The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 09.26.94
Live from Utica, NY, thank god.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage. Much like Vince, I fought off the onslaught of the greatest legal mind of our time today and emerged a better person for it. Truly I’m everyone’s hero.
Intercontinental title: Razor Ramon v. Tatanka
So Tatanka, after rocking the suit last week, is back in his usual gear and with his usual music, pretty much killing this heel deal out of the gate. Today, this would be a slam dunk title change, with the new hot heel getting the secondary belt ASAP. They exchange chops in the corner and Ramon dumps him. Randy Savage points out that Razor Ramon would never sell out, much like Lex Luger. Until both did. Really, though, there’s kind of a logical fallacy there on the part of the announcers, in that they make the assumption that since Luger didn’t sell out on this one specific occasion, it means he never would. If Dibiase wanted his services so badly, why stop trying? Yet another reason why Dibiase sucked as a top level manager. Back in, Tatanka tries to work on the back, but puts his head down and gets caught. Question: Why did we never get a Ramon-Savage team dubbed the Macho Men? Someone should steal Daniel Bryan’s time machine and get on that. Also, while you’re back in 1994, register pwinsider.com and then sue for copyright infringement back in the present. Tatanka puts Ramon down with deadly chops and drops an elbow for two. Ramon tosses him again to cut him off as this must rank up there with the most ineffective heel debuts ever. Tatanka can’t get back into the ring because Ramon keeps cutting him off, but finally he gets a cheapshot and takes over with nothing. No wonder he was such a colossal flop as a heel. We take a break and return with Tatanka working him over with still more chops and a devastating series of bodyslams, which get two. And then we get that terrifying of all heel moves, the abdominal stretch. Back to working on Ramon’s back, but this time it is Ramon who does the abdominal stretching. Ramon makes the comeback with a backdrop suplex, but stops to chase after Ted Dibiase and gets jumped on the floor. Lex Luger brawls in the aisle with Bam Bam Bigelow, and Tatanka goes to help like a MORON and gets counted out at 16:37. What kind of a fucking loser heel gets beat up all match and then loses by COUNTOUT? Isn’t Dibiase’s whole purpose as a manager out there supposed to be telling his guy to get back in the ring before the babyface? *1/2
Meanwhile, Paul Bearer and Undertaker think that on the Hart Attack tour, it might be Yokozuna who has the heart attack. Well that’s uncomfortable.
Kwang v. Sonny Myers
Kwang pounds away on the jobber while Vince talks about various sports stories from the week, which is kind of funny in retrospect given that we know how little he pays attention to the outside world. Clearly he had someone feeding him that stuff. Kwang finishes with something at 2:00, I think. Probably a kick. Seems right.
The King’s Court with the British Bulldog. Lawler makes a bunch of stupid dog jokes until a roid raging Bulldog threatens to murder him, at which point Jim Neidhart interrupts and challenges him to a match next week. I seriously think Bulldog was amped up on some sort of illicit substance here because he took it WAY over the top. It’s like “Dude, he was just making lame dog jokes, take it down a notch.”
The 1-2-3 Kid v. Gary Davis
Mr. Bob Backlund delivers a present to Randy Savage while I willfully ignore the match, which turns out to be a dictionary so that Savage can “procure his discourse”. Why did this not lead to a match? Kid finishes the guy with the Lightning Legdrop at 3:35.
Meanwhile, King Kong Bundy returns soon. It’s the New Generation!
Diesel & Shawn Michaels v. CHRIS KANYON & Bob Starr
Ha, I knew that jobber looked familiar! Kanyon gets beat up in the corner by Diesel and tags out to Starr, who gets elbowed by Shawn. Savage claims gimmick infringement on that one. That’s crazy, like trying to claim a copyright on news. Diesel powerbombs Starr and Shawn comes in for the pin after teasing a big finisher at 3:45. Nice little subtle touch there, with Nash doing all the work and Shawn getting the glory. And then we get the historic debut of the NEW HEADSHRINKERS, Fatu and Barbarian, as they attack the champs and chase them off. The terrible ideas just keep coming in 1994.
The Pulse
It’ll always be “The Sionne Era” to me. Is this shitty year of wrestling over yet or what?
I was a mark at the time and a big fan of Tatanka and even I knew Tatanka's big heel turn was dead in the water after this match.
ReplyDeleteAlso while the original Headshrinkers weren't a great team, they did have some pretty good chemistry together, which made their matches fun to watch sometimes, but all that went away when Fatu teamed with Barbarian as those guys had zero chemistry.
RAW!
ReplyDeleteHuh, good God, y'all!
What is it good for?
Absolutely
NOTHING! Listen to me...
RAW, it ain't nothin' but a heartbreak
RAW, friend only to the Undertaker...
That must be a song that Michael Hayes has written for his new album.
ReplyDeleteTatanka was never known for his workrate, but once he turned heel, he turned to absolute shit. It's like someone told him "the more chinlocks you apply, the more they will boo you", but the last part was a rib and he never caught on.
ReplyDeleteYeah, not a great worker as a face, but at least when he was a face his matches tended to have a bit of energy behind it, but after his heel turn, he worked matches that would make IRS go "dude, that's boring".
ReplyDeleteThey should have turned Tatanka into an indian casino owner. Or were indian casinos not as big a thing back in 1994?
ReplyDelete"Is this shitty year of wrestling over yet or what?" It's just the beginning...
ReplyDeleteThis "new generation" or whatever period of the WWF was so brutal so often.... I really, really disliked 1994 outside of the wmx ladder match and basically any of Bret's stuff.
ReplyDelete1995 was pretty bad but at least it was laughably bad. 1994 just seemed so.... bland.
All the performers on this show with kids that wrestle(d): Hall, Dibiase, Lawler, Bulldog, Neidhart, Fatu, Sionne. As a gag, you can even count Paul Bearer.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, '20 years ago' smacks harder knowing that.
I wish the did a backstage bit with Tatanka and Sunny.
ReplyDelete"You are doe who cannot keep legs together"
Preemptive strike against the White Knights: People would say this is just cheap potshots at Scherer, but A) He started it and B) Hes a shitty enough person to deserve it.
ReplyDeleteThere were so many routes they could have gone with heel Tatanka. I know most people say he should have been a casino owner, but they could have also gone the comedy route with DiBiase trying to civilize Tatanka.
ReplyDeleteI think you put all these BoD pop culture references in to make us think this rant was live. You not fooling us man, we know this was in the can.
ReplyDeleteI love Jim Cornette.
ReplyDeleteThe Randy Orton theory.
ReplyDeleteAwww, I liked 95. It at least had synergy. 1994 seemed like they were asking us to take a product seriously during MOM & Smoking Gunns matches. I thought they captured a "feel" for themselves in 95. Mostly the same roster, but instead of "New Generation" being used to convince us that "Double J" & "Sparky Plugg" were future stars, they started using it to signify something more goofy/fun instead. The way the 94 Summerslam & Survivor Series ppv's were treated vs the way their 95 offerings were treated illustrates the point pretty well. The 95 shows are less serious, but more energetic.
ReplyDeleteTo give a slightly more controversial opinion, I think Diesel was a great champion for the 95 presentation of the product. The general "I'm not taking this too seriously" vibe worked much better when followed by a Smoking Gunns segment than Bret's vibe did.
So what exactly was the deal with King Kong Bundy?
ReplyDeleteThere was like 7 years between his 2 major WWF runs, and then basically nothing in between. No WCW or Japan run? Did the guy just disappear from the face of the Earth? Was he cryogenically frozen or something, only to be re-thawed at a later date?
I think the best example of this maybe in the New Generation commercials themselves. A kid who's sad that baseball is on strike meeting Randy Savage vs 5 wrestlers dressed as Santas beating up Harvey Wipplemen with their toy bags. Imagine each of these followed by a Smoking Gunns match. Which one seems the better fit?
ReplyDeleteThe crowd in Utica has never once heard the expression "steam hams."
ReplyDeleteImagine an alternate reality where '94 Raw was written by '94 Simpsons writers, and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteActually that doesn't sound funny at all but I've gone through the trouble of typing it so I'm posting it. Disregard.
He sometimes made cameos in Married with Children so I assume Bundy was trying to get a break in Hollywood.
ReplyDeleteSo you basically say, that a bad champion fit's better to a shitty product?
ReplyDelete"Much like Vince, I fought off the onslaught of the greatest legal mind of our time today and emerged a better person for it. Truly I’m everyone’s hero."
ReplyDeleteI cant wait until today's feeble legal threats
An entire scene that I can quote back and forward with my siblings at any mention of a hamburger, glorious writing.
ReplyDeleteit makes me laugh every time he insists on using your full name, like he's uncovered the holy grail or something.
ReplyDeleteI don't think any of the white knights are here on this blog.
ReplyDeleteIT'S A SHOOT, BRUTHA!
ReplyDeleteYep, it was all about his comebacks when he was a face. Can't believe both he and Crush were heels at that point. 100X better as faces.
ReplyDeleteAnd Savio Vega.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. I would put post 1990 Big Bossman on there too (he was an awesome heel before that though)
ReplyDeleteI think generally speaking most wrestlers make better faces because it doesn't expose their limited offense, so if a wrestler does make a good heel you have to stick them as a heel so ratio to babyfaces and heels can be 50/50.
ReplyDeleteThe one overwhelmingly glaring exception is the Miz.
ReplyDeleteJust why did they put Tatanka in there against easily one of the top 3 faces in the company (who they needed to protect)? Bob Holly wasn't available that night or something?
ReplyDeleteI always felt that way too. Both Razor and Tatanka needed protecting and always hate it when WWE books themselves into a corner like this.
ReplyDeletePlus I think doing this match was the kiss of death for DiBiase's stable because they failed to win the tag titles and IC title consecutively that led to a precedence where they never won a single title in the company.
Of course, workrate or not, some guys are just natural born heels.
ReplyDeleteWatching this show, McMahon mentions the Hart Attack tour, and asks Savage when's the last time he had a checkup. Creepy.
ReplyDeleteAh, back in the days where our hero Rasslers were actually not dropping like flies... :(
ReplyDelete"Believe it or not, this is the FUN part!"
ReplyDelete"Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?"
ReplyDelete"yes"
"may I see it"
"err no"
Utica, NY! Last tv taping in my hometown before Wwf/e outgrew us :(
ReplyDeleteDo you call them steamed hams?
ReplyDeleteWell, you'll always have the Saranac brewery!
ReplyDeleteOh no, not in Utica, it's an Albany expression.
ReplyDeleteAnd at least you aren't Rochester!
ReplyDeleteAll the silly nonsense involving 'civilizing the Headshrinkers' didn't help. They lost matches because they couldn't figure out how to jump off the top rope wearing BOOTS!
ReplyDeleteDeer With Wide Antlers
ReplyDeleteAnother upstate NYer! We roll deep. Question: as a youngster, before you were aware of all the other wrestling companies, did you assume WWF was just a local thing? I guess iit would depend on your age, but during the early 90s WWF never seemed to leave upstate NY so i just assumed it was just for us. then when i got Apter mags and saw all the other coompanies, i just assumed they were WWF level productions that just aired in other places.
ReplyDeleteBlech. Garbage. funny enough all the locs in Saranac Lake mainly drink Magic Hat or crafts.
ReplyDeleteYou are correct M'lady. As always.
ReplyDelete.....
ReplyDeletelove that run with Skinner and Super Nintendo Chalmers.
ReplyDeleteI was in Albany last year, ordered a burger, and didn't think to ask for steamed hams. Regretted it ever since.
ReplyDeletemust have been a race that day
ReplyDeleteNo, it's an Albany expression.
ReplyDeleteNo that's an Albany dialect!
ReplyDeleteYeah I think it was similar to you. They were in Syracuse every other month and in Utica once every few months, so I definitely thought it was a northeast thing long after it was national.
ReplyDeleteThe commentary track for that episode talking about how Shearer and Azaria were going back and forth endlessly trying to crack each other up is great as well.
ReplyDeleteThe commentaries are what make the dvd sets so worth it and why that 20th season one they put out years ago with no commentaries is a big pile of shit.
ReplyDeleteYeah, they were. I believe Scott made that observation at some point as well.
ReplyDeleteWhile I'll agree that the Utica Club the brewery is garbage... Saranac IS craft. They also didn't name the stuff after the lake.
ReplyDelete95 is actually an improvement. Not a big step up, mind you, but better. Never minding the May through August doldrums, which were a mid-90s tradition.
ReplyDeleteHey! Another Upstate NYer here. I don't think I was at this one, unfortunately. I was at the previous Utica Raw tapes, though, with the earth-shaking Volkoff heel turn (and also some dark tag match with Razor/Bret vs. Shawn/Owen, but let's focus on the important stuff here).
ReplyDeleteI miss having WWF/E come through. Even around ten years ago they were still doing house shows at the Aud. At least now we've got 2CW as an outlet, and they usually get some decent guys in.
Also the run they let Hank go on as Moe when he is going through his envelope of "evidence" at the end of "The Blunder Years".
ReplyDelete"Now this first thing is just going to look like a used Band-Aid and, uh, and it is, but the rest of the stuff don't make no sense without it so, uh, you know, bear with me."
"well Seymour your an odd fellow but I must say...you steam a good ham"
ReplyDeleteI moved to Florida in 2002, and ironically, my last day/night living in Utica, there was a house show at there with Flair vs. RVD. It was the first time they were here in years and years. I think I remember them going back a couple times after that, but that one in 2002 was my last one at the Aud. I don't understand why they don't go back to Syracuse for TV. They would get a better crowd for a Smackdown taping there than they do in most of the country.
ReplyDeleteAw man, that '91 show sounds fun. I was a little too young then.
ReplyDeleteAnd I was at the Flair/RVD show! I recall a pre-TV Batista and Charlie Haas teaming up for a random tag match, as well as a decently fun Golddust/Big Show comedy match.
Yeah, there were a couple more shows at the Aud. The last one I remember had an Edge/Cena main and HBK/Flair vs. the Spirit Squad. I think it was the lead-up to Summerslam 2006? Orton cut an anti-Hogan promo, so I think that's right.
I think it was in 2003 there was a Smackdown house show at the Aud with a main event of Brock/Angle vs. Cena/Show. I had like third-row seats, and got to wave to Eddie Guerrero in the parking lot before the show (I wish I had been closer so I could've caught up with him for an autograph or pic). Cena gave a killer post-match promo, which was the first time I thought, "Wow, this guy's gonna be something." And Ultimo Dragon was there! Tons of Dragon masks in the audience. It's a shame that run was so short, it seemed like the kids were immediately enthralled with the dude. I remember a ton of them running up to the barricade, it was Rey Mysterio-level love.
They do house shows in Cuse about once a year and never promote them for shit, i always hear about them like the day of. a few years ago they ran one near when Chikara had a Syracuse show and Chikara legit made more of a buzz about it.
ReplyDeleteThose TV tapings in the early 90s were brutal. They'd go 4-5 hours and you'd see some guys win 3 or 4 squash matches on the same show. A lot of star power in those house shows, especially given the rosters were split.
ReplyDelete