The SmarK RAW Rant – 02.10.14
Live from Los Angeles, CA
Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler
Betty White joins us to start, showing that Vince still has his finger on the pulse of America’s youth. This quickly leads into the usual Authority interview to start, as they’re RECONSIDERING other people as the Face Of The WWE. Is that like the new replacement for the dead World title now? Stephanie is wearing white so I guess they’re the babyfaces this week. Randy Orton comes out to protest as usual as we repeat the same skit it feels like we’ve seen for months. This “Face of the WWE” storyline is so stupid. Daniel Bryan now comes out and reminds us that he beat Orton last week, and he wants a match with Kane tonight. Sadly, Kane is on leave for a week and has a strongly worded letter coming to him. And HHH gives Bryan the week off as well. Wow, that was a thrilling open to the show.
The Wyatt Family v. Cody Rhodes, Goldust & Rey Mysterio
Rowan pounds on Goldust, but he comes back on Harper with a rana! Harper bails and Cody tosses Rey onto him in a cool spot as we take a break. Back with Goldust getting the heat, but he powerslams Harper and makes the hot tag to Rey. He runs wild with a tornado DDT for two and the 619, but Bray trips him up. Cody hits Bray with a dive and Goldust hits Rowan with one, but Bray catches Rey with a running Sister Abagail to finish at 8:35. I feel like a LOT was cut out of this match, as they came back from the break really late into Goldust’s heat segment. Hot match, though, as Goldust continues to be ridiculously motivated. ***
Let us take you back to Royal Rumble, where Roman Reigns kicks everyone’s ass and sets the new record for eliminations. The Shield has no fear of the Wyatt Family, but Roman seems to give Renee the funny feelings in her special place. Renee questions Ambrose on his lack of title defenses, and Roman tells him to get on that shit.
Meanwhile, the New Age Outlaws rescue Betty White from the Divas, because there’s rumors of someone playing a prank on her. Whoever said that RAW without the matches would be the worst show on TV is so completely right.
The Real Americans v. Christian & Sheamus
The crowd actually starts doing the “We The People” chant as Cesaro throws Christian around. Swagger comes in and walks into the corner kick, and a missile dropkick gets two. Over to Sheamus, who puts Cesaro down with a clothesline for two. The babyfaces work on Cesaro while the crowd chants for the heels, and then Cesaro and Sheamus get into an awesome slugfest with the crowd cheering Cesaro the whole way. Sheamus actually seems pretty amused by it. Sheamus gets clobbered off the apron as we take a break. Back with Christian taking the beating and it’s a GIANT SWING to get Cesaro even more over. That gets two. Swagger with a powerslam for two. Christian is finally able to fight them off and make the hot tag to Sheamus, and the Regal Roll on Swagger gets two. Cesaro breaks up the Brogue Kick to a big pop, and Swagger puts Sheamus in the anklelock. Christian saves, and the Brogue Kick finishes poor Swagger at 13:01. Hot crowd + Good tag team wrestling = Happy Scott. ***1/2 As usual, you follow the formula and good things result. It’s the like the opposite of the Lego Movie’s lesson.
Alberto Del Rio v. Dolph Ziggler
What a change from a year ago. Ziggler gets a quick burst of offense and a fameasser for two, but Del Rio finishes him with the superkick at 1:30. We’re getting into Zack Ryder territory now. Stupid fans, thinking that cheering Ziggler will lead to anything. Don’t you know he works too fast and tweets the wrong things? Batista saves poor Ziggler and the crowd boos the shit out of him. Batista puts Del Rio through the table with a powerbomb to continue this feud that literally no one cares about.
US title: Dean Ambrose v. Mark Henry
Ambrose gets overpowered to start, as expected, and bumps around the ring for Henry. We take a break and return with Ambrose going up and getting slammed off. Powerslam and the Shield runs in for the DQ at 9:13. * The Wyatts come out for a confrontation, and wouldn’t you know that Reigns is the one to call their bluff. And the Wyatts walk away. It’s kind of amazing in that they seem to have forgotten how to make anyone a star, except for Reigns, who they are doing everything completely right with. So clearly they know how to, and just choose not to.
Libertarian Kane joins us, still on TV despite getting a week off. And Daniel Bryan attacks, also on TV after getting a week off. Cole calls Kane “the so-called Big Red Corporate Sellout”. I have literally never heard anyone call him that. Bryan chases Kane off.
Randy Orton v. John Cena
Whereas last week the importance was the possibility of being considered the new face of the WWE, this week the importance is that both men are looking to build momentum towards the Elimination Chamber. Cena works a headlock and Orton bails. Sign in the crowd: “Batista and Orton have great tattoos”. See, the fanbase isn’t ALL negativity! Back in, Cena with a bulldog for two. Orton pounds him down and tosses him and we take a break. Back with Orton in control and they do a slugfest where, god bless them, THE CROWD BOOS BOTH GUYS. That was awesome. Orton tosses Cena again and continues having a snarky dialog with the crowd, and we hit the chinlock. Orton with a DDT for two. He stops to antagonize the crowd some more and Cena makes the comeback, but Orton gets the backbreaker for two. Cena tries the FU and Orton reverses to the powerslam for two. They fight to the top and Orton brings him down with a draping DDT and then yells about how he’s never done that before. Nice to see him having fun with it for a change. Cena blocks the RKO with an STF, but Orton makes the ropes. He POINTS TO SIGN to show he means business, but misses the punt and then comes back with the RKO for two. Cena gets the FU for two. Back to the top, and the guillotine and FU finish at 22:18. CENA HAS SUCCESSFULLY BUILT MOMENTUM! It was a match. ***1/4
The Pulse
This was basically cut down to three good matches and a minimum of crap, which makes for a really good show, even if it’s not building to anything I care about. The Real Americans match was clearly the highlight and they should have been the tag champions ages ago, though.
Glad to see the main event not overrated
ReplyDeleteWhy put the tag belts on the Real Americans when you can bring back the new age outlaws 15 years later without the only gimmick that got them over and put the belts on them.
ReplyDeleteI think it's funny that they have to bring Bryan out to let the crowd "get it out of their system" as others have said.
ReplyDeleteMaybe put the guy everyone is there to see in the main event?
I'd also like to echo Scott that the "Face of WWE" stuff needs to stop ASAP. During the beginning of the Orton/Cena match, Cole was going on about how Orton wants to be the face of the company so he can do magazine & TV interviews. It sounded so absurd and ridiculous. Isn't Orton a heel? Why tf would he want to do TV interviews? or be on the cover of GQ?
ReplyDeleteI was quite impressed that Orton and Cena managed to turn the crowd around and get them interested in the match.
ReplyDeleteNot only is he a heel, he's supposed to be an unhinged, nutjob heel who hears voices. Why would he want to be on a cereal box?
ReplyDeleteOrton was on point last night.
ReplyDeleteSeems like they're doing a good job of getting The Shield and The Wyatts over as stars, not just Reigns. I mean, obviously he's a top project, but the crowds dig both groups.
ReplyDeleteAnd goddamn it, Cesaro is MONEY.
Turn the Real Americans face! It'd be easy enough to do; have Hogan show up on Raw and be ganged up on by some foreigners, Cesaro and Swag make the save blah blah blah Dutch cuts a quick promo saying he's found the light and being a Real American is about all that Captain America shit. I'll miss Dutch's promos, but it'd work.
ReplyDeleteI have to say their in ring double team/tag work is really starting to get them over with the live crowds.
ReplyDeleteBecause the TV ratings are, right now, much much much more important than what the house show audience thinks. And Bryan hasn't moved the needle much in that regard.
ReplyDeleteWhen the negotiations are over... then, maybe. For now, they have to tread very carefully with him potentially being in the overruns.
I hate that I actually find Stephanie's over the top corporate-speak amusing.
ReplyDeleteI think it'd be funnier if Dutch up and realised that Cesaro SHOCKINGLY isn't a Real American and kicked him off the team, freeing him up to go face. I don't think the world needs Jack Swagger, babyface, any time soon (although that's oddly the direction they seem to be going in).
ReplyDeleteETA to break-up: <1 month.
ReplyDelete:(
If they were consistently booked as heels with that type of language, it would be GREAT. Sadly, half the time they come off like they want to be faces, even though no one in their right mind would cheer for them.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. They're getting over with me as well.
ReplyDeleteFor the first time in, I'm going to say ever, I was entertained by Swagger. I don't think you need to turn them face. Just keep them sort of bad ass heels who really should get the belts ASAP.
I'm shocked they still have the belt. Thought for sure they'd drop it back on Raw the next night.
ReplyDeleteBut then we wouldn't have the super-important storyline of BILLY GUNN POOPING.
ReplyDeleteGod, I wish I didn't have to type that.
As I said last night, it's hilarious that WWE on the defensive to avoid hostile crowds actually creates a GOOD product. Whoda thunk?
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of this week's raw, anybody hear this yet?
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Raw, anybody hear this yet?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.411mania.com/wrestling/news/312821/%5BVIDEO%5D-Audio-of-WWE-Raw-Announce-Team-Mocking-The-Crowds-CM-Punk-Chants.htm
I don't think the world needs Jack Swagger, period. That guy is as useless as tits on a boar.
ReplyDelete"Whoever said that RAW without the matches would be the worst show on TV is so completely right."
ReplyDeleteThat would be me.
I have a hunch they're dropping the belts to the Usos at EC, and thank god if it actually happens.
ReplyDeleteZeb stays heel, bitches out Swags and Cesaro for being dirty libs and finds a new client.
ReplyDelete"Cole was going on about how Orton wants to be the face of the company so
ReplyDeletehe can do magazine & TV interviews. It sounded so absurd and
ridiculous. Isn't Orton a heel? Why tf would he want to do TV
interviews? or be on the cover of GQ?"
Next you're going to tell me you weren't emotionally invested in Edge and Booker T fighting over starring in a Japanese shampoo commercial at WrestleMania X8.
So it was Mitchell Cole that wrote the email.
ReplyDeleteThis has been great for Swagger. It lets him play the Jim Neidhart role, and he's been really good with it.
ReplyDelete"Stupid fans, thinking that cheering Ziggler will lead to anything. Don’t you know he works too fast and tweets the wrong things?"
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting look at your psyche and the way you view an employment relationship, I have to say. I don't mean that critically, I legitimately think it's illuminating.
I blame internet smarks for this face of the WWE bullshit. The only time I've ever seen before WWE started mentioned it was from smarky fans bitching about Cena being the face of the WWE.
ReplyDeleteGod, this announce team just gets more unlikeable by the minute. Jerry Lawler especially, dude just needs to go away.
ReplyDeleteEh, I blame the WWE owners who created that angle and make it the focus of their TV show.
ReplyDeleteAre...are you watching him? He's not a singles match guy, but in tags? He's improving by leaps and bounds, unlike someone like The Miz, who seems to get worse month to month.
ReplyDeleteAnd in case you were thinking "But, he's in there with talented guys, of course he looks good", that's How you get better, by learning from people more skilled.
I'm the opposite. More of these guys and less Vince shouting in their headsets.
ReplyDeleteI think the Wyatt's vs The Shield match at EC would be so well suited for a chaotic attitude era type of brawl.
ReplyDeleteI can only assume Vince caught a Golden Girls episode, thought it was the hot new thing and invited them all to host Raw.
ReplyDeleteWhen you look at how talented this roster is, and how over they can get if left to their own devices (Shield vs Wyatts for example), it really makes me think how awesome the product could have been the last 6 months if HHH and Steph hadn't become TV characters again.
ReplyDeleteSix months of this roster fighting over grudges and titles without any of the "face of the company" and Authority bullshit would have been pretty awesome.
Anyone else think they are putting Lita in the HOF to get on Punk's good side and force him to come to WM weekend?
ReplyDeleteI was hoping their stand-off would turn into a wild brawl itself, which would then lead to the match at EC being put in the Chamber. I can't think of a single reason to not have that match in the Chamber, as it doesn't seem like there will be another title match in there this time around.
ReplyDeleteFace of WWF could be great if they would present Cena as the face of the corporation and using him instead of Orton and then having Bryan defeating him at Wrestlemania and then an over the top 6 man tag with Cena, HHH & Orton vs Bryan and two others at extreme rules.
ReplyDeleteYou'd think having a heart-attack in the middle of Raw would be a hint that God's trying to tell him to give it up. I mean look what happened when God realized they were still making Fast and Furious movies 14 years later.
ReplyDeleteNot in the slightest. They generally negotiate these things more than 2 weeks in advance and Lita is as deserving as any other women wrestler of the past decade or so.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm not sure how inducting his ex-girlfriend is a way to force him to do anything.
Here's a slightly amusing bit of the announcers commenting on the CM Punk chants before Raw went on air last night. I assume this is from a satellite feed or something?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHZMY9gINwE
Yeah but as soon as someone gets over as a heel they have to be turned face because we're looking for breakout stars or hero's or whatever here.
ReplyDeleteWell yeah, it all comes back to them doing what Vince tells them, but I'd say it goes a bit beyond that. Lawler is just plain awful. He's become a total hack who keeps telling jokes and has no interest at all in the product. Why he has any goodwill with the audience I have no idea, as he's been terrible at his job for a LONG time now.
ReplyDeleteAs for JBL, all the dude does is yell and say things to get himself over-- just a pathetic Jesse Venture impression.
Cole is Cole--- boring cony dude, obviously couldn't care less about what's happening. if he was paired with a better partner he'd be a tolerable Joe Buck type, but unfortunately his partners are just so hard to listen to.
So yeah, Vince is obviously the real voice of the show, but the three guys we actually listen to are totally unskilled as well.
They have such an insanely talented roster, just filled with guys who can go if they're allowed.
ReplyDeleteShame the other three failed the Wellness Policy.
ReplyDeleteCesaro is getting over despite basically being booked worse than Dino Bravo for two years now. He's that good.
ReplyDeleteImagine if someone like that had any decent character direction or motivation booked into his stuff?
Cesaro being so much more over than his tag team partner reminds me of the last time this was the case with an actual tag team (and not just two superstars thrown together): Jeff being so much more over than Matt in 2000-2001.
ReplyDeleteI could listen to JBL and Lawler talk about wrestling for hours. Anytime they are on a podcast, they are great. So I'm assuming Vince is to blame for that failing to translate.
ReplyDeleteCesaro continues to be my favorite part of the show, and pretty much the only reason I watch, besides the occasional Bryan match.
ReplyDeleteUh, they're not dating and if Punk's romantic history is any indication, they're not friends either.
ReplyDeleteHas zero relevance. They have made it clear with the last couple years to put more women in, and Lita was basically The Rock in Diva terms (being Trish is Stone Cold, etc. you get where im going)
ReplyDeleteWasn't it just a few years ago when SNL asked its fans who they wanted to see host and the fans voted for Betty White really highly? So Vince isn't that far off. Also, Betty White is awesome!
ReplyDeleteThey cut out Billy Gunn needing to poo?
ReplyDeleteFuck this company.
What company is Ziggler an employee of, exactly?
ReplyDeleteI've been saying for years now that they should just nix the authority figure character altogether. Or at least have them only show up every six months or something.
ReplyDeleteThe deadlift superplex from the apron, and the spot where he catches a kick and turns it into a deadlift powerbomb are great showcases of how freakishly strong he is; yet, they choose to stick him in a stale midcard act. Awesome.
ReplyDelete*slow clap*
ReplyDeleteOme thing I'd love to hear is Vince a leaked audio bit of Vince in the announcers ears. For all the shoots I've listened to, nobody ever speaks about Vince directing the announcers. Wish someone would leak like a 3 minute audio
ReplyDeleteBecause he's an arrogant pretty boy. That part actually makes sense.
ReplyDeleteHe's gonna...he's gonna...he's gonna POOP!
ReplyDeleteThis isn't entirely fair. Who was moving the needle in 2012 when Raw hit a 3.1 on Aug. 27, then never broke that mark again for the rest of the year? Wasn't it Cena's show again after WM29? The ratings are virtually identical.
ReplyDeleteEh, there's a difference between listening to Lawler reminisce about the old days or tell road stories and listening to him yawn his way through the current product and bomb with a neverending supply of unused Henny Youngman jokes.
ReplyDeleteRemember how insane the Daniel Bryan vs Bray cage angle was last month? Go back and listen to when Lawler interjected--- he sounded like he was narrating a man wiping his windshield. Just incredibly checked out, and again, he just checks back in to sound like the world's lamest grandpa.
JBL is obviously a more with it guy than Lawler or Cole, but the persona he uses on air is insufferable. He totally hijacks everything, buries the babyfaces so strongly that it's a wonder that any of them could get over. (Spoiler alert: they don't.) Again, he might be a fun guy on a podcast or whatever, but on the TV shows he's just the world's most obnoxious radio talkshow host.
Yeah, Lawler was a great listen on Austin's show. Which irritates me even more over how castrated he is on commentary.
ReplyDeleteOh that'd be amazing. I mean, I will give them (especially Cole) credit for being able to even conduct themselves with a maniac screaming in their ear for three hours.
ReplyDeleteNext week, the cast of "Full House" reunites on Monday Night Raw. After Randy Orton interrupts their breast cancer promo with John Cena, Jodie Sweetin says "how rude!"
ReplyDeleteReal Americans get some of the stronger reactions on the card, doesn't seem very stale to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree. JBL is great on podcasts. I don't mind these guys when they just play it straight. It's when they go nuts with the pop culture reference and try to get "jokey" it just becomes terrible.
ReplyDeleteI do think that was about 4 years ago though. They're way behind the times on Betty White Mania.
ReplyDeleteShe then has a bad encounter with the Wyatt family, leading to a meth relapse.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'd love to see Orton on a cover of Fruity Pebbles with a shirt that says "Team Fruity" on it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why they always must have this character in some form or another. All that is needed is a low key character (Brad Maddox?) just come out and make a few matches.
ReplyDeleteAs opposed to Randy Orton, who moves the needle in the wrong direction.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately it's not the 90's anymore.
ReplyDeleteToo dark for WWE's family programming. More likely that Triple H and Stephanie come out while they are chewing out Orton. Dave Coulier uses Mr. Woodchuck to help them. Hilarity ensues.
ReplyDeleteThey need a babyface authority figure(not Steph or HHH) is they are hell bent on keeping this crutch. Other than Vince, the only time when the gimmick worked was with Mick Foley. He was amazing at it.
ReplyDeleteVince thought Mae Young came back from the dead.
ReplyDeleteThey're the same age.
Thanks, but I don't really want to hear 3 minutes of phone sex with Mason Ryan.
ReplyDeleteThis would be the greatest thing ever.
ReplyDeleteThe other crazy thing about always having heel authority figures is that it causes fans to boo EVERY ANNOUNCEMENT. Heel authority figure comes out, books a main event... and the crowd boos. Hey, next week this guy is coming back! Booo.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a bizarre dynamic to want the audience actively opposed to your company and everything you announce for your TV show.
Do they even realize that there's a different way anymore??? Fuck, as great as Mr. Mcmahon was in 98/99, that angle pretty much destroyed so many other aspects of what makes wrestling good.
I actually think Coles pretty good when he plays it straight. He's no JR but when he dies straight play by play i think he's pretty good
ReplyDeleteJBL is a guy who I have no idea how he has any goodwiil with smart fans. The dude was an awful champ, awful commentator, and possible shower rapist.
ReplyDeleteSome guys are just better as tag guys also.
ReplyDeleteHe's fine-- obviously as a broadcaster he's technically sound and all. It's just so obvious he doesn't give a shit about what he's watching. Which in the end is fine, I'd take Cole by himself anyday over the two hacks next to him.
ReplyDeleteTo me, Lawler on air comes across like the guy sitting by himself at the bar who you talk to for a minute because he's nice enough, but then he just kinda lurks around you and your friends the rest of the night being a creep.
ReplyDeleteOr use the cast of Family Matters and tie it into black history month.
ReplyDeleteRhodes Scholars is a great comparison.
ReplyDeleteVince wouldn't be able to contain himself with all the opportunities for Urkel bits.
ReplyDeleteI thought they were still together. Punks little black book should probably get its own wing in the HOF.
ReplyDelete4 years is exactly the pop culture lag that WWE usually displays.
ReplyDeleteExactly, which is why I just want them to leave these teams they have alone.
ReplyDeleteThey broke up last year, and Punk is (or was) involved with AJ (allegedly).
ReplyDeleteAuthority figures by nature should be faces who enforce the rules. That defines heels and faces. If a heel cheats, and authority figure can step in, etc. It's wrestling 101. Tunney was PERFECT. Stayed behind the scenes. He'd make major announcements (having him off screen made the announcements seem huge since he wasn't over exposed) and he enforced face rules. Such a great role
ReplyDeleteYes. So we have SNL(and Snickers) to blame for the Betty White plague.
ReplyDeleteThe Austin/Vince thing was catching lightning in a bottle. All time GREAT performers in an angle that was relatively new. Think about who was involved...Austin, Vince (greatest heel ever imo), Rock, HHH, Taker, Kane, Foley, etc. I don't think angle authority figure angle will ever draw big money again. By nature it just doesn't work
ReplyDeleteIndependent contractor.
ReplyDeleteaudio of the announcers mocking the phnk chants during a break or something:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.411mania.com/wrestling/news/312821/%5BVIDEO%5D-Audio-of-WWE-Raw-Announce-Team-Mocking-The-Crowds-CM-Punk-Chants.htm
So two years from now we can expect Psy to show up as guest host?
ReplyDelete*aliveness policy
ReplyDeleteI love GM Foley. They cover that run really well in the documentary of his last DVD release (it's on Netflix I believe). Foley + Edge/Christian was comedy gold.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I missed it the first 7 times it was posted.
ReplyDeletehalf-joking prediction: hhh pulls dbry out of the elimination chamber as punishment and forces him into a match against kane at the ppv
ReplyDeleteI SAID I WAS THE ONLY PERSON TO HAVE POSTED IT, that's all you need
ReplyDelete"Roman seems to give Renee the funny feelings in her special place."
ReplyDeletelike when i used to climb the rope in gym class
Whoa, capitalizing words!
ReplyDeleteJokes are funnier when you explain them.
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY. This is one of the main reasons why heels rarely have anything beyond comedy heat anymore, because they never get to be badder than the guy actually running the show.
ReplyDeleteBray Wyatt will never get to be the baddest man in the company, because HHH will always be there to pat him on the head and book him in a match.
The company should have rules, the heel breaks them, and the good guys punish them.
"Jodie Sweetin says "how rude!"
ReplyDelete"how rude... of you not to offer me any of your meth"
HAHAHAHAHA, pretty much
ReplyDeleteyour butt is funnier when you explain it
ReplyDeleteSadly, barring Brock coming back full time or pushing either of the trios factions in to the main event title picture, he's all they've got on the heel side.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, the Miz was getting pretty good when he was working tags with Morrison, too. Easier to hide that way, which is why the current strategy that's led to all these tag teams floating around is such a good thing.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you dislike about his character, dude is a crisp worker.
ReplyDeleteEventually, they'll have to split guys apart when one gets over enough to start making money for them. Cesaro's getting close to that stage.
ReplyDeleteWhy wood he do that?
ReplyDeleteI presume people were interested in seeing Lawler wrestle on August 27, 2012, but I also suspect that may not be what you were talking about.
ReplyDeleteit really struck me last night how bad the announce team is. i got sick of jr after a while around the time they did the coachman/al snow heel anncouncer deal back in '03, but damn if he isnt sorely needed.
ReplyDeletei loved how conversational he could be during the lower points of the match, and how he didnt force emotion (especially god awful fake laughs like cole)
and jbl... just, no. there is no defending him any more.
Plus, Vince didn't make matches every week. He made them once a month usually and was just a character surrounded by a bunch of wrestlers he was the boss of.
ReplyDelete"He's no JR but when he dies straight play by play i think he's pretty good"
ReplyDeletehe's only good when he's dead?!
I'm pretty sure "being alive" is the first step of the Welness Policy, but you're right: Exaggerating a siuation for humour doesn't make sense.
ReplyDelete