The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 04.18.13
Taped from Corpus Christi, TX
Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Taz and Mike Tenay.
Plugs! First up, I have a brand new Kindle book: “Scott’s Blog of Doom Presents: The SmarK RAW Rants 2012” covering all my RAW reviews for the past year. Check it out on Amazon! It was supposed to have been live as of a few hours ago, but I haven’t seen it up yet. Also, I did a one hour podcast on shiningwizards.com today, covering my online career, the current product, and a bunch of other fun stuff. Check it out!
I switched from my beloved Office 2010 Starter to the fancy new Office 365 because amazingly you can’t insert a table of contents in Starter, and I kinda need that for creating Kindle books. So basically I’m renting Office from Microsoft for $10 a month now. It’s pretty swank, though. I love my shiny new toys, what can I say?
Meanwhile, Devon gives Team Brischoff a pep talk, and he wants assurances that they’re gonna get the job done.
Garrett Bischoff & Wes Brisco v. Kurt Angle
I have to wonder about the safety of the Aces guys working with chains hanging off their gear. Angle stomps on Wes in the corner and invites Bischoff into the match for a further beating. Angle dominates both guys and we take a break. Back with Brisco hitting a nutshot and allowing Bischoff to take over with a suplex for two. Brisco with a corner clothesline for two and we hit the chinlock, but Angle makes the comeback and suplexes the shit out of them with a double german. Angle Slam for Bischoff gets two and he applies the anklelock while the other Aces come to ringside. “Now it’s an even fight!” notes Taz. Bischoff hits Angle with a chain and pins him at 11:00. Pretty simplistic stuff, but that’s wise with the limitations of the heels. **1/2
X title: Kenny King v. Zema Ion v. Petey Williams
Ion gets dumped to start and the referee is wearing a camera on his head. Finally, the missing piece of the puzzle to get TNA into the big leagues! Petey quickly hits the Destroyer on King for two, but Ion breaks it up and steals a two count himself. Petey with a headscissors takedown for two, but Ion gets a neckbreaker for two. Petey cleans house, but Ion gets a jawbreaker and Petey hits King on the floor with a dive. Back in, Petey makes the mistake of messing up Ion’s hair, and a DDT gets two as a result. Moonsault hits knee and Petey gets a Sharpshooter in a nice sequence, but Kenny breaks that up and pins Ion at 5:47. Felt pretty disjointed, with mostly King on the floor. **1/2
TV title: Devon v. Magnus
This never happens, as the Aces lay out Magnus on the ramp and he doesn’t make it to the ring.
Miss Tessmacher v. Mickie James
ODB remains your special referee. The girls fight for a lockup and both of them bitch at ODB about it. Tess with a rollup for two, but Mickie takes her down with an armbar, forcing them into the ropes and onto the floor for some hair-pulling bitchery. Back in, Tess with a facejam for two and the stinkface, which gets two. This match is DEATH. I don’t know where this anti-chemistry is coming from. Mickie goes up with the senton for two, but they clothesline each other and Mickie makes the comeback. She counters a rollup and gets the pin at 7:30, by which I mean 7 hours 30 minutes. *
Meanwhile, Bad Influence are the THREE BEST FRIENDS THAT ANYONE COULD HAVE.
Meanwhile, Team 3D reunites to abuse Joseph Park in the locker room.
Bad Influence is out to celebrate Churro Guerrero’s team winning the tag titles back, because now they’re the #1 contenders and will soon be getting their belts back. Aries & Roode come out to argue, and Daniels notes that with the exchange rate, Roode’s opinion is only worth 3/4 of the others’. That’s a bold-faced lie. It turns into a HILARIOUS snark-fest with everyone talking over each other, but sadly, the champs chase them all off. Jesus, how much are they PAYING Chavo that we have to endure this neverending push?
TV Title: Devon v. Samoa Joe
So with Magnus out, Joe gets the shot instead, which marks the first time he’s defended the title almost since winning it. Joe attacks but Devon turns the tide with a cheapshot and goes to the chinlock, but Joe comes back with the enzuigiri. And here’s the Aces AGAIN, allowing Anderson to knock Joe out and put Devon on top for the pin at 3:30. This was nothing. ½*
James Storm v. AJ Styles
Kind of surprised they brought AJ back to the ring this soon into the storyline. Storm attacks him on the ramp and tries the helicopter slam out there, but AJ escapes and beats on him in the ring. AJ with a clothesline and we take a break. Back with AJ holding a chinlock, and they slug it out, allowing Storm to make the comeback. Storm with an F5 for two and they go up, but AJ escapes a superplex and crotches him. Bad Influence comes out to cheer on AJ and they fight to the floor, but Storm gets the codebreaker on the way back into the ring. AJ blocks the superkick and rolls him up with a rolling anklelock, ala Austin’s old Hollywood and Vine hold, and Storm taps at 10:40. **3/4 Daniels and Kaz offer their congratulations, but AJ turns on them, too. And then it’s yet another Aces beatdown as AJ walks away from the whole thing. NOT BAD INFLUENCE! They’re too beautiful for that kind of treatment!
The Pulse
Pretty average show. After months of the Aces looking like total losers, they’re going in the complete opposite direction with it, but strong heels are never a bad thing.
It felt like a slow week but I can live with that after last weeks big show. I think having Park beat Devon for the TV title would be pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteThe crowd was catatonic though.
What's the deal with Matt Morgan? I'm curious as to what they are doing with him.
I was thinking that the Aces harassing Park would lead to Abyss coming back. He could cut a promo about how he was back to avenge his brother. You know, Joseph. Or Park could start flipping out and Black Hole Slamming people again.
ReplyDeleteI'm also wondering if Morgan's bitching about Hogan will lead anywhere, or if it will be like every other attempt to make Morgan a star. I'm not sure if there's any possible endgame in it beyond having him be the tallest dude in Aces & Eights,
The Bad Influence/Dirty Heels segment was awesome. Hilarious stuff, I could've watched 2 hours of just them going back and forth.
ReplyDeleteThe Shield, S.C.U.M. or Aces and Eights?
ReplyDeleteWhats the best heel stable in wrestling right now?
They should have Joey Ryan wear the ref cam and then cut to shots of him checking out the T n' A in TNA.
ReplyDeleteThreadjack: anyone else been following the Boston situation this evening? I've been listening to scanners, national news, and local news (online) all evening... crazy crazy stuff. A suspect is alive, is dead, is alive again... pressure cookers found... neighborhood locked down
ReplyDeleteI hate Anderson's promo delivery. He also always acts like a giant man-child.
ReplyDeleteNO. a one-two week world title reign from Park wouldnt be bad...
ReplyDeleteI think they might be setting up a Micki heel turn (again). With Tara apparently taking some time off, Gail would be the only active heel (no clue where Madison Rain has been).
ReplyDeleteFun fact: it's bald-faced lie, not bold-faced.
ReplyDeleteShield by far
ReplyDeleteAces are still terrible--Bully is the only guy of any worth in the entire stable
The only thing worse than the Chavo push is his generic, unexciting theme
ReplyDelete1. Shield
ReplyDelete2. Aces and Eights
3. Every Stable Ever
4. SCUM
The Aces booking is so weird. When they should have been winning, they did nothing but lose. Now that they've reached their apex and TNA should be giving them what-for, they do nothing but win.
ReplyDeleteYet I don't think having them win all the time is necessarily the wrong way to go, particularly since they clearly have designs on stretching this out to BFG. Don't know if it will make for compelling TV in the moment, but I'm sure the storyline will seem solid in retrospect. Not that this is a goal to strive for in storytelling...
God, I know. Whatever happened to everybody in TNA having immediately recognizable themes like in 2005? At least give him the old LAX theme since they're ripping off the gimmick anyway.
ReplyDelete1: Shield
ReplyDelete2: Aces and Eights
3: Every Stable Ever
4: That terrible Illuminati stable that's currently stinking up the NWA
5: Jose Gonzalez's stable in Puerto Rico [yes, the guy who killed Bruiser Brody is still wrestling. Even scarier, he's 66 years old now.]
6: S.C.U.M.
Haha you were on fire that entire discussion and I agreed with pretty much everything you said. I'm all for a Park TV title reign but not a World Title reign, especially if it interrupts the story they are building long term.
ReplyDeleteNo... that was ajoke from an earlier thread.
ReplyDeleteI cant recall which thread it was but I know cult and a few others were saying that a "one-two week world title reign wouldnt hurt" which i severely disagreed with, breaking down the reasoning of long term vs short term booking.
No i am totally against a world title run with abyss right now.
Bad Influence are the most entertaining thing in wrestling right now. A feud brewing between AA/Roode could be the most glorious thing this year! The "Canadians opinions only count 3/4 of what American's opinions do, it is scientifically proven!" line was pretty brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI know that's what I meant when I said I agreed with everything you said. It was probably one of the Impact Threads.
ReplyDeleteDid Garrett seriously pin Kurt Angle on this show? I hope Kurt gets one last farewell tour in WWE, he has been horribly misused in TNA.
ReplyDeleteHe takes Xpac heat to a whole new level. "Turn Off the TV" heat is how it worked for me. Great firing by WWE.
ReplyDeleteIn a 2-on-1, with copious interference and a foreign object. It's not like they beat him clean, even with the "man advantage".
ReplyDeleteApparently Madison has been off TV because she is pregnant... and I'm talking legit preggers as opposed to badly-acted crack whore Claire Lynch claiming AJ Styles got her preggers!
ReplyDeleteThe "meat in your mouth" comment was also a witty retort.
ReplyDeleteIt's still Kurt Freakin' Angle
ReplyDeleteHe got over in WWE with a gimmick that basically limited and controlled what he said and how he said it. Left to his own devices he just blathers.
ReplyDeleteI think what they're trying to convey is that now with Bully Ray as their leader they have real leadership and motivation to take down TNA.
ReplyDeleteSCUM? The guys who were after James Bond JR?
ReplyDeleteEh, the regular camera does a pretty good job of that itself.
ReplyDeletehorribly misused?
ReplyDeletehow else can he be used?
he has been TNA champ gone over everybody... tried to make Anderson relevant.
Had more **** matches than probably anyone on the roster since arriving 7 years ago... what more can u have him do?
Agreed. If anything, they booked him TOO strong for too long.
ReplyDeleteHe should of had the belt for like 2-3 years straight and never been pinned.
ReplyDeleteBut presumably they've always had his leadership, didn't they?
ReplyDeleteBroke Samoa Joe's undefeated streak.
ReplyDeleteWon ALL the TNA titles AT THE SAME TIME
And yet the Mexitypes are the champs.
ReplyDeleteYeah but I supposed you could see it as their only objective was getting the belt on Ray and protecting him. Now that they've done that, he's able to openly organize them and focus them on other goals.
ReplyDeleteAnd constant leeching of Eddie-heat.
ReplyDeleteYep, now he's draining fund from TNA and making them wast TV time to justify it. WWE could probably kill TNA if they released Orton and Miz
ReplyDeleteStill think Greatest Generation is a better name for Aries/Roode.
ReplyDeleteI like that explanation a lot actually. Well-argued.
ReplyDeleteBut is it really?
ReplyDelete"Preggers"?
ReplyDeleteThey've never called themselves that, nor has anyone else called them that, have they?
ReplyDeleteChavo has never, ever been a draw so this stuff with him constantly being even a tag champion is bothering the hell out of me.
ReplyDeleteThey should bring back Pepe to get him over.
ReplyDeleteThey could breakout Ouija boards and perform a seance to bring Eddie back like a 2Pac hologram but THAT wouldn't get Chavo over.
ReplyDeleteDO THE RIGHT THING, AJ!!!
ReplyDeleteCome on, Steve Corino at least makes it better than the NWA stable.
ReplyDeleteReally. Corino and Jacobs alone are better then every non Bully Ray aces and 8's member.
ReplyDeleteIf they gave Big E Langston the US Title and AJ Lee the Divas Title (pull the trigger already, the Diva's division is in a holding pattern with Kaitlyn as champion) and let them run amok on Smackdown then Dolph Ziggler's crew would be the best stable in wrestling right now.
ReplyDeleteIt's like the Fuj's line about Shawn carrying Triple H feuds except replace Shawn with Eddie, Chavo with Hunter, and feuds for entire career from beyond the grave.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I figure that Kofi might be set up to job to another giant black dude. And Kaitlyn/AJ would be a divas feud with actual characters and heat between the two.
ReplyDeleteThat was so my thought when Kofi won the US Title, they are so feeding him to Big E. All Kofi needs is his own version of the El Matador gimmick and the Tito Santana parallel is complete.
ReplyDeleteWhat was the name of that west African folk hero...he was born crippled, and he killed a xylophone wielding necromancer with an arrow tipped with a cock's talon?
ReplyDeleteOr he could put on a mask and be Anansi. Though a good natured egotistical womanizing trickster gimmick would be pretty cool.
I know, that was a typo.
ReplyDeleteWho do you think he is? Triple H or John Cena?
ReplyDeleteYeah, he's a drug-addled loon. I'm sure Wes and Garrett were sober.
ReplyDeleteThe extra B is for BYOBB.
ReplyDeleteWhat's that extra B for?
ReplyDeleteMan, Chavo's just... I don't get him. He was always a pretty good worker in a field of superstar workers in WCW, and never seemed to have ANYTHING going for him in the WWF/E. As a talker he wasn't anything (he was only a bit amusing as a WCW crazy-guy), and he's just one of those names that stuck around way too long because of who he was related to. He's just the blandest guy imaginable.
ReplyDeleteRemember when Devon had to defend the TV title on Impact EVERY SINGLE WEEK?
ReplyDelete"No one can stop him but SCUM always tries."
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm glad Disqus decided to just throw this response up today, because you're not just the only other person who remembers it, but clearly remembers the awesome theme song.
ReplyDelete