Jesse's ideas actually do make sense, but I can't resist: "Jesus, when JESSE BAKER comes up with something more obvious than you, your storyline is too complicated!"

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  171. Veda Scott is hotter than AJ though. And wears glasses better than Eve.

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  172. Ambrose is in the Scott Vick position: he's doing untelevised dark matches until they find a spot for him. He's actually been on the road with main roster since late spring/early summer, plus I think he had an injury for a little while.

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  173. I think that Vince has long since established that we're all tired of the same old simplistic theory of (air quotes) "good-guys versus bad-guys"

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  174. Then why is he so hellbent on making Cena a babyfaces in the mold of Hogan?

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  175. Yeah, I said a couple weeks ago that when Raw inevitably goes back to 2 hours they should run from 8 to 10.

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  176. He's a good guy that's booed. What's simplistic about that?

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  177. 45 upvotes?? This has got to be the most beloved comment in the history of the Blog of Doom, and must be preserved for posterity!

    ReplyDelete
  178. But if there *is* a better wrestling produced by WWE, then why complain about the other one? Just ignore it and watch the good one instead.

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  179. I don't think so, but as a guy who wants to bang Dixie Carter I'm probably not the best person to ask.

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  180. My God, you are like a catchphrase machine for me.

    I HAVE FOUND MY KOFI! THE GLASS CEILING IS COMING DOWN!!!

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  181. So was Rocky Maivia, they fixed it. They made him better.

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  182. (...writing my resignation speech...)

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  183. But it's my first day...

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  184. Cena and AJ in real life aren't that far from their characters. He's a smooth jock-type and she's an awkward (but extremely attractive) geeky gamer girl. Let her go with a geek, a gamer, or a crazy person. So, yeah, I agree with your sentiments.

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  185. Yes, I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

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  186. I'm just gonna poke you with a stick for a while.

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  187. I decree all WWE heels wear pink shoelaces and the faces to wear the wristbands.

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  188. Im happy that my issues with the product are shared with everyone on the BoD.


    It's saddening that something I held so near to my heart since I can even remember is getting so bad.

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  189. Why should the board override every decision he makes?

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  190. By that token, why should we be told everytime they allow him to do something?

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  191. Just bring back Big Johnny and be done with it. He and Cena are the only two people anyone consistently boos.

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