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The SmarK RAW Rant–12.30.13

The SmarK RAW Rant – 12.30.13

Finishing the catch-up for the week. I’ve been avoiding spoilers all week, so hopefully nothing big happened to flood my inbox and cause the blog to not shut up about something all week.

Live from Richmond, VA

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & JBL

CM Punk is excited to be here tonight and recaps his year thus far, which leads to the Shield interrupting. Punk wants to fight the best one-on-one (but not Ambrose, who he’s already beaten a bunch of times) and he’s heard that it’s Roman Reigns. Seth Rollins takes exception to that and volunteers as tribute, but the crowd is already hip to the room and starts chanting for Reigns. Might as well get on that train now, WWE fans. Brad Maddox comes out and makes Punk v. Rollins RIGHT NOW.

CM Punk v. Seth Rollins

Punk quickly goes for the GTS and Rollins bails and we take a break. Back with Rollins in control and working on the back, but Punk gets the world’s ugliest small package for two. Rollins stomps him down again for two and goes to a chinlock, but Punk escapes with a slam and goes up. Rollins sends him flying into the railing and we take another break. Back with Rollins powerbombing Punk into the turnbuckles for two and follows with the enzuigiri for two. Seth tries a GTS, but Punk escapes and hits a running knee, then goes up again, but Rollins moves. Punk charges like an idiot and hits the corner, and they fight over a superplex. Rollins brings him down and hits a flying bodypress, but Punk rolls into the Anaconda Vice. The Shield distracts him to break it up, and they do a fantastic series of reversals into a Rollins inverted DDT that gets two. The Shield squabbles like children on the floor and Punk dumps Rollins onto them. When Rollins dives back in, Punk catches him with the GTS to finish at 17:00. Punk gave Rollins a shitload of offense there. ***1/2 Oddly enough, Hulu didn’t show any commercials during the ad breaks and just went right back to the show. A quick check of the timeline bar reveals that this show is AD-FREE for some reason.

Meanwhile, Brad Maddox sucks up to the Authority. Daniel Bryan interrupts (“Well, look who it is, 2013 Superstar of the Year!”) Brad books him in a gauntlet match against the Wyatt Family, but Stephanie is all “Just wait until you see my blockbuster announcement next!”

Stephanie McMahon, as promised, comes out for her big announcement, and she wouldn’t change anything about 2013. Really? Even the shitty buyrates to end the year and terrible PPV cards? She introduces a Randy Orton video package, and announces that Orton will defend against John Cena at Royal Rumble in a special NO STIPULATIONS match, except for the no-DQ and no countout stipulations. So they have the TLC match to set up the regular match? But hey, what’s more fresh and exciting to start the year than John Cena v. Randy Orton on top of the promotion while everyone else flounders around in the midcard?

Curtis Axel v. Dolph Ziggler

Axel now also has the dreaded storyline of the loser who is trying to get back on track, so we’ve now reached the point where they’re running multiple losing streak gimmicks and then matching them up against each other. But what about RYBAXEL? Maybe these two can team up as Wish They Were Curt Hennig. Sadly, the announcers have a new social media toy to never shut up about, as Instagram is now the thing that they think all the kids are into. Axel dumps Ziggler and drops elbows to take control. Dropkick gets two. Blind charge misses and Ziggler slugs away in the corner, and they trade rollups for two. Axel with a neckbreaker for two. Axel messes around too much and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag out of nowhere for the pin at 4:24. *1/2

Intercontinental title: Big E Langston v. Fandango

Big E powers him down for two and they trade chops, but Fandango gets a leg lariat for two. Big E goes back to pounding him with shoulderblocks, and Fandango bails. What exactly is “a rare combination of strength and power” supposed to mean anyway, aside from something Vince gets his mistresses to call him? Back in, Fandango clips the knee and goes to work on it. Cole uses his cliffhanger voice but no break is forthcoming. Weird. And then Big E gets sent into the post, and THERE’S the break. Whew. Back with Big E making the comeback and CREATING SEPARATION, via a suplex, but the Warrior splash misses. Perhaps if he didn’t run the ropes 14 times before the move it would be less easy to see coming. Fandango goes up with the legdrop, but Big E bails. Back in, he catches Fandango with an overhead suplex and this time gets the splash, setting up the Big Ending to finish at 11:50. Not much heat for this, as I think they see Big E as being on a higher level than the fanbase does at this point. Plus it’s not like anyone gave Fandango a chance in hell here. **

COOHHH is out for his blockbuster announcement, which is that Brock Lesnar is back again. Brock and HHH bury the hatchet, and Heyman does the return promo. Brock is here to win the newly unified title, and he’s the #1 contender because HE FUCKING SAYS SO. Whatever you’d like, Mr. Lesnar, sir. He dares anyone to come out and say something, and that brings out Mark Henry. Mark gets in his face, so Brock runs him through the railing and gives us a primal scream so you know he’s really upset now. And then he gives Henry an F5 on the floor like it’s NOTHING, and Heyman calls him off because the message has been sent and Henry understands. Sadly there was no couches to be thrown, but this was still awesome.

Daniel Bryan v. Luke Harper

Bryan throws kicks in the corner and works on the knee, then wraps him up in a surfboard. Yet another obnoxious Cole-ism: Telling us which hashtags they want us to use to discuss things on Twitter. So apparently we’re supposed to be watching on the app while we’re tweeting and taking photos for Instagram. Good thing we’re not supposed to be Touting at the same time or this show would break the internet. They had toned it down for a while but it’s really getting ridiculous again. Harper takes over with a catapult and gator roll, and slugs away in the corner. Bryan fights back with a corner dropkick, but Harper catches him with a slam for two as we take a break. Back with Harper holding a chinlock, but Bryan sends him to the floor and follows with a pair of dives. Back in, Bryan with a missile dropkick and the kicks for two. To the top, where Harper counters a rana into a top rope powerbomb…for two. That probably should have been a match-ender. Bryan fights back again, but Harper hits him with a suplex for two. He goes in for the kill, but Bryan wraps him up in the Yes-Lock. Harper powers out and puts Bryan down with a big boot. Bryan finishes him with the running knee at 15:50, however. ***1/4

Daniel Bryan v. Erick Rowan

Rowan immediately tosses him and won’t let him build any momentum, which is like the worst thing a person can do in Michael Cole’s world. And we take a break. Back as Cole declares: “The story on Monday Night RAW tonight is more of the same.” Truer words were never spoken. Rowan pounds away in the corner and hits a fallaway slam off the middle rope, but Bryan cradles him for the pin at 6:50. Most of this was during the break. ½*

Daniel Bryan v. Bray Wyatt

The Family immediately comes in for the beatdown, and Bray cuts a promo about how he has no mercy left to give and it’s the end. Bryan agrees and asks to join the family because “they” would never let him win no matter how loud people chanted for him. So Bray gives him a Sister Abigail and leads him off to his heel turn.

The Pulse

I’m still holding out hope that Undertaker gets his way and this pays off with Bryan trying to end the streak at Wrestlemania, but it’s probably not going to go there. As a show, it was clearly a bunch of long matches that were filling time, which is what usually happens when they have six weeks until a PPV and they don’t have anything to promote yet. I’m still reeling from Stephanie’s blockbuster announcement, though, and will likely not be able to put in proper perspective until tomorrow.

Comments

  1. I would LOVE to know right now, in WWE HQ, what the endgame for Bryan joining the Wyatt Family is. I say this because I'm 99% sure they have no f'in clue what the payoff is going to be because they never have a f'in clue what the payoff will be.


    I am still convinced they were going to screwjob the Dec. PPV, caught whiff of the backlash in time and made the decision on the fly to unify the titles...so basically, they are re-booking everything leading up to the Rumble.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Scott's "Orton/Cena Freshness" snark might be my favorite. Even more than his HHH snark. "...and will likely not be able to put it in proper perspective until tomorrow."...DELIGHTFUL.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Undertaker back tonight maybe? Old School Raw..."Old School" ropewalk...anyone? Beuller?

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Cole uses his cliffhanger voice but no break is forthcoming"



    No kidding. I fast forwarded 6 times by accident. It was like the "Red light/Green light" game, and Cole was ahead 53-0.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've had this discussion a ton and don't feel like opening this can of worms about the semantics of the Wyatt stuff but I think a part of it is that Shawn turned them down for WM and they were kinda left scrambling got something to do with Bryan. This seems like something just to prolong the story to get 2 more ppvs out of it

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your_Favourite_LoserJanuary 6, 2014 at 12:30 PM

    'I would LOVE to know right now, in WWE HQ, what the endgame for Bryan joining the Wyatt Family is.'

    that's funny... wwe hq would love to know, too!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Posting tweets about the show that are made during the show may be the worst thing to happen to TV in the last 1500 years. I hate it. No matter what show it is...it does not add to the product at all. How about this...encourage people to watch the show and then give them a show they want to watch.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well Orton v. Cena wasn't even supposed to be the main event of the show, as it was always going to be Big Show v. HHH in that giant blowoff before they suddenly realized that no one gives a shit about Big Show v. HHH, so really everything since like October has been throwing darts at the wall in terms of booking.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Here goes...at the Rumble, Roman Reigns turns babyface and wins the Rumble. Tired of dressing like a homeless man, Daniel Wyatt dumps Bray and becomes the third member of the Shield...changing his name to Daniel Raynes.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 12:41 PM

    Said it before, will say it again: Fuck Twitter.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm not sure if this got mentioned or not but does anyone else thing Lesnar was actually trying to F5 Mark through the announce table and completely missed?

    ReplyDelete
  12. I can't wait until Twitter dies. It's not just WWE, The Tweet has reared it's ugly head heavily in all of pro sports. At least they don't show fan tweets in the middle of NFL games.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 12:44 PM

    Don't give Fidel Goodell any ideas.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I honestly would have been fine with a December screw job if the endgame is Royal Rumble for the vacant Undisputed Championship. Of course this would have been effective if they just would have given Bryan a little 2 - 3 month run instead of Abeyance.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lmao didn't one of the other "reviewers" give Punk vs. Rollins *1/2?

    ReplyDelete
  16. I assume this means you use Twitter every single day, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You've got to wonder if a big show vs anyone else feud was dying like that, would the wwe have ran it anyways?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Starting off the new year right, with a metric fuck ton of hate for a show you volunteer to watch.




    Hahaha, keep living the dream boys!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 12:56 PM

    And I assume you have way too much time on your hands.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Gary The Rock Star's #1 FanJanuary 6, 2014 at 12:57 PM

    Yes, it was that PG Rant douche who couldnt write to save his life.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Stranger in the AlpsJanuary 6, 2014 at 12:57 PM

    All Twitter is about is retweeting someone else's tweet from someone who tagged about 6 people and used about 11 hashtags. There are no original posts on Twitter...unless you count Alec Baldwin going off his rocker after a night out on the town.

    ReplyDelete
  22. SICK BURNN!#! I mean shit, it does take, LITERALLY SECONDS to post.


    I guess your 3,300 posts to my...4 really drives home your point?


    Hahahahahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  23. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:01 PM

    Between this and my old account it's more like 7,000. And I'm not the one trolling people on a board that I've been banned from in the past.


    Don't bother responding to this, I'm done here.

    ReplyDelete
  24. andy gave the rollins match a half star which i found crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Can't wait for see Cena vs. Orton for the first time this year.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Jesus Christ is who let this guy out of his cage?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh no! Not the dreaded "we're done here!" that's almost as standard procedure as "you have to much time on your hands"! WHAT'S NEXT ADAM? Mom's basement?


    LMAO. Like a battered fucking wife, here you are, complaining about how the world has passed you and your interests in fake fighting by...such heart ripping tragedy. Here's an idea, just like growing out of children's cartoons (though most here didn't do that either) try growing out of children's playfighting maybe? Then you wouldn't have to be so upset over a show that will never, never, ever cater to you.


    You never answered the Twitter question, I'm right aren't I? You have like four accounts don't you? HAHAHAHA.


    Don't bother answering, I already know I'm 100% right.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I guess my hope with the Bryan/Wyatt angle is that Bryan plays along with them until the end of the Rumble when its just him and Bray left after working together the whole match and tosses Bray to get his World title match at Wrestlemania.

    ReplyDelete
  29. That's a good idea! Very Dudley Boyz join the RTC!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Well I guess if they have to do it again, might as well be at the Rumble since the Rumble match sells the PPV on its own anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Punk himself gave the match the same rating.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I watched the first two Rambo films on blu ray and decided to skip this show.

    I don't regret my decision.

    I just can't stomach WWE anymore outside of Wrestlemania.

    ReplyDelete
  33. f they do it, I have a feeling they'd definitely win some love back from the fans.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Stallone showing his best acting in Rambo 1.Rambo 2 is big blockbuster,however is still one of my favorite films of all times.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:20 PM

    OK, fine, lets go line by line...


    I haven't been in my moms house in about 7 years.


    I haven't watched WWE since April. I don't complain about it because I don't watch it and don't really give a fuck. I barely even watch ROH anymore. And yeah, I enjoy Tom & Jerry and the old Warner Brothers cartoons, which, BTW, weren't intended for children to begin with. I guess that makes me a bad person, but we all have our vices...


    I've never had a Twitter account, or Facebook or Instagram or any of that shit. This site is as close to "social media" as I get.


    Now I'm done.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Nothing funnier than bringing up battered women. Real laff riot there, tough guy.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Lex Lugar tosses JJ Dillon from the Bunkhouse Stampede. "I'm a man and I'll make my own decision!"

    ReplyDelete
  38. That's too much thought for the WWE. Bryan will end up with the Wyatt's until he turns against them and faces Bray at Mania.

    ReplyDelete
  39. And that's why I love you Adam, because you're never "done here".

    ReplyDelete
  40. I think you missed the point, I wasn't actually talking about battered women. Back to cartoons!

    ReplyDelete
  41. I gave it 0 stars because I didn't watch it nor do I have any desire to.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I hate spending my time reading reviews almost as much as I hate spending my time watching shows.

    But I still do it, because, you know, hate.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I don't remember him taking the monitors out of the announce table. If he didn't do that, then he wasn't going for the table. If he did that and I missed it, only to not put him through the table, then he definitely whiffed.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:25 PM

    Usually a ban would deliver the "You're not welcome here anymore" message pretty clearly, but some people just won't let it go.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I really hope the Sports Business Management degree I am working towards will let me one day "fix" WWE :P

    ReplyDelete
  46. I think your career path would first take you through writing for The Guiding Light

    ReplyDelete
  47. People like you are part of the problem

    ReplyDelete
  48. Usually insulting the audiences intelligence for eight years running would signal that a TV show "doesn't want you people as fans anymore" as well..and yet...this site.

    Plus a ban isn't even a thing I don't know what you're talking about.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Yea it's mostly just a joke, my real career path will probably be Golf Course Management followed by Office Staff for a minor league sports team.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Heh the :P implied how serious I was actually being about this joke

    ReplyDelete
  51. Wrong degree. You need Sports ENTERTAINMENT Business Management, dingus.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Murodck......................I'm coming for you.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Mission.............acomplished!

    ReplyDelete
  54. There will a live thread complaining about the Rumble in real time right? Been a few months since I caught Live Hate.

    ReplyDelete
  55. What a douchbag.... you dont even follow your dreams.. if you set a goal then accomplish it, dont play it off as a 'joke' grow a set of balls and do what you have to do to make it a reality you fucking pussy

    ReplyDelete
  56. LOL I like this kid.

    ReplyDelete
  57. live threads for all live shows, BOD live threads are the only way most of us can handle sitting through all the awful.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Sweet bro, thanks for the heads up.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I'm only half-pussy, and no this isn't my true life long dream I have my goals and true objectives.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Tell us your real dreams of being a victorias secret model or a florist

    ReplyDelete
  61. Nah it's to be the GM of the Milwaukee Brewers actually.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Just go back to beauty school kid

    ReplyDelete
  63. They really need to actually lock down the participants for an angle BEFORE starting it. This whole strategy just smacks of booking intended to strong-arm a guy into coming back for an angle. "But you have to come back, Shawn! We've already shot the angle!"


    It's like when a show on the bubble ends its season on a cliffhanger in an attempt to force the network to renew them to avoid a backlash. And it almost never works.

    ReplyDelete
  64. And after that you want to own the Jacksonville Jaguars or Charlotte Bobcats

    ReplyDelete
  65. Worst_in_the_WorldJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:39 PM

    Hey man, what happened to the ugly kids from your old profile pic? Your wife leave you and take them with her?

    ReplyDelete
  66. Rambo, John J. Born 7-6-47 in Bowie, Arizona. Of Indian-German descent -
    that's a hell of a combination. Joined the army 8-6-64. Accepted
    special forces, specialization: light weapon, medic, helicopter and
    language qualified. 59 confirmed kills. Two Silver Stars, four Bronze,
    four Purple Hearts. Distinguished Service Cross and Medal of Honor. You
    got around, didn't you? Incredible.

    ReplyDelete
  67. He actually spent the morning watching his favorite kids show, Raw.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Ugh. I can't imagine how they would have drawn that angle for months. They can't even help hotshotting GOOD angles.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Eh, Scott is the wrong person to be making this argument towards (assuming it's being made toward Scott), since his hate is partially what pays the bills.

    ReplyDelete
  70. It's a collective really, Scott hates the show and thus draws a crowd of people that hate the show. Then everyone sits in a circle and screams about how no one cares about what a bunch of people that hate the show want to see happen. It's fucking delightfully absurd to watch.

    ReplyDelete
  71. I was watching the show live and I kept waiting for the commercial that never came. I was so confused. They can't train us like that and then not give us a treat when they ring the bell! It's not fair!

    ReplyDelete
  72. I know right? It's almost as absurd as going out of your way to create an account on a blog for the sole purpose of trolling people you disagree with!

    ReplyDelete
  73. Worst_in_the_WorldJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:44 PM

    Your bar for what fucking delights you seems pretty low. You're trolling on a message board. Go look after your ugly kids.

    ReplyDelete
  74. LOL. I'd rather troll than screech about my thoughts on "The Wyatt Program" as though anyone on the planet gives a shit.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Woah, where did the troll patrol come from today? Are we being taken over?

    ReplyDelete
  76. You know what's awesome about Disqus? They don't require real e-mails. Takes seconds to come and have a good laugh on lunch.

    ReplyDelete
  77. I see what you mean.


    But I never really got the entire approach of criticizing people for getting together to crack jokes and rant about how frustrated they are that something they like really should be better.


    "Don't you have anything better to do than sit around and continue to watch and bitch about a show you hate?"


    Well, maybe there are better things I could be doing, but coming here and riffing with all you guys is just plain fun, to me. So I don't consider it a waste of time.

    ReplyDelete
  78. The Bryan stuff has apparently bummed me out to the extent that I'm grasping for every last wrestling product available to replace the 'E until this is out of their system. ROH and old NJPW, watched in order, is apparently going to hold me over. well, that and nxt.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Its all one guy. He's been banned for months, but decided to pop back up today. Just ignore him.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Worst_in_the_WorldJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:47 PM

    So your life revolves around givinga shit about people who give a shit about something that nobody should give a shit about. You're certainly living under several piles of shit there, buddy.

    ReplyDelete
  81. I always found it very fun too, then I realized that making fun of the people was a bit more fun than making fun of the show. The abject hatred for the show is just an easy open festering wound here to dump salt in is all.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Fantastic. New year, old idiots coming back.

    Hey, tonight is Old School Raw, today is Old School Blog of Doom! Great timing!

    ReplyDelete
  83. Not a bit, my life revolves around my family and job. On an odd lunch break every few months I like to come here and troll a few people that actually think what they want matters.

    And it gets such an easy response, why not?

    ReplyDelete
  84. Please stop feeding the troll.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Yeah, where'd he go?

    ReplyDelete
  86. Alright, lunch is over! See you guys again whenever the fuck I feel like it!

    I trust you'll still be here complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complainin.

    lul

    ReplyDelete
  87. Amen. And unlike Lewis Black, I actually do not use Twitter in any way. No account, no following, nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Worst_in_the_WorldJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:52 PM

    Oh man, you certainly got everyone.

    ReplyDelete
  89. I use twitter, but mostly just for porn.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Worst_in_the_WorldJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:56 PM

    I mean, there's really no reason why not, internet trolling just seems like a weird pastime is all. But obviously in the end it doesn't matter at all— you posting here has about as much of an effect on our lives as our posts do on HHH's life (none), so if it brings you some joy and laughs, then enjoy it man!

    ReplyDelete
  91. But to a troll, a ban is just everyone else telling him "WE LUV YOU, just have to keep up appearances. Please come back now."


    Ignorance is the best weapon.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 2:01 PM

    There's porn on Twitter? Do they have straight porn too? Not that I really care, I just use Nudevista for my smut needs.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 2:07 PM

    I have a Google+ account tied to my Gmail account, and that's it, and I never even do anything with it. I've never been on Twatter or Facebook, I don't even know how to work that shit.

    ReplyDelete
  94. I'm a big Daniel Bryan fan and I think it may be a good thing he's with the Wyatt family right now because I think he'll make the angle work and be even more over as a result.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Porn of all kinds, just gotta find out who to follow. Most porn stars post pics or links to vids of their own work on their twitter accounts. And there is a huge amateur porn community on twitter as well.

    ReplyDelete
  96. You should watch two broke girls.

    ReplyDelete
  97. I enjoyed the last Rambo. The violence helped my flagging libido.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Unless Kat Dennings is willing to come to my house and do certain X-XXX rated acts with me while the show is on, pass.


    And if she brings her co-star as her bitch, then I'll be a weekly watcher.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Cm punk gave it less.

    ReplyDelete
  100. You should watch. Everyone knows that CBS is basically porno since the Dr Quinn medicine woman days.

    ReplyDelete
  101. As much as I like Pauley Perrette... NCIS isn't porn. At least, not something I'm into... (snuff?)

    ReplyDelete
  102. It is porn of the mind.

    ReplyDelete
  103. The last Rambo caused the creation of a new element on the periodic table.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Kat Dennings is the other "Triple H".


    Because she has huge tits, you see.

    ReplyDelete
  105. And caused the creation of a boner in my pants.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Yeah, the last one was fucking glorious. A modern-day Rambo succeeds where Rocky fails, because there doesn't need to be any big message or inspiring moment. Just Rambo killing because there's killing to be done.


    "Fuck the world"

    ReplyDelete
  107. The HARDEST of all elements

    ReplyDelete
  108. I watch for her wonderful acting, comedic timing and delivery of quirky one liners.

    ReplyDelete
  109. He should have done the nasty with Julie Benz

    ReplyDelete
  110. Good point about him not removing the monitors (which he didn't).

    ReplyDelete
  111. Telling people which hashtags to use is actually standard marketing practice these days far beyond WWE.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Homer wanted the Dallas cowboys but got the Denver broncos. And then they won the Super Bowl.

    I think there is a lesson for us all in there.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Rambo,2nd greatest Bad ass in movie history,Only Ashley J Williams can win this man.

    ReplyDelete
  114. You sound like a poindexter.

    ReplyDelete
  115. But his name is Ashley.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Even that can hold the awesomeness of BRUCE CAMPBELL!

    ReplyDelete
  117. I was gonna say "Because I'd watch her and Steph doing fapable things to each other."


    But that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Are you trying to drive him to suicide?

    ReplyDelete
  119. Absolutely. He still headlined with Orton at survivor Series

    ReplyDelete
  120. Almost every commercial on TV or on websites have hashtags these days. It becomes obnoxious, though, when they stop talking about the in-ring action to promote hashtags and "Tweets from the WWE Universe!"

    ReplyDelete
  121. He was too busy fucking the shit out of a .50 cal.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Too bad her acting and timing are wasted on awful TV show that relies on racial stereotypes and jokes about anal sex instead of you know...actually being funny. It's kind of like the Vince Russo of sitcoms.

    Ok I'm sorry. it's not THAT bad.

    ReplyDelete
  123. The best way to enter the hereafter is via a viewing of two broke girls.

    ReplyDelete
  124. You don't get the subtle nuances of the show, my friend. It's all in the nuances.

    ReplyDelete
  125. If everyone watched two broke girls, there would be no need for a heaven. We would already be there.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Yep that Stephanie blockbuster was exactly the match I want to see headline PPVs too...not.

    And the Bryan turn was totally nonsensical, but I hear you, if it leads to him and UT at WM30...should be good stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  127. They should just rename that show "Kat Dennings tits"

    ReplyDelete
  128. I support your right to get married to whomever you choose.

    ReplyDelete
  129. I agree. I think Daniel Bryan will finally be the one to end the streak. I have a good feeling about it.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Actually, this bears out an interesting question...


    ...if Daniel Bryan is the one to end the streak, will people here think that the road there was worth it?

    ReplyDelete
  131. You shut your filthy disgusting mouth! Ms. Dennings is a true thespian!

    ReplyDelete
  132. Is that a proposal? If so, the answer is yes.

    ReplyDelete
  133. I think people forget wrestling is an art, and therefore subject. Example: I really hated the Cena v. Michaels ME of Wrestlemania, Scott gave it a bunch of snow flakes, and I only briefly considered burning his house down.

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  134. Honest truth: I don't know. There are just enough variables to push it from "WOOHOO!" to "Fuck this."

    ReplyDelete
  135. Are you the return of THE MENTALIST!?


    If so, please re-assume that persona ASAP. This one is boring.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Only if HHH gets to pedigree Bryan the next night. Because WWE really rewards it's fans.

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  137. OK, so here's a stab at doing Creative's job for them...it's a little bit of retcon, but it works...or at least I think so, and handles a couple of other issues while we're at it.

    Remember: the last time we saw Kane before he took off the mask and became the Director of Operations, he was being carried off by the Wyatts, right? So, Undertaker comes back to fight for his brother's "soul," as it were, and puts the Streak on the line in order to do so. "Daniel Wyatt" is the chosen representative of the Family, and Taker gets his wish of working with Bryan at Mania.

    UT goes over, of course, and the Family turns on Daniel as punishment for not getting the job done (see also: Million Dollar Corporation and Bam Bam Bigelow after WM 11). The 3-on-1 beatdown is broken up by Undertaker and a re-masked Kane, and unless they're determined to take a dump on EVERYTHING to spite Vince, the "bizarro" post-Mania Raw crowd goes nuts for the Bryan face turn. A six-man blows off the angle at the May PPV, after which Bryan goes back to being a single babyface, and the Wyatts find a new target.

    Bryan benefits because he gets to have a great match with Undertaker at Wrestlemania, Undertaker gets the opponent he wants and a fantastic match. The Wyatts get a good rub from working with UT, and should be able to regain whatever heat they've lost without too much difficulty*. Everybody wins!

    (I would have them "convert" some of the failed babyfaces who are floundering in the midcard or worse - Kofi, Miz, Ryder, whoever - and then take aim at Cena, the guy keeping all of them down)

    ReplyDelete
  138. You could do that, this way. Have the Wyatts be a real team in there. All of them. Have Reigns and Punk plus the four Wyatts as our final 6. Punk and Reigns have an uneasy alliance based on "respect" but because they don't really trust each other, The Wyatts prevail after a very noble effort.


    Have Bray point to the other three and tell them to leave. Rowan, Harper, and Bryan all go to a different rope side. Rowan and Harper jump out, Bryan skins the cat, Jumps back in and pushes Bray out.


    OR


    Go full in with some Game of Thrones type madness. Kane is a plant/The Wyatts are good in their own way/Vince is tired of HHH and Steph on screen, so he supports it...I don't know. Get G.R.R. Martin in hash some of this out.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Well, one good thing came out of the troll explosion down below.... those who were giving upvotes to Chinchandango (who...apparently...has gone insane if that is him) likely outed themselves as trolls or troll fetishists, too. More names to ignore.

    ReplyDelete
  140. I was going to say "I can only think of two reasons to watch that."

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  141. Oh man...sincerely the idea of this made me laugh so hard. What if Bryan is about to end the streak, but special ref HHH pedigrees him and then pins UT himself to end it?

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  142. John, I think you know well enough that not everyone who points out you're overly invested is here just to stir up stuff. If you're planning to lump everyone who disagrees with you in that boat, you're no better than a troll yourself!!


    OOOOOOOOOOOOO

    ReplyDelete
  143. No, as the Streak isn't a title. It's just an easy angle.

    ReplyDelete
  144. I think the only reason you felt the need to respond to this was because you upvoted looney tunes down below. Still, even though I disagree with about 75% of what you post, you still throw out some intelligent stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  145. This is some of the better troll work I've seen.

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  146. Some of you are a blast. For real.

    You want Taker/Bryan, Bryan to main event WM, Taker/Lesnar, the streak to end at Bryan's hand, the streak to never end...

    How can you expect anyone to give you what you want when YOU DON'T KNOW what you want?

    ReplyDelete
  147. "It's just an easy angle"? So are the titles right now. Given how much the titles bounce around, I'd argue that breaking the streak is probably a bigger deal.

    ReplyDelete
  148. This blog would explode...

    ReplyDelete
  149. Is it possible that all these varied opinions actually shows that we are individuals and not the hive mind Dougie has proclaimed us to be?

    ReplyDelete
  150. Dr. Quinn is funnier than most of CBS's Monday night lineup...

    ReplyDelete
  151. It lowers expectations...

    ReplyDelete
  152. I think the real question is, what does WWE want?

    ReplyDelete
  153. Minor threadjack: Looks like Lawler might be in the hospital again with heart attack-like symptoms (nothing confirmed, I don't think)... Hopefully, he's okay.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Where did you hear this?

    ReplyDelete
  155. http://www.wrestlinginc.com/wi/news/2014/0106/568969/jerry-lawler-reportedly-hospitalized-this-afternoon-in-baltimore/

    ReplyDelete
  156. Yeah, it would shut down from so many posts.

    ReplyDelete
  157. He really needs to slow down or just walk away entirely, I think. He's certainly not vital to the company right now, and his health should be more important to him than TV appearances each Monday night.

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  158. Well, even though you won't probably see this, hope you get well Jerry.

    ReplyDelete
  159. But not everyone is on Twitter, I mean yeah I have a Twitter account myself, but I rarely use it.

    ReplyDelete
  160. Even if you don't watch the pay per view, it's still entertaining to be a part of it.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Lawler update: http://winc.cc/lYz8aB

    ReplyDelete
  162. Good for him, just get your rest Jerry.

    ReplyDelete
  163. Can someone tell me where all of this trolling starts below?

    ReplyDelete
  164. Look for any name that has Chin or Chan in it because it's the same guy. He's the one with kids who loved to laugh at us from afar (after being one of the top posters here, I think) because he was too cool for school...or something. Then, there's a fella named Pik who comes in with some homophobic comments and general insults.

    ReplyDelete
  165. I did - consider this the equivalent of when John Cena inevitably begs Daniel Bryan to turn away from Bray Wyatt ;)

    ReplyDelete
  166. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 4:04 PM

    I feel stupid for even responding to him.

    ReplyDelete
  167. Forgive me for sounding dumb but what does NPP stand for?

    ReplyDelete
  168. It's easy to get sucked in, especially because he could be a thoughtful guy for a while. Then...this.

    ReplyDelete
  169. I couldn't tell, My ears were bleeding from his girly scream.

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  170. I'm hoping that Steph gives him a Pedigree (Stephigree?) and HHH counts the pinfall. Maybe she can end the streak too.

    ReplyDelete
  171. No Pants Provided. It's a blog or message board that has an on-going thread about Blog of Doom commenters/posters. The members there mostly lurk here, occasionally troll, and then retreat to their board to...I have no idea. But the fact that they have dedicated so much of their time to people like us is both flattering and humorous at the same time. Dougie would essentially be that NPP thread's mouthpiece.

    ReplyDelete
  172. Thanks Adam, John, I read the troll posts below. Since they are under new accounts I'm going to give them a nice little re welcome.

    ReplyDelete
  173. Re welcome to the BOD!

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  174. Welcome to the BOD, and Stephigree has a nice ring to it.

    ReplyDelete
  175. Re welcome to the BOD!

    ReplyDelete
  176. This is all the same person saying this? I personally would like to see Taker/Bryan, I don't care whether it's the main event or not, Taker/Lesnar doesn't particularly interest me, and I don't think the streak should end. I'm sure other people have different opinions. We're not a hive mind.

    ReplyDelete
  177. You missed the part where Keith got kicked off our servers.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Welcome to the BOD!

    ReplyDelete
  179. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 4:18 PM

    I'll be honest, I can't fucking stand that prick. Never liked him from day 1. And I don't think I'm an unfriendly guy. I'm the resident alkie/pothead, Parralax is in his words "militantly anti-drug", and we get along really well (see also: Prederic).

    ReplyDelete
  180. I'm undecided as to whether CM Punk really did hate the match (maybe because of a few sloppy moves in the beginning?) or whether he was trolling. I really don't take him that seriously on his twitter, he plays the curmudgeonly old man part quite often on there.

    Personally I loved the match, I thought the last few minutes especially were fantastic.

    ReplyDelete
  181. I like the confidence they're showing in Big E. I hope they don't chicken out on it. These things take time.

    ReplyDelete
  182. My wife's uncle is a major player in the front office of the Williamsport Crosscutter (Phillies single a) and he's overworked like whoa (also almost 70 years old). Proceed with caution.

    ReplyDelete
  183. So what this comment section consisted of today, a bunch of trolls, obsessing over Kat Dennings, appreciating the Rambo series, and Jerry's health scare.
    Good review Scott, and can't wait for Old School Raw.

    ReplyDelete
  184. Seriously it was pretty good.

    ReplyDelete
  185. People just gotta stop responding to them, we're better than this.

    ReplyDelete
  186. Why do it on the outside when it can be just as effective (and safer) inside the ring.

    ReplyDelete
  187. F'ing Ziggler, when will he stop doing those elbows?????

    ReplyDelete
  188. Yea. I'm not advocating it but this guys had it down to a science. Multiple accounts, full disclose he was trolling, etc. I Thought Dougie was good when he went into "troll mode", he had nothing on this guy

    ReplyDelete
  189. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryJanuary 6, 2014 at 4:30 PM

    Random TJ: If you live where it snows shovel your motherfucking sidewalk.

    ReplyDelete

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