The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 05.16.94
So we’re at week three of a taping cycle of 1994 mid-year RAW while Vince is distracted by the steroid trials. And the main event is a sumo match. There are few situations that create worse TV than that.
Taped from Burlington, VT.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage.
King of the Ring Qualifier: Bam Bam Bigelow v. Thurman Plugg (His Friends Call Him Sparky)
Bigelow shoves him to the floor immediately, but Plugg dropkicks him out in return. Back in, Plugg charges (ahem) and gets caught in a powerslam for two. They slug it out in the corner and Sparky shows some fire, but Bigelow elbows him down. Blind charge misses and Plugg fights back again, but Bigelow puts him down with the enzuigiri for two. Bigelow with a headbutt for two. He slowly pounds away while Vince continues making bad racecar puns. They’re only witty when I’m doing them! Plugg comes back with a flying bodypress for two while Savage finally calls out Vince’s faulty counting. Small package gets two. Luna trips him up, however, and Bigelow extinguishes Sparky with the slingshot splash at 6:29. Not much going on here. **
King of the Ring Report with Todd Pettingill, as we’re all anxiously awaiting Jerry Lawler v. Roddy Piper, which was actually set up by Lawler insulting sick children at a hospital. I’m still waiting on Brock to F5 a Make-A-Wish kid to set up his rematch with John Cena.
Diesel v. Mike Moraldo
Big Kev tosses the poor guy out of the ring by the throat and puts him down with a big boot. Sideslam, Snake Eyes, Poochiebomb at 3:00.
Meanwhile, more shaky testimony about people seeing the Undertaker.
The King’s Court with Ted Dibiase and Nikolai Volkoff, as Volkoff is broke and now works for Dibiase. What a stupid storyline this was. And it didn’t even lead to anything! So Dibiase makes him put on new trunks that say “Property of the Million Dollar Man” on his ass, and there’s a thread that no one wants to pick at. Why would they even bother giving 48 year old Volkoff TV time at this point? Of note on commentary, Vince talks about Volkoff’s power-lifting career, and compares it to then-current American sensation Mark Henry.
Owen Hart v. Tony Roy
Owen gets a fistdrop off the middle rope and gutwrench suplex, and the Sharpshooter finishes at 2:18. Of note: Randy Savage reading promo copy while the camera angle reveals that they’re not even at ringside for the match!
Meanwhile, Duke Droese is literally sleeping in a dumpster. Jesus, and they wondered why this goof didn’t get over?
Sumo Match: Yokozuna v. Earthquake
A sign hanging on the balcony reads “Owen Won’t Fall”. Boy, that was an unfortunate choice of words. We get endless stalling as they keep prepping the ceremonial salt, before finally locking up and fighting near the apron. We get some extended hugging and Quake finally shoves him out at 6:00. So that was about as terrible as anticipated.
Next week: Owen Hart v. Earthquake in the King of the Ring Qualifier! Uh, I don’t actually remember that match happening, so I’m thinking this week was it for Earthquake’s WWF run.
I mostly hate Eric Bischoff, but praise Odin for the advent of the Monday Night Wars. Early RAWs were fresh and new, but these shows are pretty dreadful.
ReplyDeleteBrock Lesnar's F-5 is the cure for cancer. And that Owen sign reminded me of the joke about WWE's stock falling faster than Owen Hart.
ReplyDelete"Owen won't Fall" ... what is that about?
ReplyDeleteTed Dibiase and Jerry Lawler mocking Volkoff for a good 5-6 minutes was the only highlight of his run. "You get to wear a tuxedo... SHIRT." "You look like a million dollar, and he looks like ten cents."
ReplyDeleteY'know I never gave it much thought. But why the hell bring back old ass Nikolai Volkoff and saddle him as a lacky? Like did they think there would be money in a Volkoff face turn and match with one of the Million Dollar Corporation? What a waste of time...
ReplyDeleteThis was only weeks away from the "NEW Generation" promotion. Then a month later, King Kong Bundy comes back with a strong push.
ReplyDeleteThe sign was written oWen Won't Fall so it spelled "WWF", see?
ReplyDeleteScott don't rate sumo matches?
ReplyDeleteAlso might have been "Fail" with bad penmanship, hard to say. It wasn't exactly an HD signal in those days.
ReplyDeleteObviously time traveling Daniel Bryan was going to put right what went wrong...but then he broke his neck and couldn't do it.
ReplyDeleteit was clearly the second best ever.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the best?
ReplyDeleteThe best sumo matches happen at Wrestlemania.
ReplyDeleteSo the slight recovery is a "Dead Owen bounce"?
ReplyDelete.... Ugh. I forgot about WM 21. At least Quake and Yoko had tights on under their Sumo thongs. Too much Big Show ass.
ReplyDeleteIt was only the second time that a real yokozuna fought at Wrestlemania.
ReplyDeleteSecond? Was Koji Kitao a Yokozuna?
ReplyDeleteYikes
ReplyDeleteIndeed he was. The only Yokozuna to never win a top level tournament, he was banished from sumo after punching out his stable master's wife.
ReplyDeleteBadass.
I now know 3 things about Kitao: that story, the shooting on Quake and calling wrestling fake story, and him getting his nose busted in about 10 seconds on an early UFC card.
ReplyDeleteWhy did so many of Lesnar's Japan matches suck donkey balls? You'd think that that environment would be tailor-made for his style.
ReplyDeleteWasn't Patterson pretty much in control at this point due to the 'roids trial? Maybe he did it as a favor to Volkoff, or because Volkoff was blackmailing him.
ReplyDeleteAt least Bundy could still work. Sort of.
ReplyDeleteI feel like this angle never getting paid off was "unfinished business" for Vince, which is why he recycled with with JBL and Shawn all those years later.
ReplyDeleteI think that the Volkoff stuff was Vince flexing his satirical muscles. By 94 Russia was in very sad shape. And it's 4 years after the Berlin Wall fell, so that suggests Vince had just read about it,
ReplyDeleteWas jobber Tony Roy the brother of last week's jobber Raymond Roy?
ReplyDeleteIn Mick Foley's first book, he asks Vince why he hired over-the-hill Terry Funk and Vince answered that he liked to be kind sometimes. I think we can put Vince hiring Volkoff in the Vince being kind category too.
ReplyDeleteConsidering the steroids trial was coming up, I doubt blackmail was out of the question as I'm sure everyone that had worked in the WWF during the 80s knew enough that could send Vince up the river.
ReplyDeleteWell, he couldn't work, but he had name value.
ReplyDeleteAnd they pushed Bob Backlund as a main eventer too. I think WWF really missed out not doing a New Generation vs Old Guard storyline during this time.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was Mick asking Funk why Vince hired a particular, unnamed wrestler, with Funk giving the reply you attributed to Vince himself.
ReplyDeleteI wondered that too as 5 years later Brock showed he could still hang in pro-wrestling. Only obvious answers that come to mind when good workers have subpar matches is that Brock wasn't motivated, which seems weird as he was involved in a huge angle that got a lot of people talking or he was suffering an injury at the time.
ReplyDeleteCould be wrong, haven't read the book in like 13 years, but I'm pretty sure that's how it went down. I think it was Foley talking to Vince on a plane.
ReplyDeleteThat's just creepy as hell. I'm a bit surprised WWE didn't blur the sign or something. I know it would be easy for someone to miss, but wow.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read it in a long time, either. For some reason, I remember it the way I said, but yeah, I could absolutely be wrong.
ReplyDeleteThe "comedy" characters like Doink and Jeff Jarrett were taking over the show. I'm up to December 93 on these old Network Raws and you can just feel the show starting to revolve around goofs that nobody cared about. They'll start the shows out with a hot match or angle involving The Clique or the Harts, then the crap just takes over.
ReplyDeleteTensai as well.
ReplyDeleteI hope it's a Funny Aneurysm!
ReplyDeleteYes, this was it for Quake as he left to be part of the 1994 WCW "Hogan Invasion" along with Hacksaw, Brutus, etc. I think they say something about Yokozuna Banzai dropping him into the San Andreas Fault Line on the next show to explain his absence, then bring out Doink to face Owen.
ReplyDeleteOh shit, I just spoiled who the Mystery Opponent is...
I *think* it's okay to spoil a 20 year old episode of RAW.
ReplyDeleteI heard Quake didn't like to do jobs and I don't see Quake doing one for Owen so I imagine that's why he left around that time.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I watched that show yesterday, and they did a semi-burial before not mentoring him again.
ReplyDeleteThat could be; I hadn't heard that before. I'm sure he got paid well by Bischoff.
ReplyDeleteor maybe it was just one of those deals with someone who is liked getting a job?
ReplyDelete(just like Sgt. Slaughter, Freddie Blassie, Arnold Skaaland etc. all were given more screentime years after their prime than many comparable big names of the past)
and that was one of the times where it could have even worked (usually the fans side with the "old guns", but somehow I doubt they would have done it in this case)
ReplyDelete"Plugg charges (ahem..)" cracked me up for some reason.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Quake would have eventually gone to WCW regardless, but does seem a little fishy that Quake left at the exact time he would've jobbed to Owen.
ReplyDeleteIt would have worked perfectly and could have been used as a catalyst for a heel turn by one of the old guard guys like Backlund or Savage where one week they could cut a promo saying how WWF have been firing all of their long time friends and management have been telling them that they're past their prime etc. then they would end the promo by saying something along the lines that the only way they're gonna be turfed out the promotion is if someone drove a stake through their heart because nobody is gonna tell them that they're past it.
ReplyDeleteI think separation is created by beating those guys. No one in the new generation ever beat anyone from the rock n wrestling era. Then they never beat each other.
ReplyDeleteBret as champ - had a draw with Diesel, beat Owen.
Diesel as champ - had draw with Bret, beat Shawn, beat Sid
Shawn as champ - beat Bret, beat Diesel, beat Bulldog, beat Vader.
Shawn may have done worse business but he was clearly pushed above everyone else while Bret and Diesel were given the equivalent of 50/50 booking.
The difference is: If they had 12-13 PPVs per year and 3 hours of RAW and 2 hours Smackdown and no jobbers, everything would have been much more different than it was in 1994. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure Lawler insulting kids is the funniest thing ever. Wait, him insulting Jake was probably better.
ReplyDeleteThe Dibiase stuff sounds funny also. I think this is the first of these shows that I would actually watch. Don't judge me
I'll concede part of that; however, Hogan was still put over people on ppv. Diesel and Bret didn't have any strong wins as champ. Their first big title defenses were against each other and they both were double dq's. That didn't help anyone. If you don't want to job either of them then don't do the match.
ReplyDeletePoor WWF... Their 3 main programs post WM were to be Bret/Owen, Luger/Perfect, and Yoko/Quake... But Perfect and Quake bolted very quickly. Oh well, 1 out of 3 ain't bad...
ReplyDeleteI like Jerry for what he is but I have felt he is pretty bad in a lot of this stuff. His comedic timing seems off a lot he seems to stumble over his sentences, I've found it surprising.
ReplyDeleteThen we got lex/crush and Yoko/Typhoon.
ReplyDeleteI'm partial to him making fun of Stu and Helen.
ReplyDeleteDiBiase as lead heel manager should have been money.
ReplyDeletelol yep. I went to a super small house show with the Lex/Crush main event... basically 30 minutes of stalling/tests of strength, followed by a Luger small package win. FASCINATING!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't think Quake had any problem doings jobs during his WCW run.
ReplyDeleteI liked the story that Bret was upset about it... until he found out that his parents loved being part of the show, and were all for it.
ReplyDeleteYoko/Quake would have been awesome. Nobody will ever convince me otherwise
ReplyDeleteIf the story is true that Quake didn't wanna Job... Then he pulled a CM Punk!!!
ReplyDeleteIs that rumor pretty much assumed to be true? He never struck me as a guy who gave a shit about jobbing but I was younger and didn't pay attention to that kind of stuff.
ReplyDeleteHe did a ton of job in wcw
Earthquake just went over Yoko (in a way). I'm sure Yoko would have cost him the match by count out or something. A job sure, but not a clean job or something. That's just not how they did business at the time.
ReplyDeleteDid he do a lot of jobs in WCW? I only remember the guy losing by DQ/Countout for the most part. Only time I can remember him putting someone over was the Giant in 96.
ReplyDeleteYeah probably.
ReplyDeleteThat's one of my biggest pet peeves in wrestling where a wrestler turns and suddenly the blood feud you had recently is all forgiven because you're on the same team. One thing I liked about Russo booking was that he normaly addressed that type of thing.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7O51Vu5hogA
ReplyDeleteBecause WCW.
He did a lot on his way out in 1993, as everyone did back then. Yoko squashed him, Bigelow squashed him, he went down to the Million Dollar Dream to lose the tag belts. Early 93 was definitely one of those "out with the old" periods. Earthquake, Bossman, Typhoon, & Kamala all were reduced to jobber status rather quickly.
ReplyDeleteThe attempts to rebuild him in 94 felt like too little too late to me as a kid; then he seemed fresh when he went to WCW. WWF was totally unfocused and (understandably) distracted by McMahon's steroid trial. They were easy pickins for WCW.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, actually Hogan hadn't much successful PPV title defenses:
ReplyDeleteWM2 against King Kong Bundy
WM3 against Andre the Giant
Lost the title against Warrior, Undertaker and Yokozuna
Won the title from Savage and Slaughter (and Undertaker if you count Tuesday in Texas)
What I want to say is that everyone looked stronger back then, because they could defeat the jobber every weak. Even if you lose your PPV match.
Today most of the guys are losing more matches, but they have also more matches against each other. And in the end nobody looks as strong as he could.
Again did he really do a lot of jobs in 93/94? I know he was on his way out and not used on tv much, but he was always protected. I can't remember Yoko/Quake ever having a match outside of the sumo match and I think Bam Bam went over Quake by countout or something, not exactly squashing him. And he did do a lot of tag jobs, no argument there, but as a singles guy he was rarely pinned.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't forget that the stars weren't on tv as much as today. So they all could hold their value better than today where you see all the stars every week in matches which you would have seen in 94 only 5 times a year.
ReplyDeletethe thing is though what was the point of having five babyface main eventers? They weren't running A, B, and C shows like in the old days and there wasn't a lot of tv.
ReplyDeleteTake a guy like Luger that they gave up on as a headliner. Why not job him to Bret at KotR?
Because he was face. ;) I don't know. The bigger question is, why they hadn't used Luger for the KOTR PPV at all? Instead we got Lawler vs Piper as the main event...the "new generation" running wild. ;)
ReplyDeleteBut for me Hart vs Diesel was OK at the KOTR 94. What I didn't liked was that Bret lost the title against another new generation star named Bob Backlund. Why not giving the title there to Diesel? And why not giving the title to HBK at WMXI and then HBK vs Bret Hart for Summer Slam, having Bret Hart winning the KOTR 95 against (for example) Owen Hart. Man, 95 could have been so good... but we got King Mabel...
Nash said that Vince didn't want to get fully behind him and I tend to agree. Actually, Vince seemed afraid to get behind anyone. They had plenty of dream matches they could have built up and ran but that would have meant picking one guy over another. Instead, he used heels who either weren't credible enough, weren't over, or flat-out sucked.
ReplyDelete