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Repost: The Netcop Smackdown Rant– 04.27.00

(Apparently I used to rant on this show back in 2000.  Who knew?  This one was just posted to the Network, so here’s my thoughts on it when it originally aired 14 years ago.) 

The Netcop Rant for Smackdown, April 27, 2000

- I have nothing extraneous to add before we start this week.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole the Little Goatee Wearing Bitch & Jerry Lawler.

- Opening match: Eddie Guerrero & Chyna v. Val Venis & Essa Rios.

Wasn’t it enough that Chyna wrecked a bunch of potential **** matches during the Jericho era, and now she has to do the same for Eddie? Hey, Joanie, you’re a VALET, deal with it. Lita makes faces at her before we start. Val overpowers Eddie, who responds with an enzuigiri to the face. Ouch. Val gets a blue thunder bomb for two, but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Chyna comes in and go after Rios, with Rios getting caught in the corner and double-teamed by a nice series of stuff. Chyna hits the handspring elbow, and Eddie follows with a brainbuster for two. Essa reverses a tilt-a-whirl attempt and does the rope-bounce rana, allowing him to tag Val in. Val drops Eddie with a pancake move, face-first onto the upraised feet of Rios. Now THAT’S cool. Eddie counters an irish whip with a rana. Chyna looks to get the hot tag, but the ref was elsewhere and escorts her out. Meanwhile, Rios hits a gorgeous moonsault onto Eddie for the pin at 4:40, and Lita follows with her own. Eddie needs to dump Chyna and bring in Juventud Guerrera so we can really crank up the latino goodness. **1/2

- 20-minute interview this week features the Rock. He tells the McMahons to hurry up and book him in whatever dumb gimmick match they want to this week, with a list of choices ranging from “cage match” to “Stephanie’s dirty panties on a pole match”. That last one is just BEGGING for an internet fanboy joke, but I’m bigger than that. HHH declines a match tonight on the grounds of redundancy (no shit), and sets up Road Dogg v. Christian instead. And if Edge interferes, the champs are stripped of the titles, because the McMahons don’t like other people interfering. Nyuk, nyuk. Oh, and Shane is the special ref for Backlash. Rock finally drops the bomb: Stone Cold is here TONIGHT. Huge pop for that. The McMahons freak out and call him a liar.

- The McMahon clan arrives back at the DX Express and finds Stone Cold foam fingers on the windshield wipers.

- WWF Lightheavyweight title: Scotty 2 Hotty v. Dean Malenko.

Enough with the sportz entertainment, on with the sports! Dean blindsides Scotty and beats on him in the corner. Scotty reverses a kneelift with a cradle, but Dean hits a backdrop suplex. Running lariat in the corner follows, but Scotty blocks a superplex and hits a missile dropkick. They fight over a suplex, resulting in Dean winning but Scotty turning it into a cradle for two. Backdrop from Dean, but he misses a blind charge and Scotty bulldogs him down and hits the Worm. Dean tosses him, but he comes right back with a sunset flip in, and Dean sits down for the pin and his second light heavyweight title at 3:55. A bit lacklustre, but hey, Prince Iaukea is nowhere to be seen, so I’m happy. **

- Back in the bus, HHH gets the 3-1-6 on his pager. Neat bit of continuity there harkening back to Austin’s mindgames with Rocky in 1997.

- T&A v. The Hollies.

Sadly, the long cool woman in the black dress is representing the other team. And the dress is pink. Ah hell, there’s probably only 3 or 4 people who even get that joke. Backlash’s hardcore match is now including the Hardyz. Hey, that’s great, even though I don’t think they ever made mention of the hardcore match more than once in the first place, so it’s not really earth-shattering news or anything. Test & Hardcore do bad things to each other to start. Crash comes in with a tornado DDT for two, but eats a powerbomb. Albert comes in and yells a lot. It’s the Monica Seles of wrestling, except he’s not as attractive. Hardcore hits the DROPKICK OF DOOM for two, and Crash wants the chance to finish. He misses a top rope splash, however, and T&A finishes him with the powerbomb-elbowdrop combo at 3:13. Before Hardcore has the chance to turn on Crash, the Dudleys rush the ring and take out T&A. They set up a table for Trish, but she retorts by rubbing her fake boobs in Buh Buh’s face until he goes into a trance and lets her go. T&A put Buh Buh through the table for good measure. She’s a table teaser! Match was bleh. *

- Vince & Shane attack a cardboard cutout of Steve Austin. Or was it Hulk Hogan? It’s hard to tell.

- Kurt Angle tries to impress Stephanie, but she’s too busy looking for Austin.

- Tazz & Chris Jericho v. Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn.

Color coordination this week: Purple and black. Jericho and Saturn start, with Saturn pancaking him. Jericho quickly gets the Liontamer, however. Benoit uses the title belt to break, and Saturn gets two. Tazz and Staurn go, with Tazz suplexing him for two. Saturn gets his own for two. Benoit comes in and clotheslines Tazz for two, and a snap suplex gets two. The Radicals hit their version of Demolition Decapitation for two. Crippler Crossface, but Jericho breaks it up. Tazz escapes the triple suplex, and makes the hot tag to Jericho. Bulldog on Benoit gets two. Tazz hooks the Tazzmission on Saturn and they tumble out of the ring, leaving Jericho to hit the Lionsault on Benoit for the pin at 4:13. Too short, but a way hot finish. **1/4

- Road Dogg v. Christian.

Brawl on the floor to start, and Christian baseball slides Dogg and hits a springboard bodyblock. It gets two. To the top, but Dogg catches him with a lariat coming down, for two. Christian comes back with an inverted DDT off the top. Slugfest, and Christian hits a shoulderblock. Front drop suplex gets two. Dogg gets the pumphandle slam for the pin at 3:05. Never really clicked. *1/4 Jesse snaps and beats the crap out of Christian after the bell, so the ref reverses the decision. Hella-weak.

- The McMahons attack a JVC Kaboom Box. Hey, I thought that you weren’t supposed to be ABLE to smash them that easily!

- Kurt Angle, Big Bossman & Bull Buchanan v. Rikishi Phatu & The Big Show.

Show cleans house on everyone for a bit, then Rikishi gives Bull the Salad Tosser, as Bossman and Angle seem to have disappeared. Chokeslam finishes him at 1:50. Well, that was certainly right to the point. DUD Dance Fever follows.

- The McMahons attack a bald guy in the bathroom.

- Al Snow wants a reconcilliation with Steve Blackman, but Blackman blows him off and makes fun of Head. Ouch.

- Hardycore title: Matt Hardy v. Jeff Hardy.

Matt offers Jeff a cookie sheet, then wallops him with a trash can lid. Jeff responds in kind. Flying broom gets two for Jeff. The other participants in the hardcore match on Sunday join us at ringside. Jeff does a Flair flip in the corner and ends up in a garbage can, which Matt dropkicks. He moonsaults the trash can, which looked like it would have crushed Jeff’s head. Both find ladders and have a duel, which Jeff wins by dropkicking Matt’s ladder. He sets his own up and hits the leapfrog legdrop over it for two. He goes for the swanton off the top of it, but Matt sprays him with a fire extinguisher and knocks him to the floor, onto Tazz and Saturn. Back in, and suddenly Crash Holly charges in, nails Matt with a cookie sheet, and pins him to win the title himself at 4:32. Kind of a silly finish to a pretty insane match. **

- A delivery man brings a cement mixer with 4 tons of concrete for Vince’s Corvette.

- The Godfather v. Steve Blackman.

Kicky-punchy for a minute, then Al Snow runs in and attacks Godfather for the DQ. Pretty pointless. DUD

- The McMahons find a rattlesnake in their room.

- Main event interview:

The McMahons call Austin out because they’re tired of all the games. No bald people are evident, so they decide to call the Rock out instead. Much standing around is involved. Finally, the Rock emerges, summarizes the skits from tonight for anyone watching the news on another channel, and introduces Austin on the video wall. He drops a steel girder on the DX bus, which EXPLODES. Jesus, was it a Ford Pinto or something? Were DX carrying a load of pyro with them in case they needed to cut a promo by the side of the road or something? Didn’t someone at the state line look in the back and note that they had 50 pounds of C4 sitting on the back seat and warn them about potential explosions?

The Bottom Line:

Well, that was a pretty laughable ending, but as usual the wrestling stole the show. Oh, and NO CELEBRITIES WON THE WORLD TITLE. That one’s pretty important.

Nothing really super-outstanding about the show, though, just another great buildup to the PPV, as is the usual for the WWF right now.


  1. The Hollies joke was awesome.

  2. I still vividly remember the bus exploding segment. Awesome for my eight-year-old self.

  3. No matter how old he gets, Michael Cole will always be the Little Goatee Wearing Bitch to me.

  4. They botched the explosion right? I wonder what would have happened if this was done live.

    Shane and Vince were always more entertaining when they worked together.

  5. Knuckleberry PinnMay 2, 2014 at 8:58 PM

    If I can recall correctly, Austin appeared live here after the cameras stopped rolling, which is a perfect balance between not pissing off the live crowd and saving the good stuff for all to see on pay per view.

  6. Knuckleberry PinnMay 2, 2014 at 8:59 PM

    I feel ya. When you're eight, everything seems so cool. My eight year old self saw Lawler smash Warrior with a painting and I was FLIPPING OUT.

  7. The Immortal Hoke OganMay 2, 2014 at 9:08 PM

    The Radicals improved WWF TV like 1000% overnight.

    I love the assessment of Chyna here as well. It was worth the experiment in '99, but it was terribly obvious that she was NOT going to work out as a wrestler. Just a valet, indeed.

  8. The Immortal Hoke OganMay 2, 2014 at 9:10 PM

    I know it was a throw-away match, but I have no clue why they would waste Hardy vs. Hardy on their secondary TV show.

    I remember seeing Tazz & Jericho vs. Benoit & Saturn oddly enough.

  9. i remember them doing that in Smackdown 2 for the PS1 and laughing my ass off.

  10. When I was 8, I was marking out over Red River Jack despite the stupid looking mask.It wasn't until a few years ago that I learned it was Bruiser Brody playing the role! But yeah, I thought Skandor Akbar was the most evil man alive back then, so I was pulling for Jack.

  11. You were 8 in 2000?! Jesus fuck you're young.

  12. I laughed my ass off when I read that. First thought was...does that mean Graham Nash tore his quad?

  13. Can you explain it those of us not clued in?

  14. Because Warrior was wearing a baseball cap and exposed the business? That was the reason, right?

  15. Knuckleberry PinnMay 2, 2014 at 9:55 PM

    I knew then and there that he wasn't gonna be good for business, brother.

  16. When i was 8 i was flipping out as Hulk Hogan and Mr.Wonderful scaled down opposite sides of a steel cage in a match for the World Title.

  17. Imagine the pussy a 22yr old Bobby could get.

  18. No 2014 Scott SEZ.....NO BUYS

  19. When I was eight I was freak in g out over Warrior vs. Hogan at wrestlemania.

  20. The Hollies was a 60s band whose biggest hit was 'Long cool Woman in a black dress', and featured Graham Nash before he left to form The Byrds.

  21. Stranger in the AlpsMay 2, 2014 at 10:36 PM

    Sadly, in 2014, the number of people that get the "long cool woman" joke has now been reduced to 2, and I'm still not one of them.

    Clash of the Champions Numero Uno, 6 AM ET Monday morning on the live stream. Promise.

  22. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontMay 2, 2014 at 10:41 PM

    I'm hoping when the schedule updates for Tuesday we'll see Clash 2 at 6 AM.

  23. When I was 8... Hulkamania wasn't even a thing yet.

    I did have the Freebirds vs. Von Erichs as it happened, though. Which was nice.

  24. In April 2000, Smackdown didn't feel quite as much like a secondary show yet. I wouldn't say it was on par with Raw perception-wise, but it was far closer to that than it became.

  25. The Immortal Hoke OganMay 2, 2014 at 11:04 PM

    At 8, it was 1991 and I was hoping for Hogan to get his win back against Warrior. The Slaughter thing had minimal appeal to me, even as a young mark. Young kids conditioned to early '90s WWF product don't understand an incursion in Iraq/Kuwait or why it should be more important than Hulk and Warrior locking up again.

    The irony is that my 12 years later I enlisted in the Marines and fought in the next go-around in Iraq. And the "Warrior-Hogan Part II" I got was hideous.

  26. Graham Nash wasn't in The Byrds. David Crosby was in The Byrds. CSN was formed after they left those two bands (and Stephen Stills left Buffalo Springfield).

  27. The "NO CELEBRITIES WON THE WORLD TITLE" comment was as its most topical when this review was written. Arquette's title win happened this same week. Yeesh, that feels like a long time ago (thankfully).

  28. The Immortal Hoke OganMay 2, 2014 at 11:13 PM

    Yeah, true. It was not quite the "Thunder of the WWF" yet. Smackdown was still relevant to the product, not just an also-ran like it is now.

  29. The Immortal Hoke OganMay 2, 2014 at 11:14 PM

    The problem is, Jeff Jarrett wasn't much of a step up from Arquette in terms of carrying the company.

  30. And I remember it was back during the time when Arquette was starring in trash like Ready to Rumble and the 1-800 COLLECT commercials. It wasn't enough that he was an obnoxious turd that nobody wanted to see in any capacity, but WCW somehow got the sense that this guy needed to win their world title. It was the height of stupidity for a company that practically made stupidity an artform.

  31. The Cactus/triple H was already making compelling TV a month before the Radicals showed up.

  32. That steel girder barely dented the top of that bus. The explosion was ridiculous, even by pro wrestling standards. They sure got their jollies off on it, though, seeing as they put it into the Smackdown intro and replayed it in every "classic moment" montage since.

  33. At eight-years-old I couldn't care less about WWF and Vince's cartoon crap because I was too busy watching The Dangerous Alliance, Big Van Vader and Lex Luger attempt manslaughter on Sting. Also, Barry Windham's hand getting slammed in a car door.

    Dustin Rhodes: "Hey guys, what's up? Here we are at Halloween Hav-"

  34. How many segments were devoted to the top angle? Compare that to now when the top guys gets 2 segments a week at most.

  35. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryMay 3, 2014 at 1:33 AM

    "Hey, Joanie, you’re a VALET, deal with it. "

    Gimmick infringement.

  36. When I was 8... I didn't watch wrestling... o.O But if I had, I guess Shawn Michaels lack of top spot was pissing off sheet geeks... what a weird sentence...

  37. Whew! I've only got to out live Scott now?!?!


  38. When I was 8...I was watching All-Star Wrestling on Sundays. Bockwinkel and Stevens. The Crusher going to party all night in Milwaukee and Baron Von Raschke giving everyone the Claw.

    Now, all you kids get off my lawn!

  39. Christ, that really was a reference for the kids.

    Have to confess I don't think I know "Long Coll Woman...", I would have thought that "He Ain't Heavy..." or "The Air That I Breathe" might have been their biggest hit.

  40. "Eddie needs to dump Chyna and bring in Juventud Guerrera so we can really crank up the latino goodness."

  41. Jeff Jarrett may have been a 4/5 time WCW World Champion but he held the title all of 58 days over a 4 month span.

    If he carried the company he didn't do it for long.

  42. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryMay 3, 2014 at 3:31 AM

    "- WWF Lightheavyweight title: Scotty 2 Hotty v. Dean Malenko."

    A fresh matchup for anyone who's played the Season Mode in SmackDown 2


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