The SmarK RAW Rant – 09.30.13
I have to take the blame for the current ratings freefall, given that I’m only watching it the day after on Hulu and not on DVR anymore. My bad.
Brought to you this month by BREAST CANCER. It’s certainly a worthy cause, but they really make themselves look scummy by association when they partner with groups like Susan B. Komen.
Live from somewhere that is not important enough for them to mention. Like they literally never say where the show is from.
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & JBL
CM Punk joins us to start, and he’s here to talk about predictability. Random note: Punk needs to go on Sesame Street and do his grammar smackdown with Elmo or something. It would be pretty awesome. So anyway, Punk notes that it’s going to be predictable that he’ll destroy Ryback and Axel and pretty soon it’ll just be him and Heyman. This brings out Brad Maddox for some reason, and he thinks that Punk has anger problems. And then Big E Langston also comes out for some reason and attacks Punk, which leads to a scuffle and a match RIGHT NOW. Just as soon as they get the giant speakers out of the ring and take their scheduled commercial break. Hey, speaking of predictability, Punk.
CM Punk v. Big E Langston
So we are joined in progress with Punk hitting a flying bodypress for two, but he walks into an STO that gets two. The ULTIMATE WARRIOR SPLASH gets two. He totally needs to set that up with a gorilla press. Big E with the half crab, but Punk slugs out of it, only to have Big E clothesline him for two. Punk comes back with a high kick for two and tries the GTS, but E clotheslines him again for two. He tries a second splash, but that one misses and Punk comes back with a neckbreaker. Macho Elbow and he finishes with the GTS at 5:36. Nice to see Punk getting a big win, but man, Langston is just stuck in the wasteland right now. The Ziggler program went NOWHERE and then he got split off from AJ with no resolution to boot. **1/4 Apparently at this point #RiseAboveCancer just HAPPENED to start trending on Twitter, with no intervention from WWE at all. Right.
Meanwhile, Randy Orton stops by to creep on the Bellas.
Paul Heyman speaks against bullying, in particular that bully CM Punk.
Up Next: Los Matadores finally debut. They’re really stretching for worthwhile content in this version of the show. Like they really couldn’t have edited that out?
Los Matadores v. Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal
So the matadors are now “Diego & Fernando” because apparently we’re fucking idiots who don’t know that it’s just Primo & Epico with half-masks. Oh, and a midget, because everyone loves midgets. But hey, FOR KIDS. Also, I heard all about how great their entrance was, and they CUT THE ENTRANCE. And then they showed the tweets talking about how it was such an awesome entrance! I DON’T FUCKING GET THIS COMPANY. I wonder how much the Komen foundation greased WWE to artificially get “RiseAboveCancer” trending? We get some goofy double-teams from the matadors and then one of them gets caught in the 3MB corner and worked over by Jinder. Slater comes in and gets finished with a double suplex at 4:03. So weeks of buildup and repackaging and it’s El Matador 2013 in a shit match over 3MB. ½* Tito Santana would be ROLLING OVER IN HIS GRAVE.
I have just been informed that in fact Tito Santana is not actually dead. Still, I think the point stands.
Family Summit: HHH and Stephanie are here to talk business with the Rhodes family. Cole sums things up by noting Dusty was told by Stephanie to “choose which of his jobs gets to keep his son.” Holy cow, now THAT would be a heel move! So HHH sums up what a bunch of failures and selfish jerks that Rhodes family are (Dusty is apparently still bitter about failing outside of Florida thing and the polka dots, which is exactly the kind of smarky, inside humor that means nothing to the common fan). This all sets up Rollins & Reigns v. Cody & Goldust with the sons getting their jobs back if they win, and Dusty losing his job if they lose. The Shield hits the ring and destroys the babyfaces afterwards, because this is RAW in 2013 and babyfaces exist to get destroyed by the heels week after week with no comeuppance or payoff.
R-Truth v. Curtis Axel
As usual, a win by Truth will put him “back in the hunt” for the title. You know what else would? Winning a series of matches against other competition besides the champion. But that’s just wacky. Plus Axel literally never defends that belt anyway. Truth works on the leg and slugs away in the corner, but Axel puts him down with a cheapshot and gets a dropkick for two. We hit the chinlock, but Truth comes back with a suplex into a stunner for two. And then CM Punk’s music hits and Truth hits his finisher for the pin at 4:23. So the champion loses AGAIN, looks like an idiot, and Truth gets a fluke win. And the match sucked. Good night all around for everyone. ½* Could this actually lead to Axel defending the belt he’s held for like three months? Tune into Nitro to find out!
Meanwhile, Paul Heyman announces he’s going to propose to Ryback. OK then.
Meanwhile, Big Show is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore. Well that’s a chance for the babyfaces on this show, who normally just take it and take it and take it and take it because STEPHANIE IS THE BOSS.
Paul Heyman and Ryback are out to share a touching moment together, bonding over their hatred of bullying and stereotypes like the typical “superstar-advocate relationship”. God bless Uncle Paul. So he proposes an official commitment because he wants Ryback to be a Paul Heyman Guy. Ryback is equally tickled and moved by Heyman’s proposal, and he’s about a million times better in this role than he was before. Sadly, that intolerant bully CM Punk runs out to ruin the beautiful moment, but slips on the barricade and hurts his leg. Heyman goes over to check on him like any decent human being would, and Punk callously attacks them with a kendo stick because he’s a LIAR. He probably hates people with breast cancer, too. Jerk.
Meanwhile, the cops come to arrest Big Show because he’s so angry, but Stephanie calls them off and then verbally castrates Show again. His big revenge: Punching a HHH poster and right through the wall. Ironically that’s actual property damage and he really could be arrested for that.
The Shield v. Dolph Ziggler & The Usos
Ziggler gets a dropkick on Ambrose for two and the Usos double-team Rollins. Even the announcers have to point out that the Usos became #1 contenders but aren’t getting the title shot at the PPV. So why did they go through the trouble of making them #1 contenders again? I know, I know, it’s easier not to ask. We get a bit of a heat segment on an Uso and they quickly come back to clean house as we take a break. But Cole didn’t say “as RAW rolls on”! How will I know not to change the channel now? Back with Reigns holding a chinlock on an Uso, but it’s hot tag Dolph and he gets a neckbreaker on Ambrose. He drops the elbows on Ambrose, but Dean rolls him up for two. Fameasser gets two and it’s BONZO GONZO, and Reigns ends up spearing Ziggler at 12:33. The Usos continue doing yeoman’s work with no payoff for them. **1/2
Funny note: On Hulu, they’ve been showing commercials for the new Obamacare program website at healthcare.gov, but of course a government website probably can’t offer much assistance at the moment. Whoever said that Canada is the nice apartment above the meth lab is a wise person.
Main Event Interview: Randy Orton faces off with Daniel Bryan and says “abeyance” about 14 times. Bryan wants that title really badly, so Orton goes after the Bellas (who have apparently turned babyface when I wasn’t watching) and the brawl is on. As usual, Bryan gets his ass kicked, even with Brie out to show her concern. I…don’t care for this Bellas in the main event mix…thing. It can go nowhere good.
The Pulse
Hey, all the babyfaces get beat up and castrated again, yay. Battleground (aka the soon-to-be record holder for lowest buyrate in modern history) pretty much has to be an indecisive ending that leads to them finally settling this ratings-killing feud at Hell in the Cell, so don’t bank on Bryan getting the belt on Sunday. Plus if ever there was a stipulation match needed to spruce up the show, this is it. But, nothing.
For this show in particular, we had 30 minutes of wrestling and an hour of talking. Not a good show.
Yo...did you watch last week? Or the week before? Babyfaces have been doing fine. Give the heels a moment to shine.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, we should totally let it play out and see where it goes.
ReplyDeleteI have to laugh at those who think Big E got some sort of rub after losing to Punk in six minutes. They wasted his return to TV for that?
ReplyDeleteShame they didn't have the balls to have Orton point out how the ratings have tanked since the title was unjustly stolen from him.
ReplyDeleteThe faces get beat up! The heels get beat up! The heels vow revenge! The faces get beat up! The face wins the title! The face is stripped of the title! The faces get revenge! The faces get beat up! The heels get beat up! The faces get beat up! The faces vow revenge!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of tanking ratings, Cena was advertised for December house shows during Raw. So, the prophecy is nearly complete. The only question is when he goes back on TV.
ReplyDeleteWaldorf: "I can't believe Heyman proposed to Ryback!"
ReplyDeleteStatler: "Well, I'm gonna propose to you right now!"
Waldorf: "What?!"
Statler: "Yeah! I propose we watch something else next week!"
DOHOHOHOHOHO
"Battleground (aka the soon-to-be record holder for lowest buyrate in modern history)"
ReplyDeleteThe attendance will probably suck too, given that there's been no promotion of any kind locally that I'm aware of (not to mention the shit card). Why can't we get a good PPV for once?
Only if Mark Henry comes down and explains how he's the WWE's ratings king, and that's good for business.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually Susan G Komen. Unless SK was making a subtle jibe, mixing "Susan B Anthony dollars" and "Susan G. Komen" as a commentary on corruptive practices.
ReplyDeleteNo, just a typo.
ReplyDelete"(Dusty is apparently still bitter about failing outside of Florida thing
ReplyDeleteand the polka dots, which is exactly the kind of smarky, inside humor
that means nothing to the common fan)"
HE'S JUST A COMMON FAN...
this was me
ReplyDelete"It can go nowhere good."
ReplyDeleteHehehe... he card read good.
Who actually decides what to cut for the Hulu editions? I always presumed it was Hulu themselves and not WWE?
ReplyDelete'Whoever said that Canada is the nice apartment above the meth lab is a wise person.'
ReplyDeletewhich means that if we go, we're taking y'all sumbitches out with us
hi canada!
ReplyDeleteBryan is fine, Rhodes is fine and Punk is fine.
ReplyDeleteIs anybody seriously pining over Big Show being walked over?
It was a good match. That's a rub in and of itself.
ReplyDeleteI'll pay $500 if WWE make this shirt:
ReplyDelete"John 11:35
Big Show wept."
Then a black and white picture of this, but with a cross of thorns:
http://www.kcconfidential.com/userfiles/big%20show%20crying.jpg
Bryan might be "fine" but they could have had something much bigger with him and that window is closing fast, especially with Cena getting rushed back.
ReplyDeleteI don't see how WWE would possibly let someone else have editorial control over their show.
ReplyDeleteSure it was.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think they needed to do for Bryan to become a true superstar?
ReplyDeleteTheir plan is to release the Official WWE Daniel Bryan Hat, complete with a REAL BRIM.
ReplyDeleteFind a time machine and go back to Summerslam and NOT do what they did.
ReplyDeleteCena wins. I like that.
ReplyDeleteAnd face who?
ReplyDeleteSeriously. You have the hot young babyface face who exactly in his first title reign as a tippy-top guy? ADR? I love me some Del Rio but he was not right for Bryan's first feud.
That's what was supposed to happen had Cena not torn up his arm. They lucked into the Bryan thing blowing up, but after two rounds of "He's the champion, PSYCH, no he's not" I just don't feel like it's going to matter when he wins it FOR REALZ, NO FOOLIN'.
ReplyDeleteKeep Triple H out of it. Him and his wife are taking all the heel heat. The branched storylines are a mixed bag, the Rhodes one has potential, the Big Show one is a disaster. And whoever though the Bella should be brought into it should be shot.
ReplyDeleteCircumstances allowed Cena to give a clean win and it's being wasted. Reminds me of the stuff the Rock would use to do, where it would just get undercut afterwards. When it gets to that point, why give any clean jobs to anyone below you?
I think that, luckily for them, Bryan is on such a roll heat-wise that he's somewhat immune to risky booking decisions.
ReplyDeleteThe title itself means nothing, though; he's gone over Cena cleanly and he's probably the guy to topple HHH's regime. That's all that counts.
No, he had to lose, and I know, HHHate, but when he gets involved things happen. And since they aren't going to do a payoff between him and Bryan yet, the upshot of Trips being sort of a draw is pointless.
ReplyDeleteIt'll be Cena unless they find something good for him to do. Hell, Punk will probably be the second choice if Ryback doesn't cripple him.
ReplyDeleteWell that depends. Does WWE actually give a shit about the hulu edited editions of the show? Does them worrying about the hulu edition of the show do anything to affect the bottom line at the end of the day? I'm leaning towards the later.
ReplyDeleteWasted? I don't hear people chanting Cena's catchphrases.
ReplyDeleteSo we go solo heel Orton against Bryan? We get Randy Orton cutting promos...as a top heel...to put over a new guy...
Speaking of that, when are they planning to have Trips say he paid off the Armstrong?
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that'll be a plothole that never gets closed. Until WM when ref bump, and here he comes, to fast count Trips down against DB, as his revenge. LOL.
It's wasted if they don't get him up the card permanently with this. I don't know how you resolve Orton's inability to cut an interesting promo but that didn't stop them from having a long heel run as a top guy before. Honestly this isn't helping Orton a whole lot either.
ReplyDeleteOrton sucks. Bryan and Orton are getting exposure, both for good and ill.
ReplyDeleteI know there are booking tricks, but some guys don't need them. Bryan is one of them.
Do they really need to tell you? It's pretty fucking obvious.
ReplyDeleteYes, he's a heel and they gloat about their most inane and pointless accomplishments, never mind a grand scheme where there was no way he could lose. But Trips never really books himself in a weak position, even as a heel, even if it would make him diabolical. Instead it's just easier to leave it the way it is, that DB was weak and needed the help. Then they'll pay it off exactly the way I mentioned.
ReplyDeleteI popped for the Howard Finkel reference.
ReplyDelete"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
That defeats what I like in wrestling, which is "A screws over B, B eventually gets revenge."
ReplyDeleteThat's how it should go, but 7+ months to Wrestlemania is a LONG time. I mean, look at Punk, the only guy he got back on was ADR and that was after a couple of months, by WM he was already on to a few other things.
ReplyDeleteIt's like Bossman and the briefcase all over again!
ReplyDeleteI don't see it happening, especially when they're really pushing their "what's best for business" spiel. I know, it's kayfabe, but I think Cena will be wrapped up in something else leading up to the Taker match, or at most teaming with Bryan to go against the regime for a while.
ReplyDeleteI understand that Bryan's the guy who is filling the void of Cena being gone and Punk being mostly injured, but this angle which revolves around HIM really has taken on a life of its own and has brought out the best in Orton and Triple H. Basically, they've been able to be more flexible and branch out and make more arcs with this angle than with anything they've had in years, and ultimately Vince and co. are not idiotic; they understand that it all stems from the fans' undivided attention on Daniel Bryan.
Now, can WWE execute angles perfectly? No, usually far from it. I just don't think he's getting buried or slighted or anything like that because their ultimate goal is to get him as over as possible.
On the other hand, if Cena steals the heat from Bryan post-'Mania... well, that's the WWE Machine at work.
They botched that angle, though. I'll give WWE the benefit of the doubt this time, if only because they realised what they had with Bryan beforehand as opposed to not understanding what they had with Punk until after the fact.
ReplyDeleteIt's a long road for them this time, but it's also quite expansive and has multiple layers to it. The nWo coasted for a long time before they ran it into the ground.
When Triple H puts somebody over, he puts them over.
ReplyDeleteAnd Trips has been pretty anal-retentive about explaining all the angles plot holes, I'm sure it'll be done.
I just don't see how they book DB overcoming Trips' evil corporate regime when there's six months left to WM and the shelf life on the current angle is starting to run out. Bringing a heatless Bella into this is sort of the last trump card.
ReplyDeletePunk was in the same spot and he faced Chris Jericho at WM, who had absolutely nothing to do with anything that happened at Summerslam.
Now, of course Cena could come back and they could do the mother of all swerves and have him turn too and make me look stupid. Chances of that are about 0.04%, though.
"AWWWWW PAUL, MY KNEEEEEEEEE!!"
ReplyDelete(The Undertaker locks Triple H in his deadly submission hold for a minute, but Undertaker is near death and is put on a cart. Triple H walks backstage)
Punk was ending a feud at SummerSlam and starting the title reign of the ages. Bryan started a feud at SummerSlam.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's a while, but Triple H will get his face kneed in.
Why are you comparing Nash and Taker to Batista and Stevie Richards?
ReplyDeleteTriple H has put the hot young babyface over when it counted.
"AWWWWW MY KNEEEEE" was Brock. I dunno, it's weird, they did a similar finish with Punk but it felt like Brock was actually put over instead of having his fat manager save him.
ReplyDeletePunk wasn't in the same situation. This situation is based on Daniel Bryan, end of story. With Punk, their crack writing staff and Vince had a bunch of different ideas heading towards each other like a twelve car pile up. This is definitely a focused effort.
ReplyDeleteThis situation thus far has been set up as this: Orton is HHH's corporate image champion, and along with The Shield he's the first roadblock to Triple H having his face kneed off at WrestleMania. What they do between the next couple of PPVs and Royal Rumble is probably still up in the air even with the writers and Vince, but I think they know the end game.
Scott is correct in that there's too much to lose from a business perspective in turning Cena heel, however I think they'd be throwing a lot of cash into a pit of fire if they didn't turn him by cheating to end Taker's streak and aligning with Triple H. The guy will have been the tippity-top face for NINE YEARS by the time WMXXX rolls around, and to me, it's either then or never. This way, too, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk and perhaps someone like Ziggler can benefit from going up against a heel who would have a great level of gravitas.
They also cut out Alberto Del Rio squashing Zack Ryder for some reason. The Hulu version has stranger and more nonsensical editing than "Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3".
ReplyDeleteAnd does anybody else find it hypocritical that WWE frequently knocks WCW and yet they're currently ripping off every 1999 episode of Monday Nitro (you know, heels frequently win and the babyfaces never get their revenge and end up losing more of their drawing power with each passing week?).
"Sounds like they cut Cesaro losing (again) to Santino. Probably a good thing."
ReplyDeleteBut that also means they cut out Antonio's epic giant swing, which is a bad thing.
It was a rub for Big E. compared to what happens on Smackdown.
ReplyDeleteDidn't they make a stipulation match earlier in the show with Rhodes/Shield?
ReplyDeleteThat wise person was Robin Williams.
ReplyDeletehttp://ca.omg.yahoo.com/blogs/the-juice-celeb-news/robin-williams-reddit-ama-canada-kindest-country-world-150109163.html
You know what would have been nice? If Bryan had just won (and kept) the title at "Summerslam", and then gone onto a nice Bret Hart-esque reign where he fights any and all comers.
ReplyDeleteImagine that. Bryan defending against Ziggler, RVD, Punk, and a bunch of other guys that he could have fantastic matches with. But, nope, constantly Indian-giving him the title makes much more sense.
"Giving you title-matches and PPV main-events is bad for business, so we're gonna keep giving you title-matches and PPV main-events." Logic!
I don't think the first Bret Hart reign was particularly successful.
ReplyDeleteI also don't think Bryan is being booked as being a weakling. And the matches are really good still.
A cool visual would be if Cody and Dustin wore black with yellow polka dots at the PPV. (It would still fit with the Goldust theme.)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that Vince does care about his wrestling product.
ReplyDeleteHell, fuck this "trying to draw money" stuff and just let Orton play a sex crazed creeper. Like Val Venis mixed with Johnny Curtis's NXT character. Hes basically there
ReplyDeleteAlso, either Big Show or Codys turning heel on Sunday. Not sure whom, but id bet Cody.
ReplyDeleteKid pic as avatar...downvote
ReplyDeleteits about time you joined my side of the fence.
ReplyDeleteCena went out due to injury almost 2 months ago, that might as well be an eternity ago.
ReplyDeleteOnly the IWC cares about Bryan going over Cena now.
A new story took place and has castrated Bryan for weeks on end with fuck finish after fuck finish.
the common fan isnt going to care anymore.
Im glad Scott finally said it, so you guys can believe what I have been believeing since SS.
This PPV is doing to be dreadful. I bet they'll have some shitty tanks and camo decorations around the big screen. 2 good matches, tops. Which I guess isn't bad on a 5 match card... but still, dreadful.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind Phrederic, he doesn't get it.
ReplyDeleteTired of the "Canada is so much better than the US" meme. Real easy to provide healthcare when you have a tenth of the population and don't have to spend money on military because you are piggybacking on the USA.
ReplyDeleteBig Show i reckon.
ReplyDelete7 match card, 2 extra added on Smackdown.
ReplyDeleteOrton/Bryan, Shield/Rhodes, RVD/ADR hardcore and Ryback/Punk have potential to be 4 stars+ matches. That's not bad...
But the frogurt comes with a free topping!
ReplyDeleteBlame Canada.
ReplyDeleteId bet Cody. I dont think Dustins under contract, so a Cody turn to "get his job back" is a good way to blow this all off. Or set up a feud Dustin, if wwe does offer him a short contract.
ReplyDeleteTell them!
ReplyDeleteMississippi. Zeb Coulter mentioned it during his rant, and insisted on how much better Alabama is. I suspect, however, that when they are in Alabama he tears down Alabama and talks up Mississippi.
ReplyDeleteI'm not as optimistic for Rhodes/Shield and Ryback/Punk but hopefully you're right.
ReplyDeleteJust checked the added matches - they actually added Axel/Truth to the card? Jesus
Yeah I can see Cody turning, building to a match with his bro. Another Big Show turn would be the most groan inducting thing of all time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, WTF is the payoff to this Big Show shit? A KO punch to HHH, setting up a match...terrible. Show heel turn #5686...terrible. Whats the endgame here?
ReplyDeleteHe just turned face though.
ReplyDeleteI don't think Big Show will turn heel either. I think it'll build to a face Show vs Bryan match, where HHH wants Show to get the title back. Bryan wins, and then moves on to another feud. (Brock?)
I personally think he should go full on Patrick Bateman
ReplyDeleteThey're not even a real country anyway.
ReplyDeleteThat's bad.
ReplyDeleteEh, seems like you kinda want it both ways. You criticize WWE for trying to pretend like everyone doesn't already know that Los Matadores are actually Primo & Epico, but then ride them for having Triple H make smarky comments towards Dusty Rhodes that casual fans won't understand.
ReplyDeleteThere were fans in the audience yelling "Primo" at him. Not exactly an inside secret.
ReplyDeleteIm on board.
ReplyDeleteSummerslam 2013 says hi.
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to see that October is "vacation" time on the BOD. Have fun...See ya in November.
ReplyDeleteThey have no idea. Shouldn't Bryan want to get revenge on HHH for the SS pedigree? Shouldn't the Shield be pissed for being in an 11-3 match?
ReplyDeleteI mentioned this yesterday but can't you picture a scene backstage where he is making out with two divas while flexing.
ReplyDeleteThen there's this..."Tonight I just had to RKO a LOT OF PEOPLE!!!"
He means in Buffalo. We have had the drizzling shits of PPVs in this town.
ReplyDeleteSo you're arguing that we should cut down on military spending in order to fund a universal single payer system? I'm for it!
ReplyDeleteI was seriously considering going to this show, but then I saw Weird Al is in town Friday, and I aint paying for both. Weird Al I know will put on a good show. No telling what crap Battleground will be.
ReplyDeleteYou must have just started watching wrestling last week.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but really, who cares. Repackaging guys is just part of wrestling. Primo & Epico were dead as it gets before, and not saying a midget in a bull costume is gonna set the world on fire but it's a fun wrestling gimmick, and the wrestlers are certainly talented enough to warrant this new chance. I'm for it.
ReplyDeleteI think that should be Fandango!
ReplyDeleteSummer Rae, don't just stare at it, eat it.
ReplyDeleteThey really waited too long on pulling the trigger for whatever they were gonna do with Big Show. I mean, as dumb as the angle was the crowd was RED HOT for Show to knock out a motherfucker those first few weeks. But now, eh, it's done. Nobody gives half a shit and they've beat him down so much ("You blew millions of dollars! And you beat up old men! And your dick doesn't work!") that he's forever damaged to mean anything as a face.
ReplyDeleteReally, they should have had Show turn full heel at NOC to cost Bryan the title match. Then Battleground could have been the big 10-man match with Team Bryan vs Team Orton. Bryan taps out Show or something, and then Bryan gets his title match in Hell in a Cell to FINALLY win the title back.
That would have gotten everyone to the same end point they'll probably end up at anyway, without killing off the title and making Bryan winning the belt such a non-event.
To the Bellas:
ReplyDelete"I'd like to see the two of you... get it on. It's totally disease free!"
Ok, that story about going into a sex shop dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire was CLASSIC.
ReplyDeleteGod willing, the PPV will end with Bryan pinning Orton clean after a 20-minute match and no interference.
ReplyDeleteThe announcers are dumbfounded by the result, so we cut to the back, and find a checkpoint has phantomed itself up in the gorilla position. Stephanie and HHH are held up at it, beside themselves with rage. The camera spins around to the front, and reveals the checkpoint is manned by Vince himself, wearing a shit-eating grin and going "PAPERS, PLEASE. GLORY TO ARSTOTZKA."
And Nikki and Brie are deported to...I don't know, the fucking moon, after their lacks of personalities are mistaken for contraband barbiturates, as long as we're making shit up.
What's bigger than crowds chanting your name in unison and chanting "YES" with you?
ReplyDeleteI mean, their top face (Cena) hasn't gotten the former since 2005.
Im just picturing vignettes with Orton in the back of a mini van, surrounded by GHB vials and handcuffs, with him shaving his chest saying : "come and play with the the apex predator."
ReplyDeleteCastrated?
ReplyDeleteIs that what beating Randy Orton and all of the Shield is called now?
Psst. It's a joke.
ReplyDeleteAnd pretty much every economically advanced country in the world *other* than the US provides healthcare.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_QOTHFpFLI
HHH was barely on the show. Steph did most of the talking/antagonizing in that segment. As far as heels go, Orton and Heyman also got more air-time than HHH on this show.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to be an "insider" fan to know that Dusty used to wear polka dots.
ReplyDeleteUh, Scott? Before this RAW, the babyfaces had been on top at the end of the night for five shows in a row.
ReplyDeleteI called the heyman/punk feud the best angle of 2013 by far in the other recap, but that has nothing to do with the wwe title angle so I have no clue what your talkingabout. I'm glad you liked the show but it was pretty shitty and the ratings keep dipping.
ReplyDeleteOh for god's sake. Just let the 'iron-clad contract' thing go. Nobody cares.
ReplyDeleteThe endgame is the Poster of HHH making its triumphant return at the Rumble (with extra thick cardboard!) and pinning Big Show at Mania in a Stapler Match.
ReplyDeleteThe 11 on 3 match was the dumbest thing I've ever seen on raw.
ReplyDeleteHave the ratings gotten bad? Last I checked, they were doing pretty good considering football season and no John Cena.
ReplyDeleteOK, and what changed? Everyone stands up to HHH for one week...and then they just stop.
ReplyDeleteThey are very, very bad.
ReplyDelete2.68
ReplyDeleteLast year that 2.4 got a few people fired. They are a good mnf game from passing that #
ReplyDeleteThis angle sucks. I said it a few weeks ago and got killed but they should have kept it simple. Have Orton cash in at SS by some underhanded tactic, and go with a straight forward Bryan chasing Orton for the title until Bryan wins at HITC. If you need to give Orton some heel rub, give him The Shield (who are getting cornier by the week) as henchmen. Ortons put over as a top heel, Bryan keeps all the fans invested during his "chase" and everyones happy.
ReplyDeleteHHH can still do his heel shtick with Show and the Rhodes family, but keep it fucking seperate until Bryan is cemented .
Bryan is cemented. He's beaten John Cena and Randy Orton clean as a sheet in back to back PPVs.
ReplyDeleteIm not sure what any of this means.
ReplyDeleteThey do need to at least tease a Bryan-HHH physical confrontation in the next month.
ReplyDeleteI disagree. That Cena win was swept completely under the rug as soon as it happened and the Orton win was such a cluster fuck of weirdness I dont think anyone still knows what to make of it. Im not saying hes in danger of going back to the midcard, just that tgey could have done better.
ReplyDeleteI find that hard to believe.
ReplyDeleteI could have got free tickets, but I work Sunday nights and no way am I losing a day's pay for this horseshit. Especially when I don't know anyone that likes wrestling IRL. I'd feel like a loser going by myself.
ReplyDeleteSupposed JCP mark HHH is getting this backwards: the *faces* dominate confrontations and all the matches on regular TV, only being hurt by awful gang-beatings completely outside the matches. The heels get their by cheating to win at the big events. Bryan should be outdoing Orton 90% of the time with Orton getting over at Battleground by nefarious means.
ReplyDeleteHow many PPVs have we had? There was NOC 2 years ago, N2R 99 (which barely counts), Fall Brawl 2000, this one, and I think that's it, though I want to say we hosted one of the Armageddon shows in the mid-2000s. Are there any I'm forgetting?
ReplyDeleteHe beat Orton with a fast count and was stripped of the title the next night. I'd hardly call that clean.
ReplyDeleteThey could've just had Big Show beat up the Shield, hsve steph and Hhh run away, and then fire him to take him off TV for a while. He's not wrestling now anyway. Then bring him back to do a face run-in when you want to close the loop.
ReplyDeleteIt was successful in that it made Bret look like a top star, because he faced everybody, almost weekly, and that was unheard of from the World Champion before then.
ReplyDeleteBig Show punched through a poster of HHH...no way that poster isn't getting its heat back.
ReplyDeleteMy interest in the product has certainly waned, and I barely watch Raw anymore...clearly I'm not the only one since the ratings are plummeting. I'm just bored with the whole storyline...once again, everything they do just seems to be a ploy to get heat on HHH and Steph.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, their first move will likely be to blame Daniel Bryan for this.
thanks to you cutting your cable!
ReplyDeleteexcept it was true when he put AL over MS
ReplyDeletethere are 3 dv's as i type this
ReplyDeleteso, hi ryback, axel, and heyman!
I didn't like the show. I was just pointing out that HHH was barely on it and got less focus than the other top heels (Stephanie, Heyman, Orton) so your sarcastic comment about getting that "hhh is the coolest, toughest, smartest, funniest, most bad ass guy in the world" comes out of nowhere considering that Trips didn't appear for very long, AND he showed ass to Dusty on the mic rather than acting cool or tough or funny or badass.
ReplyDeleteGot it. HHH will come out halfway through the match with a pair of scissors to cut up the poster bc its getting to over.
ReplyDelete" I wonder how much the Komen foundation greased WWE to artificially get “RiseAboveCancer” trending?"
ReplyDeleteWhatever it was, I bet it was worth it, financially.
I blame Miami for not being good enough to cause that this time.
ReplyDeleteTop 5 at least?
ReplyDeleteBuffalo got to see Hardy's first title win at Armageddon 2008, that was a pretty big deal.
ReplyDeleteNo Cena, no Kane, no bounties... you're the Mirror Universe Jesse.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm going to start with an 80yo woman giving birth to a hand. Followed by an erect penis shattering a samurai sword. And that's just off the top of my head. Anything involving ICP certainly qualifies.
ReplyDeleteThe best part of that match, as pointed out in an earlier thread, was Big E's selling of the GTS. Purely masterful.
ReplyDeleteThere was some reason I refused to go to that show, now I remember what that reason was.
ReplyDeleteMight as well wait for Royal Rumble season, really...
ReplyDeleteBtw, I've noticed that anything involving the Wyatt's has gotten cut out of the Hulu program 2 weeks in a row now. Wonder what that means...
ReplyDeleteI went to a lot of the Ballpark Brawl shows here (one of them is featured in Botchamania 196 and I'm on camera), which weren't exactly TNA shows but might as well have been, 90% of the talent were TNA guys with a couple ROH or big name indy guys thrown in. Man, what drunken shitfests those shows were. And who the fuck thought it was a good idea to hold an outdoor show in August in the middle of the afternoon?
ReplyDeleteLittle People's Court, the Guest Host episodes, and anything involving Santino, Mae Young pregnant, ICP, Kane and Shane McMahon trying to kill each other for weeks on end.
ReplyDeleteI named about 355 things right there that were dumber.
Okay, in that case, are they better or worse than this time last year?
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how much money you save when you aren't the self-appointed world police.
ReplyDeleteMuch like the extra B.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely nothing.
ReplyDeleteWhat totally sucks is that Heel Cena would be perfect for this angle in terms of art, but in terms of business is still the stupidest thing they could do.
ReplyDeleteWhen the entire motivation behind his actions right now is that he doesn't want to get fired, and his prior major angle established that he has an iron clad contract that prevents him from getting fired, I'd say that's a pretty major thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm fine the angle too. The purpose of having Stephanie, an intensely unlikable corporate bitch, oppose Bryan is to serve the ideal of throwing as much gas on the fire as possible; Bryan's victories will be that much more gratifying if there's one more asshole's face to rub it into.
ReplyDelete