PG Era Rant Raw, 06.09.14

When last we left our heroes... hang on, let me check what happened when I was away...

(reads)

...sigh. When last we left our heroes, HHH found a way to win even when he lost. With the most dominant faction of our time broken apart by someone jumping from the winning side to the losing side, a compelling explanation is going to be needed.

And not just for Rollins. Word is coming out that Daniel Bryan is unable to compete down the road, which we probably could've guessed all along. But he's refused to surrender the title he needs to surrender, and the title being on the shelf hurts the show. So how do you get around this? Time to get your best writers out and explain.

The PG Era Rant for Raw, June 9, 2014.

Live from Minneapolis, MN.

Your hosts are as they are.

Your pre-show notes:

SIR NOT APPEARING ON THIS RAW: Kofi Kingston.

SUPERSTARS: Dolph Ziggler vs. Titus O'Neil; Adam Rose vs. Heath Slater.

RAW HAPPENINGS: News on Daniel Bryan; Seth Rollins breaks his silence; Sheamus vs. Bad News Barrett (MITB Qualifier); Rob Van Dam vs. Antonio Cesaro (MITB Qualifier).

And we open with the Authority, which makes me think the news is as bad as feared. HHH says it's a good night to be right. Stephanie goes into more detail: the Authority has the privilege of making a blockbuster announcement, such as this one. See, everyone's been wondering what will happen with the WWE Title situation. But tonight, they have a resolution. We hear from Dr. Joe Maroon himself about the injury: he is not medically cleared to compete... yet. He will still be re-evaluated. Stephanie interprets this as saying Daniel Bryan cannot compete. She says the fans can't be that disappointed: you can't get A+ recoveries from B+ players. And hey, the WWE is a business, not a fan club. And what's best for business is having an active champion – which Bryan can't be. Therefore, Stephanie says it's necessary to vacate the title. The crowd's NO chants won't change reality. Hey, it's what they warned last week: if he can't compete, he must be stripped of the title.

They're sorry that Daniel Bryan is hearing this for the first time right now – they TRIED to tell him earlier. Oh, and sorry to Brie, who quit for what's now no reason. But unlike them, the show must go on. Therefore, there will be a Ladder Match for the WWE Title at Money in the Bank. There are a series of qualifiers – one of which already happened, so Alberto Del Rio is already in. The next person to enter will be Randy Orton, who deserves it. So, at the PPV, there will be a new WWE Champion. Stephanie: “Amen to that!”

HHH says it's funny how after WrestleMania, people wanted to rub it in the Authority's faces about Daniel Bryan. When Bryan got “the fluke victory of a lifetime”, they wanted to be right. But HHH is right: Daniel Bryan is not championship material. And this proves it. Bryan isn't even here tonight. And another thing: adapt or perish, remember that? But everyone wanted to talk about how great the Shield is... but Evolution adapted (via Seth Rollins) and the Shield perished. We see the replay of last week, as Seth Rollins makes the most inexplicable heel turn of the year. (I picked the wrong week to skip, didn't I?)

Back to live, where HHH says he believed in Seth Rollins. Ambrose and Reigns are then told that tonight, what's left of the Shield will end with a whimper. The duo will face the Wyatt Family in a six-man tag team match. If they can find a partner, which likely won't happen because they've made a ton of enemies. Tonight, this will be history as the Shield becomes extinct. The Shield will perish. The difference between this and the 20-minute promos we joke HHH does is that it lasted 10 minutes.

Tonight: Sheamus faces Bad News Barrett in a qualifier!

So Daniel Bryan isn't good enough to be champion and loses the belt while HHH gloats about controlling the universe. It's September again and no one told me.

Question: how is Legends' House so popular?

Money in the Bank Qualifier: Sheamus v. Bad News Barrett. But first, we have Bad News: They say that the ones you see on the way up are those you see on the way down. But once Barrett makes it to the top, he's not coming down. They tangle in the corner, which leads to a contentious break. Barrett clubs away on Sheamus in the corner (and the crowd's behind Barrett), but a whip is reversed to a Sheamus clothesline. Kneedrop follows, and a few more. Barrett recovers and works over Sheamus in the corner, adding a short clothesline. Sheamus rolls to the apron and ambushes Barrett there, tying him up to threaten the Ten of Clubs, but Barrett escapes and knocks Sheamus to the outside. Barrett dives off the steps onto Sheamus, and back in, he runs into a clothesline from Sheamus. Sheamus sends Barrett to the apron, and here's the Ten of Clubs. Sheamus suplexes Barrett back in for two. Sheamus to the middle rope, but the kneedrop misses and Barrett gets a big kick. Sheamus ducks a clothesline and does a Cactus bodypress as everyone's on the outside when we go to break.

Sheamus/Barrett, part two. The belts still hang over the ring as Barrett has a chinlock on. Sheamus punches out, but a blind charge by Sheamus eats elbow. Barrett follows with a tornado suplex (you got a better name for it?) for two. Barrett stomps away and goes up, but the second-rope elbow hits the knees. Sheamus fires up and gets some Irish Hammers to start the comeback. Kneelift, but Sheamus's running knee attempt eats elbow. Sheamus recovers with the Irish Curse for two. Sheamus goes to the top again, but Barrett catches him in the corner. Sheamus fights him off, but Barrett charges the leap and gets Winds of Change when Sheamus recovers, getting two. Barrett looks up as he hooks up Wasteland, but Sheamus stops it. Big kick misses, but Sheamus with an Oklahoma Slam for two. Crowd is divided. Sheamus goes for Brogue, but Barrett sees it coming and ducks to the apron only to get dropkicked. Sheamus dives off, but Barrett moves aside and Sheamus splats into the barricade. The crowd senses a countout, but Sheamus is in at nine. Wasteland gets two. Barrett preps the Bull Hammer, but he runs into the Celtic Cross for two. The two men slug through the ropes on their knees, but when they get up, Sheamus rocks Barrett only to get headbutted. Barrett begins kicking Sheamus in the head repeatedly and throws him into the ringpost twice. He pulls Sheamus in and kicks away, but when the ref pulls him away to prevent a DQ, Sheamus lands the Brogue Kick to win it at 13:11. Man, I love watching these two knock each other senseless. ***1/2 According to the graphic, it will be a 7-man match.

We go backstage to the Wyatts. Harper says that they're labelled pariahs. But sometimes, Harper gets urges from some dark place. And Bray's back to pick up on urges – which every man has. The measure of a man is to admit them and control them. The Shield used to refer to themselves as dominant. But Bray remembers differently. Shield fell victim to lust, greed, and desire for glory. And now, tonight, they will burn for their sins. Bray is reborn. The bond of the Family cannot be broken, and their urges cannot be satisfied. Rowan delivers the punchline.

You know, Cole is spending all this time upset about Randy Orton being placed in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, but think about it: he's the former champion; he wasn't beaten at WrestleMania – Batista was; and he's never had his rematch. For once, I want JBL to point this out.

Lana says to compare superpowers by comparing their leaders. She says Obama oozes weakness and is a sissy. (It works – the USA chants begin.) Apparently the Russians call him a girly man. And as proof – Obama's workout tape on YouTube. Vince must be REALLY amused by this. Now compare to Putin. Putin is strong, virile, and a man amongst men. Putin will crush Obama. It's apparently only a matter of time before the US gives out and Russia takes his place. And what's this Gold Star medal anyway? Ah, something else from last week. (Seems like last week was a 2.)

Alexander Rusev v. Zack Ryder. JBL says that he just might move to Russia. He's in rare form tonight, by the way. Rusev charges Ryder and knocks him down with headbutts, then clubs away. An elbow to the back of the head knocks Ryder over. Ryder fights back, but Rusev shoves him aside. Ryder with knees to the face, but he runs into a superkick. Rusev Crush ends it at 59 seconds. Just another squash. We get a giant Russian flag to celebrate Rusev's win, which saves half the crowd from seeing him.

Later tonight, Seth Rollins has some explaining to do to Michael Cole!

Rusev may have the least amount of charisma I've ever seen. Not a joke.

Rybaxel v. Goldust and R-Truth. Xavier who? Cody is watching backstage to see if this works. Ryback and Truth start, and Ryback pounds away and throws Truth in the corner. Axel in, and he double-teams Truth and gets a dropkick. A little trash talking follows, and Ryback returns for a double suplex getting one. Axel back after some Ryback headbutts, but miscommunication allows Truth to tag Goldust. Clotheslines to Axel, then the kneeling uppercut. Inverted atomic drop and big kick follow. Powerslam off of a whip to Axel, and Goldust goes up and takes both men out with a twisting bodypress. Cody is watching as Axel cuts off Goldust, but he gets the Destroyer for two. Truth in, but Ryback dumps him out. Spinebuster from Goldust, but Axel cradles Goldust to steal the pin at 2:15. Cody is none too happy. This has “bad idea” written all over it. 1/2*

Backstage, Layla is getting her hair done and is trash talking the people of Minneapolis until Summer Rae throws milk all over her and wrecks the makeup table on her. You'd think the makeup lady would've warned someone.

All we learned is that Summer Rae is from Minnesota. Or so they say.

3MB says the Shield was supposed to come out and talk, but they're not here... okay, yes they are. 3MB isn't backing down, though, and the fight is on. Ambrose takes out Slater. Mahal and Reigns head outside. McIntyre catches Reigns from behind, only for Ambrose to take him out. Now the Shield are dominant and McIntyre goes into the timekeeper's area. Mahal eats barricade as Ambrose dives onto McIntyre. Slater wisely walks away, but Reigns ran around the arena and spears Slater anyway (off-camera). So now that 3MB are disposed of, the Shield do have something to say.

Ambrose tries to calm himself down before saying that the Shield was untouchable. They WILL go down as one of the greatest groups ever. The Shield were dominant, beating everyone up to and including Evolution. But they weren't healthy; there was a cancer in them named Seth Rollins. (Ambrose is barely containing himself.) History is full of traitors. People who would stab brothers in the back and sell out – everyone knows someone like that. Ambrose says he will have the opportunity to re-arrange Seth's face, he'll move Seth's nose about three feet over by his ear – yes, singular. He'll rip the hair out and stuff it where Seth's teeth used to be. Seth, “my brother”, is scum, and he's looking forward to what he has to say. Go ahead, lie through your teeth. They want to hear HHH's words from his mouth. They will listen, and they will beat the hell out of him. (Rollins is watching backstage in a suit.)

Reigns says Rollins is unforgivable. He calls Rollins the scum of the earth. There are things you don't do – one of which is stabbing your brothers in the back. But he's only part of the problem: Evolution's a problem. Orton acts like everyone owes him something. When Reigns is done, he won't be the face of the company, but the ass of the company. And then, HHH is next. Reigns isn't scared of the King of Kings, and promises his own Game of Thrones. Believe that.

Later tonight: Seth Rollins promises to explain! Plus, it's Shield/Wyatts V, but who's teaming with Ambrose and Reigns?

Ah, there's the Dean Ambrose I know and love. Without raising his voice, he made it clear how furious he was. There needs to be a little more of that, please.

The Usos v. Fandango and Damien Sandow. Damien Sandow is doing some rhythmic gymnastics routine. Layla is still a mess, as we recap why. The heel side is making me feel dumber by the minute. Fandango and Jimmy start, and Fandango gets a tackle before a criss-cross leads to a Fandango handspring. Jimmy gets an atomic drop and smacks Fandango, who tags in Sandow. Sandow does ballet warmups using the top rope as the bar. Sandow with a headlock takeover and he holds it. Jimmy breaks (as the crowd cheers Sandow of all people), but Sandow attacks and poses. He hooks the ropes and does some ballet moves, only to turn around into a superkick. Fandango gets one as well, and the Superfly Splash ends this at 2:20. Was this joke supposed to be funny? DUD

Later tonight: Seth Rollins TALKS!

I want to love this show, but there's just so much inanity. It's an important show – and I get a feeling something big is coming in the main event that might change everything – but so far it's been some decent to good stuff and a lot of inexplicable.

Xavier Woods v. Bo Dallas. Woods has his NXT music now. Bo's official nickname is “The Inspirational”. Dallas says he knows Daniel Bryan is at home watching and is upset. But there's one way Daniel can come back: if he Bo-Lieves! Lockup, and Dallas goes behind. Woods reverses, Dallas goes to a headlock and holds on, and after some reversals, Woods does a fireman's carry takedown. Dallas applauds him before another lockup, and he gets the arm. Woods handsprings out only to run into a knee. Dallas with a series of back elbows and a clothesline, and he celebrates. He encourages Woods to get up (“He's doing his best!”), but he walks into a slugfest that Woods wins. Woods is sent to the outside, where he catches Dallas and goes up, but Dallas with something resembling a Bull Hammer and Stratusfaction for the pin at 2:32. Dallas celebrates as only he can – with a victory lap. 1/2* He even offers Woods some encouragement and a hug. The crowd was so happy to see Woods on offense during this match they chanted for CM Punk.

Rob Van Dam! Antonio Cesaro! It's a qualifier! NEXT!

I'm gonna be honest: Bo Dallas should be facing people higher up the ladder. Rusev is at least going to get over through saturation if he keeps beating people who are bigger deals, but Dallas – who has a gimmick that COULD get him over – is stuck trading offense with nobodies. It's not a smart thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman. He's the one behind The One. They're cheering his pronouncing of “Brock Lesnar”. Brock's been groomed to make history ever since his time at Minnesota. The crowd cheers... so Heyman says that Brock had an idea to do something special on Raw tonight. It's the right time and right place for a WrestleMania victory party. Therefore, your next WWE Champion wishes to celebrate his biggest win tonight. Fresh off of his history-making moment at WrestleMania... celebrate as we present... CESARO! What, you thought Lesnar was going to show up?

Money in the Bank Qualifier: Antonio Cesaro v. Rob Van Dam. RVD with a headlock, but Cesaro shoves off and runs into some spinkicks for not even one. Back to the headlock, but Cesaro tackles him down and catches Cesaro with a backbreaker for two. Cesaro with forearms, but RVD reverses a corner whip and gets a monkey flip. Cesaro runs into a boot, and RVD gets a flying kick as Cesaro bails. RVD follows him out with a flip senton splash as we go to break.

Not sure why they did it, but the bait-and-switch of Lesnar/Cesaro has just killed the crowd for this match. They're very quiet right now considering who's in it.

Cesaro/RVD, part two. The titles are still over the ring. Meanwhile, RVD is stuck in a headlock by Cesaro. Crowd demands Lesnar. RVD punches out of it, flips over a backdrop attempt, and gets the stepover enzuigiri for two. RVD runs into a fallaway slam by Cesaro. Cole finally begrudgingly admits Orton never got a rematch for his championship. RVD rolls out of the ring, so Cesaro follows and throws him into the barricade. Back in, Cesaro with an uppercut and double foot stomp for two. He's back to the chinlock now. Crowd now starts to rally behind RVD a bit. RVD elbows out and lands a spinkick as both men are down. RVD with a clothesline as they get up, then some boxing. Cesaro misses a running uppercut and runs into a flex kick, and the Split-Legged Moonsault gets two. RVD works the gut in the corner and lands a spinkick. A rolling monkey flip, though, is caught into an elevation uppercut for two. Cesaro works RVD over in the corner, following up with a butterfly powerbomb for two. RVD ducks a clothesline and gets the leg cradle for two. Big kick leads to Rolling Thunder for two. RVD with a running spinkick on Cesaro, but Cesaro reverses a whip only to run into an elbow. Cesaro trips RVD in the corner, then works over his legs in the corner. Cesaro laughs in RVD's face before hooking the Neutralizer, and that's it at 10:52. How in the world can these two have such awful chemistry? **1/4

Meanwhile, Randy Orton is on vacation. Man, is anyone here tonight?

We look back at what HHH said about the “six” man tag earlier tonight. We then hear the Shield's rebuttal. Up next, Michael Cole interviews Seth Rollins!

Okay, writers, you've had a week. What's your reason for a guy switching from winners to losers?

Michael Cole is in the ring and introduces “the man who's been at the center of controversy this past week.” Rollins's new music opens sounding like a siren, rather than give him the Evolution music. The crowd gets a weak “You Sold Out” chant. Cole tries to open the questioning, but Rollins interrupts. He doesn't see any controversy, because what he did last week was no big deal. He just did what was Best For Business – his business. The Shield was the greatest faction, and Rollins created it. Therefore, he has the right to destroy what he created. It's not like Dean Ambrose is responsible for the Shield, because he's just a lunatic. And Roman Reigns? The so-called golden boy? Sure, you'll never see anger or fury in a man like in him, but unless someone controls it, he's worthless. Bottom line, Ambrose and Reigns are worthless without him and they owe him for everything they've done.

Cole says that many people believe the Shield was about all three men. Rollins says they'll find out later tonight against the Wyatt Family when the Shield has its last hurrah. But Rollins now has a question: why is this such a surprise? Rollins took the Shield to the top, conquering the world. They beat Evolution in a clean sweep – but Rollins learned from Evolution that to be a success in This Business™, you have to evolve and adapt. Crowd is now fully chanting You Sold Out. But Rollins says he bought in to the Evolution of Seth Rollins. And something no one will admit: what he did took guts. Sure, you think about stabbing someone in the back and betraying the Shield. Maybe to those other Shield members, they were brothers, but to Rollins, they were business partners. So Rollins moved on in business. For two years, every night, he put his fist out to believe in the Shield. And every night, he actually meant that everyone should believe in HIM. So, there's the answer. Right?

Oh, wait, Dean Ambrose said he was going destroy Rollins, remember? So Rollins is ready for it, clearing the ring. He's said his part, so come on out! And here come Ambrose and Reigns! Rollins won't back down an inch... and the Wyatts interrupt everything. Now, where Rollins was, Harper and Rowan are. And it's Rollins calling the shots. Reigns fights off Rowan while Harper and Amrbose are even. Harper and Rowan bail as Ambrose and Reigns dive for Rollins, but Bray Wyatt is out and it's a 3-on-2. Crowd wants Cena to make the save... and here he comes! Cena dumps Bray as the Shield dump Harper and Rowan! Looks like the Shield actually does have a partner for tonight. Play the SHIELD'S music! Rollins is nowhere to be found.

They're figuring out how to make people cheer Cena some more. I think it's time to stop being ironic and to admit: it's okay to cheer the faces.

Your main event main event is Seth Rollins against Dolph Ziggler.

So here's what just happened. The announcers confirm John Cena as the third man.

Paige v. Alicia Fox. Fox has Aksana in her corner. Lockup, and Fox sends Paige into the ropes. Paige rolls out and nearly attacks Aksana before ducking Fox as the heels collide. She rolls Fox in, and Fox replies with a dropkick to send Paige down. Back in, we hit the chinlock. Fox swings it back and forth to make it stronger. Paige fights to her feet, but Fox reverses to a Northern Lights to two. Back to the chinlock after a knee to the back. Fox screams about pulling hair by Paige. Paige to her feet, but Fox yanks Paige down by HER hair. Paige with a rollup out of nowhere for two, and Fox follows with a clothesline for two. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. She goes to the headlock as the crowd starts to get on her case. Fox stops a rally with a mule kick and throws Paige out of the ring sideways... wait, no, Paige reverses it with a headscissors. Paige kicks away at Fox and delivers knee smashes as Fox is tied up in the ropes. Paige shrieks before delivering short lariats to Fox. Dropkick (sort of, as Fox moved too soon) gets two. Paige stops Fox with an elbow, but Fox yanks her off the ropes. Aksana gets in Paige's face and is told to step back, so Paige sends Fox into Aksana. Heels bang heads, and it's the PTO for the submission at 4:58. Fox is getting better. *1/4 Aksana tries to wake Fox up and calms her down. Not that it works, as Fox attacks Aksana during her tantrum. She then steals some popcorn and water from ringside and dumps it on Aksana. And then she has a slap fit on Aksana. And stufs some food in Aksana's mouth before apologizing and giving her a hug. And a kiss on the forehead. Here, Aksana, eat some more! And then she apologizes again.

Tonight's main event! Bray, Harper, Rowan! Cena, Ambrose, Reigns!

Okay, Fox's act is amusing and all, but it went on a tad too long IMO. Kind of like Raw in general.

Jack Swagger v. Santino Marella. WHY? Why is this on at 10:25? Santino's inset promo is actually pretty good, as he says to “export” Zeb “Carter” back to Hell. Santino with a cartwheel out of a whip, but he gets caught in the corner, only to escape and get a forearm. Santino with a hiptoss and Swagger bails in frustration. Colter slaps Swagger over and over to fire him up, and this time he catches Santino and tosses him in the corner. Santino's thrown from pillar to post, and Swagger gets the Greco-Roman slam. Blind charge goes into the post, and it's Cobra Time. But Swagger blocks and connects with the Red White and Blue Thunder Bomb for the pin at 1:55. Hey, if it gets him over, great, but still – this match should've been at 8:30, not 10:30. And I say this as a Swagger fan. WE THE PEOPLE!

Tonight is your main event! Cena, Ambrose, and Reigns face the Wyatts!

And you're beginning to see the weakness. You have such a deep roster that a meaningless match like this shouldn't happen AT ALL. Even the squashes earlier had a point – getting over Rusev or Dallas. This I don't get. I'd have put it on after Sheamus/Barrett and moved Rusev here against... actually, against Marella, while Swagger is rebuilt against Ryder. But what do I know? I'm just a fan who has to watch three hours of this.

WWE Network has a 90% approval rating.

Meanwhile, backstage, Goldust is upset, but Cody has another idea for his tag team partner. It's someone Goldust has never seen before, but who can match his star power. Goldust just wants a name as Cody hypes him up. That'll be next week. Goldust isn't thrilled.

We see again that Daniel Bryan will not be cleared to wrestle by Money in the Bank, so the WWE Championship is vacated. This means the Money in the Bank Ladder Match is for the WWE Championship.

We go backstage as the Authority looks over the match and enjoys it. Stephanie has trouble with John Cena interrupting Stephanie last week and helping the Shield this week. But HHH agrees that tonight is the last time we'll see the Shield. Vickie Guerrero wants to celebrate the loss of both Brad Maddox and Daniel Bryan with some champagne, but she sneezes all over Stephanie. Stephanie threatens her job and tells her to leave.

Our main event is next.

Next week: Kevin Hart will be on Raw from Cleveland!

Man, this show has had a lot of nothing tonight. I usually get to about 10-12 pages, but it's the main event and I doubt we're getting to 9.

Main event: Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and John Cena v. Wyatt Family. But first, your SmackDown main event is Sheamus against Cesaro. Note to Bray Wyatt: you're the bad guy; stop saying where you are. Cena's not sure how to handle the 3-by-3 staredown. And it's a war before the bell. Eventually, Ambrose and Rowan start as Cena goes to his corner. Ambrose avoids a charge and boxes down Rowan, getting a bodypress and attacking in the corner. Ambrose piefaces Harper and dives onto him for fun. Dropkick to Rowan and he rakes the face, bringing Reigns in. Reigns with the ten-punch countalong in the corner on Rowan. He tries a whip, but Rowan holds firm only to get an uppercut. Reigns with a lariat to take out Rowan, but Rowan follows up with a forearm smash, and enter Harper. Harper tries a suplex, but Reigns blocks three times before reversing for one. Reigns backs Harper in the corner and Ambrose tags himself in. Reigns tosses Ambrose into Harper, and Ambrose ties up Harper's leg and dropkicks it. Dragon screw follows, then a half-crab. Harper kicks out of it, but Ambrose fights all three guys only to run into a boot from Harper for two. Bray in now, and he gets a shot in the gut and a slam on Ambrose. Wyatt taunts Ambrose, slapping him around before landing a hard right to floor him. Wyatt chokes away and brings in Rowan, who uses a boot choke. Ambrose is tossed outside, and Rowan follows by tossing him into the barricade. But Ambrose reverses a whip and sends Rowan into the steps. Bray tags in and cuts Ambrose off with stomps. Ambrose is again in the corner, where Bray boxes and headbutts him down, and Harper enters with a running kick. Harper goes wild-eyed before adding an uppercut for one and going to a headlock. Crowd wants Cena. Or doesn't. Hard to say with the crowd. Ambrose with a jawbreaker, and he fights one-handed until Harper catches a boot and throws Ambrose onto his face for two. Harper sends Ambrose to the floor as we go to break.

Main event, part two. Rowan has the neck crank on Ambrose, turning it to a neck pinch, but Ambrose headbutts out before walking into a Dino Bravo side suplex for two. Bray in, and he sends Ambrose into the corner and gets an avalanche. He wants Ambrose to do something, anything, all but turning his back on Ambrose, but his next charge eats boot. Ambrose is up top, so he dives off... straight into an uranage from Bray. Reigns saves, so Harper ejects Reigns. Harper then tags in and gets an uppercut. More uppercuts as the crowd gets behind/on Cena. Ambrose throws himself out of the corner with a clothesline, and FINALLY it's hot tag Cena. He goes to town on Rowan with the video game comeback, complete with Five Knuckle Shuffle. Harper is sent out over the top and Bray is knocked down, but Rowan runs over Cena. Rowan works over Cena in the corner with forearms and a boot choke. Rowan with a straight right hand to Cena, and Bray comes in. An uppercut floors Cena, and the running senton follows, getting two. Bray kicks at Cena's leg, then punches Cena down. Bray tries to lead the chorus, but the crowd isn't into it as much as usual. Cena with a dropkick from nowhere, and both men are in the wrong corners. Bray intercepts Cena and tags Harper in. Harper with a front elbowdrop and more mugging. Harper ties Cena in the Tree of Woe and and slugs him, then picks him up and gets a torture rack neckbreaker for two. Gator Roll follows, into a front headlock. Cena fights out but runs into a Michinoku Driver for two. Rowan in, and he drops a knee to Cena's back. He fish hooks Cena and throws him into the mat. Crowd now chants Fruity Pebbles as Rowan knocks over Cena. Cena breaks out and slugs Bray, but runs into a fallaway slam from Rowan. Bray tags in and slugs Cena on the apron. He enters the ring, stopping Cena from tagging and picking him up for a slow dance. Cena calls a spot (not sure which one), and Bray ends the dance with a suplex throw. It gets two. INVERTED LOOK OF DOOM, but the senton misses this time. Cena FLIES across the ring and gets the hot tag to Reigns, who cleans house and floors Harper with a lariat. Avalanche and big right hand, and Ambrose ties up Rowan while Reigns slugs Bray on his way to delivering the Drive-By Dropkick. And Rowan gets it too. Ambrose sends Rowan out of the ring and follows, but Rowan bounces him off the apron. Reigns with the Protoslam, Rowan saves. Rowan with headbutts, but Cena comes in off the top and flattens Rowan with a crossbody and AA try. Rowan throws Cena into Sister Abigail, but Bray celebrates too much and gets Superpunched. Reigns tosses Rowan, and Ambrose dives onto him, leaving Reigns against Harper, and Harper boots Reigns down for two. This Is Awesome. Harper charges RIGHT INTO A SPEAR and that's the pin at 20:22. Believe THIS. **** Cena nods in approval as HHH and Rollins are seen looking on. Cena raises the Shield's hands, and the Shield celebrate with Cena as we go home.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

So we had two good matches today and a whole lot of nothing. The biggest issue with this show was that much of it was boring – not even bad. Sure, Bryan vacates the title, but that was a long time coming so no big deal. But so many of the matches were short and did nothing – Rusev over Ryder, Swagger over Santino, the Usos over Fandango/Sandow. A very missable show, if you ask me.

STATS:

MATCH TIME: 59:24 over nine matches

BEST MATCH: The main event

WORST MATCH: Usos squash

NIGHT MVP: The Shield

FINAL SCORE: Meh, 4/10. But it would've been a 3 before the main event. You get a full point from that, a point from Barrett/Sheamus, and two points for not pissing me off. Congratulations.

Matt's Main Event is tomorrow, Scott does NXT on Thursday, Tommy steps up with SmackDown on Friday. Brian and Logan will be doing retro WWF shows. Scott may review more Clashes. Tommy looks at WCW to remind us that these shows are not as bad as long-time wrestling fans are used to. I owe you a retro rant, and now that I'm feeling better, I just might deliver. Not sure which, though.

Normally I stick around to argue over Raw, but after tonight? I got nothing to say. This was... a show. See you for some Retro.