Skip to main content

The SmarK Rant for WWE Battleground 2014

The SmarK Rant for WWE Battleground 2014

Live from Tampa, FL

Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler.

Oh, sorry, you clicked on that link expecting tonight’s PPV rant? Sorry, I meant to say “An old RAW from 1994.” But it’s the same thing, right? A bunch of fake fighting and bad finishes. It’s really your fault for being so sensitive, you marks.

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 10.31.94

Taped from Burlington, VT

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage

Lex Luger v. Mr. Bob Backlund

Lex dares to sweep Bob’s leg a few times and I bet he pays for that. Bob takes Lex down and works on the arm while Vince has the BALLS to accuse Bob Backlund of misusing the English language by throwing out words he doesn’t really understand. Well, NOTWITHSTANDING, Vince, that’s bullshit and Mr. Backlund is a great man and inspiration to us all. Or maybe it’s just because I’m getting closer to his age and starting to feel the same way. Bob with a belly to belly and more working the arm while Tatanka stands in the entrance ominously. We take a break and return with Bob holding a bearhug of all things, but Lex comes back and runs him into the corners, making the dullest babyface comeback of all time. And here’s Tatanka to distract him, which allows Bob to hook the CROSSFACE CHICKENWING before Tatanka comes in for the beatdown and DQ at 11:24. *1/2 Why would a heel bother to screwjob the finish in storyline when Luger was clearly in a position to lose anyway? How stupid is Tatanka? And then Savage nearly saves this whole thing single-handedly by making the save and chasing off Backlund, and Vince is all “He’s not supposed to be in there!” Did Savage lose another retirement match after Wrestlemania X that I’m not aware of?

The Action Zone concept immediately gets flushed down the toilet this week, with a main event of Mabel v. Yokozuna.

The 1-2-3 Kid v. Tony Devito

Did someone perm the Kid’s hair when he was passed out backstage or something? Drugs can make you do some fucked up shit, I guess, and a curled mullet is the least of them. Speaking of hair, is Tony Devito the guy who went on to be a minor star in ECW with Da Baldies? Because he’s got a shitload more hair here. Devito actually overpowers the Kid for a bit, but gets kicked down and suplexed. Spinkick and Lightning legdrop finish at 3:30.

Survivor Series report with Todd. Card looks like shit but I haven’t reviewed it in ages so I might have to go back and do it again when we get to that point in the RAW cycle.

King Kong Bundy v. Bert Centino

They note that Bundy is the “anchor” of the Million Dollar Team, which I assume is in the sense of the big thing that drags everyone else down to his level. Bundy pounds away and finishes with the Avalanche at 2:40.

IRS continues his hard-hitting investigation of the late “John Dough”, and repossesses his flowers to pay the $121 owed. Man, if only there was someone to stand up for the rights of the deceased!

The King’s Court with The Undertaker and Paul Bearer. Blah blah blah Yokozuna casket blah blah blah Chuck Norris blah blah blah rest in peace. I feel like a Chuck Norris cameo today would be a DRASTICALLY different endeavor.

Jim Neidhart v. Tony Roy

Neidhart with his usual array of slams and forearms and the most interesting part of the match is Savage on commentary: “The hardest part of the job is sitting in this chair. I’m tired of sitting.” None so blind as those who will not see, Vince. Anvil finishes with the camel clutch at 4:10.

Meanwhile, Vince interviews Lex Luger in the back about the shoulder injury, but audio problems put the kibosh on it. This show was taped a MONTH before this! They couldn’t have fixed it in post?

Next week: The British Bulldog & Bret Hart v. Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart! OH YEAH!

Comments

  1. AW SUNNAVABITCH

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think Scott just Punked us.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well done sir....well done.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That intro had me laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Crikey Mate Down Under AussieJuly 20, 2014 at 11:46 PM

    Goddamn it...hook, line, sinker.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Bye bye Randy Savage

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Oh, sorry, you clicked on that link expecting tonight’s PPV rant? Sorry, I meant to say “An old RAW from 1994.” But it’s the same thing, right? A bunch of fake fighting and bad finishes. It’s really your fault for being so sensitive, you marks."



    Difference is these rants are free, so you can get away with that. All WWE does is rip off the paying customer and then condition fans to believe some pay per views are more important than others.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The Raw needed more matches advertised but not delivered.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJuly 20, 2014 at 11:53 PM

    HA! You really should have a better vetting process when hiring writers for the blog Scott.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Everyone bought it! Even Scott's immediate family bought it!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Magoonie NOT Teddy BelmontJuly 20, 2014 at 11:55 PM

    Well some PPVs are more important than others honestly. You can't do WM every month.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "A bunch of fake fighting and bad finishes"


    In other words, Vince Russo enjoyed both shows to the highest degree.

    ReplyDelete
  13. It's the conditioning of fans that nothing important will happen at this show, but IT WILL THE NEXT that annoys me more. Nothing of importance happened here. It was a glorified Raw masquerading as something else.

    ReplyDelete
  14. http://i.imgur.com/XS5LK.gif

    ReplyDelete
  15. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryJuly 21, 2014 at 12:08 AM

    IT'S THE ULTIMATE SWERVE

    ReplyDelete
  16. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryJuly 21, 2014 at 12:09 AM

    WHAT?!!?

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm staying out of this clusterfuck. Battleground was slightly above average in my view anyway, not worth arguing over.

    ReplyDelete
  18. "Next week: The British Bulldog & Bret Hart v. Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart! OH YEAH!"

    Spoiler alert: The teams start brawling in the locker room, Jack Tunney cancels the match and it's praised as revolutionary booking.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Where are the scheduled appearances by WWE Superstars such as Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose and Cesaro? I know the card is 'subject to change', but at least show the advertised stars. Much as The WWE certainly did at Battleground 2014.

    ReplyDelete
  20. The kayfabe story was that a color commentator couldn't physically involve himself in the ring, which is what Savage did. The same thing happened a year previous where Savage attacked Crush and got suspended over it.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "They note that Bundy is the “anchor” of the Million Dollar Team, which I assume is in the sense of the big thing that drags everyone else down to his level."

    You know who else drags everything down to his level? Shsne Douglas. Man that guy sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  22. "Battleground was slightly above average"


    Mike Sanders wrestled on the pay per view?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Adam "Colorado" CurryJuly 21, 2014 at 12:36 AM

    They let anyone post here these days!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Adam "Colorado" CurryJuly 21, 2014 at 12:37 AM

    Asshole...

    ReplyDelete
  25. when he started, he was a extra flippy (not floppy autocorrect) guy who could pop that double moonsault. He's turned into a excellent worker.


    Try as I might, I just can't get fully immersed into puro. I think the lack of knowledge as to what's going on/why hurts. If I spoke Japanese or they did english dubbed shows, I'd be far more likely to regularly watch things like NJPW and Dragon Gate.

    ReplyDelete
  26. The answer to the question everyone is asking:


    Yes...that is ECW's Tony DeVito, Scott.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Easy there, pal. There are some standards, okay. (A) someone has to have a keyboard, (b) you have to have some sort of internet accessibility, (c) you gotta know the blog exists, (d) you gotta know something about wrestling. Wait, someone didn't know the difference between a botch and a shoot. Okay, fine, omit D.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Man, I can't believe this is how he went out.

    ReplyDelete
  29. YOU ALL BOUGHT IT!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Adam "Colorado" CurryJuly 21, 2014 at 1:22 AM

    He'll never live that one down. I mean, he did a post about doing #2, and said Wes Welker would go full Benoit (does Welker even have a wife and kids? Come to think of it, that might been Caliber...), but he gets remembered for that.


    But for fuck's sake, *I* have posting privileges, and I'm the BoD's Scott Hall.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Say what you want about Fale and Ishii, but that was a hard-hitting, well paced match. Best match of the first half, imo. Yano is such a strange bird, enjoy watching him getting the better of tough guy Suzuki.

    ReplyDelete
  32. ITHOUGHTIWASSEEINGWHATWASADVERTISED

    ReplyDelete
  33. This is one of the things where I think I'm helped by growing up in San Francisco.. Everywhere I go in this town, all I hear are foreign languages.. And the wrestlers, they all look like Americans to me because that's what everyone I went to school looked like.. I know I'm in the minority there, but it probably helps..

    ReplyDelete
  34. Word.. the opener and Nagata/Kojima matches were dope. The rest was about what I thought it would be.. But Yano/Suzuki was hilarious..

    ReplyDelete
  35. Welker has a wife, a hot one at that. No kids, though. And I enjoyed your ROH reviews, even though I didn't enjoy the product at the time.

    ReplyDelete
  36. So... do we get a new RAW recapper now?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Man tonight sucked.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Man, 1994 WWF sucked too.

    ReplyDelete
  39. cabspaintedyellowJuly 21, 2014 at 2:43 AM

    Honestly though, why not?


    Not the pageantry part, but the "treating every match like a huge deal and building each feud to the point where fans will pay to see it on PPV" part?


    So many of these PPVs have painfully uninspired match combinations, many of them thrown together a week or two before the show. Sure, it's not like the Andre Battle Royale was this match people were clamoring to see when it was announced, but they spent enough time building it up that it felt like a fairly big deal by the time of the show.


    I swear, booking compelling feuds that advance storylines, get/keep people over, and drive fan interest isn't anywhere near as hard as they're making it on themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  40. This show wasn't even the strangest Tony DeVito sighting.


    Fun Fact: He also appeared on one of the first episodes of WWE's failed 2006 relaunch of ECW playing a priest who had never seen an ECW show before and claimed to be offended by what he saw which means that segment was very obviously written by someone who had never seen an ECW show before.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Well that show certainly washed the Battleground out of my mouth.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Bar none, hands down, best AJ Styles match I've ever seen. How the fcck did they top Nakamura/Shibata and Tanahashi/Honma? Best show of the year.. I never say "Told ya so" to those who miss it, I just say "You should really join us next time"..

    ReplyDelete
  43. Does that count as a 'Dusty start' ?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Meanwhile, at http://www.pwinsider.com/article/87023/should-it-be-cena-vs-lesnar-at-summerslam-when-should-sting-debut-and-against-who-the-return-of-enhancement-talent-and-more.html?p=1

    "Are there any plans of making a forum on this site? Where fans can reply to other fans questions?

    No there are not. Honestly, I have seen things that people write in the follow up sections on other sites and I just don't want to have to deal with the aggravation that comes with it. I know a lot of people do it for extra ad impressions but it's just not worth it to me."

    ReplyDelete
  45. I thought Scott did a pretty good job up there.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm almost positive this means the BoD is going to be unbearable today.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Crikey Mate Down Under AussieJuly 21, 2014 at 5:38 AM

    What was the show called? Interested in following it up

    ReplyDelete
  48. There's always a Plan B

    ReplyDelete
  49. Mister_E_KindaBuzzedAllBecauseJuly 21, 2014 at 5:57 AM

    Oh, I see what you did there!

    ReplyDelete
  50. You know what really sucks? That amazing tag match is getting lost in all the negativity. The Usos, Rowan, and Harper deserve so much praise for putting on such a great performance.

    ReplyDelete
  51. This is so true, it hurts.

    ReplyDelete
  52. We have just been Dickroll'D

    ReplyDelete
  53. *head in hands*

    ReplyDelete
  54. I didn't see the show, but yep, seems like if there was an actual "bell to bell" match, it would have just been tons of insane brawling that would have ended in a double DQ/Countout anyway. Which is exactly what we seemed to get, in 3 different segments. So why are people complaining again?

    ReplyDelete
  55. AverageJoeEverymanJuly 21, 2014 at 6:11 AM

    somewhat of a Battleground tradition starting as last years best match was the tag title match with the Rhodes boys vs Shield.

    ReplyDelete
  56. And this was it for Savage. Weirds.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Strange how 18 months earlier, there was a Luger/Backlund KOTR Qualifier that was an easy Luger win. Funny how things changed, where Backlund was actually the favorite here.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Mister_E_KindaBuzzedAllBecauseJuly 21, 2014 at 6:20 AM

    I would personally rather see a brawl that goes on in one segment, with no officials pulling them apart.


    That's ok bullshit for Raw, but makes for a crappy "special event"

    ReplyDelete
  59. When I saw I had a reply to this post, I was mentally preparing for a really snarky comment...

    You're absolutely right. The opening tag match was the highlight of the show, and all four guys deserve a ton of praise for that effort.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Mister_E_KindaBuzzedAllBecauseJuly 21, 2014 at 6:22 AM

    I missed all but the first fall which didn't do much for me. I wish that I'd caught it.

    ReplyDelete
  61. I think if they didn't stall during the PPV it would seem like it was better than it was. The stalling makes it seem like there was supposed to be a match there instead.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I think there would have been a lot less complaining if after the beatdown on Ambrose on Raw, Triple H had announced that the match was off or at least strongly imply that the match wouldn't happen. Then they could have done the same exact stuff that happened on the PPV and I doubt people would be so upset.


    I was disappointed with no match personally but I get that they wanna save it for SS.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Backlund actually had a very competitive match and lost by Count-Out with the loaded forearm of doom. Luger actually looked bad in that match, too by not defeating him easily.

    ReplyDelete
  64. I expected something really great(I thought their match last month rocked) but they still managed to blow away my expectations. It's always fun when the people you don't expect to steal the show end up stealing the show.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Yeah I guess so. Now that I think about it, Backlund started with like 4-5 quick pin attempts. Was a pretty fun match.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I wish they'd just avoided the 2/3 Falls stipulation and there had been a title switch. Those teams have good chemistry, but can't the Wyatts at least win some of the time?


    Of course, I was raised on an element of USWA wrestling where there were tons of title changes, so that influences some of my views at times.

    ReplyDelete
  67. I'm a sucker for 2/3 Falls matches and this one got enough time so that the stipulation didn't feel wasted. I agree on the title change though. I wish there was a title change just from a purely "I was rooting for Rowan and Harper over the Usos" type of way.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Backlund's transformation between 1993 and 1994 is something to behold. At first, you were like "who cares about this guy?" and Backlund really looked out of place in the 1990s. Then, he snaps and becomes this insane guy that rips people's arms off with the chicken wing, and he acquires this great presence on the card.


    I must admit that every time I watch the 1993 Rumble (which isn't often), I keep thinking Backlund JUST MIGHT win. That Iron Man push was fantastic, but it didn't lead to anything.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Don't worry they'll have another one tonight!

    ReplyDelete
  70. It was really strange in the sense that they seemed to be teasing an Usos split in the pre-match promo. That would seem to telegraph a title change and when one of the Usos tagged themselves in late in the match, I thought we were headed down that road, but it didn't happen. I hope they don't split the Usos in the short-term because the WWE really doesn't need to split any more tag teams up at this time.


    I also like 2/3 falls, but I just felt that the match didn't take full advantage of the stipulation. I blame part of that on the commentary, though, for not really selling the story of the match well. That's why I'd peg the match at **** and not at ****1/2+ or whatever.

    ReplyDelete
  71. It wasn't insane brawling. It was a quick raw pull apart instead of a advertised main event.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Right now, I think Wyatts-Usos are the only teams in the division.

    ReplyDelete
  73. I nearly shit my pants on the "Harper goes for discus lariat, eats a Super Kick, All Japan's that shit and then hits the discus lariat" That would have been such an amazing finish.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Scott, I've been a fan of yours for a long time, but this was seriously not cool.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Knuckleberry PinnJuly 21, 2014 at 7:01 AM

    Yup and one of the Usos will dive over the top rope and the fans will chant "This is Awesome!".

    ReplyDelete
  76. Yeah, that would've been an amazing finish. I let out an audible "Damn!" after that sequence.


    I did like the double top rope splash finish, but don't really understand why the Usos just didn't splash Harper from the opposite turnbuckles.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Anvil should have used a spinebuster for his finisher. It would have played well off the heart attack.

    ReplyDelete
  78. No that wasn't Caliber that was Meekin

    ReplyDelete
  79. Don't worry I'm sure SummerSlam will be a show of the year candidate and we will have tears in our eyes praising it until the they really phone it in until the Rumble.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Yoko-Mabel didn't flush the Action Zone concept down the toilet. That's a main event for any arena in the country! Hell, that match got the ONLY reaction from the crowd at In Your House 4!

    ReplyDelete
  81. I've always been a sucker for Big vs Big matches, so I remembered being excited about that one. The show did fizzle out very soon after though.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Knuckleberry PinnJuly 21, 2014 at 7:19 AM

    Brock vs Big Show at survivor Series 2002 is the go-to Big vs Big match for me. It has everything I'm looking for in my big man contests: power moves, minimal resting, kept short.

    Also like Yoko vs Vader from Raw in '96.

    ReplyDelete
  83. I get back from Cancun, looking to see some SK rant on Battleground and you hit us with the SWERVE Scott?

    Bruh.

    ReplyDelete
  84. I don't know what to believe anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Yeah, as a mark I was hyped for Mabel-Yoko. When you are a kid, you are less enamored by workrate and just the sheer size of some of these guys.

    ReplyDelete
  86. And JBL will shout, "It's a FLYING USO, MIGGAL COHL!!!"

    Goddamitt, I hate JBL so much.

    ReplyDelete
  87. It was the greatest swerve on Scott's family since "The trampoline is perfectly safe".

    ReplyDelete
  88. Man, I thought Savage left WAY earlier than this. No wonder Vince got mad...he gives Savage a rare heartfelt sendoff and is all grateful and shit, then Randy pops up working for the competition like 2 weeks later.
    And that is the last time you will ever see me be sympathetic to Vince McMahon.

    ReplyDelete
  89. The correct answer is that it was obviously written by someone who had never seen ECW before there was nothing even close to offensive in the abortion that was the rebooted ECW. In all seriousness though, the new ECW literally killed me and now I'm just a ghost.

    ReplyDelete
  90. I thought that was Drunk Murph.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Hell I may actually watch Raw if I get to see another go round.

    ReplyDelete
  92. As bad as, "SHADES OF DADDY RIKISHI!"

    ReplyDelete
  93. The Ascension was teasing something with the Usos on Twitter, which is apparently where storylines start now.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Dirty_Dave_DelaneyJuly 21, 2014 at 9:12 AM

    Gene Okerlund: Scott Keith, excuse me. Excuse me. What in the world are you thinking?

    Scott Keith: Mean Gene the first thing you gotta do is to tell the BoD Universe to shut up if they want to hear what I’ve gotta say.

    Gene Okerlund: I have been with you for so many years for you to swerve the BoD Universe with the promises of a Battleground 2014 review only to post another Raw 94 review absolutely makes me SICK to my stomach! And I think that these people here at the BoD and a lot of people around the whole wrestling world have had just about enough of BoD contributors that clearly dislike the BoD Universe like Paul Meekin and Andy PG and you want to put yourself in this group? You’ve gotta be…kidding me!

    Scott Keith: Well the first thing you’ve gotta realize brother is that this right here is the future of the BoD. You can call this the New Blog of Doom Order of wrestling brother. These two men came from online obscurity and everybody was wondering about who the third man was. Well who knows more about online obscurity than me brother?

    ReplyDelete
  95. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN ON THE BLOG OF DOOM!

    ReplyDelete
  96. Not without my anus. Blog edition.

    ReplyDelete
  97. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k7xNMlPUcppnSu8osUB

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment