The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 11.22.12
Taped from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley & Taz
Gut Check Challenge: Wes Brisco v. Garrett Bischoff
They trade wrestling stuff on the mat to start and Kurt Angle comes out to mentor Brisco. Both guys try a dropkick and miss, and Bischoff takes him down with a sloppy headlock. Man, Bischoff is just not getting better. Slugfest and Brisco gets a neckbreaker for one, but Bischoff clotheslines him and goes to a chinlock. Brisco uses a devastating spinning body attack of some sort for two, and Bischoff cradles him for two. Brisco comes back with a rolling cradle, however, to become the first Gut Check guy to actually win the match. This was total amateur hour, as they were messing up simple stuff and there was no flow to it at all. ½*
Joey Ryan v. Chavo Guerrero
Having lost his challenge for the X title, Ryan has already moved onto challenging for the tag titles now. So he calls out Chavo, and exchanges fisticuffs in the corner to start. Chavo hits a senton and pounds away with forearms, but Ryan hits him in the shoulder from behind to take over. Nice dropkick gets two and he goes to a neck vice, but Chavo makes the comeback. Headscissors and slingshot senton set up the triple suplex, but Matt Morgan walks in for the DQ at 3:49. I like how the ref let him hold Chavo in the air for a minute yelling at the crowd, before calling for the DQ once the chokeslam was actually executed and Chavo hit the mat. It’s like Hebner was waiting to see how the situation played out before making any decisions. *1/2 Not exactly an impressive start to Joey Ryan’s TNA career thus far.
Sam Shaw v. Alex Silva
Silva attacks right away and gets a backdrop. Sam Shaw’s gear makes him look like a backyard wrestler. It’s kind of embarrassing. Silva elbows him down and hits a corner clothesline, then pounds on the neck and goes to the chinlock. Shaw no-sells a backdrop and spears Silva down before coming back with dropkicks and the Orton backbreaker. Legdrop from the top finishes at 4:00. And now both guys can disappear for another six months. *
Meanwhile, Eric Young asks Hogan to reinstate the Turkey Suit Challenge this year. Hulk tells him to go nuts.
Meanwhile, the Aces & Eights choose their next target.
Christian York v. Jeff Hardy
Hardy elbows him down, and York holds a wristlock and throws kicks to put Hardy down. And we take a break without even having someone thrown out of the ring! Back with Hardy missing a bodypress, allowing York to put him down with a short clothesline for two. High knee gets two. Hardy gets the mule kick, but misses a charge, and York goes up. He misses, but keeps coming with a half nelson suplex and rolling attack in the corner. He wraps up Hardy in an armbar, but Jeff gets the ropes right away. York misses a charge, but counters the Twist into his own and gets two. Hardy fights out of a suplex and reverses to the front suplex, but goes up and gets caught by York. Hardy fights off the superplex attempt and hits the sunset bomb, and finally makes the comeback. Twist of Fate and Swanton put him away at 10:45. They gave York a TON of offense here and made him look like the real deal, which makes it all the stupider that he did that job to Zema Ion. ***1/4 And after showing respect to York, both guys get laid out by Bobby Roode.
Taeler Hendrix v. Tara
Tara and Jesse now have matching outfits, which is pretty awesome. Tara outwrestles Taeler and gets a quick massage from Jesse, then tosses her around by the hair and clubs her down. Taeler interrupts a makeout session to come back with a small package for two and Blue Thunder bomb. Taeler slugs away and gets a bodypress for two, but stops to yell at Jesse. High kick gets two. Tara puts her down with a knee and finishes with the Widow’s Peak at 4:15. Taeler’s goofy selling was kind of distracting but this was a fine squash for Tara otherwise. *1/2
Turkey Suit Challenge: Eric Young v. Jesse v. Robbie E
Loser wears the turkey suit. My god, why wouldn’t you save a money match like this for PPV? Young clotheslines both guys, but Jesse attacks from behind and gets a dropkick. The heels team up for a flapjack on Young, but argue over who gets the pin and break up. Why would it matter who wins? Anyway, Young comes back with the belly to belly on Robbie for two, and the chicks roll around to distract the ref. Jesse tries to finish with the stunner, but Young rolls him up for the pin at 3:22 instead. Just a comedy match. * Jesse does at least man up and wears the suit. And then Young takes the weekly A&8 beatdown to write him out of TNA.
Kazarian v. AJ Styles
Kaz grabs a headlock and a rollup for two, but AJ turns it into a backslide for two. Kaz cradles for two, but AJ comes back with a dropkick and headscissor takedown. AJ with a backbreaker, but Kaz goes to the eyes and puts him down with a clothesline. Gut wrench gets two. Kaz suplexes him onto the top and then punts him to the floor to set up some Gangnam Style. He’s no Curry Man, sadly. AJ comes back with a spinkick, but Kaz springboards in with a DDT to put him down again. AJ blocks a charge with a sunset flip, which Kaz blocks for two, but AJ rolls him up for two. Pele Kick gets the pin at 5:21. Good to see he’s recovering from that devastating one loss in a row he suffered. **3/4
Austin Aries calls out Hogan. Brooke Hogan, that is. Not for a fight, but just for a talk. He points out that Brooke probably wouldn’t want to take Bully Ray’s name in marriage, and in the spirit of Thanksgiving offers to give her a good stuffing instead. Bully chases him off, and that’s the show.
To say this was not much of a show would be an understatement, but no one’s watching anyway. Next week, back to live again!