The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 05.02.13
Taped from Indiana, Pennsylvania.
Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay & Taz
Hopefully I can get through THIS show without getting bombarded by badly-executed prank calls. For those wondering why I seemed so grumpy for RAW, there was a good reason.
Speaking of making me grumpy, Hulk Hogan and his midlife crisis back tattoo are out to start the show. You know, I had nothing but praise for the way they were using Hogan last year, because he would come out and get the pop, make whatever minor managerial decision that was needed, and then go back behind his desk away from the action. It was the PERFECT way to use him. Now, he’s the star of the show again, wrinkly tattoos and all. So anyway, Hulk decides to man up and apologize to Sting for the whole Bully Ray deal and how he handled it. But first, he has to decide who gets the title shot at Bully Ray, and it’ll be whoever wins between Sting and Matt Morgan tonight. What have EITHER guy done to deserve a title shot? Morgan hasn’t even WRESTLED in two months!
Meanwhile, Kurt Angle has an open challenge to any member of the Aces.
Sonjay Dutt v. Zema Ion v. Chris Sabin
I’m pretty over this three-way format for the division. Ion gets tossed by the other two, and Sabin hits Dutt with an enzuigiri for two. Ion comes back in with a sunset flip on both guys at once, but Sabin comes back with chops and backslides Dutt for two. Dutt gets a standing shot star press for two, but Ion DDTs him for two as the Refer-Eye Camera gives me motion sickness. Sabin takes over on both guys with a double powerbomb on Dutt, dropping him on Ion, and he hits Ion with a low dropkick and the Future Shock (I think that’s what it was called) at 4:00 to finish. Just a quick little TV match. **
Meanwhile, the Aces fight over who’s gonna get to fight Kurt Angle tonight, and D-Lo Brown makes the winning pitch because he’s fired up and wants to beat him. Were this presented by WWE Creative, they would all decline the challenge like giant cowards until Vickie Guerrero spun a wheel and forced the most unlikely one to take the match as payback for making fun of her. So that’s one thing Aces & Eights has over WWE’s heels, no matter how drawn out the storyline has become.
Rob Terry v. Joey Ryan, Robbie E & Jessie Godderz
This heel group is such a perfect pairing. They should just turn Terry back again and have them be the Four Bros-Men or something. Our heroes manage to triple-team Terry in the corner, but he fights off the clown squad and finishes Joey with whatever his finisher is supposed to be at 3:33. Terry is going nowhere, the other guys are the money. DUD
Austin Aries & Bobby Roode are out to complain about Bad Influence getting all up in their bidness, and Chris Daniels clarifies that there’s no increased bloodflow in this (points to crotch) general area over the Dirty Heels. Awesome. So next week they fight for the #1 contendership and SPOILER ALERT, they both think they’re gonna win. But the special referee will be James Storm, so that might an issue for Roode.
D-Lo Brown v. Kurt Angle
And this is an I Quit match according to a challenge from D-Lo. Angle immediately ties him up with an STF, but can’t get a submission. D-Lo pulls him out and tries to use the hammer, then settles for running Angle’s arm into the post instead. Back in, D-Lo works on the arm and puts him down with a leg lariat and goes to an armbreaker, but Angle powers into the anklelock. D-Lo escapes and tries a cobra clutch, but Angle snaps off the rolling germans. And he uses it as a submission move, doing five of them and asking for the submission. D-Lo says no, so it’s anklelock time again, but D-Lo reverses into a samoan drop this time. He goes for the SKY HIGH to finish, but Angle rolls into another anklelock and this time it’s the GRAPEVINE OF DEATH and D-Lo quits at 8:00. Surprisingly great TV match here, although D-Lo’s cartoonish Attitude-era selling was pretty distracting. ***1/4
After the break, Angle calls out AJ Styles, who is looking a bit more coifed this week. Angle wants AJ’s decision NEXT WEEK. Somehow I don’t see that.
Gail Kim & Tara v. Taryn Terrell & Mickie James
The heels run away to start and Gail gets double-teamed, as Mickie gets two. Dull heat segment with Mickie getting worked over in the heel corner and the announcers kind of drift in and out of the match along with the crowd. Mickie and Gail collide on a bodypress attempt and it’s hot tag Taryn, who goes up with a flying bodypress that gets two. Rollup finishes Tara at 6:30. This Taryn push is what it is, I guess. They’re obviously building to some big underdog thing with her, but Velvet Sky is the champion, so I don’t really see the path there. *1/2 Gail gets a pretty good beatdown on Terrell afterwards, laying her out and applying the ringpost figure-four.
Sting v. Matt Morgan
Morgan pounds away on Sting and puts him down with a short clothesline, and adds a chokeslam for two. And we take a break, as we’re already past the point you like to see with Morgan matches. Back with Morgan choking away. Sting comes back and drags him outside for some abuse, but Morgan comes back with a sideslam for two. Sting fights back, but runs into a big boot when trying the Stinger Splash, and Morgan gets two. Morgan tries it again and looks ridiculous in the attempt, and Sting puts him in the Scorpion Deathlock. To put this in perspective, it looks like Morgan is slightly bending his knees and we’re supposed to think he’s in tremendous pain. Sting gets the move again, SORT OF, and this time Morgan passes out at 13:20 to give Sting the title shot. Really? Was he just as bored of participating in this match as we were of watching it? I feel like Joe Pesci in Casino when he was ranting “REALLY? YOU’RE PROTECTING THAT PIECE OF SHIT?” after seeing that cop-out finish, especially with Sting half-heartedly pulling on his legs instead of actually applying the move. Morgan is terrible, but Sting should know better. Shame on both of them for this. ½* And yes, Sting gets ANOTHER title shot on PPV. In 2013.
Man, that last half hour nearly killed the show for me, but the rest was pretty good this week as compared to, say, last week’s show.
I think they want the fans to turn Morgan face and they're gonna ape Austin's turn to do it. But its like the only thing they thought they had to do was have him pass out in a submission move. Of course, this being TNA, they missed a million other beats along the way the made what Austin did work.ReplyDelete
Sorry for the prank calls Scott, I'll never call asking you if Punk/Bryan was *1/2 ever again.ReplyDelete
Sabin's move is called the Cradle Shock.ReplyDelete
I literally have no idea what they're trying to accomplish with either Matt Morgan or Rob Terry. If it was 1985 they'd just build up these goofs and feed them to Hogan to make a few hundred thousand on the house show circuit, but there's literally no good payoff coming for either one.ReplyDelete
Cartoonish Attitude-era selling? But Scott, the Attitude era was, like, TOTALLY realistic and none of this PG kiddie stuff we have today!ReplyDelete
With Terry, I think they're just throwing him out there to see if it catches. They have no real plans for him until it happens. But with Morgan, I'd bet money right now the plan is him and Bully for the title at BFG.ReplyDelete
I've never seen an anti-hero type more poorly written or booked than Morgan has been. It's oddly endearing in a way.
That finishing "Scorpion Deathlock" was hilarious! That was way worse than EVERY "Sharpsgooter" The Rock EVER attempted! What exactly hurt there? And why can't a guy like Matt Morgan get out of that shitty submission? Worst finish of the year so far!ReplyDelete
D-Lo was in a 3 star match...in 2013?ReplyDelete
I almost replied that Rock's sharpshooter at WM28 was worse, but honestly that wasn't a sharpshooter.ReplyDelete
Is there any way we can get a "Heel Off" with Bad Influence, Aries and Roode, and Jesse Godderz, Robbie E, and Joey Ryan? Just give them a mic and camera time, and lock Chavo up so he quits ruining everything.ReplyDelete
I usually don't disagree with Scott's ratings, but that one threw me for a loop. The match was the definition of meh.ReplyDelete
The slower pace of the I Quit stip definitely helped D-Lo. But still it was an unannounced I Quit match in the middle of the show that could have easily been a hyped main event if handled better.ReplyDelete
Kurt Angle vs. The VP of Aces and Eights in an I Quit match at least SOUNDS more important than an unpromoted midcard match.
Threadjack: I'm watching the new Mick Foley dvd(top 5 doc btw) and it's so surreal to see Samoa Joe named checked AGAIN by WWE.ReplyDelete
Just fucking sign the guy and get it over with already.
So after a year of Aces and Eights, we've gone from Sting and Hogan vs. Masked Gangsters to Sting and Hogan vs. the Dudley Boyz. Welp.ReplyDelete
Rock doesn't apply a Sharpshooter, he applies The Polite Suggestion. He's politely asking the guy to tap out.ReplyDelete
I'd have to watch Jake The Snake's doc again to compare, but I think Mick's may be my all time favorite. After the nWo and Attitude Era docs that were very short, Mick's going, what, 2 and a half hours? and covering literally everything they could was fantastic. I hadn't been that into a WWE doc since the Rise & Fall of ECW.ReplyDelete
I don't think (hope?) that's the case. It's possible the endgame could be for Morgan to enter the BFG Series as an FU to Hogan and be the final or semifinal obstacle for the returning Styles.ReplyDelete
The worst thing about morgan, well one of the worst things, is his overall look.ReplyDelete
Those yellow tights and boots are terrible, and that mess he calls a beard makes it even worse.
If Aces keep losing why do TNA need to worry about them? Why can't D'lo cheat to beat Angle?ReplyDelete
Also fuck Sting, his diminishing returns are well into negative figures by this point. He has minimal nostalgic appeal and no future, the millions who switched off after WCW folded are not coming back to see him, he should have faded away after "passing the torch" to AJ not continue to be pushed ahead of every guy not named Hogan.
Is he still wearing the cape?ReplyDelete
I think 3 stars might be a tad on the high side, but I thought it was decent enough for a TV match. I would've said ** 1/2.ReplyDelete
Perfect time for me to threadjack and whole-heartedly recommend Iron Man 3, which, unlike Impact, takes something that's been around the block a few times and makes it feel fresh and invigorating. Can't say more without touching spoilers, but try to go in knowing as little as possible.ReplyDelete
Plus, it had a really cool one-shot comic book feel to it.
They would but Joe is too much of a pussy to leave Dixieland.ReplyDelete
Prank calls? That's cake.ReplyDelete
I had some kid - good idea who, but no evidence - shoot a couple of holes in my front window with a BB gun this week.
I bet typing "D-Lo" multiple times in one rant is a bitch.ReplyDelete
"This heel group is such a perfect pairing."ReplyDelete
I'm telling you, they should show up to the arena in a car like ADR, but bobbing their heads to techo music like "Night at the Roxy" (Although a car probably isn't in the budget for TNA)
Stings methods of wrestling weren't scientific but it worked. When he was booked to go over, he won. When he was booked to lose he told the bookers to go fuck themselves. I mean what were they gonna do, fire sting? Sting was the name.ReplyDelete
I was going to ask if anyone had seen it and what they thoughtReplyDelete
Thank you. When Chavo comes out, any heat generated dies.ReplyDelete
I don't know why they took him out of the ream with Joey Ryan, but now Ryan is in a better spot than he is. Hogan sees something in Morgan. (Which reminds me of the song in the Popeye movie "He may not be the best, but he's large.") But the fans aren't picking up on it.ReplyDelete
Wouldn't Morgan be Lex Luger in this case?ReplyDelete
Since the SD topic illustrates that here on the BoD, we loathe letter grades, I'd go close to ***1/2 on a traditional four-star movie scale (it's what I'd give it now, but I like to let the afterglow ease up before settling on a score). I can say for sure that 1) it's my third-favorite MCU film after the first Iron Man and The Avengers 2) I was surprised at how it could flip-flop between being light-hearted fun a la The Avengers but also be far and away the darkest MCU/Iron Man film (in fact, I could nitpick that the tonal shifts sometimes come TOO quick) and 3) I definitely liked it more than I thought I was going to; I was excited for it (hence, midnight showing despite 8am class), but I definitely didn't expect it to have a story that could still spring surprises (and I mean, surprises, try to stay as unspoiled as possible going in) and not just go through the motions IM2 did. I really enjoyed the hell out of it.ReplyDelete
I take it morgan joins A&8sReplyDelete
Wow I'd like to see thatReplyDelete
A lot of holes in the booking, and a lot of wrestlers buried in those holes.ReplyDelete
I think a tan 2001 Camry could be in the budget.ReplyDelete
Those guys have enough charisma to make it a cool car...
Morgan will be the mole in their group, since they forgot how well they accidentally set up Anderson to be the same.ReplyDelete
I'm thinking the Sting shot is more to pad Bully's resume as champ than anything.ReplyDelete
Wouldn't be a bad role for him but they should boot some of the other members. You should have it where Bully is weeding out the weak links and upgrading the group.ReplyDelete
Since they are doing the biker thing anyway, make Aces members fight to stay in. Like Knox Vs. Doc or Brisco Vs Bischoff. Gives you some TV matches that nobody would want on PPV but would have enough interest to watch on free TV.
This. It's why I'm good with Sting getting the shot at Slammiversary. If I had a guess Sting will be martyred in the ring and some TNA guy (Storm? Feels too early for AJ) makes the save to be next in line for the buzzsaw. Let AJ win BFG.ReplyDelete
Back in wwe, they would have put me on NXT for what I'm doing. Here, they're giving me a ppv main event.ReplyDelete
I never thought of it that way, but that makes sense. And if that's the case I suppose I'm glad its happening.ReplyDelete
When it looked like they could get 25 jobbers for life in an angle just for putting hogan over, talent or no fucking talent, you knew some people were gonna wear biker jackets.ReplyDelete
The problem is sometimes you have to go the obvious route because a swerve would make even less sense.ReplyDelete
Ive been saying this shyt for 6 YEARS.ReplyDelete
Theres a reason why Matt Morgan legit 7ft 300lbs has not been in a prominent position in TNA.
Plain and simple.
I like that idea.ReplyDelete
How do you know this?ReplyDelete
My thoughts exactly, believe it or not Sting at 50 something gives more of a rub than Matt Morgan.ReplyDelete
IF this is the case, then OK, fine. In general though, it would be nice if this entire angle, including AJ, didn't just copy the nWo letter for letter.ReplyDelete
Usually Sting's chances of getting heat were 99 out of a 100. When he was booked to go out there with Hogan, he gave it 50/50.ReplyDelete
I think ***1/4-1/2 out of **** is pretty fair for Iron Man 3.ReplyDelete
However, what they did, and you know what I mean, was such bullshit. I'm gonna get into some detail here, so please stop reading if you don't want the spoilers. Anyway, the whole film they're building up the Mandarin, and even though I'm not a huge Iron Man buff, I knew he was a bad-ass, and I was really looking forward to seeing Tony have to deal with something he had no control over. Instead, they dump the guy they've spent the whole movie on, and expect us to care about this guy that's just a rehash of Rockwell's character from the first. It's just like Batman Begins where the Scarecrow is built up through out the whole film, then Qui-Gonn Ginn parachutes in out of no where and we're suppose to care about him now.
I did a review for it a couple pages backReplyDelete
That TNA book is a joke. There's only two names in it, and one of em is still Jeff Jarrett.ReplyDelete
I just got into this discussion. Hopefully Sting is there to give Bully a win over a big name.ReplyDelete
I too thought Anderson joining was just to swerve Aces and Eights as a mole!ReplyDelete
That's why they invented CTRL+VReplyDelete
Morgan is nowhere near as bad as Scott says. I actually dig him.ReplyDelete
Match sucked horribly, but I have no problem with Sting getting the shot and (hopefully) putting Bully over.
Those dirty rotten scoundrels.ReplyDelete
"The Four Bros-man" is brilliant. I'm not sure they can get away with it but it would be awesome.ReplyDelete
I understand how polarizing that was...but I fucking loved it. That was a great gamble in the story and I was duped, but in the way they wanted. I thought it was a great subversion of what was to be expected, and a really brilliant plan in terms of the villain's plot IMO. I admire the gall of playing with the expectations everyone had, and kudos to the marketing team for hiding it incredibly well.ReplyDelete
But I totally understand others feeling like Jim Ross during the Higher Power reveal: "Aw, son of a bitch!"
From a storyline point of view, Sting as #1 contender makes sense. He's the one who vouched for Bully, he's the one who was made a fool of, and it brings the Hogan/Sting tension full circle by Sting earning his way back into Hogan's good graces by earning the title shot, and Hogan can feel like Sting proved something to him by earning the title shot, as well.ReplyDelete
TNA is very much storyline driven in the sense that they don't just build to a show and then take a left turn like WWE does. PPV is important, but not the be all, end all like it is for WWE. They have a big show coming up and they want an important plot point to be covered, and Sting as #1 contender fits in nicely with it. I really don't have a problem with Sting as #1 contender.
Everything about Morgan is ANGRY!!! AND INTENSE!!! AND EVERY PROMO HAS EMPHASIS!!!ReplyDelete
I kind of was into him back when Hardy turned heel, but not anymore.
And he has an awful look.
Anyone think that D'Lo will be on the outs with A&8's? I know storyline he was fired, but they never clarified if he is still on permanently as a wrestler. But there were side shots of Bully and the other guys sort of rolling their eyes as D'Lo went off about wanting to take on Angle, and then the demeanor of the A&8's at ringside during the I Quit match was sort of odd.ReplyDelete
The 3 Stooges
In terms of awesome heels I want to watch, one of these teams doesn't belong.
Here's a hint: the initials of the members are Jesse Godderz, Robbie E, and Joey Ryan.
I was wondering the same thing and honestly, why bother taking up TV time with someone like D-Lo? There are plenty of more talented guys that could use that spot.ReplyDelete
It felt like D-Lo is getting turfed next week. TNA/Angle can finally claim a "victory" over A&8, one with actual "major" repercussions. (A&8 loses a "leader"...)ReplyDelete
Someone mentioned below pushing A&8 more into the biker mentality, members on the outs facing each other to determine who stays... well, why not use those guys as "cannon fodder" instead?
they missed a million other beats along the way the made what Austin did work.ReplyDelete
Little beats like people actually caring about Austin and Austin having value
Yeah this has probably been the long term plan. And I guess it does make sense to give Bully a victory over Sting. It gives him credibility as World Champion. Once Bully is established as a credible champion, whoever beats him should theoretically get the rub.ReplyDelete
Jesse, Robbie, and Joey are definitely no where near the level of Bad Influence and Aries/Roode, but I do think they are a talented act. As long as they stay in the lowercard or midcard slot I think they can be successful with their gimmick.ReplyDelete
I agree with that.ReplyDelete
Anderson as a mole who wound up loving it too much would be a nice touch...ReplyDelete
The more I think about and discuss this the more I think this has been the long term plan to give Bully a credible victory as the World champion.ReplyDelete
Because YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE REAL DEAL NOWReplyDelete
His look is the best thing about him. No homo. I am still amazed Vince didn't hold on to him just because of his look.ReplyDelete
D-Lo's head bobble never gets oldReplyDelete
Considering Vince's love of larger than life muscular wrestlers I agree.ReplyDelete
Has that angle ever been done before?ReplyDelete
Sting could either put over the new guys and not work the main event, or take the hammer and work the main event. He couldn't have both.ReplyDelete
Caveat being that Sting must lose and take a beating.ReplyDelete
Four Manwhoresman would be ideal, but yeah that's Lawyer Up material.ReplyDelete
I thought they were gonna pull the trigger on him years ago when he did the semi-main at BFG against Kurt Angle, and beat him. I mean, that's a pretty big deal in TNA.ReplyDelete
They needed a mole to explain how A&8 got all that inside access. They had plant cameramen.ReplyDelete
Joe's got a wife and kids and doesn't want to travel.ReplyDelete
At least that's what I've heard.
Why not just use Taz in that role? I get what you are saying, but my point is they wouldn't waste any match time if Taz played that part.ReplyDelete
GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!ReplyDelete
Sting's good for that role... not like he'll use creative control right before the match. Or pay off the ref...ReplyDelete
and that makes him a "pussy"?ReplyDelete
But again, look at the difference in Sting vs A&8s and Undertaker vs The Shield. Taker gets attacked, has a great six-man match, has a good match with Ambrose...and then takes the spear through the barricade and triple powerbomb through a table, and I'm guessing disappears for a while. That's how you put a heel team over.ReplyDelete
Although 'Taker showed more ass than Sting it's still not exactly "how you put a heel team over" on the way out. You should be laying down for the 1..2..3.ReplyDelete
I disagree. No reason for Taker to lose that match. Shield is ALL about the team, not the individuals. Just strengthens the concept that they're unstoppable as a unit, stoppable as individuals.ReplyDelete
Beating 'Taker on any night should be a difficult, rare occasion. Ambrose has not been established as a solo badass.
Why not? D'Lo was always a solid wrestler. Even now he's managed to have a better match with Angle than Brisco, Bischoff, Gallows or Knox have.ReplyDelete
That would be cool. Especially since Heel Anderson is much more tolerable than Face Anderson.ReplyDelete
I'm not adamant about it, but if you're going to disappear for another 11 months, it does you no favors winning and it would do a lot for Ambrose to win. You could also use him going over Taker as a catalyst down the line to break up the Shield.ReplyDelete
I don't mind Sting vs. Bully. They have built it up for 7 months now. It's just a throwaway main event leading to the inevitable Hogan title win or AJ title win.ReplyDelete
I think that's their problem. They NEVER pull the trigger when they should.ReplyDelete
So is Sting now officially in the Ric Flair T-shirt Club for Old Wrestlers?ReplyDelete
That's exactly what I've been saying.ReplyDelete
As long as it doesn't lead to a Hogan match I think I can survive itReplyDelete
Yes I felt like at that time he was actually over. Because they didn't pull the trigger then he seems to be struggling to connect. I'm pulling for Morgan to succeed because he definitely stands out in TNA. He just needs a decent character and the proper booking. At this point he has neither.ReplyDelete
Yes Sting must lose or TNA has really learned nothing.ReplyDelete
I could see Bully beating him a new gut if Sting pulled that.ReplyDelete
I KNOW RIGHT?ReplyDelete
Since A&8s are supposed to be an evil version of Sons of Anarchy, I've been trying to figure out who is who. I think its:ReplyDelete
--Bully as Jax. Leader with woman drama, separated from the group at first.
--Devon as Clay. Ostensibly the leader from the beginning, "family" to the real leader.
--Anderson as Tig. Charismatic slimy evil guy who looks a little metrosexual.
--D-Lo as Bobby Elvis. Older guy with a long history with the leaders, close to the top without being all the way at the top.
--Knux as Chibs. Muscle, and they kind of look alike.
--Doc as Happy. Big bald psychos named after Seven Dwarves.
--Brisco as Juice. Young guy with a significant father.
--Bischoff as Half Sack. Young rookie who seems too pussy to be in the group. Hopefully Bischoff is the first to go, too.
--Taz as Otto. Older guy that is rarely if ever seen with the others despite ties going all the way back to the leaders.
--Depending on where they go with it, either AJ or Morgan as Mopey Opie. The gimmick fits AJ, the look fits Morgan, and they both are depressive guys on the outs with the group at first.
No real connection with Piney, Kozik, or anyone else yet.
I can't wait for Aces & Eights to be done. Bully is great. Devon is great. The rest is as boring as the smells in my underpants. I'd much rather see Knux, Doc, Anderson in the gimmicks they normally would have. Get rid of Brisco & Bischoff. Neither are getting better. They are both getting somewhat worse. The ratings haven't taken off in the almost year that the group has been together. It might be time to pull the plug.ReplyDelete
Angle beat Morgan @ BFG.ReplyDelete
After he left WCW he wasn't much good to anybody.ReplyDelete
Samoa Joe in 2005-2006 was their worst mistake not putting the NWA title on him.ReplyDelete
I was honestly SHOCKED that Aries got a title reign so soon.
I'm translating douche.ReplyDelete
Hey! You take back that snide comment about my boy Opie! He was the coolest, and had a gorgeous mane of hair.ReplyDelete
You know, I can give them credit for the gamble, but to give us the ol' "other scientist/genius is mad at Tony because Tony is a dick who's better" is just old. That's been his enemy since the first film. This new bad-guy sucked and was so completely generic.ReplyDelete
He spent the whole series miserable and ready to kill someone else or himself, got too depressed to take care of his kids and wife, and ended up practically committing suicide in a jail cell. Dude was always a bummer. Of course, since SOA is basically Hamlet, it makes sense. Opie=Ophelia.ReplyDelete
It was remarkable. First he joins them for the company of two skanks and then immediately spends most of his time as a member not actually doing anything.ReplyDelete
I remember several times where he should have been physically involved (or more at least MORE involved) where he did nothing.
It seemed to be done purposefully, but then he was just another guy in the group.
...so he's a pussy.ReplyDelete